Wiwille's movie reviews part 87

There are many forms of entertainment that are best left in your past, never to be seen or heard from again. I once had fond memories of watching the television sci-fi show "Buck Rogers in the 25th Century", and would swear it's one of the best programs in its genre. Upon watching that abortion of a show years later I came upon the realization that our aesthetic sensibilities do actually mature, while the rest of my psyche may not.

Hudson Hawk never really got better or worse with age. I saw it in the theatre many years ago with my then girlfriend. We both didn't care for it, but almost twenty years later I thought I may not have given it a chance, or perhaps I didn't appreciate it for whatever reason. I was wrong, so very wrong.

The movie starts Bruce Willis, who plays a cat burglar, conveniently named Hudson Hawk, who was recently released from prison. He gets blackmailed into stealing a statue made by Leonardo DaVinci, but what the incompetent crime bosses, let by none other than Frank Stallone, has on him makes really no sense, but that's ok. The idea is to get a few crystal looking items to fuel a lead-to-gold machine designed by no other than Leonardo himself. We are also introduced to Hawk's partner in crime, Danny Aiello, who sings and dances along with Bruce as do what they do.

Andie McDowell plays a Vatican agent who wants to keep the secret of Leonardo's gold machine out of the hands of corrupt humans, and has the acting chops of all the films you've seen her in before. Oh and Sandra Bernhard and some guy (I lost all interest in knowing his name) conspire to get the machine and the crystal looking things, flood the market with gold, crash worldwide exchanges, and have the world will then bow to them and their vast resources. Oh and to help them get these crystals, they hire a bunch of ex-CIA agents with candy bars as code names, let by none other than James Coburn.

This plot makes no sense, but tries to have a sense of humor about itself, while only telling one mildly funny joke. The rest of their attempts at comedy falls horribly flat, and are just as dull and incompetent as the rest of the script. The plot transitions are as equally confusing, are supposed to be amusing, but will leave on scratching their head.

If they made this funny they would've had a great parody on their hands, but sadly none of this works. It's just lazy, stupid, and has little redeeming value. Hudson Hawk didn't age well in all these years, actually it didn't age at all. It's still as horrifyingly bad as the last time I saw it, so many years ago. At least it's consistent in it's awfulness.

Thanks to Shaun for submitting this. Wanna see a film reviewed by Wiwille? Drop me an email or comment and you'll see it soon on One Bad Apple. Rules are posted here.

"To say this megamillion Bruce Willis vehicle doesn't fly is understatement in the extreme." - Joe Brown