Apr 10, 2006

Interesting conversations with random strangers.

Today started off good as I awoke to my phone ringing. Amy called and I haven't heard from her in a long time. We talked about her upcoming birthday gift which is always me taking her to a concert. I told her about Snow Patrol coming back to Seattle to which she sounded excited.

After the conversation I decided to hit the grocery store for some lunch in my work week. Since I work graveyards I almost have to make lunch as the only thing around here that's open at night is Jack in the Box. Since my diet I've sworn off most fast food and thus eat a steady influx of soup, salad, apple, and yogurt.

I was in the yogurt aisle filling my cart with strawberry cheescake flavor when someone taps me on the shoulder.

"Is that any good?" a female's voice asked. I turned to see a mid-twenties girl with jet black hair, blue eyes, and a shapely figure. I pause in shock that this hottie was talking to me. This is not a normal occurrence.

"Yes," I reply. "I'm a big fan of the strawberry cheescake yogurt. I often eat vanilla as well. Not a fan of the cherry flavor."

"You see I like Yoplait," she says. "But it's too expensive."

"It is expensive, but with Lucerne you can get 20 for $8 today and I really don't notice the difference," I say as I continue to fill my cart.

She seemed really torn as she eyeballed the products. Her purchase of fermented milk was a critical issue, one she needed help with.

"Do you eat yogurt a lot?" she asked.

"Yup," I said.

"I see you eat salads."

"That's right."

"And soup?" she says as she peers into my cart.

"Yeah I like soup."

"Mind if I look through your cart?" she asked. This kind of weirded me out. Not that I had any embarrassing prescriptions for anal warts in there, but I've never been asked this in my entire life.

"Uhhh...sure," I said. What could it hurt.

She pawed through the items pausing every now and then when looking at a product. She was intrigued by soup labels and the nutrition contents of rice.

"Thanks. I learned a lot," she said.

"Such as?" At this point my curiosity peaked.

"You can learn a lot about someone by looking at their groceries."

"What did you learn about me?"

"You are frugal, but not so much that you compromise flavor. You want to eat healthy. You like to do things yourself. By this analysis I decided to trust your judgment on yogurt." Wow was she way off the mark. I didn't have the heart to tell her though. She seemed very proud of her analysis.

"Wow you should market that talent. And for the record I don't always eat healthy and I'm not that great with money."

"I might just make cash off that and I do think I'm right about you."

"You could be a grocery psychic. Sort of the Miss Cleo of Safeway."

"I could do that. Thanks for the idea. I'll let you know what I think of strawberry cheescake yogurt."

"Great. I also demand a percentage of the profits if you do that. Have a good night."

"You too. Bye now darling," she said in a fake Jamaican accent.

I walked away having no earthly idea of what just happened.

“I opened-up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, "Please try again." because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I opened the yogurt wrong. ...Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me... "Come on Mitchell, don't give up!" An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top.” - Mitch Hedberg

2 comments:

jinsane said...

That's pretty hilarious! I can actually invision the entire thing happening.

BTW: You get more bonus points for mentioning Snow Patrol and Strawberry Cheesecake Yogurt in the same post! Awesome!!

Tu s. Tin said...

I dont know who you are but this post made my day.
Loved the mitch hedberg.
thank you for making me laugh.