Oct 25, 2005

Erik's Book of Stupid Quotes

Back by not so popular demand Erik's Book of Stupid Quotes is here. Years ago I compiled in my brain a list of various quotes made by people I know. Most of these quotes will seem dumb or will be flat out some of the stupidest things you've ever heard. I used to call it "Erik's Book of Stupid Quotes." Every time someone said something that seemed ridiculous we would always use the line 'that's going in the book'.

All of the people quoted are intelligent people. They have just had the misfortune of not thinking before they talk which is something I think we are all guilty of. Most of these fall under the 'you have to have been there' category; however I think you'll still enjoy them.

"Are cows smart?"-CS. Enough said there.

"Cops whoo-hoo. Cops whoo-hoo."-JF. In a car full of drunk guys JF decides to stick his head out the window and scream this to a passing police officer.

"Look it's gotta be bionic."-QD. QD reasons that the only way a walrus could be able to take on a shark is for the walrus to be bionic. During this fictional event AS and Erik would be photographing the fight in a "shark cage made of straw."

"Put in Erik's top ten I want to get the clap."-CS. He meant he wanted to clap along with a certain song.

"Liza Minelli is riding an ostrich playing the trombone and she's right behind us."-Erik. Substances that will go unnamed helped me believe that this horrid event was actually happening.

"Back in 1974."-CS. CS was relating that date to the attack on Pearl Harbor. I guess WWII and Vietnam happened simultaneously.

"Doesn't Texas border California?"-AS. I gave him a quick lesson in geography after said quote.

"It's all about the internet."-QD. In a discussion about alimony and prenuptial agreements QD decided that the internet is the bottom line.

"Sit down you fat bitch we make more money than you."-SM. This pleasant gentleman screamed this quote at a stripper. Apparently the bouncer was none too happy with SM's observation about the financial status of the exotic dancer and kicked him and his party out of the club.

"Those who prevail kick ass and those who kick ass prevail."-QD. After schooling some random guy in pool a highly intoxicated QD decided that this quote was appropriate.

"Well she could have died before she gave birth to the...uhh.."-Erik. I was trying to predict when a certain character was going to die in the next couple of Star Wars movies.

"It's a fish. No man I see it in the trees it's a big fish."-CS. A little under the influence CS tries to point out an amphibian sitting in the trees.

"Name one stupid thing I've said tonight."-CS. Five minutes after previous quote.

"We all know SD sucks." - AS. SD was none too happy about AS's observations about her skills playing Mario Kart.

"Kill yourself." - CS. This was in response to AS's rhetorical question of "You know what I should do?"

"Penis unites women." - Erik. Now before you think I'm a sexist pig this was stated in response of a friend being ganged up on by two of his ex-girlfriends at a party. These former female adversaries are now friends being they've both have his nudity in common. I being of a drunken nature decided that this saying was very profound.

"Maybe he's just dumb and he wears a really bad toupee." - Erik. After an argument with a manager about the abilities of another manager I decided that my quote explained it all. Her face then turned to shear anger and said "that's my fiance you're talking about."

"I'll go ahead and suck it while you clean my rack" - former coworker who's name eludes me. This requires some explanation. I used to work in a photo lab and I created a tool out of a toy that pumped chemicals out of the machine quicker. We dubbed it the 'suck it' tool. Anyways one of the machines was contaminated and we had to drain it and clean all the parts some of which are referred to as 'racks'. Upon hearing this quote I declared if any of that happened I would never quit my job.

"Filmmaking is like anything. If you don't do it it don't get done." - RO. Truer words have never been spoken.

"I need to get that, cause that's the one I need to get." - RO. In a game of Monopoly RO made it clear to God and everyone the exact reason he needed a property.

I know there are more quotes that I have forgotten about.


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

It's nice to be reminded I suck!!!