A coworker of mine has been posting his horrific dating experiences on his live journal with reckless abandon. Apparently this guy has never had a positive date...ever. The stories are humorous though and I'm thankful I get to laugh at him...err...with him. I've now been inspired to share my most 'interesting' dating experience with all two of you.
I was 18 I think. I met a girl who happened to be a friend of an acquaintance. We seemed to hit it off really well and she gave me her phone number. I called her a few days later, this was before the whole 3 day rule was brought to my attention, and asked her out. I had this plan of going to Portland with some dinner and dancing. She informed me that she had plans with some friends and wanted me to come along. I thought this was actually a good idea considering I didn't know many of her friends.
"Where will we be going?" I asked.
"Well we're all getting together to go to a monster truck show at the Cowlitz Fairgrounds."
I paused. I really didn't know what to say.
"You don't have to go if you don't want to," she said.
"Umm...monster truck show? Seriously?" I honestly thought she was testing me to see how much I liked her.
"Yeah, but you don't have to go." Her voice was reassuring at least.
Monster truck show. What a white trash thing to do, but I said yes thinking that I might actually enjoy it. Damn I was never more wrong.
We first arrive there and I see a girl I used to go to high school with. She sat in front of us and said hi and I introduced her to my date. She then turned around and decided it would be a great idea to stand up and look at me and say "How come I see you with a different girl every time?"
Now I've never been what you call a ladies man. Ever. I've never had the looks, charm, or money. I have no idea what possessed her to say this. My date turns and glares at me while the girl in front of me gets a big grin and turns around. This set the precedent for the rest of the night.
For those of you who have never attended such high brow entertainment let me explain how this works. Two big trucks line up. They rev their engines and then jump over cars. 10 minutes go by and the same thing happens. This was the show for 3 hours. 3 freakin hours!!!
Now I tried to be cool and pretend that I enjoyed it, but it didn't work. She kept asking me if I was having a good time and I being nice kept saying yes. She wasn't buying it. Her friends hooted and hollered throughout the event while I just sat there fighting to keep a fake smile on my face all the while giving a golf clap. It was painful.
Needless to say her friends didn't seem to impressed with me considering I didn't share the same enthusiasm for this mullet brand entertainment. They seemed like nice people though.
The end of the show was over and I was dizzy as all hell from the exhaust fumes. I got to take her home which was a long journey since she lived in a different town. We had good conversation though. I was chatting it up waiting at a red light when she all of a sudden gave me a strange look.
"What?" I asked, trying to think of what I just said that would produce such a look.
"That guy on his porch...he's...he's...he's nude!!!"
I looked over at the guy and sure enough he was standing out on his front porch naked with one hand grasping his manhood and the other clasped around a can of cheap beer. I ran the red light with reckless abandon.
We both sat in silence for quite some time. Then I just couldn't help but laugh my ass off. She joined in the laughter. Finally we seemed to be having a good time and all it took was some redneck nudity.
I got her home and walked her up to her place. We stood there chatting in front of the house when I noticed that the same car kept driving back and forth on the street. It was a dead end road so they kept circling at the end, driving back and forth.
I noticed she kept looking at the car out of the corner of her eye and looking nervous each time. I asked her if she knew what that was about. She said it was her ex-boyfriend.
Just when I thought things were taking a turn for the better. She was on the brink of tears talking about how much of a psycho he is and how she's got a court date set for a restraining order. She then apologized over and over again about how she never told me about him, but she was afraid that upon hearing it I wouldn't go out with her.
The car drives by again. I grab her in mid sentence and kiss her. I could hear the car slow down. We then stop, she stares at me with a surprised look, then grabs me and starts kissing me. The car comes to a complete stop.
So here I was making out with this girl on a porch in a strange town where I knew no one with a psycho ex boyfriend who was sitting in a car watching the whole scene. I don't know exactly why I felt the need to kiss her, but I figured if the evening was going to end with me getting into a fight I might as well get a smooch out of it.
We finally stopped making out and said our goodnights. She was really nervous about the inevitable encounter with the psycho and I, but I assured her there was nothing to be concerned about that I had it all under control. I don't think I've told a bigger lie. She started to insist that I come in and wait till he left, but I said no thinking I might as well get this over with.
God I was dumb.
After she went inside I walked down to my car and I noticed not only was he in the car, but two of his friends. Holy shit. I truly believed I was going to get a trip to the hospital that night. All he did though was look at me, give me the finger, and drive off. That's it.
I know it was a pretty anti-climatic story considering the build up to possible violence.
"Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it." - Jerry Seinfeld