I'll be sipping sweet tea in no time.

I find myself browsing the internet for information on parenthood. A lot of the material I find is stupid, and when I say stupid I mean it's amazing these people have the brainpower to operate basic motor functions, much less produce a coherent sentence. I see all sorts of mothers who claim homeopathy is a safe and healthy alternative to conventional medicine, parents who think you're the moral equivalent of the Batistas if you birth your child in an environment other than a wading pool at home, and expectant mom's tooting their own horn about how special they are because they're doing exactly what nature designed females to do.

Now I guess it's unfair to label parents who may think differently than me as dumb...actually no it's not. When you put children at risk because you believe in nonsense like homeopathy then not only are you stupid, but you are dangerously so.

Sometimes I'm afraid I'll be a stupid parent as well. I may already be and not know it. I may turn into one of those exhausted, defensive parents that becomes so neurotic I'll believe in any product that claims to protect my child from invading Huns.

Now it seems not only will I run the risk of losing my superior intellect, but I'll also lose testosterone and become the masculine equivalent of Tony Randall. Yes it's true. Every time I do bonding activities with my child I'll lose some man points. It's all sciencey and stuff.

Now let's be real. No one can call themselves masculine when they stare at a computer screen for a living....no one. That's why I have a second job where I infiltrate latino biker gangs and take down their cock fighting rings.

"Kuzawa says the study of more than 600 men also found that men who had higher testosterone to begin with were more likely to enter stable relationships and become fathers." - CBS Chicago