Sometimes you look at a film and wonder why the hell it exists. Sure even some of the worst movies I've seen (The Flintstones, Beverly Hills Cop Part 3, In the Army Now) have some reason for its production, if only to make money off suckers who have barely enough brain power to operate basic motor functions. But then there are those really bad films, the infamous “Manos: The Hands of Fate” and “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” that make you wonder why someone sat there and looked at the script and said, “Let’s do this”. There’s no possible way these films could ever make a dime for anyone involved in the production, unless I’m missing something about film distribution.
I have a rule about people submitting films that are complete donkey shit, but a few have ignored that rule (I’m looking at you Greg, Matt, and Tad!) In what can only be described as poor reading comprehension or just general sociopathic behavior, my friend and colleague Courtney decided to unleash the hell upon me that is “The Gay Bed & Breakfast of Terror”.
There’s little more to be said about the plot other than what the title suggests. During some sort of LGBT festival, four gay couples check in to a bed and breakfast run by a conservative zealot and her in the closet daughter. Sans maybe one person, the couples are anything but likeable or interesting, and they all fit some sort of homosexual stereotype, which can be viewed as insulting, but the film makers don’t give two shits. People start dying in ways that are laughable, and you’ll be relieved they’re dead just so you don’t have to listen to their awful line reads again. If there’s one good thing I can say about this film is that it mercifully ends.
There are twists that are told to the audience, which in no way serve the plot nor cures boredom, and the ending is as incomprehensible as it is poorly written and I shudder to give it a moment of thought. This movie doesn’t even succeed as being good trash, as it’s not competent enough to do even that, nor could it be considered funny camp. The only girl in the film I even had a remote interest in seeing naked never took off her clothes. It’s just awful, and it’s not even on the list of so bad it’s good, as this can only succeed on one level, being fodder for the MST3K treatment. Other than that it serves no purpose, well at least for me. If you’re a tea bagger who fantasizes about killing sodomites, well then run, don’t walk, to your nearest video store and bask in the glory that is “The Gay Bed & Breakfast of Terror”.
And this trend of submitting films that are donkey shit needs to stop.
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"Trash can be fun but this movie is too tedious and under-inspired to be amusing." - Kevin Thomas