Aug 2, 2006

Things that make me glad I'm male.

A few weeks ago I was in the gym stretching before I jumped on the elliptical trainer. A couple of girls came up to me with a sheepish look.

"Do you use these things much?" the first one asked.

"Are you trying to tell me I'm fat?" I replied.

"No," she giggled. "I need some help. I've never been here before and was wondering how to use these things."

"Oh yeah," I said. "Sure it's pretty easy. I'll show you how it works."

The girls mounted the elliptical trainers and I showed them the various programs and how to adjust the resistance. I explained to them what I do as my daily workout and they seemed thankful.

"If you have any questions I'll be right next to you," I offered.

I started my routine, but I couldn't help think about the attire of the girl next to me. She was a short attractive girl and a little on the chunky side wearing tight pants and a top that showed more cleavage than I usually see at the beach. I mean this girl's top really left little to the imagination. My first thoughts were Corey would fall instantly in love with her.

I was watching the news on the monitor in front of me while the girls chatted away to themselves sometimes asking me questions about the gym. All of a sudden the girl next to me lets out a holler.

I stop my workout and look over and see her stuffing her breast back into her shirt. After my initial shock I turn away trying to at least keep a gentleman's appearance. She did notice that I witnessed the event though.

"I'm sorry," she stated with a red face. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sor..."

"Don't worry about it," I said. "Happens to me all the time." As God as my witness I really couldn't think of anything better to say.

After a nervous laugh and rearranging her anatomy to fit her attire she continued her work out. I was kind of surprised by this given the fact that if I inadvertently exposed my penis on the gym floor I'd probably be out of there quicker than boy who stumbled across a NAMBLA convention. Actually I'd just write out checks to the rest of the members to cover their therapy costs.

I look in the mirror in front of me and sure enough her boob popped out again.

"Eh....," I said nervously. "You seem to have a....."

"OH MY GOD," she screamed. I turned away again as she correct her cleavage problem.

"Oh my god I'm so sorry," she said. I turned to look at her and notice her eyes were starting to water. This time her friend was in near hysterics over the whole deal.

"It's okay," I said. "Maybe you should look into wearing a different shirt to the gym." I really have a keen eye for the obvious.

"I will look into that I promise," she said firmly "You won't have to look at my boobs from now on." She did seem to have a sense of humor given the situation.

I really started to feel bad for this girl. I don't have boobs so I have no idea what it's like for this to happen. Then again if I were a female and well gifted in the chest I probably wouldn't wear something like that to the gym.

To my surprise she again continued with her workout. Either this woman is not that shy or she's extremely committed to finishing her training. If you think this is the end of the story well welcome to my blog.

Her boob of course decided to roam free again. She screamed, which again brought all attention to her exposed chest. Her friend finally chimed in.

"Why the hell don't you just change your fucking top," she yelled. "No one here wants to see your tits."

I found this hilarious as I'm sure there were a few guys in there who wouldn't mind that image. Maybe some girls too. Not me of course, cause being the prude I am I hate looking at...yeah...well...I really can't convince myself of finishing that statement, cause I know it's a bald face lie.

The boob girl got frustrated and walked out. Her friend looked at me and shook her head.

"She does this all the time," she stated. "We went to the beach to go tanning over at Alki the other day and she wore this really small bikini that couldn't hold her boobs worth a damn."

Her friend seemed really angry about her companions multiple exposures. I guess I'd be embarrassed if I had a buddy who showed his pee pee a lot.

Actually I did have one in high school. For some reason that guy thought the world would end tomorrow if he didn't publicly expose himself. We were in a department store where they had cameras mounted on television where you could walk by and see yourself on TV. He being the modest dude he was whipped it out in front of the camera and we witnessed his manhood on no less than six different screens.

The rest of us started to bolt out of there while he came running after us screaming "I'm a porn star. I was on TV."

Yeah I digressed a bit. Sorry.

"I would never get a boob job. Those big-titted girls by the hotel poolsides? You just want to spit-shine them." - Juliette Lewis


Mattbear said...

Where do you work out again? I think I may need to look into a membership.

Wiwille said...

Columbia Athletic Club - nudity sold seperatley.