Feb 24, 2009

Submit your resumes now!

The staff at Erik's Ramblings are currently screening for a female to keep Tad, aka Jiggaman, company on an intimate level. All qualified applicants may be submitted to a nude panel interview with judges to be determined based on applicant qualifications.

Non negotiable applicant requirements include:

Non-compromised Aryan background (documentation please)Applicants under the age of 42 only please
Applicant must consent to weight verification in the nude during panel interview, must weigh under 103.8 lbs - Any applicant between 110 and 180 lbs will be referred to Corey. Anyone who happens to weigh more than 180 lbs should seek the dating services of Pablo.
Dedication to providing excellent sexual services and/or further education thereof
Bronze medal equivalent or better abilities in cooking meatballs
All applicants must have enjoy a tasty corndog
Interested parties must appreciate the skills of Jack Bauer

Qualifications not required but preferred:

Flatulence judgment abilities and control
Tasteless tramp stamp
Naturally female genitalia
An understanding that the Jiggaman's one true love will always be Celine
A mastery at video games - Any female proficient at Tecmo Bowl may result in an earlier than usual proposal of marriage
An PHD like understanding of the cultural impact of the Simpsons

Females fitting the following criteria may not apply:

Any sexually transmitted disease that is not already carried by the Jiggaman

Understand that any and all qualifications listed above my change at any time. Candidate may fulfill all requirements, but still understand that courtship may not ensue. We can match make, but we cannot make people adore each other. All resumes may be submitted to the staff at Erik's Ramblings here. Upon review said applicant will be contacted for further screening. Good luck ladies!

"Gestures, in love, are incomparably more attractive, effective and valuable than words." - Francois Rabelais

6 comments:

whatigotsofar said...

If this works, I may have another client for Wiwille Matchmaker Services.

Anonymous said...

Damn. That song always gets me teary eyed. So that's what Celine Dion looks like...and that's why I only watched "Titanic" once.

Mizzle said...

Thank god you left me off this one.

Kelli said...

Can I submit a resume for your companionship? I have boobies.

WV: phootc-- as in footsie, very nice.

Miss A said...

Both posts about Tad are hysterically funny, nothing like laughing first thing in the morning, and I am thinking maybe Tad should move past Craigslist and on to OKCupid.com, like the rest of the lovelorn.

Of course, my favorite line is..."Anyone who happens to weigh more than 180 lbs should seek the dating services of Pablo."
~ Truer words were never written...LMAO!!!

Anonymous said...

Pimp?!

S.W. :)