Adventures without power.

Yesterday the Seattle area was hit with a wind storm. I skipped the gym and drove home to find my place without power. No big deal I thought. I text messaged my boss informing him about the lack of electricity to help with some contingency planning in case the storm moved towards the office. He replied back and called me Jeff Renner, local weatherman.

My boss is such a card.

Without power I decided it would be a good time to read a book. I fell asleep reading and awoke in total darkness. I grabbed my flashlight and made my way upstairs to find some candles, but the power then came back on. Great now I can cook.

I started making some chicken when the power went out again. Crap. I realized I have no snacks or anything that doesn't require a stove or microwave and without any idea how long the outage may be I decided to trek somewhere that may have electricity so I can eat. First I got to see about some candles.

My roommate had apparently used them all as he's a big fan of fire scented goodness. This is the same guy that takes bubble baths and owns two cats.

As I walked to my vehicle with my flashlight a neighbor poked his head out the door.

Neighbor: You gots yourselves a flashlight don't cha?
Me: Ehh...sure do.
Neighbor: The power it sure is out.
Me: Yes indeed.
Neighbor: I gots me a flashligh too.
Me: Well...that's great.
Neighbor: Yeah, youz be careful out there young man.
Me: Thanks.

This would be the start of a rather surreal evening.

As I make my way down the road I noticed all of Seattle has power, cept my neighborhood. Beacon Hill, downtown, and everywhere up and down Rainier Ave had electricity. Just my luck I guess.

I drive to the grocery store to get some non-perishable foods, candles, and batteries. I go to the area where candles are stored to find them all sold out. An employee walks by.

Employee: You looking for candles?
Me: Yep.
Employee: Well we're all sold out of them.
Me: I see.
Employee: Actually we do have some up near the Halloween section.
Me: Thanks.

I go to their seasonal aisle and amongst candy and other Halloween decor I find some stupid looking ghost candles. Ehh, it's only for tonight so I pick up a few. One ghost candle with the word 'boo' written on it, another one shaped like a pumpkin, and another with a ghost peering round a box all went into my basket.

A little girl tugs on my coat.

Little girl: I'm gonna be Ariel for Halloween.
Me: Right on.
Little girl: What are you gonna be?
Me: Barney Rubble.
Little girl: You can't be Barney Rubble.
Me: Why not?
Little girl: Cause...you can't.
Me: Okay then.
Little girl: I'm gonna be Ariel.
Me: So I've heard.
Little girl: ....Are you going trick or treating?
Me: Probably not.
Little girl: My mommy's taking me trick or treating.
Me: That's cool.....hey where is your mommy?
Little girl: I dunno.

Ye gods!

Me: Do you wanna go for a walk to the front of the store?
Little girl: Yeah.

She took me by the hand and walked with me all the while telling me how Nate is not a nice boy at school. He threw bark dust at her. I told her Nate just likes her. She argued with me about the kindness of Nate.

Since I live in a neighborhood that requires a cop to be stationed at a grocery store I decided to take her to the officer. Her mom was there standing next to him when she turned and looked at me. She screamed "that's mine" and ran towards us and hugged the child.

After the mom briefly scolded the child about never leaving her sight again she thanked me for taking the kid up there. I said it was no problem and turned to walk away when suddenly the kid threw her arms round my leg.

Little girl: Will you be my mommy's prince?
Me: uhhh.....maybe for next Halloween.

After a look of sheer horror the mother then smiled and apologized for her daughter. I laughed. She was a cute kid.

After my supply shopping was done I made my way home. I pull up to the curb and notice something strange. The power returned. Sweet. Now what the hell am I to do with these stupid candles?

"Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared." - Buddha

You will be missed?

Senator Brownback has dropped out of the presidential race citing lack of campaign funds, but not admitting that the general voting populace thinks he's bat-shit crazy. Although none of you care about this story I will kind of miss following him. Intelligent design advocates always crack me up with their inane sense of logic, but Brownback is a special breed of political nut job. While having more sanity than 9-11 'truth movement' supporter Cynthia McKinney (and that's saying very little) the Kansas senator was none to shy about promoting controversy over such social issues such as abortion, the death penalty, and gun control.

What's funny about the Republicans is that they don't give a clear message about foreign policy, nor do the Democrats really. Seriously listen to an answer from any one of the current crop of candidates about how to end the war in Iraq. They all give almost the same answer that goes along the lines of "we need to get the troops out, but few will remain to protect the Iraqi people and American interests."

Funny cause that's what the President has been endorsing for the last few months.

Well goodbye Senator Brownback. I kind of liked the personality you brought to the debates whether I agreed with you or not.

"Today, as we look back on the history of our nation and take note of how far we have come as a people, we are reminded that we owe a great debt to those who fought valiantly for the freedoms that we easily take for granted." - Sam Brownback

It's time to celebrate folks.

Unbeknownst to me this week is National Orgasm week. Yes folks it's time to honor sexual stimuli and I hope you do it well. I'm doing my part by making women all over wet themselves at the simple sight of my Brad Pittesque good looks.

Well I guess I've been slacking in my ignorance so I have to make up for my lack of...err...release the last couple of days. Actually does it count if you don't have a partner? It does? Sweet then I'm all good. The best part of quality time alone is I know there's no faking it. Not that that's ever happened to me. Nope no sir.

I wish this would come more than once a year. (Zing!)

I don't think my boss would appreciate me decorating my cubicle for this. Okay I'll stop now.

"I heard that chivalry was dead, but I think it's just got a bad flue." - Meg Ryan

Ohhh-verhaul your sex life

Ramblings...

You ever read someone's blog who posts the entire lyrics to some pansy white boy rock song with the title 'This is what I'm feeling right now?" Sometimes I feel like being lazy doing that myself.

Seriously and I hate myself for even thinking that.

After a decent workout on Friday I came home and ate dinner and found myself extremely bored. I put on a coat and decided to take a short walk. It was a beautiful late afternoon in Seattle. The sky was clear and the leaves are turning colors. Yes autumn is my favorite season. I strolled down a nearby park under the brightly colored trees enjoying natures slow descent into rebirth.

I walked down the tunnel leading to I-90. I looked at the murals displayed on the walls, mostly kid stuff, but there was a tribute to the first general worker strike. Cyclists rode past me huffing and puffing as they were commuting from work. I wonder if they ever noticed the time and effort put into making this tunnel appealing or even if they cared.

I finally made it out of the tunnel and sat beneath the trees. I soaked in the view of Lake Washington with Bellevue and the Cascade mountains in the distance.

"Hey," a girl in her early twenties holding a digital SLR said trying to get my attention. "Can I take your picture?"

"Uhh," I slurred. "Sure...why not?"

She snapped a few photos of me as I looked out into the horizon. She was obviously new to the idea of photography, but I could tell she had some talent. I remember being like that once and it seems eons ago.

I told her I used to be a photographer and she picked my brain about equipment and composition. We looked over the shots she took on the camera and I gave her some pointers about angles and why she should get a reflector. She then took some more shots and each one got better.

She said something to me that I haven't forgotten. As I was helping her do a scenic shot she looked at me and stated how lucky we are to live in one of the most beautiful places in the world. I couldn't argue. I watched the cars fight each other for lane domination on the freeway and thought to myself how ungrateful I can be traversing my commute every day, cursing the vehicle in front of me for simply existing, and not taking in the great scenery this area has to offer.

After a while spent mentoring the girl she thanked me for being her model and said goodbye. I kind of wish I would've given her my email address and got some of those photos for myself, but then again maybe the art of her learning the process was best left with her.

"Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic." - Dan Rather

You so have my vote.

It's election season and I for one am enjoying the creativity amongst the candidates. Catchy slogans, bad music, and less than clever one liners regarding critical issues are thrown abound with almost reckless abandon.

People running for city council are known for bearing a cross no matter how ridiculous the issue may be. It's difficult for them to catch the electorates' attention during a presidential race so sometimes their issues may seem small compared to a war. Still great lengths are taken to ensure voters chose the right candidate at the polls.

Jose ''Pepe'' Caragol, 76, has decided to use a campaign slogan that I think all can get behind. Not one to avoid controversy he uses the phrase 'If you like oral sex, vote Caragol for council.'

Of course this has set off a firestorm of protests, but I for one am all for Caragol's fight against sodomy laws in the area. I mean really is taxes, public services, and education more important than good oral? Yes you say? You my friend need to re-organize your priorities.

"People want to give it a negative interpretation, but anyone who knows me and my way of being knows that I didn't mean for the comment to degrade or offend anyone." - Jose ''Pepe'' Caragol

Candidate forced to defend crude slogan

Wiwille's movie reviews part 20.

Sacrifice. A word heard often in Communist propaganda. Sacrifice for the people, the state, and the homeland. The greater good must be served and all must pay homage to the good of the people's republic.

'The Lives of Others' takes a harsh look at the German Democratic Republic, or East Germany if you will, during the mid-eighties. Stifled by it's own oppression the state looks to find a writer worthy of the revolution, but a writer who's words do not contradict the ideals of the GDR.

Georg Dreyman is a successful playwright and a golden boy for the communist party, but as most artists he is viewed with suspicion and even disdain for the actress he loves. A minister in the party has an eye Georg's lover and plays upon her vulnerabilities to keep sleeping with her. Tired of being the other man the bureaucrat sets the love triangle in full swing arranging for Dreyman to be closely monitored for counter revolutionary activities.

In steps Gerd Wiesler, a party interrogator for the State Security. Cold and unfeeling he's a party loyalist and tackles his work with an almost clinical nature. He has Georg's apartment bugged and round the clock listens to the activities going on. In his voyeurism he is surprisingly touched by the idealism of the playwright and is brought to tears while overhearing Georg play Beethoven in an ode to a fallen director.

The wheels of drama are set in motion as Wiesler empathizes with the playwrite and his girlfriend and provides incorrect reports of their affiliation with anti-communist activists. Even though jail or worse may be upon him he sacrifices all for them, people he will never meet.

Dark and sometimes harrowing the film juxtaposes itself being a daring political thriller and a love story as well. This is no ordinary tale of boy meets girl however. To me this story is about the true meaning of sacrifice, not for selfish love nor even loved ones, but for good people that we may run across but never meet. By shifting the idealism from party loyalty to a lover of an ideal the movie paces itself brilliantly and sets a dreary setting with corrupt Communist Germany as the backdrop.

Sacrifice for the greater good, for those we may never encounter, but who may need our help the most. This may be the strongest love I know.

Many thanks to Rawbean for submitting this as you may already be aware I highly recommend it.

"A potent narrative about the transformative effect of involvement in other people's stories, Lives turns its own story into a python-tight embrace of nuanced tension and emotional connection." - Kenneth Turan

News?

So I'm feeling better and back at work. For the last couple of days I've been watching the news regarding Super Tuesday and the recent slayings, one a cop, the other a 14 year old boy. Sadly the news is disturbing not just because of the incidents, but of how mass killings have almost become small stories. It's so rampant it hardly makes headlines anymore. Sad really that this tragedies like this will soon be bumped off the headlines altogether if the violence keeps up.

What's really bizarre is that every media outlet reporting on the teenager claims the boy suffered from mental issues. Yeah, thanks for reporting that. Us dumbass viewers couldn't have figured that out.

What's really critical is the story that Reese Witherspoon's divorce is final. Since I have a thing for southern girls I believe it's now Wiwille's chance to show her what a real man is. Yep Reese if you're reading this, and I know you are, give me a call, but please don't tell Scarlett.

"I cook a lot, almost every night." - Reese Witherspoon

Witherspoon, Phillippe divorce final

Wiwille feels like a bag of ass.

So folks I have a cold and it sucks. I left work early yesterday and called in sick today. Hopefully my coworkers have avoided Wiwille germs, but I guess I'll find out soon enough.

I've spent most of the day sleeping, watching movies, drinking orange juice, and feeling like hell. Let this be a lesson to you. Never have an outdoor wedding in the northwest in October. Your guests will thank you for it.

I've been so bored I've entertained myself playing Zoo Tycoon 2.

"The sick - like lepers - were often reviled because people believed that they had brought their torments upon themselves." - Peter Lewis Allen

Karaoke wedding.

I roll into Longview early morning and pull into a gas station. I walk into the place and find an ex-girlfriend working the register and Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again" blaring over the store's speakers. Ahh it's good to be back.

Longview is a working class town where for many mullets never went out of style and Bon Jovi is the aesthetic equivalent of Bach. It's strange to me to think I grew up in a place where I never fit in, yet I had friends who surprisingly put up with me. I had a wedding to attend that day and making the 2 1/2 hour drive would be worth it.

After I checked into the hotel I made my way to Commerce street to have lunch at the Country Folks Deli. To my surprise the street was closed to traffic as they had some Autumn festival going on. I walked past the booths selling soap, art, and other odds and ends to find there was a car show going on in the street.

To give you a better idea of how important car shows are to the residents of the town it's really the cultural highlight of the year. I mean old men and their hot rods are serious business. Cars were lined up, polished to the hilt, and proudly displayed by their geriatric owners. Nervous wives hovered over the cars making sure kids didn't put their hands on the precious item.

Some old gent with an Impala tried to make conversation with me about his rig. I smiled and said I was going to get some lunch. He didn't care obviously as he kept telling the story about his vehicle. I just walked on.

I killed some time in my ghetto hotel, which stank of cigarettes and death, watching Tim Russert before the wedding. I finally change into my suit and head to Lake Sacajawea to an outdoor wedding...in Washington...in October. Yes the wind was blowing as we sat under a tent, but thankfully it didn't rain. The ceremony was short and sweet and before I caught hypothermia we made our way to the ballroom of the Monticello Hotel.

The bride and groom are big fans of butt rock, so they had each and every table decorated with a band from the 80s. I sat at the Guns and Roses table, but apparently no one else was a fan and I found myself sitting by my lonesome. The groom made me sit at the Def Leppard table with some of his employees and their dates and I'm glad I did.

After funny chit chat with the people there a girl announced she went to Catholic school. I told her I did the same, but she added she was kicked out after a couple of months. After telling her my stories of being in trouble for kid stuff she told the tale of what made the Christians boot her out of the school. Apparently this girl was caught by the priest having sex with another girl on top of the altar in the church.

Wow. I've heard a lot of good Catholic school stories, but that is hands down the coolest ever. It also helped that the girl was kind of hot too. She stated that the priest just walked in and said "holy mother of god" and walked out. She also confessed that she was fine with knowing that some priest out there was spending a lot of quality time alone to her.

The reception went on with the usual formalities of throwing the bouquet and cutting of the cake, but then the real kicker came up. Ron, the groom, hired a karaoke guy to bring fine entertainment to the reception. Yes they had karaoke. I flagged down the waitress and asked her to keep the drinks coming. She complied.

After hearing Ron 'Jovi' sang the ever Longview crowd pleasing tune of 'Living on a Prayer" I realized I had consumed about enough alcohol that would normally kill a horse. Songs were being butchered, people were dancing to awful renditions of 'Love Shack', and the more I experienced the more I drank.

People kept asking me to sing. Finally in my inebriated state I thought fuck it. If I had to be subjected to this nonsense I might as well dish out the pain. Yes my judgement is poor when my brain is lubricated with 14 martinis. So I opened the book and looked up a song. Wow they had it. Cool.

I walked up to the karaoke DJ and handed him the slip. He looked at me and smiled. He announced to everyone that I was to sing. I grabbed the mic and told the crowd that this song was not for anyone with a sensitive constitution. The first chord chimed in and I belted out the lyrics to "The Ballad of Chasey Lain."

Yes the old Bloodhound Gang's ode to a porn star was being sung by a drunken Wiwille at a wedding reception. The under 30 crowd was singing along enjoying the dirty lyrics and sense of fun. Wiwille had his moment to shine and shine I did.

How'd the over 30 crowd feel about the music I subjected them to? Well they didn't exactly warm up to me afterwards.

Ron and Amy did make a happy couple and I've never seen them smile so much. Given the karaoke and cold weather I was happy to attend their wedding, cause sometimes I need days like those to make me believe in love again.

"In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage." - Robert Anderson

Overrated films part 22.

A few years back a friend of mine highly recommended the film "What the Bleep do we Know?" to me. I asked him what it was about and he stood there silent for a while, then told me it's a documentary with a blend of quantum mechanics and spiritual consciousness.

Sounded kind of interesting, if not far fetched, but I never rushed out to view it as it seemed like some new age nonsense trying to pass itself off as true science.

To my surprise my roommate has it in his collection so a few days ago I sat down to watch the sleeper hit. Part documentary and part fiction the film jumps back and forth between the story of Amanda, a deaf photographer with a load of personal issues including hyper anxiety, to scientists and scholars explaining there theories on quantum physics, religion, reality perception, cell structure, etc.

While the movie is unique in it's technique of documenting it's hypothesis and seems compelling at times I found most of it's ideas as a bit of a stretch. I'm no expert in any of the fields the learned academics purport to be, but I still couldn't make the connection between the idea that quantum mechanics can accurately explain in detail why someone should feel spiritually connected to any and all of life's creatures especially when considered how our reality can be somehow controlled by our own positive thinking. I get that perception is reality, but that won't make me believe that by thinking optimistically will make me even more sexy than I already am nor will it make my encounters at the gym any less bizarre.

By the end of the movie I found it to be nothing more than suedo science. It's the same kind of thinking Dr Hugh Ross and his followers push upon the public. Plus the film uses JZ Night a lot as an expert on the topic who's no more an academic in any field other than blatant fraud. The film in my most humble opinion can be dangerous as well as it implies to it's viewers to abandon methods of traditional medicine in regards to mental disorders such as addictions, which is just insane.

For more information about the freak that is Miss Night, read Mattbear's little diddy on BOSTC, which was the inspiration for this post.

Many of my friends love this film and stand by the theories in it, even though all will admit they did no other research on the topics and/or the film outside of viewing it. Upon the film's DVD release it became a massive hit and a sequel has been produced. Still I enjoyed the film and it's art, but to regard it as a mind blowing experience with information that should be taken as gospel is naive at best. I recommend you see it, but take the values shown in this film with a grain of salt and by all means listen to other points of view on the matter.

"Quantum Bull-Bleep would be a more apt title for the conclusions that the movie draws." - Jack Matthews

Gym conversations.

Another day, another gym incident.

As I've written previously, numerous times in fact, my gym is stock full of high maintenance soccer moms, eccentric old rich men, preppy teens, and various other yuppies who have odd sense of social norms. These are the spoiled types, the ones who yell at service workers with a proud sense of entitlement.

Yesterday I encountered a girl who left me baffled.

I was on the elliptical trainer watching my favorite game show when I felt a tap on my arm. I take off my headphones and look to my right and see a uber hot girl trying to get my attention. She was wearing a tight sports bra that showed about 100 yards of cleavage and skimpy tight shorts that left little to the imagination. Oh and she was a brunette with green eyes. Wiwille like.

"Can you believe that?" she said.

"Uhh...what?" I replied.

"That guy," she said. "He was trying to hit on me."

"Oh," I said. "Well I was watching this show and didn't notice. What did he say?"

"He asked if he could work out with me," she said. "When I said no he just kept talking about how I must use the stair master a lot."

"Must be an ass man," I stated.

"Huh?"

"Never mind."

"Well he just kept talking," she carried on not realizing I could give a damn less. "He finally asked me out. I laughed at him and he got mad and called me fat."

"Really?"

"Yeah," she confirmed. "I just laughed at him."

"Did you tell him he has a small looking jimmy?"

"No," she said as she giggled. "I'll be sure to use that next time."

"Well whenever women tell me that I leave them alone."

She went silent for a bit.

"I've seen you before," she said. "You don't hit on women here."

"It's a gym not a bar," I said. "Plus look at me. I haven't shaved in a few days and I'm wearing old workout pants and a t-shirt that I've owned since 1997. I'm here to workout."

"I get hit on all the time," she declared somewhat proudly, but all the while trying to display a sense of annoyance. I wasn't buying it.

"Then why do you wear that?"

She went silent for a while again.

"Well.....it's comfortable," she said sheepishly.

"Really?" I said feigning shock. "I'll have to pick myself up a pair then."

"I'd like to see you in that."

"Well I am pondering ideas for a Halloween costume this year."

She laughed a bit and gave me a look that screamed 'you're kind of a freak'. I shrugged, put on my headphones, and went back to my workout.

Yeah the girl wanted attention and she got it, but she seemed a little dismayed as I ended the conversation abruptly. She doesn't seem used to guys brushing her off. Serves her right for interrupting my viewing of Cash Cab.

"I would never go to a gym. How could I do it? So I tried to do it in my house and it doesn't work." - Warren Cuccurullo

Wiwille is indecisive.

Halloween is my favoritest holiday ever. You get candy and girls love to dress up to bring out their inner whore. Seriously what more could you ask for from a Hallmark holiday?

So this year I've decided I'm going to dress up for Halloween after having not done so for a couple of years. I'm having a difficult time coming up with costume ideas so I thought I'd solicit the thoughts of my friends in bloggerland.

So far I've come up with the following costume ideas:

1. The Kool-Aid guy.
2. Capn Crunch.
3. Barney Rubble.
4. Scary Zorro mask man.
5. White trash.
6. Mattbear.
7. Storm Shadow from GI Joe (currently leaning towards this one.)
8. Karl Rove.
9. David from 'The Lost Boys'.
10. Cooter.
11. The Lone Ranger.

I need to narrow this list down something fierce. Whatever I pick will end up on this blog so tell me what would you like to see on Erik's Ramblings? Besides me?

"On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me." - Rodney Dangerfield

Point Break Live! Oh hell yes!!!!!!

In what is to be the greatest thing to happen to stage theatre since "A Streetcar Named Desire" an acting troupe has taken the fine piece of cinema that is "Point Break" live. Yes the screenplay will be acted out on stage for all to enjoy.

They couldn't stop there though. As an addition to the quality entertainment provided an audience member is chosen at random to play Johnny Utah, the character made famous by the fine thespian Keanu Reeves.

I can't contain my excitement. My life's goal is now to scream "I...am...an...F...B...I....agent" from the stage. I need to purchase a plane ticket to New York like now. Mattbear and Corey need to join me, cause at least one of us needs to bring our awesome presence to the stage imitating Johhny "Fucking" Utah.

Long time readers will remember I've written about the Oscar shunned flick before and will understand my geek excitement for this.

"People were saying that David Geffen and I had gotten married and it just blew me away. Not that they thought I was gay, but that they thought I could land a guy that hot." - Keanu Reeves

Point Break LIVE!

Oh what a day.

Today will promise to be a long one. I'm working over 20 hours today pulling some serious amount of overtime. Already the day is weird. I walked to the break room and passed someone wearing a pink bunny costume.

I'm not lying. We have the Easter Bunny present.

Why would someone dress in a pink bunny costume you ask? Well I didn't inquire. Sometimes I choose not to ask the difficult questions.

"It seems like a totally gratuitous myth to tell people a giant rabbit comes round at night leaving candy in a haphazard way around the house." - Todd Rundgren

Racist, idiot, or both?

You may not be aware of this, but talk show host Bill O'Reilly has been accused of making racist remarks on his radio show. Now the volatile pundit is known for making statements that are unintelligent at best, but this story I'm really torn on. While O'Reilly's market is attune to simpleton armchair social/political activists, a market he does quite well in by the way, he seems to pander to their often politically incorrect thinking a lot.

Now I'm no PC enforcer, far from it, and while I'm not a fan of his show I'm torn about the comments he made regarding a dinner with Al Sharpton. In describing what he cites as white Americans' irrational fear of black culture he outlined his dinner with the media whore preacher at a African-American owned restaurant.

"I couldn't get over the fact that there was no difference between Sylvia's restaurant and any other restaurant in New York City. I mean, it was exactly the same, even though it's run by blacks, primarily black patronship."

Was he surprised by their mellow behavior? Sounds like it. He goes on with:

"There wasn't one person in Sylvia's who was screaming, 'M-Fer, I want more iced tea.' You know, I mean, everybody was -- it was like going into an Italian restaurant in an all-white suburb in the sense of people were sitting there, and they were ordering and having fun. And there wasn't any kind of craziness at all."

Now I live in a predominately black area. I've never seen such craziness at a black owned establishment. You know this cause I would've blogged about it. Still to feign shock when describing this scenario and then to compare the behavior to white ethnic suburbia is the real confusing part for me.

Of course many, such as Media Matters, have leapt all over the host decrying his statements as racist. Surprisingly enough Al Sharpton himself has remained all but mute on the issue and shockingly stated that he wouldn't comment until he asked O'Reilly about the context of the statements.

Maybe I'm giving the intellectual midget to much credit, but after hearing O'Reilly's remarks I don't immediately cry foul. If anything he was trying to make the point that many lilly white folk have an unrealistic image of black culture; however poorly he may have articulated it. It's a black day when I sound any way defensive of O'Reilly, but still I'll let you, the reader(s), decide for yourself.

"Americans will respect your beliefs if you just keep them private." - Bill O'Reill



O'Reilly surprised "there was no difference" between Harlem restaurant and other New York restaurants

Wish you luck pals.

A computer club at Washington State University has brainstormed a novel idea and I hope it goes well for them. Sorority girls can hire the nerds to teach them computer skills, assist them with homework, and, get this, a date. Yes in an attempt to broaden their social endeavors the tech wonders will solicit their services not only for software assistance, but actually interacting with girls, a task they're unfamiliar with.

I salute the brave lads for putting themselves on the auction block like this. Maybe I should start a similar service. Ladies if you're looking for someone with rock hard abs, the intellect of Hawking, and the wit of Twain to assist you with anything and everything from fixing a clutch to teaching quantum physics well look no further than Wiwille. Bidding starts at $40. Yes I come cheap, but the demand for my greatness is so huge I may outsell Halo 3.

"I'm super dorky." - Jessica Alba

MSNBC helps you get it on better.

The good folks at MSNBC believes hard hitting journalism equates to telling you the differences between men and womens' view on sex, because you had no idea there was any. Thankfully we have them to rely upon to tell us such things, cause we all know the key to having a better sex life is major news sources. Below are the mind blowing results, with my commentary of course:

1. Women don’t understand why men don’t like to cuddle: This I believe is a myth. I like to cuddle myself, well it depends on who it's with I guess. Usually I have to go somewhere and fart.

2. Women don’t understand the extent to which performance anxieties, self-esteem issues and body-image issues all affect male sex drive: While performance anxiety is an issue for most men, especially low performing men like myself, I think my ego is already at it's highest when a woman simply acts like seeing me naked is a privelege.

3. Women think that men are always ready and willing to have sex any time, any place: You're not a man unless you can get good and ready in the middle of a crowded subway.

4. Women don’t understand how men can differentiate so easily between love and sex: I've said it before and I'll say it again you can have great sex with someone you care nothing about and have terrible sex with someone you love with all your heart. It's that simple ladies.

5. Men assume that women have lower desire than men: Well if women would stop turning me down all the time this wouldn't happen.

6. Men assume that all women want romance, not raunch: This is true and yes us men are morons for thinking this. Women like to have their hair pulled. You don't always have to put 'Chicago' on the stereo and pretend you like it.

7. Men assume that women want guys to look and perform like porn stars: They don't?

8. Men assume that if they’re ready for sex, she’s ready for sex: I've never met a guy who assumed that. Actually we assume they never want to look at a penis, well at least mine.

Well there you have it folks. You can now have better sex thanks to MSNBC.

"The male and female sexual systems are different: men get aroused much quicker; women take time." - Tracey, MSNBC contributor.

Insomnia post.

"Guess how much in revenue we did this year," he said. "Just guess."

"I don't know," I replied. "Maybe half a million?"

"Try $1.5 million," he stated proudly. "My company made over $1.5 million in revenue."

That was 7th time he's told me that.

Ron and I used to hang out in high school. We recently connected again after he found me on MySpace. He was a good chap, if not an outcast in high school, but I liked him and we had a good time back in the day destroying our brain cells on booze and spending money we didn't have on girls.

He asked me to meet him at a place called the Golden Steer on Saturday night. I arrived before he did and looked at the establishment. It was a rustic looking place with an old west feel complete with cowboy decor and a wood sidewalk that lined the building.

Oh no they're having karaoke tonight. For the love of all that is holy and good they're having karaoke.

I walk in there and order a beer. The bartender seems to recognize me.

"Don't you usually wear a hat?" she asked.

"No," I replied. "This is my first time here."

She looked dumbfounded and then asked for my I.D. She laughed when she saw my age.

"You do look familiar," said a girl sitting at the bar next to me. "You sure you've never been here?"

"Cross my heart," I said. "I look pretty generic so I get that a lot."

I took my beer and sat in an empty table. In front of me was an old couple. They sang old country songs like Johnny Cash and Merle Haggard. I was actually quite amused by how much of a good time they were having.

Enter Ron and Bernie. I've never met Bernie before, but he seemed like an affable chap. They were already pretty lit and told me this used to be their favorite watering hold. Ron grabbed the song list and browsed while Bernie told me how he loves his kid but hates his wife. Ron let me know that in Bernie's case adultery was acceptable.

This is going to be a long night.

They both asked me if I wanted to sing. I declined stating it was not something I do.

"If you don't fucking sing tonight," Bernie said. "Well then....you're fucked."

I can live with that.

Bernie started showing real class by hitting on most of the women in the place asking them to dance and chatting it up. I sat quitetly for the most part, but I couldn't help but overhear a conversation about the UFC.

Two girls sitting next to me were discussing the fights that I sadly missed. I walked up to them and asked them for an update. They kindly told me about them and I thanked them for their time.

As I sat down at my table I noticed we got a new addition. A girl in her mid-30s who looked surprisingly like an ex-girlfriend was sitting with us while Bernie was working his charm. I let the boys get their attention as I drank my Mac & Jacks.

More singing ensued and it was driving half mad. Some of my favorite songs were being bastardized, but all seemed to enjoy it. Thrashy couples danced, drinks were consumed, and love was in the air for these people.

Ron and Bernie were finally drunk as all hell. Ron proclaimed his love for his fiance numerous times as well as myself. We shook hands periodically as he seemed happy to be there with me which was cool. Both of them started acting up as they bounced in the seat and people started staring at us.

Finally the night was over and Bernie tried to get with the mid-30s chick. Ron went over and they all started talking. Both Bernie and Ron were stumbling and acting pretty obnoxious, but all were enjoying their antics. Both of them left and I approached the girl.

"Sorry for my friends," I said. "They're a little drunk."

"It's okay dude," she said as she grabbed my hand and let out an annoying laugh. She then hugged me while her friend looked at me.

"You gonna take care of them right?" she said.

"Yeah," I said. "They're in good hands."

"Good," she replied. "Cause blah blah blah blah."

I then noticed the girl wasn't releasing me from her hug. I tuned out her friend as I forcabilly peeled myself off of her. I then look for Bernie who'd chatting it up with some older lady.

Ye Gods he's going for the grandma.

Bernie excused himself and went outside with her into her car. I have the bartender call a cab.

Ron and I stood outside for what seemed like forever freezing. Fed up I finally go to her car. Bernie sticks out his head and tells me he'll be there in a minute. I say that's okay, cause I'll be sitting on the front bumper keeping warm. He wasn't amused.

Bernie angrily exited the car and walked towards his own. That was my cue to leave.

I woke up today with a wretched hangover. I had no idea how drunk I was. I slept in and out watching football and now I'm suffering from insomnia.

About a couple of hours ago I got in my truck and drove. Just drove. As I headed down Rainier Ave I saw pushers, pimps, and addicts all hanging out in front of boarded up stores and all night convience stores. Driving by barred up windows and graffit the city felt ugly and dark. I kept on going.

I finally drove up the waterfront on Lake Washington. Got out of the car and sniffed the clean air. Life felt good at that moment with a serenity I needed.

Then a cop approached me and told me I couldn't stand there at that hour. Fuck.

I jumped back into my truck and headed to downtown. The city was all but abandoned with few signs of life of homeless sleeping under awnings and doorways.

I go to a gas station and fill it up. I bought a cup of really bad coffee while the clerk had the radio tuned into "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton.

I drove back home and for the first time this weekend I felt my life was a good one thanks to the friends and family that love me dearly, even when I probably don't deserve it. I walked throught the door and decided to write this post, but broadcasting my weekend like this is a little dishonest as there was a lot more on my mind the past couple of days.

"Those days if you drove cross country and you broke down on the side of the road, and the sign says 200 miles to the next gas station, you knew you were so screwed." - Rob Zombie

Wiwille's movie reviews part 19.

Wow.

Seriously wow.

I've never seen such a film nor probably will I again. What I've just witnessed was a technical marvel, a masterpiece of filmmaking, and the most captivating thing I've seen on screen in maybe my entire life.

No it's not a Chasey Lain film, but I like the way you think.

Baraka is a fascinating experience. With no dialogue the director takes you on a journey through various parts of the world to tell you about life. Spanning the scope of over a couple of dozen countries the film shows sequences of people in various acts, such as worship, work, travel, and even in leisure. There are no actors, just real people in their normal everyday situations. Juxtaposed is images of nature that were shot brilliantly. Every shot is beautiful to breathtaking and a glowing tribute the the diversity of our Earth.

Not to be outdone by the visuals the music is equally as good. From tribal beats to trance the sounds are cut with the action seamlessly. One sequence in particular is out standing where a long shot of people commuting in Tokyo is cut with an African rhythm section.

Writing this is difficult for me as I feel that my limited vocabulary cannot properly illustrate how much I love this film. My only regret is that I haven't seen this on the big screen, where I would probably love it more.

My thanks to Mattbear for submitting this. I would highly recommend this, but I'm hesitant to do so as I doubt this has a broad audience. Aw fuck it. Go watch something good for a change instead of some Dane Cook horse shit.

Well I'm down to one more review left. I'll be doing something different with my next review and I think you'll enjoy it.

Wanna see a film reviewed by Wiwille? Drop me an email or comment and you'll see it soon on Erik's Ramblings. Rules are posted here.

"Nothing in this epic visual poem is less than extraordinary." - Hal Hinson

Peace be with you.

Some dirty hippie decided to make today the International Day of Peace as recognized by the ever so effective body we know as the United Nations. I guess I was supposed to dress in robes, burn incense, and listen to a 'Fish' album, but sadly I forgot what an important worldwide recognized day it is. I mean look around you. All combatants are laying down their weapons and sharing needle point tips with the enemy. It's a glorious day for non-conflict I tell you so after your acupuncture appointment I want you to kick off your sweatshop produced sandals and dance real stupid like to the funky rhythms of eastern music.

This really spoiled my plans to knock out the jackass at the gym who keeps singing Coldplay loudly, but alas I must do unto others today.

"Making peace, I have found, is much harder than making war." - Gerry Adams

Peace Day - September 21

The lessons of history.

Professional pessimist H L Mencken once wrote about the future of the US presidency and how a thoughtless nation would elect someone they truly deserve. In his own words: "...all the odds are on the man who is, intrinsically, the most devious and mediocre — the man who can most easily (and) adeptly disperse the notion that his mind is a virtual vacuum. The presidency tends, year by year, to go to such men. As democracy is perfected, the office represents, more closely, the inner soul of the people. We move toward a lofty ideal. On some great and glorious day, the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron."

This was scribed in 1920. How painful the truth has become. For those who complain about the current administration, myself included, I can only point fingers and tell them it's there fault. You simply didn't do enough to avoid this. You sat and consumed your lead tainted imports while your beloved country was hijacked by incompetence. Well done you.

"A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar." - H. L. Mencken

Bad movies I love part 22.

After this post you may never trust my reviews again, but that's okay. Not everyone can have such refined tastes as yours truly.

Whenever I tell anyone that I'm a fan of Josie and the Pussycats a curious eyebrow will be raised followed by a statement of 'interesting', 'what the fuck', or something of that nature. I'll freely admit I love this film for many reasons mostly because it flat out makes fun of it's target audience of early teens and their addiction to corporate endorsed culture. While some may find this too easy of a target I say bravo to any film that preaches to children the absurdities of GAP shopping and how TRL can rot the mind.

The script is funny and the film's highest point is Rachel Leigh Cook, who looks a lot like an old girlfriend. Yeah she's not the best thespian in the business, but she's worth the price of a rental. Tara Reid was also in it and this is when she was hot. God it seems like so long ago that I actually desired her. What happened to you Tara?

Sorry got carried away there.

While a lot of teen films preach the word of individuality none of them focus on so much on how quickly they'll jump on consumer culture. In fairness to the youngins you adults are worse. Disagree? Remember it is you who've made Perez Hilton's blog a massive success. This is why I hate you.

"While the script's basic outline is lame, it delivers some funny dialogue and pithy music industry observations" - Laura Clifford

Wiwille is the infidel.

Well folks the religion of peace strikes again (That joke will never stop being funny). The holy prophet has been blasphemed again, this time by a Swedish cartoonist who depicted him with the body of a kanine. Instead of embracing parody as paramount to free speech Abu Omar al-Baghdadi, Iraqi al-Qaida in Iraq leader, placed a bounty on his life in the sum of $100,000 plus another $50,000 if he gets 'slaughtered like a lamb'.

Not content to stop there Abu Omar -al Bagdadi (say that out loud without chuckling) offered another $50,000 to anyone who kills the editor in chief of the newspaper that published the offensive cartoon. He then went back to masturbating to 'Wild Kingdom'.

Lars Vilks, the cartoonist, is now in hiding fearing death.

While I try to embrace the idea of multi-culturalism sometimes I find it so friggin hard to do.

In other news it's rumored that Elisha Cuthbert has a sex tape that may be released soon. Oh Elisha why did you have to cheat on me? I mean seriously girl we had great times together and you promised me I was the only one, yet sadly you had to stray and my heart is tearing at the seams. It appears our love was not true and it pains me to end it this way. I'll always remember you even if you decided to make your infidelity public.

Eh...Scarlett was getting jealous anyways.

Like how I went from Islam politics to Elisha? You're welcome.

"I feel like I'm one of the Simpson's'." - Elisha Cuthbert

Muhammed cartoonist forced from home
Elisha Cuthbert sex tape?

Images you never wanted of Wiwille.

Okay I normally don't post about myself engaging in carnal acts, but today will be an exception. If you have no desire to have the image of me in lustful activities I suggest you stop reading now.

Seriously.

I'm not kidding.

Folks I'm gonna stray into 'Not Safe For Work' territory.







Don't say I didn't warn you.

All right. Now that I've scared off my female readers as well as anyone who's ever seen me in person I'll begin with an event so out there that I sit and wonder if it actually happened. You won't believe what I'm about to write, cause sometimes neither do I.

I was 18 taking a girl home on a date. It was our first date, but it went really well. Conversation was good, dinner was excellent, and we danced together for what seemed like forever. On the drive home we were entertaining ourselves by making each other laugh and overall I'd say it was one of the most successful first dates I've ever had. That is until I pulled up in front of her house and things went sideways.

I stop the car and offer to walk her to her door when she decided she wanted me right then and there. Since I lived not to far away I offered to go to my place as she still lived with her parents, but she said no. She quickly stripped down and mounted me in the drivers seat.

Yes folks I was highly taken aback by this. She lived in a cul-de-sac right next to my then boss and my ex-girlfriend's current boyfriend. I was young though and the idea of a girl throwing herself at me like this was a rare occurrence. Still is actually. It's pointless to point out I didn't protest this as she was way out of my league in the looks department.

Things were going well until she all of sudden threw her hands on my chest and pushed herself back a bit. Being that age I wasn't fully aware of the whole 'sweet spot' idea as up until that point I've never been that good in the sack without giving a massive amount of oral. She found hers pretty quickly though as she kept leaning herself back further and further.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

Ye gods she's hitting the friggin horn. It's one in the morning and I've got a naked girl on my lap waking everyone in the neighborhood up.

I try to pull her off the horn and she wasn't having it. This small framed girl suddenly started gaining Hulk like strength. So there we were locked in a struggle to get her off the steering wheel in the middle of the night.

BEEEP..."dear God"....BEEEP...."get off the"....BEEEP..."fucking horn"....BEEEP...."your parents"....BEEEP....."will wake".....BEEEP....."up".....BEEEP.

Yes the horn went off in intervals as every time I pulled her off the wheel she pushed her way back. I tried lifting her off of me, but she had the leverage advantage and wasn't about to budge. Lights in the neighborhood started coming on so I came up with the only solution I could think of. Yep folks I started the car and threw it in reverse.

I had a hell of a time operating that thing in reverse going down a street with a psycho on top of me. To make matters worse she reached up and grabbed the rear view mirror that was glued to the window and ripped it down. Finally after carefully traversing the road at 5 miles per hour she finished.

We sat in silence for what felt like an hour. She climbed back into the passenger seat got dressed and stated she would walk home. I agreed that it was a good idea that I not drive back even though we didn't make it that far down the street.

After she got out of the car I sped out of there, parked my car in a vacant parking lot, and sat there trying to contemplate what just happened for a half hour.

There was no second date.

If you've read this far it would be a good time for you to shower that 'ick' feeling you all have.

"A good deal of sex is quite amusing." - Hedy Lamarr

Wiwille's movie reviews part 18

Sometimes you read a book, listen to a song, or watch a film where the theme speaks to you at the right time. Movies like Fight Club and Before Sunrise were shown to me at a time where I believed the screenwriters were speaking directly to me, if not about. It's surreal when you read Catch-22 and realize that not only are you not alone in your thoughts, but great artists feel the same emotions as us simpleton consumers.

In keeping with the theme of submitting films I've never heard of, which can be a feat considering I am a movie geek, Sam suggested I watch The Road Home, a Chinese film. Taking place in rural Manchurai a man travels home to bury his father, a beloved school teacher in their village. His grieving mother asks her son to follow an old tradition of having the father's body carried from a far off hospital to his home, which is complicated considering the weather and man power needed.

The film then shifts to the early days after the cultural revolution as the son tells the tale of his mother's love for her recently departed husband. Di (the mother) is a young, vibrant 18 year old with nary a cynical thread in her. She meets the new school teacher, a young handsome idealist. Throughout the story Di tries to get the new educator's attention by cooking him meals, walking past the school house while he's instructing, and making many sacrifices to subtly show her longing for him.

They of course finally meet, only to be soon separated when the teacher is sent to the big city for unknown political trouble. Undaunted Di awaits her love in the harsh winter, even risking death to travel to the city for him. Upon hearing the news the teacher sneaks out of the city to see her. They are then separated again for two years with Di anxiously awaiting her love.

This sounds like a very simple movie, but yet taking all of the elements as a whole I haven't seen such a profound love story in years. While the film is not dialogue intensive the acting of it's young heroine is amazing. Every look she gives to her man is honest and beautiful. The scenery in the film is breath taking at times and I loved the music. While most people will find it slow and juvenile I think it's refreshing to see a love story of people not hardened by the sometimes ugliness of this world. There are so many elements of love in this story I don't have the time to list them here. One theme in particular is worth noting; however, and that being patience, a virtue lost amongst my generation. I feel that's why so many people my age fail at love.

Wanna see a film reviewed by Wiwille? Drop me an email or comment and you'll see it soon on Erik's Ramblings. Rules are posted here.

"A beautifully simple romantic fable set in 1958 China in which the lovers are never seen touching, much less kissing -- yet it can move you to tears." - Lou Lumenick

Manliness brought to you by Popular Mechanics.

The magazine that brings you news about interesting gadgets that'll a) never be released or b) you'll never be able to afford seems to be frustrated with the younger generation of men who can't seem to change a tire. They've compiled a list of 25 things all men should be able to do, which is listed below with my commentary of course.

1. Patch a radiator hose - Simple enough. Duck tape works well for this.
2. Protect your computer - If it involved fighting off ninjas whose mission it was to steal said computer, then yes this would be manly.
3. Rescue a boater who as capsized - I think this should apply to pulling crash victims from a flaming car as well.
4. Frame a wall - Only done it once so I doubt this counts in my case.
5. Retouch digital photos - Really is it so manly to click a mouse?
6. Back up a trailer - And without causing thousands of dollars in insurance claims.
7. Build a campfire - I've dated a girl who knew how to build a campfire like the best of them. True story.
8. Fix a dead outlet - Without getting third degree electrical burns?
9. Navigate with a map and compass - Every boy scout has done this.
10. Use a torque wrench - Very simple, yet sadly most don't even know what a torque wrench is.
11. Sharpen a knife - Again pretty simple. Now sharpening an axe, well that's just cool.
12. Perform CPR - Thankfully I've never had to test this.
13. Fillet a fish - Can honestly say this is a skill I've never learned.
14. Maneuver a car out of a skid - Done this so many times it's ridiculous. Yes traffic around here is that bad.
15. Get a car unstuck - Yes this is manly, especially when it's a truck. If you could lift the car with your bare hands then you've gone beyond pleasing the masculine gods to becoming one.
16. Back up data - Again I don't get what's so masculine about computers. I mean seriously what guy calls themselves a man when making a living in front of a PC....oh wait...
17. Paint a room - My mother can paint a room better than you. Seriously.
18. Mix concrete - By hand? Yeah that's pretty tough work.
19. Clean a bolt-action rifle - I think I'll lower the standards a bit here, cause I'd be surprised if most guys I know can handle a gun period, much less clean one.
20. Change oil and filter - This is a given. If you can't change your own oil check your balls at the door.
21. Hook up an HDTV - Not entirely difficult, unless the HDTV is heavy.
22. Bleed brakes - I imagine most guys don't even know what this is or why someone would do it.
23. Paddle a canoe - Bonus for going down rapids.
24. Fix a bike flat - Something that can be done by a 12 year old is hardly that cool.
25. Extend your wireless network - Again with the hi-tech nonsense.

Well there you have it. Popular Mechanics has now defined your masculinity. I should make my own list again sometime. How's it feel to be such a nancy boy?

"Tequila. Straight. There's a real polite drink. You keep drinking until you finally take one more and it just won't go down. Then you know you've reached your limit." - Lee Marvin

25 Skills Every Man Should Know: The List, Ready for Your Debate

Wiwille's movie reviews part 17

Proving her taste in film to be valued amongst your resident movie geek the lovely Miss Ash has submitted Tsotsi, a film I've never heard of. One of only three foreign film submissions Tsotsi takes you to a world most westerners never think of, South Africa.

The title character is an ugly thug of a boy. Raised in the ghettos and the product of a horrific home life, Tsotsi leads a band of equally morally bankrupt teenagers in various crimes including robbery and murder. After car jacking a wealthy woman Tsotsi finds himself with a baby strapped in the back of the vehicle. Instead of dealing with the infant as he usually does with people who bother him Tsotsi takes care of him as best he knows how.

While this may seem like a premise for a really bad comedy starring Tom Arnold, Tsotsi is admittedly a simple plot, but one I found profound at times. Watching this piece I became torn about the title character. At times I wanted to hate him and yet in another scene he garnered my empathy. With source material like this it would've been easy for the director to follow every cinema cliche, but this film rises above your standard Zemekis movie. I dare you not to be touched by it's heart pounding climax. Given it's great performances, good cinematography, and excellent score I highly recommend this. This simple story of redemption is worth your time.

Wanna see a film reviewed by Wiwille? Drop me an email or comment and you'll see it soon on Erik's Ramblings. Rules are posted here.

"It lays a stark narrative that's devoid of sentimentality but stoked with emotional power; without getting maudlin, it will tear you to shreds." - Amy Biancolli

Wiwille digs into the archives: They did it.

As you're all probably aware today marks the sixth anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. Rather than create another rant about the politics of fundamentalism I bring you an old post. Dated a year ago I wrote down the feelings I had that day when the terrorists forever changed our world. I know I'll never forget the attacks, but the thoughts going through my head on 9/11 may slowly fade.

It's actually my favorite post to date. Enjoy:

I seem to be jumping the bandwagon of bloggers who are posting about the fifth anniversary of 9/11, but I figured it would be nice to write down my thoughts if only for myself. The remembrance of that day is slowly going fuzzier with age and I pray I won't forget the feeling that the events brought me.

I was in my normal before work routine of eating breakfast. I flipped on the news and I saw the billowing smoke coming from the World Trade Center. My then girlfriend came out of the room and I looked at her.

"They did it," I proclaimed. "They finally did it."

"Did what?" she asked."Terrorists struck two planes into the World Trade Center. We're under attack."

She didn't say anything. She looked at the television and watched with confusion.

It took me forever to realize why my first words were 'they did it, they finally did it.' I then recalled a conversation back in the late 90s with my friends Corey and Joe. We discussed one of our most loved political subjects and that is Israel. The conversation then went into terrorism and unto Osama Bin Laden. We were unsure at the time if Osama was a real threat, but all of us agreed that soon terrorism would be at our front door steps and it would be larger than the embassy and USS Cole combined.We had no idea just how massive it would become.

The phone range. It was Corey.

"Hey are you watching the news?" he said.

"Yeah," I replied.

"The shit is going down," he observed.

"It sure is," I said. "I'm going to call the folks. They don't have television."

"Tell em I said hi."

"Will do. I'll be online soon. If I hear any more news I'll send it to you."

"Same here."

I called the folks and updated them on what I knew at the time. Mom tried to make some reasonable explanation about why our country was under attack, inciting what she believes is our country's lack of godliness.I was annoyed. Here I was calling her about a terrible situation and she had to go Pat Robertson on me. I could've have asked why Amsterdam gets a free pass, but really I didn't want to argue and just let it go. People all have their way of coping with tragedy and I just as well let her have her's.

I left for work shortly thereafter. I was tuned into the radio when the news announced the first tower collapsed. After I got to work the second tower then plunged to the earth taking numerous lives with them.

I got inside the building and people were talking over each other about what just happened. I sat at my cube and was being bombarded by IMs with news about the Pentagon and Flight 93. My inbox was flooded from friends I haven't heard from in years wondering what my thoughts were on the whole mess.

As one could imagine the phone volume was really dead that day. Then after being at my cube for hours without a call the phone rang. It was a customer who was having trouble with her word processing software. She was angry about her support options and hung up on me. I wasn't all that polite given what was going on and she took the time to call in and bitch about typing a letter.

Since it was so slow my boss let a few of us go home early. I came home and sat on the couch, eyes being glued to the tv. My then girlfriend came home, said nothing, sat on the couch beside me, and rested her head on my shoulder. I threw my arms around her and we sat in silence for what felt like forever watching the terrible tragedy unfold before us.

Five years later I think about this eternal conflict of a fearful empire clashing with civilizations that can't seem to bring themselves out of the 7th century. I could go on about the politics and war that has been brought and my analysis on it, but this day I choose to remember one thing about 9/11 and that being my first words when I comprehended what was going on.

"They did it. They finally did it."

"After 9-11 there was a body of literature from people like Baudrillard and Chomksy who wrote very eloquently about what the hell was going on, but they didn't pitch a solution." - Ben Nicholson

Wiwille turns into responsible adult, pansy.

This weekend turned out to be a whirl wind of sorts as I drove up to my folks to celebrate my Mother's birthday. After grilling a meal for the parents and watching movies Corey called and invited me out with some friends to drink. We sat around an Irish pub and played 'Family Business', a mafia based card game which turned out to be a lot of fun.

Finally last call came about and I said goodbye to Corey, Tracie, Elli, Friend, and Sara. They left and I went to pay my tab. I left without incident and walked a block and saw a guy across the street rip his shirt off and lightly shove a girl.

"Fuck you bitch," he yelled. "The only reason I slep with ya is cause you're easy."

Yeah this is going to go well. The other girl was trying to stay in between them and diffuse the situation. I was across the street minding my own business when one of the girls sees me and yells "kick his ass".

Shirtless nut then turns and looks at me. I stop and lock eyes with him.

"You don't wanna step," he said in very eloquent fashion. "You don't wanna step."

"Fuck you," I said. "Leave the girls alone".

"You don't wanna step," he repeated. "I gotta knife in my back pocket."

Oh fuck me he's got a knife. This is turning into an episode of Cops. Sizing him up I weighed the odds heavily in my favor, but you put a knife into the mix everything changes. I was there alone with nothing to counter a blade with. I can handle myself in a fight, but all bets are off when weapons are concerned especially when you consider I didn't have one. He stayed on his side of the street looking scared. Maybe he didn't have a knife and was just trying to make me think he did. Well it worked.

I backed away calling him a coward for shoving girls and carrying blades and he just stood there and looked at me. As luck would have it I rounded the corner and a cop pulled up. I flagged him down telling him about the shirtless freak and he thanked me. I guess if I did fight the guy I probably be in jail or worse stabbed.

Looking back I really wanted to inflict pain on the abusive pig fucker, but sadly the girl would probably keep sleeping with him and they would have kids and over populate the planet with more wastes of sperm. Hopefully the cop dealt with the situation accordingly and maybe I should let people fight their own battles as I'm clearly not equipped to handle some knife wielding yahoo. I may have made the right decision, but at times I wonder what would've happened if I engaged the worthless piece of white trash. I feel like a pansy.

I'm alive and well thankfully and ready to embrace my new found single life. If I ever resemble that freak will someone please beat me savagely?

"I have a gift for enraging people, but if I ever bore you it will be with a knife." - Louise Brooks

Behold this day and be glad.

After a few weeks of inconsequential games the NFL season officially kicks off tonight. Finally fans of a real major sport will get their fill of bad food, good beer, and a game that displays real athletic diversity. Hard hitting play is back and I for one am glad.

One of the blessed parts of the NFL season is time spent with friends. Whether it's at home watching the game on a HD big screen or going to a local bar and drooling over a hot waitress football brings the camaraderie unlike few other forms of entertainment.

Lets not forget my Fantasy Football team, the Nashville Tax Burdens, who will undoubtedly kick an unreal amount of ass this year. Since they have the smartest, dead sexiest owner in all of fantasy football I have faith they'll do well. After all players don't work hard for their team or their community, but for me.

"You hear about how many fourth quarter comebacks that a guy has and I think it means a guy screwed up in the first three quarters." -Peyton Manning