Republican anal.

I was watching Hardball yesterday as I was cooking dinner to try in an attempt to keep up with all that's going on in federal politics. First segment had host Chris Matthews drilling his guests on questions about the campaign strategies of mostly unlikable presidential candidates. Questioning the appearance of Bill Clinton on Oprah and Hillary Clinton on Ellen they debated whether the talk show circuit was a good idea, was Bill helping or hurting Hillary poll number, and Fred Thompson's upcoming announcement.

Interesting stuff I thought. I like watching campaigns even when I find the pool of candidates to be shallow at best. The Hardball host then went on to a new topic.

Larry Craig has announced he will be resigning from office later this month. When not watching the Top Gun volleyball scene on YouTube the Republican senator from Idaho was arrested for allegedly attempting to solicit sex in an airport bathroom. Although he plead guilty to the charges he swears he's not gay and hopes to be vindicated after changing his plea.

I've been on some long layovers and even though I've done some insane stuff to keep myself entertained I've never thought to myself 'you know what would hit the spot right now? Some Starbucks and some restroom stall anal.' Call me different.

Anyways I'm in the camp of not giving a good damn about the Senator's public sex rendezvous. Matthews went on and on about various conservatives that are about to be outed. I then changed the channel to CNN.

Wolf Blitzer was talking about Larry Craig's press conference where he promises his constituents he's not into giving reach arounds. Change channel.

NWCN anchor person details the upcoming new plea agreement for Larry Craig....change channel.

Brit Hume.....change channel.

Oh look another pundit telling me the troop surge isn't working and poll numbers are down for Bush and Congress. Yeah didn't see that coming.

I turned to HBO. They had The Island on. I hate that movie, but I sat through part of it again. My loyal readers know why. Sad I find a crappy Michael Bay film more interesting than today's news.

"Agreements are always the product of time and place." - Larry Craig

Embarrasing moments with Wiwille

As a young lad I was confused about women. Unsure of what girls liked and didn't I often made a complete ass of myself trying to impress women with various jokes, posturing, and stunts that ended with me requiring stitches. As embarrassing as those are to think about I never was more horrified then an incident at a local store.

During middle school my friend Shawn and I lived in the sticks and often we would trek down to the local country store for sodas and jo-jos. We mounted our bikes one day and made a journey to appease the junk food gods wondering if an adventure behold us. Out in the country not much happened, but if it did it was usually at the local country store.

To give you a bit of background the store was a mini-mart of sorts complete with gas station. Across from it was an Assembly of God church, an animal feed store, and a tavern. There was also a building that was unoccupied for years and some mullet sporting guy would park his van in front of it and hang with his white trash buddies. The van had 'sex machine' written on the back window. Yes this crowd was a class act.

Still given the lack of entertainment out where no one had cable television the country store was the place to be. Kids my age would hang around the store in Jay and Silent Bob fashion and kill time. We'd sit and tell stories and watch the crowd around the sex machine van fight, smoke pot, and talk about how they've banged every girl in the area.

The day Shawn and I arrived at the country store seemed to be uneventful, but proved to be one of the most horrifying moments of my middle school years. I was standing at the refrigerator deciding on what soda I would soon be consuming when Bobbi came in. Ah yes Bobbi, one of the hottest girls I knew. She was a short blonde with blue eyes and knew I was into her, but too afraid to do anything about it. She would tease and flirt with me, but again at that age a woman had to hit me over the head with a 2x4 to make me realize they were available.

So Bobbi tried a new method of getting my attention. As her and her friends walked by they said hi and she pinched my ass. Yes I said pinched my ass. What Bobbi failed to realize is that I was feeling rather gassy that day and as she placed her fingers on my butt I farted all over her. She stopped, looked at me in shock, and I bolted out the door.

Shawn looked at me as I was passing him and asked what was going on. I put up my hand, mounted my bike, and did my best impression of Lance Armstrong home. Kids that age are cruel and I expected a lashing for it, but thankfully Bobbi kept that one to herself.

She and I never dated.

"Jerry Ford is so dumb that he can't fart and chew gum at the same time." - Lyndon B. Johnson

Wiwille's movie reviews part 16

Well folks it's Labor Day and unlike most of you I'm working the holiday in an attempt to grab as much cash as humanly possible. I hope you're all out enjoying yourselves with barbecues, ball games, and above all good nudity.

My movie review submissions are winding down, but I'll churn out another today. The mysterious Lisa has submitted Shaun of the Dead, a movie I had yet to see until Saturday. Although I heard many a good thing about this film I avoided it as I figured I wouldn't find it funny. I've never seen a zombie film before as I find the whole concept of slow moving brain eaters not scary. Actually I'm not a fan of horror period.

Shaun of the Dead follows the adventures of Shaun (didn't see that coming did ya?) and his attempts at fighting off a zombie plague. Enlisting the help of his slacker room mate Shaun becomes a zombie slayer while saving the life of his mom and recent ex-girlfriend.

Pretty thin on plot, but the concept requires a simple storyline. This film makes up for the lack of story by being hilarious. Showing the walking dead being as unrecognizable as the living alone made me howl. While it's not scary by any means the focus on the characters, especially Shaun's sidekick friend, makes the movie worth the watch. I highly recommend it whether you like horror films or not.

Wanna see a film reviewed by Wiwille? Drop me an email or comment and you'll see it soon on Erik's Ramblings. Rules are posted here.

"For those who don't mind a little laughter with their zombies (or perhaps it should be the other way around), this is an unusual source of entertainment." - James Berardinelli

Wiwille's movie reviews part 15

I worked late night last night and as a consequence my sleep schedule is all awry so I figured why not bang out a movie review.

Fellow blog readers I bring you WIGSF's submission, Hedwig and the Angry Inch. This first musical I've been asked to review and is unlike any other I've seen. The story is about Hedwig, a German transsexual singer who after a botched sex change immigrates to America before the fall of the Berlin Wall and enters into show business.

Was that as surreal to read as it was to type?

The movie progresses as we follow Hedwig and his (hers?) band struggling to find a decent gig. Mostly playing in resteraunts and various obscure venues the film jumps from the present to Hedwig's self narrated tale of life in East Germany. Complimented by the music are animations that illustrate her sexual identity crisis, emotional instability, and betrayal. When the film is not focused on her bizarre and sometimes tragic past her current conflict is with a former lover and band member who rips off her songs and becomes a superstar as a result. Obsessed with his success Hedwig follows his tour attempting to make contact with him. Tired of the stalking her current lover and band member adds to the drama by threatening to leave.

Hedwig and the Angry Inch is shot brilliantly and runs the gamut of being a dark comedy to poignant character study of one person struggling with identity. It's influences are obvious as the film borrows a little from Spinal Tap and various others, but still it's one of the most original stories I've seen in years. That being said I'm hesitant to recommend this as I found the music, while funny, painful at times and the subject matter will turn people off. That being said if you're looking for something new in film you'll find this very satisfying.

Wanna see a film reviewed by Wiwille? Drop me an email or comment and you'll see it soon on Erik's Ramblings. Rules are posted here.

"For all its serious subtext, the movingly affirmative Hedwig is raucous, racy and full of hilarious, lowdown survivor's wit." - Kevin Thomas

We raise a toast.

A sad day for beer lovers everywhere as Michael Jackson, no not the freak, passed away. He was known around the world as one of the premier beer and whiskey critics as well as historian. While people who aren't as passionate about such beverages may not be phased by this I for one almost take it as a personal loss.

I've read many of his articles and forwards in books about beer and I always found his writing to be witty as well as compelling. Hell anyone that can capture my attention about a drink has skills beyond my own. I thank him for his contribution to the community of beer lovers and wish him a restful peace.

No I won't be pouring a 40 ounce tonight.

"Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world." - Jack Nicholson

Michael Jackson Passes Away

Wiwille attends bachelor party, narrowly escapes disaster.

Nhak, one of the writers for BOSCT, posted about how he'll be throwing an upcoming bachelor party. After reading the post it inspired me to tell you kids about a nice lad we'll call Wiwille who has attended these on occasion.

When I was a studio photographer I got invited to a lot of bachelor parties. I'm not sure why, but maybe it was because normally I was around the client's age and the idea 'the more the merrier' applies to those kind of get togethers better than others. An incident at one stag party almost changed my mind about attending any more.

I showed up at a client's bachelor party which was in a penthouse suite. I didn't know anyone there sans the groom to be, but everyone was friendly and I made good banter with the guys. Hell in those situations people are looking to have a good time above all else so why wouldn't they be kind to new comers?

I arrived fashionably late, but people seemed to be glad I was there. There were about 15 guys huddled in the room and one girl. I thought at first she was going to be the entertainment, but thankfully before I had a chance to ask someone informed me that she was the fiance of the best man. I looked at the best man and he seemed a decent fellow; however mousy doesn't even begin to describe him. A small nervous chap he was and his way-too-hot-to-be-getting-naked-with-him fiance seemed stern with him. After a few observations it's became apparent that this guy never says no to his girl. I also gathered that the guy is pretty wealthy, but that's no surprise.

The strippers arrived and did make a good amount of money from the group before making their exit. The best man's fiance (Gold Digger) seemed upset with something he did and they started bickering. Actually it was just Gold Digger yelling at wuss boy while he nodded his head and apologized profusely. They both made their way into the bedroom and continued their heated discussion.

The bachelor looked at me and shook his head.

"Bitch," he said matter of factly. "She's like this all the time."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"She's just a bitch," he said. "She fucking does this shit. She demands to go everywhere with him. If he looks at another girl she flips the fuck out and he ends up buying her some shit....."

"....The whore's cheatin on him too," the groom's brother stated.

Classy bunch that group.

Both of them told me tales of how she's a trouble maker and treats their friend horribly. He puts up with her though, cause she's kind of hot. After they were done complaining about their friend's choice in women the couple both storm out of the bedroom and Gold Digger starts to drink heavily.

Most of us just ignored her which I guess made her try and get our attention all the more. She started hooting and hollering, even going so far as to jump on a chair and start imitating the strippers. Everyone glanced over at her and then continued about their business ignoring Gold Digger. Wuss Boy just sank his head in shame. I turned my back to her carrying on my conversation with the bachelor and his brother.

I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to face the drunk girl.

"Hey," she said swaying back and forth. "I don't know you."

"Well," I said. "I'm Erik."

She grabbed my hand and shook it like she had epilepsy. After a while I jerked my hand away.

"You're kinda cute," she said.

"Uhh thanks," I said.

It was then I noticed we started to get an audience. People started eyeballing us and I shot Wuss Boy a look trying to make it obvious that I really wanted him to take his girl away from me. He didn't respond in any fashion.

"So," she slurred. "You like those girls?"

"Yeah," I said. I decided to keep my responses as monosyllabic as possible.

"Yeah," she giggled. "You guys got play with some big titties."

"Yep."

"Okaaayyyyy," she stated with her voice rising. "Since you guys got to play with some big titties I WANNA HOLD YOUR COCK."

Record scratched, everything went quite, and all eyes were on yours truly. Wuss Boy just stood there. Back against the wall in a room full of strangers I did the best thing I thought possible.

"Yeah well," I said with a sheepish look. "It's not a good idea, cause mine is really really small."

She stopped swaying and her jaw dropped. Room erupted in hysterics and finally Wuss Boy took her by the arm and escorted her to the bedroom. It was then I decided to make my exit.

At the wedding people told me how funny that incident was and the story passed through the grapevine rather quickly. It was obvious Gold Digger wasn't well liked amongst the groom's friends and between them I became the stuff of legend. Between working and taking pictures I kept fielding the question 'so you're the guy who....'

I noticed Gold Digger wasn't at the wedding and was told that they broke up later that night. I'm happy for Wuss Boy.

"You rock" - random wedding guest who seemed to enjoy the event.

Wiwille's movie reviews part 14

When Elizabeth asked me to review 6ixteynin9 I was excited that finally someone has submitted a foreign film. Most Americans don't take reading subtitles too well and they're too busy watching shit like Norbit.

The title though led me to believe this would be some sex farce comedy; however I was wrong. Yes I admit I was mistaken. It happens from time to time. Not often mind you.

6ixteynin9 tells the story of a recently unemployed girl named Tum who finds herself richer after a load of money is dropped in front of her apartment due to mistaken identity. Mobsters infiltrate her place and threaten to kill her, but she in turn offs them as they look for the money. As one would expect with a story like this more mobsters show up, more people die, and Tum is struggling to hide the bodies and properly dispose of them while keeping everyone in the dark.

This film runs the gamut of genres from action to thriller to comedy to drama. Every scene is carefully crafted and the photography is clever. All the support characters are hilarious and it's really tough to keep your eyes off this film once it gets going. Often times funny, sometimes tense, and few times surreal the movie has been more engaging than anything in recent memory.

There's one problem with recommending it though. Even though it's a critical success you won't like it. You whine about foreign films and claim a Michael Bay picture is all you need to satisfy your entertainment thirst. You sit there and try and make people believe Forrest Gump is a remarkable film. Yes you damnit. You make sure the demand for a special edition of Patch Adams if fulfilled.

Okay got a little carried away there.

I believe this is the first Thai film I've ever watched, but I may make an effort to keep up with the country's exports. 6ixteynin9 is quite possibly the most obscure film I've had to review to date, but it's also the best surprise.

Wanna see a film reviewed by Wiwille? Drop me an email or comment and you'll see it soon on Erik's Ramblings. Rules are posted here.

"Enlivens some dingy genre predicaments (dirty money, corpse disposal) with gusts of dreamlike whimsy and a sardonic take on local economic woes." - Dennis Lim

It's the most wonderful time of the year.

Sunday was my fantasy football league's annual draft. Held every year at the local Round Table Pizza we all got together and make our picks. Mocking ensued as each of us made some interesting choices, but overall we had a good time. My team is not as solid as I'd like, but I did okay considering my draft order. The Nashville Tax Burdens should have a decent year.

I'm so pumped that football season is back. Finally a real major sport is upon us after months of dealing with candy asses tossing a small ball around a diamond. For the next few months I will get to enjoy good beer, quality hard hitting play, and hot cheerleaders. What more could Wiwille ask for?

"When your arm gets hit, the ball is not going to go where you want it to." - John Madden

Wiwille's movie reviews part 13.

Sci-fi films, with their heavy empathise on special effects, always date themselves quickly. Even though they may be considered classics by some it's difficult to make a big budget film timeless. Some have achieved just that (2001, 1984) but others such as Logan's Run will forever sit in the hallowed halls of film making as one of the most dated sci-fi film ever.

When I told people I've never seen Logan's Run they would always feign shock and ask me why I never took time out to view it. I'm never sure what answer people are looking for when they ask something like this. Should I say "I'm sorry, but I'm too busy spending quality time alone to Italian pornography"?

When the mysterious Lisa submitted this film for review I was estactic to have an excuse to view what I was missing out on. Now that I've seen it I'm puzzled by it's cult status.

Logan's Run takes place in the future in a post apocalyptic world. The future of mankind resides in a large city where humans live until the ripe old age of 30, living out their lives in pursuit of all pleasures. Once you've reached that age you're required to participate in a 'carousel' ritual, where funky music plays and 30 year olds are thrust into the air. All of them blow up in a bizarre fireworks display with the possibility to be 'renewed', or 'born again' if you will.

Why this is I'm not sure. I imagine it's because of population control, but the film never explains it. I was waiting for Charlton Heston to run out screaming something about carousel being made of people.

Some of the citizens aren't happy about this so they decided to try and leave the city. Logan 5 (Michael York) is a Sandman, a cop if you will, who's job it is to kill any 'runners'. He's not quite sure why it's so necessary for runners to die, or to be 'terminated', but he follows his orders without asking to many questions.

Logan 5 then befriends Jessica 6, a member of an underground movement destined to help runners. Logan is asked by his superiors to flee the city and find the place the movement calls 'sanctuary'. Logan and Jessica then go off in their adventure to find the outside world all the while fighting off Sandman and a psychotic robot with moving lips. Yes you read that right. The rest of the film moves along as how you would expect.

It's hard to recommend this film to anyone. While the concept is kind of cool, the acting is far better than the script, and there's good nudity in it really the special effects are so laughably bad that I couldn't help but be pulled from the already thin plot. One of the sets looks like a shopping mall for god's sake. And don't get me started on the robot. Farrah Fawcet-Majors even makes an appearance as well Peter Ustinov. I imagine with a bigger budget and a talented screenwriter this could've been a great film; however it's nothing more than a fun romp that at times takes itself way to seriously.

Wanna see a film reviewed by Wiwille? Drop me an email or comment and you'll see it soon on Erik's Ramblings. Rules are posted here.

"A numbing combination of sloppy writing, vulgar art direction, high school acting, and bungled special effects." - Dave Kehr.

Wiwille sews, goes poorly.

I'm taking a martial arts class and have an upcoming belt test tonight. Part of the prerequisites to test was to sew a patch onto my uniform (gee). I've never sewed before and thought I'd give it a whirl.

So I pick up the school's patch and head home to teach myself basic home ec. I sit down and place the patch on the uniform. I then decide to thread the needle. This is just as complicated as people made it sound. I spent more than a few minutes trying to fit the thread in the eye of that miserable pokey metal thing. Finally I succeeded and started to sew the patch on.

I sat in my bedroom inserting the needle over and over again into my uniform. I had the news playing on the TV when suddenly the anchorman stated they were at the top of the hour. Ye Gods an hour went by and I'm not even half way finished. This task proved to be more daunting than I had imagined.

It was then I learned first hand that thimbles aren't just an ugly fashion accessory. I could've used one, or ten actually, in my quest to accessorize my gee.

I finally finished, threw my uniform on, and stood in front of the mirror. MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND GOOD THE FUCKING PATCH IS CROOKED. Yes I forgot that since gee tops fold over themselves that one must compensate for that. I had to rip off the patch and start all over again. I spent many a minute trying to figure out how I would insure the item would stay straight. I took a couple of needles and stuck them into where I believed the patch would look correct while wearing the uniform. Yes there are tiny holes in the skin covering my chest.

After an hour plus I finished my assignment and checked for quality. For my first time I believe I did a job well done, if not inefficient as all hell. Tempers flared, blood was drawn, sleep was deprived, but I did it. I survived teaching myself a craft, yet I'm not really that proud. Considering the Pretty Girl offered assistance and I turned it down I feel like more of an idiot than self reliant everyman.

I won't sit here and say sewing is women's work, but it's definitely not a task for Wiwille.

"The most casual examination will reveal the fact that all the jokes about the horrible results of masculine cooking and sewing are written by men. It is all part of a great scheme of sex propaganda." - Heywood Broun

Ask Wiwille: The last day.

Miss Ash, author of Something's Gotta Give, posed an interesting question to me that I've been pondering. After my review of The 25th Hour she asked me if I were being sent to prison what I would do on my last day of freedom. A good question indeed, one I've never had to ask myself thank god. While I've had my brushes with the law I've never spent any real time in a penitentiary.

Now loyal readers would assume my last day would be spent by blowing my 401k at a strip club and that's not a bad call. In reality I would most likely spend the day consuming beer with friends and family, maybe taking a break and do some MMA training to help me in my quest to fend off dry anal rape. I might do some activities I won't enjoy in prison such as watching the sunset, eating Wheat Thins with smoked salmon cream cheese, enjoying a hike, etc. It's a lot to do in one day, but I would try to fit in as much as I could.

Of course at some point in the day I'd like to see boobies.

"I won't talk about what it was like in prison, except to say I'm glad I'm out and that I plan never to go back and to pay my taxes every day." - Richard Pryor

Wiwille's movie reviews part 12.

Scott, author of Life is Grand, Love is Real and Beauty is Everywhere!, and the mysterious Lisa have both submitted the same movie for review, which is a first. Out of more than half a dozen recent submissions this is the only film I've actually seen before. Let's jump right in shall we?

I'm torn about the work of Spike Lee. At times I find his films fascinating, but some can be horribly uneven and downright dull. Still even the worst of his movies are technically good if that makes any sense.

The 25th Hour was considered at the time a serious departure for the director. Instead of focusing on larger than life characters locked in struggle with each other this movie is a simple plot about a simple man (Ed Norton) chronicling his last day before going to prison. While this may seem horribly uninteresting somehow the movie works with it's sense of urgency, solid performances, and appealing cinematography. Lee keeps you guessing about the true nature of Norton's character as well as the people surrounding him and that alone kept my eyes glued.

Yeah there's not a lot going on with the story other than a guy trying to figure out who sold him out to the cops and his sense of dread before he enters the big house, but you'll find it appealing. A little slow at times, but it's a film I connected with imagining how my last day of freedom would be had I, god forbid, ever served real time in prison. The public and critics seem to be split on this film, but since I'm probably the smartest person you've ever met with the aesthetic values that are only equal to my deadly skills in a MMA octagon I highly recommend it.

Wanna see a film reviewed by Wiwille? Drop me an email or comment and you'll see it soon on Erik's Ramblings. Rules are posted here.

"Not a happy experience, and there are times when it seems to drag, but there's no denying that it lingers in the mind long after the impressions left by other movies have evaporated." - James Berardinelli

The day has come.

Today marks a bitter sweet day for perverts everywhere as Hayden Panettiere turns 18 years of age. Yes the Heroes star is now of legal consent in each and every state. You can now watch her in the second season and not feel creepy.

She may be 18, but really she's just another girl who'll reject you. As much as we'd like to think we actually stand a chance at getting within 50 yards of her the truth is we'll sit here in front of our keyboards talking about how we'd hit it superhero style. Dream all you want men, cause when she lays eyes on someone as dead sexy as me and proposes marriage all of you will cry why you can't be as super cool as Wiwille.

Erik's Ramblings, bringing you down since 2005.

"FINALLY! Now during the second season I won't feel so bad watching in just a bathrobe thrown casually open." - from a Fark thread.

Men. Men who own cats.

My roommate, the Jiggaman, will be out of town for the next few days and has asked me to take care of his cats. This is not normally a difficult task as cats can be low maintenance creatures. Well this would be true if his felines were normal.

My parents owned a cat who in his old age decided the litter box wasn't a good thing to use. The Jiggaman's cat, who he named Monkey, has a similar problem in the fact that he poops bigger than I do. To keep up with his bowel movements one has to clean the litter box twice, even three times, a day. If you don't the miserable beast will crap all over the side of the litter box.

What's worse is the smell. Never has such an odor reeked out of your average African Rhino much less a house cat. The next few days should be fun.

My roommate does love his cats dearly, but I was always under the idea that single men should not own felines. When I think about it almost all my single friends own cats. Even the Jiggaman enjoys using those stupid cat 'lol' pictures as a desktop and IM avatar. Am I the odd man out here? Did I miss a fad? Should I just trim my mullet and get with the times?

I think not.

"To bathe a cat takes brute force, perseverance, courage of conviction - and a cat. The last ingredient is usually hardest to come by." - Stephen Baker

Finally some Scarlett news

Yes it's been a while since I've posted about the lovely Scarlett, but she's really not a newsmaker like other Hollywood debutantes or whore socialites. Still I believe bringing you updates on Erik Rambling's favorite actress is important and it's not, I repeat not just an excuse to make a post when I'm feeling uninspired.

Jeff informed me that the actress most admired for her thespian skills is set to play a super villan sidekick in an upcoming comic book film entitled "The Spirit." Frank Miller, the brains behind 'Sin City' and '300' is set to direct. Samuel L Jackson is also set to act in the film.

My comic book loving colleague informed me that 'The Spirit' is very noir driven and the women are often dressed in that 40's fashion. Think Betty Page in elegant evening wear. Now I'm not a huge fan of comic book films, but so far I believe this must be seen on the big screen to enjoy the acting talents of Scarlett.

Scarlett news = your cue to quality blogging.

"LA's a very hard place to be unless you have people there that love you. It can be very, very lonely, and it can eat you up if you don't take care of yourself. In LA, nobody wants to talk to each other, everybody's giving each other catty looks." - Scarlett Johansson

Scarlett Gets the Spirit

Wiwille's movie reviews part 11.

When anti-alcohol activists, few in number they are, try to educate anyone in earshot the dangers of the substance normally they turn to the fact that when intoxicated your ability to preform various activities is largely impaired. Heavy equipment, driving, blogging, and believing your the best karaoke singer on earth are just a few of the activities that are stunted by the consumption of 16 drinks.

Like most casual pool players I cannot play well without a few beers in me. I don't know why this is. Maybe it's because I'm more relaxed and I could care less whether I win or lose at it. Maybe it's because while intoxicated my mind is on more critical things like how the hell I'm going to get home, how much the bar tab will be, and/or boobies.

Poolhall Junkies is the latest in a rash of movie review submissions. Scott, author of Life is Grand, Love is Real and Beauty is Everywhere!, requested this calling it a "really great movie". Well he's write and he's wrong, and of course I'll get into why.

Poolhall Junkies tells the story of Johnny Doyle, a child prodigy in the game of billiards. Taken under the wing of a mobster named Joe, Johnny spends most of his adult life fine tuning the art of hustling wanna be pool sharks. Upon learning his employer kept him out of the professional circuit Johnny ends his relationship with him and attempts a straight life. After trying out a working class lifestyle he finds himself constantly drawn back in the poolhalls, betting on games, and contemplating how he could've been the best much to the dismay of his upper calls girl friend. He could've been a contender if you will (If you got that reference you're super cool).

As with most stories of this nature the mobster returns and picks apart at Johnny. Donny, Johnny's little brother, ends up being hustled by Joe and as a result robs a pawn shop and gets thrown in jail. Johnny of course has to return to the pool table and win a bunch of money against Joe's new hired pool hand to even the score.

You're probably reading this and thinking this movie sounds pretty simple and you're right. The plot sounds like it was ripped off of any bad martial arts film. The script for the most part is weak, the direction is lax, and the acting can be downright painful at times. Still this being said the movie has some real strong points as well. The soundtrack is great. As the good natured Scott is a music lover I imagine this is a huge reason why he likes this film. Some of the lines are absolutely hilarious and Christopher Walken is always a treat to watch even if he's playing the same character over and over again. The poolhall scenes are shot well, if not a little overdone, but still it is impressive how they show the actors actually making the shots.

Amazingly enough Rick Schroeder is in it and isn't half bad.

I'm really torn how I feel about this movie though. Is it high brow cinema? Hell no. Is it a good film? Well not really. Is it entertaining? Certainly. This is not "The Hustler" or "The Color of Money", but sometimes films like this one have a certain appeal for reasons you can't explain.

"This brash little indie is oddly endearing and fun to be around." - Colin Colvert

Move on.

Democratic debates have always been a great source of comedy for me and this year is no exception. I enjoy watching the silver spoon candidates answer off the cuff questions. Seeing them rack their brains and try and remember their pre-scripted answers can be comical, if not disheartening. Most of the time they're polished as one would expect, but there are times they may say something when really you know the candidate is either clueless or indifferent.

This was none more evident in the Logo Debate. Obama, Hillary, Edwards, and no one else you care about or sadly ever heard of, courted the gay press in a debate style similar to Oprah. Candidates sat in a cozy chair while a panel of three asked various questions about gay rights. Actually most of it included Melissa Etheridge talking about herself, but still various softballs were thrown at the presidential hopefuls including the age old question of whether someone thinks homosexuality is a choice or not. I still haven't figured out how a straight person can honestly answer that. I sure as hell can't.

Regardless I didn't make it through the debate. Frustration set in quickly as I am already tired of hearing people argue over the merits of military service, marriage, and same sex partner health care benefits. At the risk of sounding offensive I'd really like these issues to be resolved in the next four years. If homosexuals want to die in an incompetent war let them. If a gays want to enter into property arrangements with people they love, well fine. Give them that.

As someone who takes a libertarian view on social issues such as these I have to admit I am for gay marriage and military service not just because I believe consenting adults should have that right, but I selfishly want the public discourse to be about other things. I would like our electorate to move beyond such issues and focus on what really is going to determine the future of our country. Foreign policy, global trade, and running a military are what is really going to determine which person I want elected to the highest office in the land and if we continue to dominate the political landscape with outcry over what consenting adults do with their genitalia such problems will fall off the radar. The effects may be devastating.

"There will always be someone else with a different view than you. I appreciate them and would never say that they are wrong. I hope that they would give me that courtesy also." - Melissa Etheridge

Billy Ocean, Student Council Treasurer is back!

After a long hiatus the collaborative effort of Nhak, Willtuck, Mattbear, Zooloo, and myself is back in action feeding the blogsphere with tales of conspiracy theories, enviornmentalism, random conversations, and of course Scarlette. Yes Billy Ocean, Student Council Treasurer is active with recent postings and an all new look.

Mattbear, who didn't take the loss of BOSCT well, stubbornly insisted on posting on a blog that hadn't been worked on since January. The rest decided to follow suit as we enjoyed the blog and before you know it the greatness was resurrected. I'm happy to see us working on it again as it's fun to have five friends feed off each other's creativity.

As I will be posting on BOSCT from time to time I'll still make Erik's Ramblings my priority. I have to since I have had a flood of movie review requests in the last few days and as promised I'll review each and every one of them, well cept for GI Samurai.

For more information click the links for the beginning and almost end of BOSCT.

"Suddenly life has new meaning to me,There's beauty up above and things we never take notice of, You wake up suddenly you're in love." - Billy Ocean

Picnic time for Wiwille

This weekend the Pretty Girl and I celebrated our two year anniversary. Given I'm short on cash due to my recent car drama she took charge of the event. After a day with some friends at the lake which included jet skiing, swimming, and the tossing of a Nerf football she had me drive to a nearby park. She opened the trunk to reveal a picnic basket.

Yep we had a picnic in the park. She served up a good meal complete with wheat thins and smoked salmon creamed cheese as an appetizer. I hadn't been on a picnic in years, but spending my time eating a spicy chicken sandwich and drinking french wine with her made it one to remember.

It's amazing to think that two years ago I tried to convince the Pretty Girl that dating Wiwille was a good idea. Lucky for me she agreed. How time does fly.

"One man by himself is nothing. Two people who belong together make a world." - Hans Margolius

Mother-daughter team espresso.

Pacific Northwesterners are famous for their love of coffee. Home to Starbucks, the average Seattlite consumes enough java that would normally kill a horse. If Western Washington quit drinking coffee for a day the economy would collapse. It's not uncommon for the coffee drones to spend more money on the beverage in a year than they put in their 401k.

Competition is fierce among Batistas and a drive thru espresso place in Redmond came up with an idea that would help boost sales. Kellie Echeverry, owner of Little Shop Espresso, was struggling to make ends meet and in order to attract business she figured one day she'd go to work in lingerie. Going a step further her co-worker/daughter, who's 16 years old, is serving up cups of jo in her bikini.

Guess what? Sales increased three fold.

Controversy has ensued as some residents simply can't just not go to the stand, but instead have asked the city to have it shut down. Since the family is doing nothing illegal no arrests have been made. There is some issue with a permit and a sign, but who cares?

Now some have asked me if I've been to this place, which is a fair question indeed. I like coffee and like me some scantily clad women, but I have no plans to venture there. Not that I'm a prude, but a mother-daughter team using sex appeal? A sixteen year old? It's a little much even for my tastes. I've yet to step foot in a Hooters even.

"They have never complained about the signs, ever, until we changed (to lingerie). It's just a way for them to breathe down my throat." - Kellie Echeverry

Controversy brewing over Redmond lingerie stand

Wiwille receives suedo porn.

For the life of me I will never figure out why some of the strangest incidents happen to me at the gym. Between naked shavers, nude singing old men, random boobage, and whiny teenagers I seem to see it all where I work out. Oh and there's more. Type in 'gym' in the search field of this blog and see what I'm talking about.

While it is entertaining for sure I'm a simple guy and like my workouts to be productive. I go there, hit the elliptical trainer, lift some weights, shower, then go home. You would think that's all there really is to getting some exercise at a fitness facility, but no not the one I attend.

I finished my workout and found a cover of a Playboy magazine featuring the 'Girls Next Door', Hef's infamous girlfriends, on my windshield. Nothing else. There were no articles or other pictures (not that I would look at them anyways...yeah). Just one page and that being the cover.

I'm totally stumped as to who would possibly do this. Is someone teasing me? Is this some strange promotion by Playboy enterprises? Are the employees on the staff telling me I need to work out more to possibly even consider sleeping with girls who look like that? Is it as random as I think it is?

I wish I could get to the bottom of this, but there were few clues as to who would grant me a Playboy magazine cover on my car.

"The major civilizing force in the world is not religion, it is sex." - Hugh Hefner

Wiwille's movie reviews part 10

Today is a milestone as I finish the last movie review submission from Miss Ash. Not content with suggesting a film, but the author of Something's Gotta Give, felt it necessary to submit four films in one comment. Thankfully most of them are good movies and I've forgiven her for the one that is...well...not good. So far she has the most reviews done by me.

The Technocrat, being the funny man that he is, asked me to review every single Harry Potter and Mighty Ducks films. Well since one of the rules is that the movies cannot be complete donkey shit I probably won't get around to watching them anytime soon. Although I have seen the 2nd Mighty Ducks movie. Don't ask why.

A saying often used by directors is that movies are never completed. They are instead abandoned. Given this it's difficult to imagine a film being perfect, but Goodfellas may be considered the closest to perfection since Citizen Kane. Following the story of true life mobster turned rat Henry Hill the film takes us into the real world of the mafia. There's nothing sensationalized about the lifestyles portrayed here as Henry follows his dream of becoming a wiseguy.

Scorsese doesn't insult his audience by pulling punches and for that I'm grateful. His view of the average gangster is honest, compelling, and often time horrifying. The great cast, along with the authentic dialogue, makes the drama all the more real. Not much more can be said about Goodfellas that hasn't been already, but since I'm an opinionated loudmouth I'll say it anyways. Scorsese proves once again that he's a master of his craft by providing us with this brilliant film.

Well folks I'm tapped for reader submissions so if you have a favorite film that you want to see on Erik's Ramblings write me an email or drop a comment. Rules are posted here.

"Brutal, stylish, hypnotic and addictive, GoodFellas remains Scorsese's best film." - Glenn Abel

Play it Raj. Play 'As Time Goes By'.

I'm a huge fan of 'Casablanca'. Yes the old time romantic film set in World War II occupied France strikes a chord in me every time I see it. I can't count how many times I've viewed the film, but it's one of the best I've ever seen.

Bollywood has often made some silly if not out right insulting remakes of various American movies such as Fight Club and the horrible Superman. Not content with making 500 romantic films a year with actors breaking into song and dance for no apparent reason some genius has decided that an Indian version of Casablanca is in order. According to the article it's set to the separatist movement in Sri Lanka. This is by the same director that made the Bollywood version of The Seventh Seal.

Yes Hollywood is not above ripping off foreign films, such as The Seventh Samurai, but still...

"I made more lousy pictures than any actor in history." - Humphrey Bogart

Casablanca gets Indian remake

If you like The Godfather then the terrorists have won!

Aesthetic tastes can be a deal breaker when judging some one's character. Often times people will make assumptions about another individual because of the music, movies, or books they enjoy. I can be just as guilty especially when I browse some one's DVD collection and come across Pearl Harbor or Patch Adams. Yes I at times have to remind myself that people are not necessarily less of a person because they own an album by The Cure.

When people meet and find they have similar interests in the arts they may assume that person is of like personalities. Well Hitler's record collection has been recently released and it seems we enjoy similar music. Hell Hussein and I share the same favorite film (The Godfather).

"It's ironic that at age 32, at probably the greatest moment of my career, with The Godfather having such an enormous success, I wasn't even aware of it, because I was somewhere else under the deadline again." - Francis Ford Coppola

Possible record collection of Adolf Hitler found

Even more car drama.

My car is a friggin lemon. I was driving around and the check engine light came on. I almost cried I was so angry. I just spent quite a penny getting the thing fixed and now I had to take it back to the shop again.

Well the mechanic praised me for the great condition the engine is in as I've been religious in changing the oil and doing all maintenance to manufacturer standards. Well taking care of the engine doesn't mean the water pump, secondary air pump, timing belt, and a light fixture all went tits up on the same freakin day. Yes all this happened in one day.

Well the cost of the repairs are really high and I'm borrowing my parents boat of a car till I can save all money to get it all fixed in one sitting. If I got the parts repaired one by one the labor fees would skyrocket. I still haven't paid off the thing. Yeah I feel kinda pathetic right now.

What's funny is that every time I tell this to someone they always counter with "gee my car has run great for x amount of years and I've never had a problem." If I had a dollar for every time I've wanted to punch somebody in the mouth for saying that I could buy a couple movie tickets.

If one of those people tell me that their significant other cheated on them I'll be sure to say "golly I'm glad my girlfriend is not some dirty whore who gave me genital warts and banged a member of my family."

Okay that may be a little extreme.

"The two things destined to keep you poor are a car and a girlfriend." - Source unknown

Wiwille might just be a pansy.

I pride myself in being a manly drinker. I shy away from cheap beer, such as Budweiser or any Canadian mass produced piss water, preferring the stouts, porters, and the like. I do enjoy hard liquor such as cognac and whiskey, but fruity drinks are not my style.

In what's obviously a slow news day for some journalists someone decided to make a list of drinks men shouldn't order. While there's nothing surprising about the results one form of alcohol made me raise an eyebrow. The claim was that any drink that boasts whipped cream should never be ordered by anyone who thinks themselves as masculine. I have often ordered a Baileys and coffee, mostly without the whipped cream, but still I guess I'm a girly man.

It could be worse I guess. I could be a wine snob (Andrew) or consume bitch beer (Corey). Still those two guys sleep with more women than I do. Maybe I should be a connoisseur of feminine alcohol.

"Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." - Benjamin Franklin

You should be ashamed to drink these.

Today may be a good day.

I fell asleep watching South Park last night. When my alarm went off this morning I awoke to a Girl's Gone Wild infomercial. Not a bad way to start the day with a little blurred out nudity and girls making out, but I was quickly bored with it. I've seen these advertisements before and wasn't buying into Joe Francis' promise of this video to be the wildest Girls Gone Wild yet. I mean seriously how much further can you push the envelope when all you show are girls flashing their boobs and tonguing each other?

Before I clicked off the remote Joe announced that he had some cast members from MTV's reality series Road Rules and Real World. I only recognized one, Tanya from the Chicago season. Not that I believe reality TV stars have all that much dignity, but still I was kind of surprised that they were on the commercial. Okay I wasn't that shocked. Joe told the audience that he had challenges for the cast which included them going to parties and trying to get girls to do "the wildest thing ever."

At this point what is the wildest thing ever? Will the girls shoot fireworks out of their ass? Will they bust into the Supreme Court building and flash the judges? Curious I became.

Well the ad went on and it showed everything you've seen before, which again isn't necessarily a bad thing. I mean I'm all for hot girls removing their tops and showing us the gift that keeps on giving, especially when it's set to Carribean percussions, but I'm surprised this series still makes money.

I know this next sentence may surprise you so I hope you're sitting down. I've never owned a Girls Gone Wild video. I swear I haven't. Even though I'm a breast man I've never had the desire to buy something that involved drunken girls doing things that send their fathers into an early grave. Then again I'm kind of a hypocrite considering I have a stack of Playboys, but the articles intrigue me. Seriously they have some good writing in them.

Sadly I saw no evidence of the Real World girl showing her goodies. I guess the king of date rape couldn't convince her to get naked to boost her career. Surprising since I guess she's been in Playboy and late night Cinemax films. I guess I would have to buy it to find out, but that's not going to happen. I clicked off the television and headed to the shower. Today is going to be a good day.

"Paris Hilton is the best … Paris is amazing in bed … better than anyone.” - Joe Francis

Tonya Cooley

Wiwille's movie reviews part 9.

I may go down in history as one of the world's worst poker players. While I'd rather be known for having the sexual prowess worthy of Don Juan my tombstone will probably read 'I'm folding this fucking hand'. Given this I'm still fascinated by the popular no limit Texas hold 'em and will play on occasion. Sometimes I clean house, but often times I lose early after folding numerous hands.

Players are locked in the eternal debate of whether poker is a skill or luck game, but I believe both camps are correct. My win/loss record is proof. Still the excitement that comes from going 'all in' on a hand keeps people at the tables betting their kids' college fund.

'Rounders' is a great example of the sacrifice made by people for the sake of facing an opponent at the poker table. Matt Damon plays a New York City law student who has left behind his addiction for the cards. Planning a new life with his hot girlfriend Gretchen Mol the viewer is given glimpses into how he misses the game even though it almost cost him his relationship.

Ed Norton is Matt's best friend who is recently released from prison. Ed is a poker player as well, but doesn't have the gentlemanly conduct one would associate with a high roller. A cheat and a hustler, Norton's friendship with Matt immediately puts a strain on any sort of normalcy for our hero. Torn between the struggles of covering his friends ass and maintaining his studies, Damon finds himself in extreme debt covering for the antics of his buddy. Soon that debt catches up with them both and the two are left to playing cards to save their lives, a position Damon finds aggravating, but exciting as well.

Ed Norton is always a treat to watch on film and in this movie he doesn't disappoint. The rest of the cast, including John Malcovich, range from great to at least competent. While the script isn't always compelling the movie is a great look into the world of the compulsive gambler, one I hope most people avoid. Given my experience as a former casino employee I can honestly say I pray all avoid the self destructive lifestyles evident in many a gambler.

I have to commend the taste of my readers. While their submission may not always be considered high brow cinema I've enjoyed all of the films sans one, that miserable "Life of David Gale." Bravo to the fans of Erik's Ramblings.

Again if you have a movie that you'd like me to review feel free to send me an email or comment requesting I do as such. Details are listed here.

"It's a movie of character and milieu, both of which it evokes brilliantly." - Stephen Hunter

You're free to go.

Today I came across a news story that I'm sure will interest all. During a cheer leading camp 33 high school girls were involved in a fight. Yes you're reading this right. Over two dozen Texan cheerleaders brawling. Since they're in high school and you, dear reader, are not you're a pervert for having any interest in this story. Chris Hanson would like to have a word with you.

In sad news the late great coach of the 49ers Bill Walsh has passed on. I am probably the last 49ers fan in the Pacific Northwest so I feel alone in my sorrow for the man who coached one of the greatest teams ever. Let's not forget the architect behind the best drive in Super Bowl history.

”We sort of, watched her grow up, from little and made her the biggest star in the world. We made her what every young girl wanted to be, and then we tore her apart. We made her the way she is, it’s our fault, it’s not her fault, and hopefully she’ll find a way. People should leave her alone, no one knows the whole story.” - Hayden Panettiere

Dallas Skyline cheerleaders involved in scuffle

Politics and hot people.

People who have been reading this blog have been very patient with it's redundancy. If I'm not posting about movies it's usually about news events involving hot people or strange stories that involve violence, nudity, a sword, and barnyard animals. Yes I know the content in Erik's Ramblings is getting a little tired, but really that may never change. I was often told if you can't write about what you know fake being an expert. Yes I profess many opinions on this blog, some well informed while others are just ramblings about things you care nothing for, but for all my intellectual faults I make up for by posting images of good looking people. And really what is quality online literature without a curvaceous figure?

I'm of the firm belief that to get more people interested in the political process is provide potential voters with one thing and that is cleavage. With all the attention Obama has been getting for being mildly attractive it makes sense that boobies are the key to making an informed decision at the polls.

The great minds at TheHill.com tend to agree with my theory by making a list of the 50 most beautiful people on Capitol Hill. Most images on CSPAN are of 40 year old balding fat guys who don't age well due to daily visits to their local high class brothel/cocaine dealer which would lead most mildly interested political fans to think that D.C. is populated by nothing but angry looking trolls.

Well they may be right. There are quite a few hot people on this list for sure(Betsy Barrett being my personal fave), but Nancy Pelosi made number 4. Number f*&#ing four. I'm amazed she even made the list at all. Is our nation's capital just nothing but ugly people grasping for power cause they were picked on in school?

"The thing about D.C. is it's not Miami or New York where there are all these hot people everywhere. I'm cute by New York standards, but when I came here, my stock just shot up fast." - Jessica Cutler

50 Most Beautiful People on Capitol Hill - Top 10

Observations from the field.

Sorry I haven't posted in a few days. This week I'm spending my time at a work conference at the Seattle Convention Center learning about new products and procedures. The content is surprisingly interesting as our company has seem to make some great advancements in their technology as well as investing into some new exciting things.

We have employees here from all over the world and I'm lucky to meet a few. Yesterday I had breakfast with a couple of folks from the UK who were really cool, which is a rarity amongst tech geeks. They asked some interesting questions about Seattle such as where they can find some quality ladies. I was stumped honestly as I've never went out downtown to scope for the ladies. They were kind of disappointed in the fact that I can't help them in their quest for some good ol American loving, but I pointed them in the direction of Pioneer Square which may assist them in their needs.

Apparently they've already been there. They went to Cowgirls Inc the previous evening and one of them was so wasted that he has pictures of himself riding a mechanical bull, an event he has no recollection of. They both claimed they were impressed by the "quality of the ladies", but sadly neither of them "got beneath the bedsheets" with the girls.

Given this event is such a sausage fest I kind of empathized with them in wanting to at least get some good eye candy. Seriously there's a few thousand guys here and about 500 women. Yeah the girls get stared at a lot.

I'm glad to see my company is at the forefront of bridging culture gaps.

After this event is over I'll be back to my five posts a week. Hope all is well with my blogger land buddies.

"Stand beside your horse and your man, in that order." - Sandra Odin.

Wiwille's movie reviews part 8.

I haven't seen The Joy Luck Club in years nor did I have any plans to view it again soon. Such plans were thwarted by Miss Ash as she submitted this in my attempt to review my readers favorite films. Still I placed it in my queue and awaited it's arrival.

The movie chronicles two generations of Chinese-American women. The older generation tells their stories of days in their homeland struggling to keep a sensible lifestyle in an often oppressive culture that at times viewed females as second class citizens. The film jumps between the elderly to the younger ladies born in America who are torn between the traditions of their families and their struggles to adapt to a seemingly modern society.

Most guys loathe this film claiming it's nothing more than a chick flick, but I disagree. This movie details history in ways often overlooked in big budget pictures. Most directors choose large scale biopics of military and political leaders, but this film focuses on the average person struggling through life in a world they often can't control.

The story can seem disjointed as the tales of the youngins are overshadowed by the often times horrifying lives their mothers lead in China, but still it's a great film that I found inspiring. Sure the acting can be hit and miss, but the attention to detail visually is breathtaking. There's moments of sheer beauty and terror in this movie and all of it is done with grace. While I couldn't relate to any of the stories, partially because I have a penis and about as lilly white as they come, I highly recommend this even though Mattbear may want to punch me for doing so.

I'm still taking submissions so if you want me to review a particular film drop me an email or a comment with the title. Details are listed here.

"It's fascinating and satisfying the way the diverse threads are knitted together into a single tapestry." - James Berardinelli

Wiwille has perverted sense of justice.

Although the Michael Vick story is months old the overrated quarterback has grabbed the attention of the national media again as federal indictments were slapped upon him for his alleged participation in a dog fighting organization. What's interesting about this case is I wonder if he's the only high profile celebrity who attaches himself to this bloodsport. Will this be like baseball where one person is found to be using steroids and suddenly an entire legion of players are under scrutiny?

This may be the case as Clinton Portis claimed that dogfighting "can't be too bad of a crime." Ladanian Tomlison expressed his disgust for the act, but in the same breath admitted to being a spectator in the past. Seriously folks how the hell can you sit and watch dogs kill each other and why risk your lucrative lifestyles to do so? Is the rush of being in the NFL not enough?

I do hope it's Vick and only Vick who chose to involve himself in this ugly activity, but I'm skeptical. The NFL doesn't need this kind of ugly publicity. And you thought the Bengals were bad enough.

While I'm not a capital punishment advocate I do hope if Vick is found guilty that he'll be dropped in the desert with an army of wild hungry dogs. Yeah I'm kind of twisted that way, but I have a soft spot for man's best friend.

What's even more interesting is that Vick will face less jail time for abusing dogs on his property than if he grew pot or made moonshine.

Okay enough about dog killing. Now to the stuff you're really interested in and that is a list of the hottest female athletes. Women's golf seems like a great spectator sport now.

"It can't be too bad of a crime." - Clinton Portis

Animal-rights activists say Vick case 'tip of the iceberg'

Who didn't see this coming?

I like video games. Yes I spent many an hour playing Goldeneye and Mario Kart 64 battling it out with fellow gamers all the while taunting them with phrases such as 'useless pig fucker'. Nowadays I don't make the time for playing them as I used to as most games are really just better versions of age old ideas. Still I haven't picked up a Wii yet, which is a very innovative concept.

Regardless Sam sent me a piece of news that I find disturbing as all hell and so should you. A young couple are now facing prison time for neglecting their infants because they were too busy playing online a Dungeon and Dragons online video game. The situation was so bad for the children that the 11 month old was weighed in at 10lbs and had a mouth infection, dry skin, and severe dehydration. To top it off her head had to be shaved due to her hair being matted with cat urine. The other child was treated for starvation and a genital infection. Thankfully both infants are expected to make a speedy recovery.

I've never played online video games as they hold no interest to me and I'm too busy just being awesome to bother with the time consuming activity, but obviously there are others who think otherwise. I do hope the parents spend a long and quality experience in pound-in-the-ass prison. Those who are addicted to video games are beyond rehabilitation especially those who can't even take the time to feed a child.

I wonder what condition their cat was in.

"They had food; they just chose not to give it to their kids because they were too busy playing video games." - Kelli Ann Viloria, prosecutor on the case.

Internet-Obsessed Couple Let Kids Starve