Bad Movies I Love part 29

I'm not an action movie buff by any means. Most are devoid of plot, are at times redundant, and the over the top action results in a roll of the eyes rather than fill me with excitement. Most cinema snobs find testosterone laced violent films to be all about visuals and no story, but oddly enough those same folk will praise a musical for doing the same thing.

I plopped in the disk for 'The Expendables' expecting nothing. Actually I was pretty set in my mind that it would suck, but I gave it a go on the recommendations of a few.

It delivered exactly what it promised. The plot was thin at best, but the characterization made up for it. This script has a sense of humor about itself. It's attempts at humor were largely successful and the cast is brilliant. The action wasn't too hokey and the fight scenes were impressive. It's hard to recommend this as I'm sure very few will put up with lack of narrative, but when one leaves their brain at the door to have some fun they will find themselves having as good a time as the filmmakers. This is steroid laden testosterone fest doesn't dissapoint.

Shit blew up, and it blew up what good.

Wanna see a film reviewed by Wiwille? Drop me an email or comment and you'll see it soon on One Bad Apple. Rules are posted here.

"Expendables is the closest thing to movie Viagra yet invented. It's reprehensible. It's stoopid violent. It's a lot of unholy fun." - Ty Burr

Sigh

Last night I did the unthinkable. I broke a promise to myself as I sat down to watch an episode of 'Sarah Palin's Alaska'. Please allow me to share my pain with you.

The show started with an awful country song that urged it's listeners to 'follow me'. The implications of that lyric are obvious as the intro cut scenes of her and her family doing outdoorsy activities with it finally ended with her arms stretched out over a nice view of the Alaskan landscape.

Finally after hearing that terrible music we're introduced to the half term Governor as she details the plans for last night's episode. As it was a rerun from last week we're told that she wanted to get her daughter Bristol, who's currently in the limelight herself with the dancing show and being an advocate for abstinence after being knocked up at an early age, out of the fame world. For whatever reason she felt that the best way to protect her daughter from the scrutiny of media consumers is best dealt by having a camera crew follow her in her private moments. The logic escapes me.

The show went on to highlight her folksy wisdom as she sometimes made a political jab thinking liberals would go crazy at the fact that she likes to skeet shoot. She often does failed attempts at humor in her interviews and we do laugh, although not with her. It's painfully clear that she has little experience in the outdoors, but that's what makes the show somewhat entertaining. They call it Sarah Palin's Alaska, but really it seems as if she's a fish out of water in the state she claims to love. The real comedy ensues when she tries something new, albeit at her expense.

Still there are other things to enjoy about the show. Alaska does look beautiful in it's majestic shots and the program somewhat humanizes her and her family. Anyone can get far in politics so long as they can work a crowd and Sarah has proved that in spades. Her travelogue is revealing which is refreshing and doesn't edit to make her seem more intelligent or competent.

If you can put behind the fact that this idiot was so close to being leader of the free world the show has its moments and provides a great look at the culture of Alaska, but her ambitions disturb me too much to enjoy it.

"Buck up or stay in the truck." - Sarah Palin

Be thankful

Tomorrow is the holiday Americans know and love and that is Thanksgiving. A fateful day where Pilgrims were saved from a harsh winter by the generosity of Native Americans. Sadly their giving was rewarded with small pox and genocide, but still I always consider the end of harvest meal as one of my favorite holidays. It's one in which no religion is exploited by retailers nor is it's orgins dubious. People can celebrate or not at their will.

I'm a bit saddened by the fact that this year I won't be doing anything charitable for folks less fortunate than I. I hope to make that up next year as I become more familiar with the surroundings and giving campaigns. I have much to be thankful for this year though; and I hope to never forget it. I have a healthy body, a wonderful wife, and a beautiful home. I'll never forget this Thanksgiving.

"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land." - Jon Stewart

Panic

Streets are packed with nervous travellers, widespread panic has threatened the local economy, people are shut within their dwelling fearing what lays outside, and the government is scrambling to keep everyone safe. You would think Cthulu has risen, but it's not so dramatic. The cause for such chaos is four inches of snow in Seattle.

I love snow, but sadly I was in the minority when I was living in Washington. When new flakes hit the ground it caused most to freak the hell out and drive in a manner unfit for God or man. Disregarding common sense procedures many would slam on their brakes at any sign of trouble and try to speed up a hill that was unfit for them to handle without giving thought as to down shifting or the like.

I used to ski a lot so driving in snow wasn't a huge deal for me. Earlier this year I drove over a snow covered White Pass in a packed little VW and it's a small miracle I survived the ordeal. I was fully aware of the rules for a safe journey, but again I was in the minority. The freeways were packed with commuters who refused to travel more than 10 mph and turned the interstate into a parking lot. Dreading a low speed collision a sense of neurosis swept the land which makes traversing Seattle and the Eastside an almost impossibility. Some Facebook reports claim that some spent hours on the road attempting to get home from work, while some just spent the night at the office rather than brave the concrete jungle.

One year I spent Christmas trapped inside my apartment as I couldn't even get up the hill out of the place. It was worth it though as snow is one of nature's beauty's that I can't get enough of.

"A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water." - Carl Reiner

True love

My love for my wife is eternal as I pledged to her that fateful day a few months ago. As I found out last night it's reciprocated.

My stomach was churning from digesting awful frozen Costco food that was consumed the previous evening. I complained about it and the wife handed me some Tums. I eat a couple hoping that it would help matters, to which it did, but not in a manner that was pleasant.

I take the dogs outside while the wife was lying in bed watching television. As I'm about to shut the door I felt the gas creep through me and I couldn't hold it any longer. I decided instead of wandering into the room with a farty butt I let it all out in the living room hoping the wife couldn't hear.

"OH MY GOD," she cried with a giggle. My attempts at stealth failed me as she worried about my colon rupturing.

We laughed it off as I stood still in the living room so not to bring the nauseating aroma into the bedroom. She thanked me.

I finally go in the room to watch television with her, but my butt had yet to release all of it's gaseous contents. I make an excuse to get a drink of water in the kitchen and it happened again, this time at a decibel so loud I'm sure our poor neighbors were shook awake.

"OH MY GOD," she repeated as she laughed some more. What she failed to realize is that I was doing some hip shaking in conjunction with each passing of the gas for reasons I can't explain. I guess if farting is worth doing, it's worth doing right. She did not bear witness to such comedy, but that's probably for the best.

Being a newlywed everyones' given me advice on everything from finances, child discipline, religion, and how to let her decorate everything if you want to maintain a happy relationship. No one had told me how to properly fart and for this they've all failed me. I think wedding officiants need to include this in couples' vows.

"I promise to stand beside you in sickness, in fartiness, and in health."

It doesn't exactly spark a romantic note, but all couples should take this into consideration when tying the knot. Thankfully my wife continues to be married to me after all I subjected her to last night. It was a good sign that I have a wonderful life partner.

"I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different." - Kurt Vonnegut

Should one vote?

A couple from Minneapolis has decided to enter the arena of the abortion debate in an unconventional manner. They are currently pregnant, but are not sure whether to have the child or not. They admit quite candidly that they are selfish and are nervous about disrupting the status quo that is their relationship so they've set up a website where people can vote whether to terminate the fetus or give birth to it.

Not surprising this has caused quite a bit of controversy amongst the pro-life movement, but it has sparked my interest. Should birthing a child be put to the majority of internet dwellers? If those against abortion succeed how will the parents tell their kid that about the matter? Will they tell the kid at all for that matter leaving them to possibly stumble across this whole online drama in their later years? Can this result negatively on the child's psyche?

I can't imagine leaving such an important decision to the will of the online community, but the couple has a point. If you feel strongly about the practice of abortion, for or against, this is your time to put your money where your mouth is and get involved. Still I imagine the pro-lifers are normally more passionate about child birth than pro-choicers are about defending the surgery. Maybe the couple is banking on the fact and truly want to have the baby, but one can never tell.

Their website is down at the moment, but you can read more about their story through the lens of a pro-life website here. According to them if you want to cast your vote you have until December 9th, which is the last day they can legally have an abortion in their state. I actually don't want to be any part in the matter and let it be up to them and their conscious, but that may be the result of my constantly changing views on abortion. Then again I just wrote about it, so in a way I am involved broadcasting this to my four readers.

"The whole point here is to let people have a real way to voice your opinion on the topic of abortion and have it actually make a difference in the real world. By voting on whether to continue or abort an actual pregnancy, you are doing so much more then simply telling an elected representative your feelings. You are actually changing something in the real world.” - Pete and Alisha Arnold

Thursday Music

As I've stated before I'm not a huge fan of The Beatles. Granted I like their later work, but their early career does little for me. It's not offensive by no means, just not my thing. Still their talent is undeniable and they can't be faulted for singing silly pop songs when the band was young.

After the band's breakup the four of them went in different directions and still continued careers in the music business. Paul McCartney seems to have the most success, partially because he outlived two of his former band mates and some would argue he had the most talent.

Still I enjoyed Paul's writing, but interestingly enough he happened to perform one of my least favorite Christmas songs, if not songs period, ever. Just listen to it and the horrible synthetic sound and the lyrics which probably took ten minutes to write. I usually enjoy Christmas music, but when the holidays come around I want to break sound systems that are responsible for polluting the airwaves with this dreck.

Everyone has their low points in their aesthetic careers, but right now I can't think of anyone who climbed so high, but yet stooped so low:

"I used to think that anyone doing anything weird was weird. I suddenly realized that anyone doing anything weird wasn't weird at all and it was the people saying they were weird that were weird." - Paul McCartney

What I don't get.

Yesterday was the breaking ground ceremony for the George W Bush Presidential Center at Southern Methodist University. Of course there was controversy as protesters tried to educate the public that it's think tank was going to rewrite history regarding the corrupt and incompetent administration. This comes as a shock to no one, but it was interesting to see how diverse in view the Dallas population is concerning their former Governor and President.

While I'm no fan of his I'm curious to see it and I live relatively near the campus so a visit will be in order. Still I'm confounded by his politics and that of Republicans in general and I imagine learning more about him would just confuse me.

If you follow the latest campaigns you'll find all sorts of members of the GOP talking about cutting spending and fiscal responsibility, yet Bush led us into two highly expensive wars without any solution of how to pay for it. Not one Republican that I'm aware of would ever think of cutting farm subsidies, the failure that is the War on Drugs, or limiting pork from military spending. Of course none of them will have the courage to send all federal dollars that go to their district or state back to the budget.

It's all politics as usual and it's no secret Republicans are just as big of spenders as the Democrats. Sure they may put their money in different programs, but most Americans at their core don't want to see caps on federal spending whether they realize or not. Our legislature is just doing our bidding in this regard.

"Big government conservatives are spending trillions and wasting billions. Republicans are no longer the party of fiscal conservancy, but the party of runaway spending and corruption." - Sherrod Brown

He needed a friend

Friday night the wife and I drove over to the bank to open a joint checking and savings account. We approached the banker and stated our purpose. He looks at me with a smirk.

"You sure," he asked? "You really want to do this?"

"Yes sir," I responded.

We take our seats across from his desk when he asked the same question again. I told him we are recently married and have acquired a home so joining our finances is what couples do. He laughed, but then asked again filling the area with a bit of awkwardness. I just nodded in response hoping that would shut him up.

He took our information and then announced he was going through a divorce. We gave him our sympathies, but he went on about how his wife is giving him the boot after ten years of being together. He then started asking dating advice as he tried to garner empathy for the fact that he is short and when he tells women he's a banker they get the wrong impression about his financial situation.

We tried to give him the best advice possible, but considering how unconventional our circumstances were in meeting we probably weren't the best couple to ask. Still we just kept telling him to put himself out there and see what happens. Not the most profound advice ever given, but true none the less.

He multi tasked as he went on about himself and his woes. He needed a friend and even a single serving one would do at that moment. It sounded as if he didn't have a lot of people to turn to in his time of emotional need and for that I pity him. Knowing a couple of people who are going through the crisis that is divorce I don't envy his situation. It has to be rough for the sad little banker.

I glanced over at my wife and selfishly garnered a wave of gratefulness for the fact she's in my life.

"My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never." - Jack Benny

Boxing

This weekend I went to my brother-in-law's place for a family dinner. We ate a fine meal cooked by his fiance and decided to play some Kinect games. After embarrasing ourselves with dancing and what not he put in a sports game which had various sporting events.

I then decided to play the boxing game. I pick it and he set ready to challenge me. I know how to box. It was time to show off my skills at going inside on someone with the gloves. Fighting is one of the few sports I'm good at and I was poised to impress. I raised my hand in front of the Kinect controller, put up my guard, and made ready to virtually fight.

He knocked me out in six seconds.

"Boxing is like jazz. The better it is, the less people appreciate it." - George Foreman

Word up.

Last night the wife had an idea. She wanted to purchase the Kinect and buy a dance game. We made our way to purchase some goods and bought Dance Central for it.

The wife was organizing the new file cabinet while I cleaned my little man cave (which has been decorated by the wife) and set up the motion sensor controller. After a brief tutorial on how to use it I put in the Dance Central disk.

Now I can game. I enjoy some time alone to play a good challenging and fun video game and I was sure this would be no different. I'm good at everything I do anyways. How hard could it be?

It was so difficult I couldn't even pass the dance tutorials. The DJ even commented on how I sucked and that I need practice doing the simplest of moves. Luckily the wife wasn't around to laugh at my suckage. She can dance, but she married someone who hasn't fulfilled the art of hip hop moves. I finally found a game she can easily kick my ass at, well besides Big Buck Hunter.

"I don't know; it just seemed like the cooler guys are playing Xbox. At least the ones I know." - Liz Phair

Thursday Music

Today is indeed Veteran's Day, a day which the country gives thanks to those who serve(d) in the armed forces. Many in the media, traditional and social, remind us of how we should honor those in uniform by showing our gratitude for the freedoms we enjoy and often take for granted.

I know many veterans, but none of which signed up for any sense of patriotic duty. I may be mistaken, but the norm amongst my social circle was that they joined up to enjoy the benefits of service, get an education, see the world, learn a trade, etc. Regardless of their intentions they do deserve a thanks and much, much more.

While I'm sure all who we honor are grateful for our thanks, I can't help but feel that it might ring hollow. While they cheat death at their jobs an apathetic nation sits back in their Snuggies while consuming shallow bits of pop culture and make little to no attempt to shape policy in their favor. When's the last time any of us have written a Congressman to extend medical benefits for them? Oh I forgot government run health care is evil socialism. Sorry.

Worse still is we Americans don't give two shits about our foreign policy. We turn a blind eye to the lessons of history and shrug our shoulders when soldiers are sent to perish to put third world tyrants in power or protect corporate interests. Look at our news today. It's never about the ongoing conflicts in Afghanistan or Iraq where many lose their lives. It's all about self interests, our economy, Taylor Swift, etc.

The military doesn't make policy, we civilians do. Instead of exercising our rights to benefit those in uniform we instead make Facebook status updates and blog posts...wait what?

If we really want to give thanks we'd take action instead of just reciting words we're told to say. So while I do give praise to those who serve; past, present, and future I also have to apologize for not doing enough to make their service a better one.

So today dear readers I give you one of my favorite military songs that was used in one of my least favorite war film:

"On the battlefield, the military pledges to leave no soldier behind. As a nation, let it be our pledge that when they return home, we leave no veteran behind." - Dan Lipinski

Advice

Last night I spent a good amount of time speaking with a friend concerning his horrific divorce. He wanted advice and an outsiders perspective on the fact his soon to be ex-wife wants nothing more than to see him miserable and broke. I listened for a good couple hours as he chronicled all the little things she does to try and get a reaction out of him, like calling him an asshole every time she sees him.

To give you a little background she left my friend for his best friend of over twenty years, but what started off as an amicable split has now turned ugly. She now wants as much money as she can get from his already broke ass and is involving their child in the matter. Every time my friend disciplines his kid the tyke reminds him that he's going to tell his mother about said incident. The kid asks his dad why mom hates him and calls him names and will recite conversations about my friend.

And there's more, so much more. She lies and has taken all of his things from the house including cabinets, appliances, counter tops, etc. Since she's moving in with his ex-best friend we figure they're doing a remodel with the materials he used to build her that home.

And it gets so much worse...

He went on and on about his woes, but he wanted advice and sadly I couldn't give him any. In my experience if I'm dealing with someone who I consider to be an evil shrew I just simply don't contact them anymore. He's not in such a luxurious position as he rattles his brain every night wondering what he's done to be the object of such scorn, but people change and in this case his wife did for the worse. All I could do was listen, wish him the best, offer him a place to stay in case he needs to get away for a weekend, and remind him to keep a cool head in all of this. I'm afraid my words were of little comfort.

"Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." -Robin Williams

Did you expect silk boxers?

I recently got off the line with a friend who's found himself acquainted with the dating scene after a seven year absence. He told me the story of how he approached a girl, but she didn't seem interested in conversation with him. He asked if the fact that he was wearing a t-shirt that said 'the more I drink the better you look' had anything to do with it.

Yes most men, including myself, are often clueless about what the opposite sex find attractive. We say and do inappropriate things that we find amusing to ourselves, but sends a lady to contemplate having her vagina sewed shut rather than risk any chance you'll possibly be entering that region.

Of course I have been the subject of ridicule by the opposite sex and often times for good reason. Such was the case after football practice in high school. I was assigned with a couple of friends to carry equipment back to locker room so we made the trek with pads in hand. The three of us were talking amongst ourselves, but our eyes never met. Our gaze was fixated a few yards away from us where the cheerleaders were wrapping up their session.

Now I'm sure all three of us were told it's not polite to stare at some point in our existence, but no one explained how difficult that may be, especially when our eyes locked on something we enjoyed viewing. Ignoring simple manners we continued our banter as we fixated on our eye candy.

Wham!

Shawn and I walked into a waist high fence while Andy passed safely through the walkway between. The two of us not fortunate to notice that we were about to walk into an obvious obstacle flipped over it. To make matters worse, so much worse, was that the top of my flexible football pants caught on the top of the chain link, but my body continued to move as gravity intended. My trousers were then pulled from me by said fence and suddenly my tighty whiteys were there for all to view. I struggled to get my cleats through my pants which took longer than I'd like, but eventually I made my way to my feet

As I stood there feeling the gentle fall breeze on my bare legs I saw the subjects of my gaze were laughing hysterically at the horrifying display. Having no empathy Shawn, who also took a dive over the fence, joined them in their amusement. Andy couldn't speak as he was barely able to breathe.

All I could was smile, wave, grab my pants, throw them over my shoulder, and did a walk of shame in my Fruit-Of-The-Loom briefs back to the locker room.

"You can tell a lot about a person from his underwear." - Rachel Bilson

Texting

As I sat on the hell that is the I-35E off ramp going at a rate of speed that would match Abe Vigoda's current sprint record I took a glimpse in the rear view mirror. The girl, who seemed to be about my age, wasn't looking at the car in front of her (me) and was fixing her gaze in her lap.

Great. She's texting while driving.

I took more notice of her waiting for her to park her vehicle in my trunk, but she decided that texting wasn't her only multi-tasking skill. She brought up her cell phone, smiled at it, and then placed it in her lap.

She's sending cell pics of herself. Awesome.

Of course that picture didn't seem to do her looks justice as she took more and more pics of her smiling self. Amazingly this did not seem to hinder her ability to operate a motor vehicle. Obviously she was sending these to a potential suitor, or a far off significant other who wanted a glimpse of her, but although I couldn't help think if this was the result of something scandalous and I attempted to put my cynicism to rest. After her 14th pic she seemed to have picked a winner and sent it to her intended.

I should have just got out of my car and offered my photographic assistance.

"Texting is not flirting, if you don't care about me enough to say the words than that's not love, I don't like it." - Lauren Graham

Thursday Music

Sometimes I surprise myself with the music I tend to like. I'll be listening to the radio and a song will come on that does not fit the genre that I'm normally accustomed to, but for whatever reason I'm drawn to it. Usually though after a few listens I get bored with it as it offers little more than catchy beats and simple lyrics.

Such is the case with The Temper Trap's 'Fader'. I was driving to Lowe's one day and I heard the song play over the airwaves (yes I'm one of the few that still listens to terrestrial radio for music when I'm not tuned into NPR) and was hooked. You can tell their influences as they make it kind of obvious, but still I enjoy it's simplistic melody.

This song has not been what one would call a hit spanning cross genres, but that's to be expected. So today I bring you a song which will be largely be forgotten soon by consumers, sadly.

"Anybody who thinks pop music's easy should try to make a pop single and find out that it isn't." - Robert Wyatt

Wiwille 1 - Washing machine 0

They say when you become a home owner that all kinds of headaches will arise from the things you used to have your landlord fix. Such is the case with my installment of our washing machine.

Normally this would not be a difficult task. Plug the machine in, screw in the hoses, and walla, you have a fully functional device that cleans your clothing. Such was not the case in the Wiwille household.

I screwed in the hot water hose, the last of the tasks presented to me, and turned on the water. Later that day I saw a puddle of fluid running out of the laundry room. I find the water spewing out of the hose where it connects with the hot water faucet and quickly turn it off. I make a run to Home Depot, the third in at least a dozen trips in the last few days, and pick up some plumber's sealant.

I put the sealant on the threads of the faucet and screw in the hose. I turn it on and find more water gushing out of it. The next day I run back to Home Depot and find the roof is leaking. If only they they had materials and manpower to fix such a problem. Anyways I pick up sealant tape and head back home. I use both the sealant tape and the goop, but alas it was in vain. The damn thing leaked again.

I go back to Home Depot for what I hoped to be the last time that day. I bought new washer hoses and replace them. Of course that didn't help. I swore and was ready to take a sledgehammer to the miserable piece of donkey shit, but then it dawned on me that there are no rubber washers. For whatever reason the first hose had the washer fall out of it in the move and I forgot to insert the new ones in the replacement. I insert them into the new hose, tighten it down with the force of Hercules, and suddenly the wife and I have a fully functional washing machine.

I stepped back and wiped some sweat off my brow wondering how it came to be that I could be so stupid to overlook something so simple. I was angry with myself, but paused a second to realize that I won the battle with this particular appliance. Regardless of how the fight took place I was victorious and that was all that matters.

Now the dryer on the other hand....

"I was more ashamed that I couldn't work the washing machine than the fact that I was taking drugs." - Elton John

Bringing a dash of blue

I voted today. No I don't say that with any sense of pride as others will gallop on their high horse claiming they're fine Americans who floss daily for casting their ballot. It's a simple process that any monkey can do and really there are a lot of people I know personally who I'm glad don't cast a ballot.

Yeah. I said it.

Voting in Texas for the first time is very different than my previous experiences in the Northwest. I went to the precinct polling place and was made to wait outside. A fellow voter did not take kindly to this and complained to the 'judge' about being left in the cold. Her voice was annoying as was her habits in bitching about standing in mild temperatures so the judge allowed us in.

I signed my name and went to the machine. In Texas there are no ballot initiatives so I was left to vote for people alone. For the most part almost all the candidates ran unopposed and as one would expect 98% of them were Republican. This surprised me as even in an area as liberal as Puget Sound a lot of the positions did have an opposition from the GOP, but here in the Republic you were lucky even to even see a Libertarian running against them. The choices were slim at best, but after the process was done I reviewed my choices and noticed I still don't go along party lines. Maybe that's a good thing or not, but I did dab a little blue into the blood red state I reside in.

Also surprising were the polling volunteers. They all seemed under the age of 60. In Washington they're all blue hairs.

Oh and screw Perry.

"I believe that voting is the first act of building a community as well as building a country." - John Ensign

Palus

Apparently there's a new program in NASA called the Hundred Year Starship Initiative, which plans to have astronauts undertake a manned mission to Mars by 2030. While this is interesting the part that really strikes me is the fact that there will be no return journey. Yes those who choose to go to the red planet will be stuck there unless they figure out a way to get back on their own.

Thousands of miles from loved ones on a barren planet with little resources, or even gravity, will be the life for the brave pioneers. I can't imagine choosing that one way trip, but bravo to those who do. They will be forever immortalized in the annals of history if the project is a success.

Can we the public choose who'll go with them? I know of a few candidates that the Earth would be better off without, such as Karl Rove and the person who invented those damn aluminum dryer tubes that hardly fit the vent holes with screws that are too small for the clamps that make you want to destroy.....

Yes home owning is such a joy.

"Human beings will be happier - not when they cure cancer or get to Mars or eliminate racial prejudice or flush Lake Erie but when they find ways to inhabit primitive communities again. That's my utopia." - Kurt Vonnegut