Nov 8, 2010

Did you expect silk boxers?

I recently got off the line with a friend who's found himself acquainted with the dating scene after a seven year absence. He told me the story of how he approached a girl, but she didn't seem interested in conversation with him. He asked if the fact that he was wearing a t-shirt that said 'the more I drink the better you look' had anything to do with it.

Yes most men, including myself, are often clueless about what the opposite sex find attractive. We say and do inappropriate things that we find amusing to ourselves, but sends a lady to contemplate having her vagina sewed shut rather than risk any chance you'll possibly be entering that region.

Of course I have been the subject of ridicule by the opposite sex and often times for good reason. Such was the case after football practice in high school. I was assigned with a couple of friends to carry equipment back to locker room so we made the trek with pads in hand. The three of us were talking amongst ourselves, but our eyes never met. Our gaze was fixated a few yards away from us where the cheerleaders were wrapping up their session.

Now I'm sure all three of us were told it's not polite to stare at some point in our existence, but no one explained how difficult that may be, especially when our eyes locked on something we enjoyed viewing. Ignoring simple manners we continued our banter as we fixated on our eye candy.


Shawn and I walked into a waist high fence while Andy passed safely through the walkway between. The two of us not fortunate to notice that we were about to walk into an obvious obstacle flipped over it. To make matters worse, so much worse, was that the top of my flexible football pants caught on the top of the chain link, but my body continued to move as gravity intended. My trousers were then pulled from me by said fence and suddenly my tighty whiteys were there for all to view. I struggled to get my cleats through my pants which took longer than I'd like, but eventually I made my way to my feet

As I stood there feeling the gentle fall breeze on my bare legs I saw the subjects of my gaze were laughing hysterically at the horrifying display. Having no empathy Shawn, who also took a dive over the fence, joined them in their amusement. Andy couldn't speak as he was barely able to breathe.

All I could was smile, wave, grab my pants, throw them over my shoulder, and did a walk of shame in my Fruit-Of-The-Loom briefs back to the locker room.

"You can tell a lot about a person from his underwear." - Rachel Bilson


wigsf3 said...

I have no idea what women find attractive about me. I'm just glad I found one woman who found one thing attractive about me.
Mind you, she's never seen my underpants.

JLee said...

oh no! That is like something out of a bad teen movie. lol

Miss Ash said...

That's hilarious and mortifying all at the same time!