Jul 15, 2006

Sexymonica really wants to be my friend.

I'm really getting tired of MySpace. A lot of my friends use the site to blog and post pics of themselves and in doing so I felt it would be kind of cool to get an account myself to view their content.

I've been getting inundated with friend requests and most of them are bizarre. A lot of times I get requests with pictures of hot women who list a vivid description of themselves. When I click on their profile link it normally takes me to a porn site.

Monica however really wants to be my buddy something fierce. She has two profiles, Cutiemonica and Sexymonica. She has sent me three requests to be my little MySpace pal, two of which came from Sexymonica. I clicked on her profile which has the following description with my comments in red:

MY M.S.N is CANDYBACKA@HOTMAIL.COM - PLEASE CHAT ME THERE - I HAVE A WEBCAM AND CAN ONLY USE IT ON MSN :) (Yeah if that ain't a surefire sign for getting on a porn spam list) -- -- -- ---- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- - I am special (Mommy told me I'm special too, but that's before they had me locked up as a child).. I am horny (So am I, but I don't advertise it...wait I just did...damn) ... I am fun and caring and lovable. I like to go out and have fun with the girls and I love oral sex (Giving or receiving? Come on I want details) and surfing lol (I don't know what's funny about surfing. Perhaps I have no sense of humor) .. I also love to skate in the winter (Your profile lists her in San Diego.) and going out with a hot guy to dinner then maybe some fun at his place! (Is she a Red Robin, Daniels, or Denny's kind of gal? I mean how much does one have to shell out for this girl?) I guess you could say i'm a pretty normal gal who knows how to have a good time. (Yes most normal girls love to post bikini pics and talk about how easy they are to bang) I love to party and drink with my girls.. I have met several people off the internet who i am now friends with (No one wants to be my friend, online or in real life, cept for you dear Sexymonica) .. i love playing on my webbcam and just hangin out.. hit me up if u wanna know more :) I love girls and guys.. i think its beautiful when one can have an attraction for two of the same sexes (Depends on who the two are really. If you're talking Roseanne and Paula Poundstone, well the idea of beauty eludes me.) .. ..*@% those people who thinks its weird, cause its not, its normal (You can try and convince me all you want a wee wee and a man's hairy ass just doesn't do it for me. Call me different). Turn-ons: Abs,asses, boobs, tongues, tattoos, piercings, soft skin, shaved down there, eyes, lips, tight jeans, hot cologne, motor bikes, hot cars, 3-somes, porn, chocolate!!! (0-17 on my part. Yeah I don't think her and I are much of a match.) Turn-offs: Smelly people, hairy people, (2-0 there) loud people, cheap people, liars, idiots, racist people! (I can think of a few women who would agree that I'm an idiot.) I am a very genuine and sincere person. (Well you do seem honest.) I try not to catagorize myself into a specific sterotype or manner or presentation (Like attention whore/bi-curious MySpace troll?) .I can speak for myself. (And oh what fine prose you use to do so.) I would like to say that I am assure in who I am and what I am, but it would be a lie if I did. (I've never been assure about anything. Are you assure?) However I know what I like and don't like, and I know the kind of person I would like to be. (It's so very touching to hear that you're in touch with your likes and dislikes. I just found out I'm not into people punching me in the face.) It takes alot to make me feel intimidated, yet i'll admit when I am feeling vonerable. Im not shy I just chose to be quite the majority of the time. (I'm quite too. Wait quiet? Uhh forget it) I can be very hypicritical (Not that I'm a whiz at grammar, but one would think your average spell check program would catch this) I aspire to be the kind of person who walks into a room and lights it up, however that doesnt mean I expect or want to be the center of attention. (Your pic above and multiple friends requests is living proof you don't expect to catch the eye of people.) I can be unpredictable, I tend to surprise myself sometimes. I am well mannered and i accept everyone. (Except if they're hairy, smelly, bigoted, etc) If someone is being rude to me, I am more likely to smile and compliment them in a sincere way rather than doing it sarcastically to provock them. (Wow I just make fun of people online. I guess I'm a bad person. Do you still accept me dear Sexymonica? Are you "assure" you really want me as an online buddy?) I keep the negative things to myself unless its for the good of someones being. (Poking fun of you is great for my being.) I can handle critism (well then you won't mind this post thank god) and i will not be afraid to voice my talents (such as oral?) I don't pretend to be older than I am (what woman does?), I just know what I know. (Wow I know what I know too. Guess what? I don't know what I don't know.) I dont feel I am competition (good thing you don't, cause competition you aren't), nor do I have competition. I consider myself a someone not a something. (I feel that I'm a person to, not an inatimate object, but it took me years to come to this awesome realization) I always tend to put others before myself (even when it comes to oral?) I am well respected (I bet the dude that laid you in the back seat of his Pinto after taking you to Taco Bell for dinner respects you too) and I appreciate what i have, i try to want what i have. I am a more spiritual then religious (Too lazy to go to church on Sunday eh?) The unknown and paranormal fascinate me. Sometimes I dream in color. I hardly ever take things literally but I mean what I say (So does that mean if I take you dinner you will definitely come to my place for a little fun and oral? Sweet? Wait I have to be hot? Zoinks foiled again.) I am confident yet modest, and comfterble in my own skin. (If I post a pic of me in shorts does that mean I'm modest? Don't worry dear readers for I would never do that to you.) I dont feel the need to hide my imperfections. Im learning to embrace them. I do not walk the streets thinking that everyone is looking at me however I will smile and say hi to everyone. *Im not very materialistic and I consider myself intelligent, I am just forgetful and absent minded at times (Have you ever locked your keys in the car while it's running?) I dont freak out when I dont get my way however I can be manipulative. (aka I'm a total bitch and use my boobs to get a guy to take care of my car payment) I don't believe in luck (That's why you got implants) . I love it when random things happen it makes my day, ill get amused easily, it doesnt take much to make me happy (like oral?) .Im rather clumbsy (especially when typing) and i love to ascociate with all different kinds of people. (Except for those hairy bastards.) I try to stay very positive, open minded and laid back, but sometimes I can stubborn. (Didn't know stubborn is now a verb) I love a good challenge (So do I, but you don't sound like much of one) .......I am a fan of contradictions. * "I have a face, but I am not my face. I have a body, but I am not my body" *"It takes a smart girl to play stupid well"* "Why be a princess when parliment has more power" (There are so many things wrong with that last statement I won't waste time listing them) *"We pray to many different Gods like their flowers, and we call religion our friend" (?) *"The world in which is emerging praises both mothers and virgins but in the end, despises mothers and despoils virgins" (Now isn't that a contradiction to be a fan of? This girl really needs a therapist) *"Fear is just the anticipation of pain whether it be mentally, physically emotionally or spiritually (Wow..just..wow...) *No limits, No boundaries*

Yes dear Sexymonica I had to deny you as an online friend. As much as I appreciate the bikini shot I don't think I need any more friends than I already have. Our relationship was short, but oh so sweet. Maybe the six thousand other guys you requested will be more accommodating to your online needs.

"MySpace is becoming part of the scene at school, so it's only going to increase as kids head back to school. Now the cliques are moving online." - Kim Komando


Alyssa said...


Wiwille said...

alyssa - Do you ever sleep?

Alyssa said...


too much damn coffee

Anonymous said...

Was rollin when reading this... good s#!t....


Scott said...

Hillarious. I think Monica wanted to be my friend as well.


PaBLo G said...

WHAT??? ok, now I'm jealous, how many more are talking to MY sexymonica?
I knew it, this could have never worked between us, damn it. Now all this poor lonely beaner can do is get a mail order bride.

Grace said...

I've gotten a couple of those from guys... minus the bikini shots, of course (and thank God).

Wiwille said...

Scott - Yes I believe Monica gets around the myspace world.

Pablog - Sorry to burst your bubble there, but you can have her as far as I'm concerned.

Grace - Guys in bikinis would be comedy gold.