Feeding Geoffrey

My wife was born on April 1st, which makes the annual prank day a bit more special. Rather than surprise her with a fake declaration of the fact that I'm secretly a super spy who's in Texas to infiltrate the Tea Party I decided to be nice and try to show her a nice birthday.

The morning started off with us going to the Dallas Zoo. We approach the ticket counter and find the looped music of "Welcome to the Dallas Zoo" blaring over the loudspeakers. This was the same song we heard on our first visit almost a year ago and it has been forever stuck in our heads.

They had a new exhibit there with African animals and Kelly was excited to see the new landscape. Upon her surprise we saw the giraffes roaming about and a booth that sold treats so you could feed them yourself. For five dollars I figured why not. The lady handed us lettuce and the wife enjoyed the animal eating from her hand, a first for the both of us. For whatever reason the tall creatures are a huge hit with my spouse as they seem to be all the rage with others as well. It was admittedly cute though.

After the zoo we went downtown to eat some good old southern fried seafood and had a merry time at it. We brainstormed at what else we should do and she thought we should go look at cars. Her BMW, nice as it is, is getting high in mileage and terribly expensive to fix. Plus it's impractical if we were to have a newborn in the future. We washed her car and headed over to a Mitsubishi dealership and test drove a 2010 Outlander V6 with only 5k miles on it (I don't know what that is in Canadian speak.) After some negotiation we drove away with a new vehicle.

We quickly ran home and changed for a birthday celebration at Kelly's grandmother's place. We pull up in the car and the matriarch of the family took me aside as I explained how the front grill looked angry as hell. The 80+ year old told me about how her and her husband bought a Suburban years ago and were disturbed to find that it looked like a woman's vagina. I almost felt my heart stop as I was listening to this sweet elderly lady compare vehicles to genitalia. No one else heard this sadly. I have no idea why I have to be the one subjected to weirdness when it comes to my in-laws.

It was a good birthday, but I'm nervous about how I'm going to be following it up next year. Getting her a new car kind of sets the bar high.

"A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday." - Erma Bombeck