Wiwille is a winner and a loser.

The Pretty Girl asked me to tag along with a bunch of her co-workers to see the latest Harry Potter film on IMAX 3-D. While I'm not a fan of the lifeless fantasy character I thought it may be cool to see it in that format. We agreed to meet there as she might be late picking up her friends from the airport.

Scheduling events while hoping airlines will stay on schedule proved to be a daunting task as their flight was delayed. I agreed to go to the Pacific Science Center and wait outside with a ticket for her. I arrived to find all her friends lined up already. My roommate, the Jiggaman, purchased all tickets ahead of time including five extra for reasons he couldn't explain. We wanted to get rid of them and I called everyone I knew who might be interested in rushing out to a children's movie. Actually I only phoned one person, my boss, who is fan of the boy wizard and his school time adventures. He didn't answer. He probably saw my name appear on the caller ID and assumed it was something about work, or he secretly plotting firing me, and sent my call to voice mail.

They open the gates to the theatre and usher people in. It was crowded for sure as the show was sold out. I stood outside holding the five extra tickets asking people if they wanted them. As I was selling the five a couple came to me and asked if I had more. I said no as I was holding two as I awaited my girlfriend to arrive. After the last ticket was sold I headed to Starbucks to get some coffee. On my way back I noticed the gates were locked. I asked the guard if they were letting people in who were ticket holders and he said no.

Damn I could've sold the last two tickets. Oh well. So after parking, tickets, Starbucks, and standing outside for 45 minutes it turned out to be a big fat waste of time and money, but then again I didn't have to sit through a long ass movie that I doubt had much more to say than the previous four films. Really it was kinda a win for me, but sucked for the Pretty Girl who is a fan of the books and movies. I wanted to see Sicko anyways. Maybe some other time.

"The storytelling seems occasionally disjointed, but...for all the special-effects wizardry, that touch of film magic never surfaces. There's fireworks and action and much swooshing about, but this interim installment seems stuck in one nightmarish gear." - David Ansen

I'm indifferent to Linkin Park and that doesn't make me a bad person.

I'm not a huge fan of Linkin Park. Yes I know you all love that band and everything they stand for and while I like maybe one of their songs most of the time I find them redundant and annoying. Since the music loving public will shamefully love a band one minute then gleefully announce how much they suck the next I was always curious when Linkin Park's time was up.

Remember when everyone loved Creed, Limp Biskit, and butt rock? A few years went by and someone released a memo urging everyone to trash and hate the music they once rocked out to and fans who have no loyalty quickly turned and followed the leader. Similar thing happened with 'Titanic', but that movie did suck.

When Linkin Park came on the scene they sounded like the world's loudest boy band to me. Then they kept releasing songs and everyone soon loved them. I mean loved them. I didn't understand it, but there's a lot I don't get such as why I'm not universally known as the sexiest man ever. That will forever remain a mystery.

"We're not the Grateful Dead or Pink Floyd. We're Linkin Park, and we cut all the fat out. We don't do guitar or drum solos." - Chester Bennington

The following annoying parody really hits the mark:

Wiwille's movie reviews part 7.

When I proposed to write a review of my readers favorite movies the lovely Miss Ash submitted not one, but four movies for me to write about. Three of the films I absolutely love; however, she asked me to write about a flick I hate with my ever loving being. I reviewed the one I hate first and then went through the rest of the list saving the best for later. Since I've already watched and reviewed everyone elses request I'm going to finish up our shoe loving Canadian's list.

I recently watched Trainspotting with the Pretty Girl, but I'll never forget the first time I saw it. I was an assistant manager at a movie theatre and my job was to screen the movies before opening night to insure the film was put together correctly. After viewing the trailer for Trainspotting the employees and myself sat down late one night to watch it.

I was completely blown away. This was one of the first films I've viewed that was honest about the drug culture. It wasn't like you were watching junkies from afar, but as if you were viewing their experience from the inside out. It takes you along their journey of addiction from their daily rituals of scoring a hit as well as their personal life.

Now it may seem you've heard this story before and you probably have, but this film doesn't pull any punches. Unlike most narratives of this nature where some good natured person gets wrapped up in drugs because they may have made a mistake there's no one to root for in this dark story of people who love them some heroin. The protagonists are selfish as one would expect an addict to be. Even the characters that choose not to shoot up are vile at times, but can also be hilarious. The director doesn't tell you how most of these people got into their drug habit, because really it doesn't matter. When the movie starts and the percussion of an Iggy Pop song start pounding you're immediately thrust into the environment of the Scottish junkies. It just grabs you and doesn't let you go until the end.

The cinematography is excellent being dark and gritty and always creative. The acting is good thanks to a wonderful cast and it's pacing is rapid. The soundtrack is amazing as well and is used appropriatley. It also has good nudity for boys as well as the ladies. Yes ladies if you're interested in seeing Ewan McGregor's manhood he thanks you by giving the audience a glimpse. Thankfully for us guys his love interest is pretty hot naked.

I'm still taking submission folks so if you have a movie you'd like me to watch and review just drop a comment or an email.

"The messages in "Trainspotting" will be different from viewer to viewer, but all will be powerful nevertheless." - Chad Polenz

In religious news...

Pope Benedict has stirred controversy over his claim that the Catholic Church is the one 'true' church founded by the disciple Peter. All other denominations are reportedly not founded in truth, or something to that effect. Basically if you don't follow Catholicism you're doomed, doomed he tells you. According to the Holy Father all other denominations, from the Protestants to the Latter Day Saints, do not have the path to salvation.

Now one who knows a little about the Bible knows how flawed this proclamation is, but I'm surprised at all the controversy. Seriously are you really that shocked that a leader of an organization, and a country for that matter, believes that their path is the one true way? Would your boss preach that the competitors products and/or services are adequate? I mean I preach the idea that all Anne Hathaway needs to achieve true happiness is me, but no one calls me crazy. In fact most hot girls need some Wiwille, the true epitome of masculinity. This I declare.

Maybe I am a little nuts.

Speaking of bat shit crazy religious people police in Britain are offering a $40,000 reward for information leading to the arrest of people involved in female genital mutilation. A practice that long held in Africa and the Mid-East many women, often times children, have their clitoris cut out to inhibit their sexual desire and allow them to keep their honor. Due to the recent Muslim migration into Western Europe leaders of the countries are scrambling to update their laws to enforce specific violations such as this one.

Now I applaud the efforts of the police in taking this issue seriously, but I find it horrifying that the practice is so widespread that it has to come to this. When I hear stories like this I sometimes consider that capitol punishment is in fact a good thing.

"We were looking for a 'good shepherd,' and instead we got a German shepherd." - Pope Benedict XVI

Female genital mutilation on the rise in Britain
Pope: Other Christians not true churches

Blogger GI Joes.

As most guys of my generation I was a huge fan of the GI Joe cartoon. Every afternoon after school I was glued to the set watching the adventures of "America's daring highly trained special mission force" battling Cobra Commander and his minions. Every character had a special function, like Shipwreck who was a sailor (get it) and Lifeline the medic. I always imagined myself being Snake Eyes, the mute ninja dude who had a pet wolf.

Given that I have nothing interesting to blog I sat here imagining what kind of characters my blogger friends would be had they been recruited by the Joe team. Here are the results:

Palbog (Blog as You Are) - Code name: Fumar. Pablo's special technique would be arson.
Mattbear (The Inexcusable) - Code name: Whiteout. Mattbear would stun the enemy by stripping of his shirt and blinding the enemy.
Jeff (Caliban) - Code name: Aliester. Jeff would employ magic(k) to render Cobra's weapons useless. His lectures on comic book cannon would also be used as a torture device, but this is still under review by the UN as a possible violation of the Geneva Convention.
Kelly (Sunburned Feet) - Code name: Hot mom. A master tactician Kelly would draw battle plans and staff accordingly.
Joe (Jowie) - Code name: Commodore 64. Joe's job is a lonely one as he sits in a server room attempting to hack into Destro's network.
Dennis (The Canucks Genome Project) - Code name: Puck. Stationed in the Arctic Dennis would constantly pull and analyze miliatry statistics all the while preaching the evils of The New Deal.
Alec (Alec's Blog) - Code name: Potter. Alec would develop communication software and entertain the troops by showing bad movies.
Jinsane (Mind Blowing Insanity) - Code name: HHT. Jinsane would render the enemy useless as their concentration would be blown by her scantily clad uniforms.
Alyssa (Accidentalpurposity) - Code name: Peanut. Alyssa would stand by on reserve. In case a battle would be deemed all but lost by Joe's commanders Alyssa would step in and in a violent pregnant fit of rage take out each and every enemy soldier armed only with a lawn dart. She is thought to be more effective than a nuclear device.
Scott (Life is Grand, Love is Real and Beauty is Everywhere!) - Code name: One note. A communications office Scott would send cryptic messages encoded as song lyrics. Once disciplined for creating messages asking people to respond with their favorite sexual position the enemy has never been able to decipher his code.
Clair (The Country Mouse Tales) - Code name: Steeple. As military chaplain her duty is to provide a spiritual center for the Joe team. An interpreter is always accompanying her so the American troops can understand the British slang.
WIGSF (What I've Got so Far) - Code name: DJ Jazzy Canuck. WIGSF would entertain the troops by providing music to every single task they take. Once questioned about blaring the Village People during latrine duties WIGSF maintains he's hetero.
Big Ben (Memoirs of an Oversized Canadian) - Code name: Tiny. Given Big Ben's size the command at GI Joe headquarters believe his best duty would to train soldiers in various sports keeping them in shape. He also moonlights as a pro-wrestler and was acquitted during a sexual harassment court martial.
Miss Ash (Something's Gotta Give) - Code name: D-cup. Understanding males' primary weakness she would appear on the battle field and flash and any all attackers stopping them dead in their tracks, laying down their arms, and staring at her. When the enemy is deemed useless she would then pull out her sword (with a designer shoe hilt) and strike through all motionless soldiers.
Wiwille (Erik's Rambling) - Code name: Stalker. Was once a brilliant fighter, but now incarcerated for questionable correspondence with a certain Hollywood debutant. Pleading his innocence he now writes useless and often times insulting ramblings. Numerous appeals have been thrown out by the military tribunal.

Yeah I think that's enough for now.

"You gotta be tougher than that! I'm no wimp any more! I'm a G.I. Joe, and nothing stops a G.I. Joe! Nothing!" - Lowlight

Wiwille's movie reviews part 6.

High Plains Drifter was submitted to me for review and I was hesitant to see it. I've only viewed two of Clint Eastwood's westerns and even though I enjoyed them I doubted that more really needed to be said with the genre. Remarkably enough I was wrong.

Eastwood directs and stars in the film, but this time his character really does have no name, or at least none that is spoken on screen. Riding into a small mining town the nameless character kills three locals who attempt to work him over in a barber's chair.

Impressed with his skills the townsfolk hire him to help them defend against three soon to be ex-cons who previously whipped the former town marshall to death. The nameless gunfighter is given everything he wants including the opportunity to literally paint the town red.

While this seems like simple fare for westerns this picture is a revenge play, albeit a pulp one. With it's supernatural approach, Eastwood's bizarre choice in music, and it's extremely dark scenes High Plains Drifter is by no means the best movie he's directed, but it may be one of the most surreal. It's not high art, but if you already enjoy the genre it's worth a look.

Want to see your favorite film reviewed here? Send me an email or drop a comment.

"Eastwood registers strongly as actor and director of this revenge Western (yet another critique of High Noon), with a style that's influenced by his mentors, the economic efficiency of Don Siegel with touches of Sergio Leone's Spaghetti Westerns." - Emanuel Levy

Bring out the youth vote.

As another election year creeps upon us campaign managers clasp their hands while brainstorming which voters they need to target. Unions, lobbyists, and the blue hairs are but a few of the many groups a candidate attempts to woo in order to secure votes. Every election year the media tries to sell us a story that those running for the highest office in the land really want to secure the youth vote. Yes they would have you believe that politicians really give a good shit about what young people think even though they make little attempt to go to the polls.

I've been voting since I was 18. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I'm a civic minded individual or better yet I'd like to believe I matter. I can cast my vote in the ballot box and say "Huzzah to all you who said I have a small member".

Seriously I like taking a part in the process no matter how insignificant it may be, but I find some of the attempts to woo me into voting laughable at best and insulting at worst. Whether it be Clinton playing a saxophone on Arsenio or P Diddy, Puff Daddy, or whatever the hell his stupid name is telling me my life is dependant on using a butterfly ballot I sometimes believe such tactics actually make young people turn away from voting. Instead of treating the nation's youth as adults, which technically they are, they're efforts often demean them.

Most people my age choose not to participate in politics and sometimes I can't fault them too much. It's easy to become cynical about the process especially when you live in a state where you clearly know how the electorate will swing. Sad really considering people put their blinders on and think that the Presidential election is the only one that matters, but it's the most dramatic and if reality television taught us anything is that the public loves manufactured drama.

I wish more people would go out and vote and not just leave it to the geriatrics who care only about their social security and reruns of Mattlock. Still until they reward voters with lap dances from Elisha Cuthbert our youth will continue to be misrepresented.

"I don't ever want to be doing the same sort of thing, I never want to be typecast, because I have way too much to give to be sort of, to always be the hot chick in the movie." - Elisha Cuthbert

Reaching Out Early for the Youth Vote

Zombie dream.

Hope everyone had a good 4th of July with all appendages still intact. I had a great one as the Pretty Girl served some good food and had a nice turnout for her get together. The fireworks display was amazing this year and we all had a great view.

Still I had a late night last night so today I'm pretty useless. Last night I had one of the most vivid, bizarre dreams. First off I started off in North Germany. I had no idea how I got there, but I was standing with two doctors who were explaining to me how I was helping in the first line of defense of a zombie plague. They told me that I was recruited to assist them in vaccinating people who've been infected with a virus that eventually turns them into a full fledged member of the slow walking dead.

The male doctor gave me a gun and a flashlight. The gun's ammo was syringes filled with the vaccine. The flashlight was a special one as not only did it cast light, but if you shined it on someone and if they were infected their veins would glow green right through their clothing.

With me so far?

The doctors explained further that there are 10 stages of the zombie transformation process. Stage eight is the last point the vaccine will work. Stage nine will not turn someone into a flesh eater, but you're soon on your way to becoming one and there's no hope for you.

Our post again was located in northern Germany in a small war withered town. In the town was an abandoned sports stadium where apparently all the zombies were gathering to plan their takeover of the world. Pretty organized bunch for being dead. Anyways I was to stand post at a house that was located on the road to the stadium. My job was to weed out the stage 1-8s. I would shine my flashlight on the zombies walking by and if I saw a stage 1-8 I shot them with my vaccine gun and the doctors would provide them with medical care. If they were stage 9 or 10 I was told to let them go to the stadium and not attack unless provoked. Given that we were on the edge of the military blockade I was told that the soldiers would take care of most of them anyways.

Interesting. I did my job though and shot numerous 'almost' zombies while the doctors did their thing. After a while I got bored and treaded past the Army's line and tried to save any potential zombies and bring them back into safety. I remember the sights as horrifying as the stage 9 and 10s all looked emaciated and sad. There was a whole family of zombies who looked like holocaust victims. If they were horses I would have shot them.

I shot as many stage 1-8s as possible and then ran back to the doctors. Outside was a stage seven who was beating his wife with a large stick. As I was out of ammo I couldn't shoot him so I decided to punch him. I approached him and knocked him out, but apparently I got infected doing so. The doctors came out and started screaming at me calling me an idiot for touching a zombie as we were out of vaccine.

Shit.

To prove that I was on my way to walking really slow they shined the flashlight on me and I was indeed a stage 1. The doctors had me sit outside the house while they scrambled to make some vaccine. While waiting I overheard some soldiers talking about how once they round up all the zombies in the stadium that an air strike would take them all out. Genocide in Germany!

Dream ended.

Today is going to suck.

"I always loved horror and that's sort of the reason we decided to make the film. We were nourished on those sorts of films, so it was a labor of love." - Simon Pegg

Happy 4th!

Well I have the day off to revel in the festivities for the 4th of July. I'll be watching the fireworks from the balcony of the Pretty Girl's apartment which is located right on Eastlake. Fun should be had by all.

It's a dark time for our country. Even though America has seen worse times you wouldn't know it by studying the body politic. Still on this day I'd like to forget the issues plaguing our White House and remember the sacrifices made on this day when our forefathers created a government that ideally is by and for the people. Whether you like our current state of affairs or not you can enjoy the freedom to actively participate in the process without fear of death.

For all our ills this country is a great one to reside in and for one day lets give thanks to those who created a system that allows us the comfortable lives we live. By giving thanks I mean buying foreign fireworks, blowing shit up, and consuming way too much alcohol and food.

Have a happy and safe 4th of July from the folks...err folk...at Erik's Ramblings.

"The 4th of July is a time to reflect on this country's most vivid and sacred symbol of pride: the American flag." - Kenny Marchant

Wiwille's movie reviews part 5.

Films that center themselves around an Orwellian plot line are almost doomed. Most can be overly pretentious by making it's audience sit through 2+ hours of preachy nonsense that everyone should already know (V for Vendetta). Others can be stifled in silly action and poor special effects. Still the concept alone is something that strikes a chord in me. The idea of resistance to a totalitarian regime brings out the romantic in me.

'Equilibrium' is one of the two films submitted for review that I've never heard of. I watched the trailer and figured I'd give it a look. It also helps that Joe, the one who asked me to review it, lent me his copy. The film takes place after the fictional third world war where the standing government uses a drug to suppress human emotion therefore wiping out war, greed, etc. Instead of 1984's thought crimes they implement 'sense crimes'. Get it? Yeah. Anyways being a futuristic sci-fi film the powers that be use draconian measures to keep the populace in line.

The premise alone is flawed because almost nothing would get done without emotion. Even the characters that are supposed to be without it display them numerous times. Fear, anger, and laughter are all present amongst them. The action is clearly influenced by 'The Matrix' and various Hong Kong films and you get the feeling you've watched this film before.

Still somehow this movie got it right for me. While most people will look at it and scream that the action looks too much like the already mentioned 'The Matrix' I actually enjoyed the sequences better in Equilibrium. For one I can buy Christian Bale kicking ass far more than I can believe Keanu beating up anyone. The acting is far and above better than the script should allot thanks to a great cast. For all it's flaws the film has style and rises just above being pure corn and for those who like the genre it's worth a rental. What it lacks in originality it makes up for in style.

Want to see your favorite film reviewed here? Send me an email or drop a comment.

"Giggling at the absurdities and inconsistencies is part of the fun. But the talented cast alone will keep you watching, as will the fight scenes." - Eric Harrison

Hire Wiwille!

Online networking is so important to some people. Whether it be those who constantly spend their off hours on Facebook or Myspace or others who try to get attention by posting pictures of themselves in revealing clothing (which works) being popular online can consume a lot of energy and time. Some who's goal it is to become 'cool' on the internet, but don't have time or the creative spark to write and maintain a blog or MySpace site, can and will hire someone to do it for them.

Yes folks you can buy friends on the internet and oh what a reward that must be. Think about it. Hiring someone to make yourself look cool can be easy to pull off. Since I'm uber cool, have the writing talent of Steinbeck, and the toughest mo-fo you've ever met I think I'll offer my services for making you the most popular thing online since the Star Wars kid. Heck the raging success of Erik's Ramblings is proof. I get a whole three readers each day!!! Posting numerous pics of Scarlett has helped I'm sure.

Seriously folks you are quite possibly the most pathetic person alive if you feel you have to hire someone to help you maintain some semblance of popularity online. I understand that blogging consistently can be difficult, but really isn't the point of it more self satisfying than anything? Is buying friends online worth it?

To those who may think that this blog is outsourced do you think I honestly pay for someone to write posts this incoherent with no attempt at proper grammar?

"This guy is a busy entrepreneur and he says that wherever he goes, people marvel at the energy he still manages to put into blogging and networking - and he then tells them it is all being done by a guy he pays to do it." - BBC article

Are my online friends for real?

Robots in disguise.

Michael Bay has a charmed professional life. Instead of making films that actually entertain he clenches his bloated budgets and makes a safe, comfortable picture, quality be damned. His style is easy to point out as he uses almost the same score for every one of his atrocious movies which always include three fast chords and pounding percussion. With dialogue that's alien to native English speakers, cartoonish action, and melodrama that makes your average romance pulp novelist queasy Bay clearly makes films for those who require absolutely no thought when watching the flickering screen. His films are so bad I do believe you're less of a person if you enjoyed 'Pearl Harbor'.

Last night Andrew called me. His wife Jessica scored tickets for an early screening of Transformers. I had an hour to get there so I quickly said yes and made the trip to the local theatre. Even though I knew Bay was the director attached to this I was mildly excited to see it. Most guys of my generation grew up watching the cartoon and playing with the toys and I am no exception.

I had little expectations though as Michael Bay films are really catering to people who believe a Thomas Kincaid painting is deep. Still I sat amongst the crowd awaiting to be mildly entertained. The opening monologue came upon us with Optimus Prime and I was in. Yes I enjoyed the exposition of this film. The first act was mildly clever and looked good, plus the chemistry from the teen leads was believable, which is rare in films of this nature. While this movie is nowhere near as funny as the audience thought it was it still gave me a few chuckles.

The rest of the film was epileptic in it's action moving so damn fast I could hardly keep up with who was who. The dialogue descended into pure shit and most characters became disposable. Some of plot advancements made little to no sense, but this is Bay were talking about. A student of the Bruckheimer popcorn standard, he is adamant in insuring that all people who've had their life changed by a Dr Phil episode are satisfied at the multi-plex. He doesn't fail them here as his action is elevated so high that many innocents are harmed or killed by being at the wrong place at the wrong time and no thanks to the military's idea of where a good place to fight is. Yes in the eternal battle between Autobots and Decepticons no one is safe.

I probably would've enjoyed the film immensely if I was ten, but I'm not and have no kids to live vicariously through. Given all my criticisms of the film I actually enjoyed some of it and not just because the love interest was uber hot.

"If it's true that there's an 8-year-old boy inside every man, Transformers is just the ticket to bring the kid out." - Todd McCarthy

Wiwille does plumbing and it actually ends well.

While I may not be the most handy person on the planet I do love tools and using them for their intended use rather than say as a weapon. Installing appliances, putting together cheap IKEA furniture, and/or tinkering with automotive parts is an enjoyable experience. At least that's how it starts out. Normally when I try to apply my handy craft to a particular piece of machinery it ends up with me cursing various Roman gods and I find myself making the more problems than the one I intended to fix.

Reading this would make one assume that I would finally give up on the idea of being a do-it-yourself kind of person, but no my stubborn ass feels it's appropriate to tackle any and all mechanical problems myself before I call an expert and pay out the nose. But the other day something wonderful happened.

The downstairs toilet had issues. After one flush the toilet kept running for quite a while as the water bill crept up. I opened the back toilet cover and pulled up the floater noticing that it wasn't resetting itself properly. After a little investigation I noticed the screw that held the floater in place was really loose so I brought out the screwdriver and tightened it to a reasonable level.

I hesitated on flushing again to test the results. What would happen? Would my roommate find me covered in toilet water, screaming profanities, and trying to rip the whole unit out of the wall in frustration? Would that evening entail an all nighter trying to figure out what I did wrong? Would I have to make an emergency call to a professional while the basement was flooding?

It worked. I fixed an appliance designed to rid the house of human waste. I probably spent less than ten minutes total repairing the problem. Now most people wouldn't be this thrilled with simple repair, but the fact that nothing got damaged, including myself, made me feel so manly I wanted to go barbecue an elk I just hunted with a gurka knife...with beer...oh and strippers. Yeah I'd be barbecuing while drinking beer and serving the meat to exotic dancers.

Sadly that last part did not insue.

"My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance." - Tim Allen

Wiwille's movie reviews part 4.

Laurel Canyon? When Mattbear submitted the film for me to review I had never heard of it, but I wasn't about to deny my most loyal reader a look at one of his favorite films. After all I did make an online promise and we all know that every oath sworn on the internet never gets broken. The day a user breaks such a promise, especially in bloggerland, massive natural disasters will erupt, Judge Judy will become president, and Scarlett will stop being hot.

Laurel Canyon is a small film set in the Hollywood Hills. The movie starts with a couple Sam (Christian Bale) and Alex (Kate Beckinsale) who are moving to the LA to finish their respective medical careers. Sam is a psychotherapist working on a residency and Alex is writing her dissertation on the mating habits of flies. Both of them move in with Sam's mom Jane (Frances McDormand), a record producer with upper class bohemian values.

While Sam is ashamed of his mother's lifestyle Alex is intrigued by the world Jane lives and works in as well as the people who inhabit it. Stripping down stereotypical New England upper calls values Alex slowly finds herself seduced by the music scene as Sam is being pursued by a hot colleague. Slowly their relationship shows signs of straining as both get more involved in facing various temptations which are abundant in their current environment.

If there's one reason to watch this movie it's Frances McDormand. She's amazing as the Joni Mitchell-esque producer with a serious lack of parental skills. Bale is always reliable and Beckinsale of course looks hot. Given it's performances the plot moves along about how you'd expect. There's no real surprises here since you've seen the 'couple with conservative mindset being thrust into a world of pleasure seekers' before, but this movie does it better than most. The characters for the most part are selfish and naive, but not unlikeable for reasons I can't explain. Since the film isn't complete formula and I enjoyed it well enough I'd recommend it.

Want to see your favorite film reviewed here? Send me an email or drop a comment.

"There wasn't a moment in the film that I didn't enjoy, but neither was there anything that got my mind or heart racing." - Manohla Dargis

Campaing finance reform...unconstitutional?

Being someone who hold the first amendment dear to my cold, black, unfeeling heart I'm torn about the latest Supreme Court ruling considering campaign finance reform. Under the McCain/Feingold sponsored Act corporations, unions, and various other interest groups were not allowed to run advertisements endorsing or slamming a candidate within a month of the date voters hit the polls.

The Supreme Court ruled yesterday that limiting such advertising by special interest groups is a violation of the first amendment. What is strange that I agree and disagree with them. Knee jerk reaction is that most of the public would like to see less special interest groups wielding their huge bank accounts and hiring PR and advertising agencies to help determine the outcome of the election; however they are within every right to do so. Should they not be able to speak their minds as any average citizen even though legally corporations are defined as a person? Should a group of people not be able to be a part of the public discourse limiting freedom of speech only to an individual? Could I have condensed this post into something almost readable?

"Where the First Amendment is implicated, the tie goes to the speaker, not the censor." - Chief Justice John Roberts

Justices loosens limits on campaign ads

Take back the night.

When I lived in Bellingham, a college town, once a year female students would march on campus in an attempt to bring exposure to women's safety. While I salute their sentiment I was curious about what they did for the other 364 evenings in the year. I mean you have to be one seriously disturbed individual to believe that people should be vulnerable to violence, but I will always wonder what those women did to keep themselves from out of harms way.

I had a conversation with a participant after one rally about her thoughts on the matter. She believed that bringing attention to the subject will hopefully bring pressure on the university to offer things that'll make the campus safer such as more lighting, surveillance, security, and public phones. While these are all noble traits that the proper authorities will listen and hopefully take action on, the girl said nothing about personal security.

Carrying mace and/or learning a martial art was something that never crossed the mind of this girl when making her statement with her fellow marchers. I understand that learning these things can be frightening to some, but shouldn't security start with you?

Take for instance this 17 year old. She was being mugged by three people, one guy and two girls. Instead of taking an ass whooping she belted the guy in the sack and fought off the other two women who ran away.

I hear women claim that 'girl's kick butt' all the time, but I've only met a handful that actually do. Maybe I'm some gloom and doom kind of person who thinks the world is violent and cruel, and really it is, but I've always hated the type who expects their safety to be best handled by others and not take any measures themselves besides marching once a year.

I never talked with the girl after that conversation. Maybe she's still marching and hopefully her awareness of the issue becomes more enlightened. I would like a planet where women will never fall victims to shameless pig fucking guys, but until that wonderful utopia exists (never) I implore females to at least consider making security a personal responsibility as well as a communal one. March by all means girls, but don't let chanting fall on deaf ears. Especially your own.

"I just swung and hit him in the nuts and he hit the ground screaming." - Unidentified girl.

Teenage girl fights back and beats up muggers

Wiwille is still not smart.

I went to the gym a few days ago and got a voicemail on the way there from my personal trainer. He wasn't feeling well so they assigned another trainer for that day. No big deal I thought as long as we're doing the same program.

I walk in and inform the receptionist that I was to report to someone new. She said just to go into the workout room and my trainer will meet me there. I was on the elliptical trainer when a girl came up to me out of the blue.

"Hi," she said. "You Erik?"

"Sure am," I replied.

"Hi," she said. "I'm Heather and I'll be your personal trainer for today."

I almost fell off the contraption. Before me was a gorgeous blue eyed brunette with the body you would expect from someone who works at a gym.

"Uhhh," I said trying to keep some composure. "Cool. Lets get started."

During my time on the elliptical trainer we made chat about the workout program, the gym, then she started asking me if I read. I told her I just finished re-reading '1984' and asked her what book she was currently engaged in. She replied she was reading 'Hell's Angels'.

Oh my God! This girl knows the works of Hunter S Thompson. This instantly makes a girl go from mildly hot to absolutely smoking in Wiwille's scale of a girl's attractiveness.

She asked me if I read Harry Potter and I stated I wasn't a fan. She then told me she hated those overrated books. Add another two points on the hot scale.

After much small talk we finally got to lifting. She glanced over her chart and read to me what I've been doing. She asked if I wanted to increase any weight or reps.

Now I'm a reasonably intelligent guy. I also have a beautiful girlfriend and would never consider cheating on her regardless of how much of a flirt I am. I also understand that this trainer works at a gym and looks at hot guys every day. Guys much better looking than I could ever wish to be.

See the issue here is I know all of this, but when she asked if I wanted to increase the intensity of the workout I immediately said yes. Hell put an ox on my shoulders while I squat. I'll try and dead lift a Volkswagen. Yes I of sound mind gave no thought into how this workout will affect me.

I'm still kinda sore from that incident. What's worse is this happened to me before. Granted the girl wasn't as hot, nor was she familiar with the works of Dr Gonzo, but I still felt compelled to act all macho in front of her. Yeah I'm dumb.

"Some men are so macho they'll get you pregnant just to kill a rabbit." - Maureen Murphy

Wiwille's movie reviews part 3.

John Cusak is almost the perfect everyman actor. While there's nothing striking about his features other than his puppy dog manner, he can pull off the simplest of roles with ease and even play legendary figures such as Rockefeller and still remain convincing. While my favorite movie starring him is doomed to relative obscurity (Max) his better known pictures are still entertaining for the most part. Unfortunately some of the best movies he's been in gives him little screen time such as 'Cradle Will Rock' and 'Bob Roberts'.

While he's not above doing complete horseshit (America's Sweethearts, Must Love Dogs, Serendipity) a lot of his romantic comedies can be declared as some of the best in the genre. Granted this is a really low bar considering the whole premise behind most films of this nature almost require it to be unoriginal and sorely lacking in chemistry and laughs. Few times will movie goers see a romantic comedy that has actually something to say (Something New) and fewer will genuinely chuckle out loud or be actually touched by the story.

While it's difficult to really put Grosse Point Blank in the rom-com label I've always viewed it as such. Cusak plays Blank, a professional hitman who returns to his hometown for his 10 year high school reunion and coincidentally to complete a job. Upon his arrival he finds his high school sweetheart Debi (Minnie Driver, who's hot) and tries to make amends for standing her up on prom night to join the Army.

Throwing a monkey wrench into his suedo-vacation is two fellow colleagues, one who wants him to join a union and another hired to kill him. He's constantly being trailed by federal agents who are trying to catch him in the act. While reuniting with his old school chums Blank is honest about his line of work; however no one seems to take him seriously.

'Grosse Point Blank' is one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. I love dark humor and this has it in spades. While not as twisted as say 'Heathers' the film delivers with it's solid cast and impeccable timing. I highly recommend it.

Want to see your favorite film reviewed here? Send me an email or drop a comment.

"With a breezy unpredictability that belies a darker underside, Grosse Pointe Blank, directed by George Armitage, is the kind of quirky, character-driven comedy they don't make much anymore." - Susan Wloszczyna

No confidentiality clause.

I was reading a story about an Arizona man who decided his lovemaking with a dog was an appropriate Kodak moment. Instead of embracing the digital age the canine fucker shot his act on 35mm film and brought it in to a photo lab to be processed. As you can imagine the cops were notified and the man was arrested. No word about the therapy costs for the poor lab worker.

As I've posted about before I used to work in a one hour photo lab years ago. When I tell people this they usually don a smirk and ask something to the effect of "see anything racy?" Yes I saw a lot of nudity at that job. Were they naked pictures that I wanted to see? No. A vast majority of the pics that my eyes ran across ranged from 'meh' to 'oh for the love of everything that is good and holy someone please pour Drano directly into my eyes'.

To give you an idea of the usual naked subject matter that came across the developer most of it was ass shots of people mooning the camera, guys displaying their wieners, and unclothed people getting creative with various devices ranging from marital aids to kitchen utensils. Yes it was not a job for someone with a sensitive constitution.

A couple of times housewives would find a roll of film cleaning out their cars or luggage and drop it off stating that they have no idea what the intended pictures would be. Come to find out that their hubbies were on a business trip and decided to document their extra circular activities. I imagine those negatives became helpful when they made an appointment to see a divorce attorney.

What baffles me to this day is when a customer decided to pick up their photos and they had content involving nakedness they would always ask if we looked at them. When I replied yes the customer's jaw dropped open. Some people weren't too keen on the idea of me looking at their significant others or themselves trying out amateur porn, but I never could understand why they didn't ask that in the first place. Being someone who loves messing with stupid people I would always don a big grin and act all cheerful when ringing up their order. Usually the customer would get all red faced and angry, mostly at themselves for being so naive.

For those of you who haven't embraced the digital age I, Wiwille, have some advice for you. If you chose to take pictures that fit any of the criteria explained above and are too cheap to buy a digital camera, please use a Polaroid. This will make it easier on yourself and the mental health of the photo lab developers. For those of you who have taken in film to be developed and if one of the workers actually likes seeing you naked chances are there are copies of it floating around somewhere. Yes lonely people are doing all sorts of things to themselves to your image. Sleep tight.

"Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." - Robin Williams

The forgotten victims: Wal-Mart photo processing clerks

What's your emergency?

Ugandan officials are pleading with it's female citizens to stop dialing 911 begging for sex. Yep apparently women there are so lonely and desperate for male companionship they feel if they aren't getting some the police should be able to provide such services. Operators of the emergency hotline are frustrated by the flooding of calls made by horny women and fear that someone in need of a real emergency will lack the appropriate response.

It's stories like these that make me think I'm in the wrong business, for as a police office I would not only protect, but serve. After all who am I to judge what's a critical emergency or not?

"How do I stay so healthy and boyishly handsome? It's simple. I drink the blood of young runaways." - William Shatner

Lustful women jam emergency lines

Wiwille's movie reviews part 2

Spaghetti westerns is a genre that eluded me in my youth. While my friends tell me old stories about how their fathers would sit them down and watch old the man with no name trilogy when they were young I was left out of the conversation. My father grew me up on old biblical epics such as Ben-Hur and The Robe. He liked westerns for sure and many an afternoon we would pass the time viewing High Noon, but my dad never cared for the films made famous by Sergio Leone.

When WhatIgotsofar mentioned he would like me to review the classic The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly I was hesitant. Again I know little about the genre and I don't have the emotional connection with films of this nature as most men of my generation. My buddy Ryon bought me a copy last Christmas and I tried to sit through it, but was distracted by something and never watched the whole thing. True to my word though I watched the film yesterday from beginning to end and am ready to review the film.

Clint Eastwood plays 'Blondie', which is strange cause he's not really blonde. Still it follows his adventures with Tuco (Eli Wallach) in an attempt to find hidden gold. Played upon the backdrop of the civil war their tumultuous relationship finds them fighting Union soldiers and constantly backstabbing each other.

Gone are the ideals of old western where stories of strong moral characters fighting evil men and riding off into the sunset after killing Indians. This film gives the west a definite raw look and feel. Nothing in the look of this picture is clean, including the characters' sense of decency. The codes most film fans saw with Gene Autry pictures are done and this movie is somewhat refreshing seeing the west through the eyes of an European. It's landscapes, colors, and character shifts are nothing short of spectacular.

Clint is excellent playing Blondie as a strong silent type with a somewhat dark side, but not all together without heart. Arguably the standout performance in the film he gives some humor to the amorality of this western tale. Not to be outdone Wallach provides a great sidekick if you will, but again he's not some bumbling jester. A tough rugged bandit Wallache's Tuco is disturbingly evil, but at the same time interesting enough to keep the viewer enthralled as to what his fate may be.

Then there's the music. Really the movie would be worthless without it's pounding score. It especially holds the slow scenes together and keeps the audiences' attention. Even people who've never seen the film can whistle it's theme and know exactly which movie it came from. And I dare you not to be enthralled by the climax, which without sound would be boring.

Given all this the movie is not without it's low points. Being an Italian production the movie is over dubbed. Some of the action is ridiculous at best, and the pacing can seem really slow at times. The plot is hardly that thick, but it is a character driven piece that still remains relevant.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly is hardly The Searchers or High Noon, but overall it's an enjoyable flick. I'm tentative to call it a masterpiece as so many others have dubbed it, but it's worth a look. I'm sure on this Father's Day many sons will watch this film and remember their time watching this film with their dad's fondly. I know I will be dusting off my copy of Zulu for the same reasons.

Want to see your favorite film reviewed here? Send me an email or drop a comment.

"I have a very strict gun control policy: if there's a gun around, I want to be in control of it." - Clint Eastwood

Go democracy.

After Sharon's historic removal of Israeli settlements from Gaza, know as the Disengagement Plan, Palestinians occupying the territory got to taste the sweet flavor of democracy. General elections took place and moderate government Fatah took position as leaders of the turbulent region. Recognizing Israel as a legitimate country the new government at least paid lip service to committing to the peace process.

As you can imagine their time in office was short. Voters were tired of appeasing the Jewish state and elected the militant Hamas to take over. Recently civil war has broken out between the two factions giving Hamas a sweeping and bloody victory leaving Fatah leaders fleeing the area. Because Hamas is.....ahh you don't give a good shit do you? You've probably stopped reading before the first paragraph ended. You just want to hear about Paris Hilton's prison meals and a hot girl singing some song about how's she all head over heels about Obama don't ya?

"Days will prove that the assassination policy will not finish the Hamas. Hamas leaders wish to be martyrs and are not scared of death. Jihad will continue and the resistance will continue until we have victory, or we will be martyrs." - Sheikh A. Yassin

Wiwille's movie reviews part 1.

Well I got my first submission for reviewing one of your favorite films. The good Miss Ash decided to submit not one, but four flicks. And guess what? They're actually good movies. Well most of them are.

Miss Ash chose Trainspotting, Goodfellas, The Joy Luck Club, and The Life of David Gale for me to opine about. Three of these films I absolutely love. Two I even own so I don't even have to bother renting to refresh my memory of the content. Then there's one that I hate.

Which one do I start with? Well I haven't seen The Joy Luck Club in years so I need to put it in my online queue and what more could be said about Goodfellas and Trainspotting? Do I go with the one I hate? Would Miss Ash take it personally as people are very passionate about the films that are close to the heart? Maybe so, but still I'll begin with the film I despise with my ever loving being.

There are many films dealing with the issue of capital punishment. Some are sensitive to both sides of the issue (Dead Man Walking) and others are more or less conflicted (In Cold Blood), but then there's The Life of David Gale which clearly believes it's against it.

While not a critical success (currently at 20% freshness on the Rotten Tomatoes meter) the public seems very warm to this film. Everyone I know who has seen this movie loves it and all give a disapproving glare when I mention that it's one of the most pretentious films ever. Some assume I'm for the death penalty, which is incorrect.

Kevin Spacey plays the title character as a brooding, morally bankrupt philosophy professor who is convicted of the murder of his best friend and fellow anti-capital punishment activist Constance Harraway (Laura Linney). Gale then befriends cynical reporter Bitsey Bloom (Kate Winslet) and sells the story to her claiming that there's a conspiracy to have him die. She follows the story and finds holes in the jury's conviction and attempts to bring the truth to our legal system in order to save David's life.

Of course there are the antagonists. One mysterious man dons a cowboy hat, drives a pickup, and lives in a dilapidated shed while constantly throwing Bloom's research into disarray. The screenwriters felt if you're going to depict a person that's for putting convicts to death you must portray them as simpleton rednecks for some reason. No one who lives a middle to upper class lifestyle could be so morally decadent as to be on the side of lethal injection. No they must be poor and speak in a mono-syllabic manner.

Moving past the ridiculous portrayal of either side of the issue the end really did it for me. I won't give it away as I feel you should watch this film and judge for yourself, but as you'll probably figure out halfway in the movie things may not be what they seem. Actually it's told to you in a line of dialogue so you understand that there will be a twist and since the plot is so thinly structured there leaves only one possibility for that "stunning" conclusion.

After sitting through what was a well acted and shot film, and getting the chance to stare at Kate Winslet, I felt it wasn't that bad given all of it's pretensions about an important issue such as the death penalty, but once the final reveal made itself apparent I felt robbed. It destroyed everything likable about David Gale, who seemed like a well intentioned; however flawed, activist to a cheap fraud bent on manipulating the system and the publics' emotions for the sake of his crusade. I almost became a capital punishment advocate if only I could kill the characters myself. Every single last rat bastard one of them would not die a merciful death. They would face a fate that would make Pol Pot cringe.

As I've seen this film before I considered renting it again to see if my opinion would change about the movie. Then I realised I couldn't sit through this cheap, ugly film that everyone seems to like.

"A snide, juvenile, plot-twisting story about capital punishment that should provoke activists truly concerned about the death penalty to rage, and guilty-pleasure seekers to lament that the movie fails even as decent trash." - Wesley Morris

The Life of David Gale

I can clean.

I've been drinking a lot of water lately in an attempt to stay hydrated. Consequently I pee a lot. Not that urinating is such a bad thing, but it's time out of my day to stand in the work restroom and listen to men make foul noises in their stalls.

Guys have you ever stood at a toilet and saw the stain around the top of the water line only to then suddenly think your penis was a pressure washer and you tried to clean the filthy ring with the power of your pee? No you say? Liar.

Girls are so missing out.

"The foolish are like ripples on water, For whatsoever they do is quickly effaced; But the righteous are like carvings upon stone, For their smallest act is durable." - Horace

Cried out in terror.

You don't have to be an HBO subscriber to know that the series finale of The Sopranos aired last night. If you didn't see the episode and you would like to I suggest you stop reading now.

A few people were over last night watching the finale. A rather lame episode as was this entire season, but the finale didn't end as I or anyone expected. The last five minutes had brilliant pacing set up by the director as Tony is sitting at a diner awaiting his family's arrival. Each walk in with along while another minor character, who the audience guesses is important. The viewers watched their clocks as well as the characters sitting around the diner asking themselves important questions such as who will be the one to cause the series last image of violence and who will the vicitm(s) and perpetrator(s) be.

Then Meadow walks in after having much difficulty parking her vehicle. The screen turns black. All of us in the living room froze then responded with a collective "what the hell?" We were thinking maybe the cable signal went tits up or the television just decided to quit working. Neither was the case as the credits rolled to silence. To borrow a line from Obi-Wan, it was as if a million voices cried out in terror then were suddenly silenced. I imagine the cable company received numerous phone calls from people screaming about their cable box breaking only to be hung up on when the subscriber realized their mistake.

The Andy Kaufmanesque ending made many a fan's blood boil as well as put a smile on apologists of the show. Much debate will ensue over the writing decision to end this series and I'm sure they'll feel justified in their critique, but really they'll sound like aging Star Wars fans bitching about the prequels. It was a decent show, but after season three I was disappointed in it's quality. Smarter than thou David Chase fans will argue that most of you who were upset by the show's ending don't 'get it', but I got it and you know what it was hardly the stuff of brilliance. By simply passing off critiques as juvenile blood thirsty fans displays your intellectual arrogance over a freakin television show. Claiming you're aesthetic tastes are superior in the realm of television is sort of like believing that you follow the correct version of your particular faith. Either way you're still following fiction that is meant to appeal to the ignorant masses.

“None of us on the show, ... ever thought it would do anything.” - David Chase

Sign me up.

Longtime readers of Erik's Ramblings understand that Scarlett is not my only Hollywood obsession. Ever since I was a wee lad I've had my eye on marrying Alyssa Milano, which sadly has never come to pass. Yes the former Who's the Boss star caught my attention at the tender age of eight and I've watched many a bad film and television show simply because her beauty graced the screen.

Now the Charmed star has released a new clothing line and some of it is baseball related. To promote the designs a sweepstakes has been created to win a a chance to meet her at a LA Dodgers game.

Now you should understand that there is no one more deserving of this prize than me. Even though I'm not a fan of watching pampered rich athletes play a slow sport I'll bite the bullet just to be able to shake her hand. Hell I'd watch Full House if she was present. That's saying a lot.

Bonus: On the sweepstakes website she's wearing camouflage pants. For some reason girls in camou really do it for me.

"I used to sleep nude - until the earthquake." - Alyssa Milano

Touch Ultimate Fan Sweepstakes

Reasonable expectation of privacy.

A while back I was discussing with a friend issues that come up between couples. First off we tackled the idea of significant others hanging out with members of the opposite sex. I told him I had no problems with the Pretty Girl being friends with a guy as I trust her to make good choices. He disagreed stating that he'll never let his girlfriend befriend someone who has a penis arguing that it's a surefire way to trouble.

While we debated the pros and cons of this issue he laid a wrecking ball stating that he would install spyware software on his computer to keep track of his future wife's online activities. After asking him why he pointed out that it was in his best interests to make sure his spouse wasn't cheating on him. Homey has some trust issues.

I pity him for I wonder if he'll truly be happy. Could someone that insecure really find joy in a relationship? Would he spend most of the time worrying that his significant other is calling in sick to work and banging the neighbor at the nearest sleazy hotel?

I won't give up my friendships with my female friends so that alone would never make me ask someone (Scarlett?) to ditch their male buddies. I tried to convince my friend that infidelity didn't worry me, cause I'm a dynamo in the sack and no girl would think of ever straying. He didn't buy that either.

"Do you suspect that your spouse is cheating? Who does YOUR spouse talk to online? Do they email an offline lover? Do they perform cybersex with a webcam and microphone? Does your spouse waste money at casino web sites?" - all-spy.com

The kind of hard hitting commentary you would expect.

Already I'm sick of the Presidential campaign. Besides finding it annoying that politicians are ignoring their day jobs in order to possibly obtain a promotion I can't get behind any of the candidates from either party. All seem terribly uninteresting, polarizing, and/or incompetent one trick ponies.

What is interesting is the media coverage of this fiasco. Not even a candidate, yet, Fred Thompson has received a ton of press and he hasn't even officially announced himself to be a contender. Media outlets are frothing at the mouth at the celebrity of Thompson, cause after all he was in 'The Hunt for Red October'. More importantly the man has a suedo hot wife.

Having an appealing spouse is important for anyone seeking the presidency. Look at how our public worshipped at the altar of Jackie-O. Hell you don't have to be likable (Nancy Reagan), but as long as you can capture public interest it works for a candidate. Fred Thompson's second wife is considerably hotter than him which may attract voters who are in love with celebrity culture.

MSNBC's Joe Scarborough is now fancying himself to be a shock jock as he asked a caller on his radio show if they thought Thompson's wife, Jeri, 'works the pole'. Now this wouldn't be surprising if this came from Stern or Opie and Anthony, but the fact that Joe says it makes it a) unfunny and b) sound like a sad attempt for him to attract listeners by making himself a caricature of Don Imus. I never liked Scarborough Country as the show can't decide whether it's a political analysis or entertainment news and the host is pretty dull.

Still I don't understand why it's surprising that an old Hollywood actor married someone 25 years his junior.

"Every foreign policy of every major nation involves reason, common sense, carrots and sticks. You can't have all carrots and no sticks." - Fred Thompson

Packed with peanuts you really don't satisfy.

In a recent UK study of the blindingly obvious researchers have determined what we already know, women prefer chocolate to sex. A poll by Cadbury, makers of fine chocolate Easter eggs with strange textured sugar filling, has noted that over 50% of women would rather dine on sugary goodness than be violated by a man's genitalia.

I'm not sure why women can't just do both. There's a reason why I carry a Nestle bar with me wherever I go, cause if a girl is disappointed about my performance, which is likely, they can simply snack during our 30 second rendezvous. It's a win-win situation.

If I ever get married I'll just keep a chocolate fondue flowing on a night stand, cause I'm a giver.

"You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar." - George Carlin

Why Most Women Prefer Chocolate To Sex

Bad movies I love part 21

Everyone who went to high school has a story of one guy who attended who was less of a bully and more like a psychopath. The dude everyone was afraid of, cause you weren't sure if he was carrying a weapon every where he went. People tipped toed around the crazy man as he walked down the halls displaying a demeanor that told you he goes to the dump and shoots rats on weekends.

Three O'Clock High is about that nut. Why this film is not regarded as one of the classic 80s comedies is something I'll never understand. All around nerd Jerry Mitchell (Casey Siemaszko) has the unfortunate task of interviewing the new student for his school paper. Jerry makes the mistake of actually placing his hand on his interview subject Buddy Revell, played brilliantly by Richard Tyson. Buddy, who looks way too old to be in high school, challenges the dorky student reporter to a fight at 3 o'clock.

The film then follows Jerry throughout the day as he tries in vain to get out of the fight. Fearing his demise Mitchell breaks into the student store and steals money to pay a football player to take care of Buddy, which ends poorly. He also tries to escape school, but the security guard won't let him leave the grounds. Other antics ensue as Jerry attempts to get out of the fight, but as with most 80s comedy dorks he mans up and faces his tormentor with crowd pleasing results.

Sure the plot is predictable and some of the actors look way to old to be in high school, but it's a charming tale that unlike most teen films of that era doesn't ridicule youth. This film is far funnier than most of those teeny bopper flicks of the 80s and doesn't resort to becoming a pretentious over dramatic love fest.

What this movie did need is more crane kicking. Maybe that would secure it's place in the 80s hall of fame.

"Schools are successful only insofar as they reduce the dependence of a child's opportunities upon his social origins." - James S. Coleman