Thursday Music

"You're not ashamed of Star Wars, but you don't want me to tell your friends about Bon Jovi," she asked?

"No," I replied. "I take no shame in my love for any and all things Star Wars."

She had just invited me to see the infamous butt rock band live. I'd pondered whether I should go or not. Granted I'm no fan of New Jersey's favorite son, but I hear they put on a good live show. I've seen many bands I haven't liked perform an amazing set and vice versa, so what could it hurt?

Her friends and her really wanted to see them and seemed excited about that fact. After she told me the dates and times I realized I couldn't attend, because I'll be out of the country. I was kind of bummed actually. Sure Bon Jovi is like the Dan Brown of music, but again it could have been a good time.

Still I was kind of shocked that I was even invited to this. I thought anyone that knows me would never assume me to like that kind of crap. When I posted about how I was disappointed I couldn't attend this bag of suck on Facebook many were shocked about my critique of their quality. One even called to voice her displeasure about my broadcasting my opinion on the wildly popular band.

"How," she asked? "How...how can you say they suck?"

"Well," I replied. "Exhibit A: 'It's my life, it's now or never. I ain't gonna live forever.' Seriously that is some of the laziest writing I've ever heard."

"But..but Bon Jovi's been around forever and everyone likes them."

"So you think popularity is any indication of quality?"

"Yeah."

"If that were the case, Transformers part 2 should sweep the Oscars."

".......you suck."

"Only on Tuesdays."

There are a lot of bands that I love that are less than talented. And seriously I do kind of like Bon Jovi. I don't freak out when they're on the radio and feel compelled to change the station immediately like I do with KISS. Well some of their songs I do. Whenever I hear 'Living on a Prayer' though I feel the roots of living in a small town come through. Bon Jovi did have mass appeal to the mullet sporting community.

So if I've offended you with my analysis of the Michael Bay of music I'm not sorry at all, but for you fans of the New Jersey album I bring you one of their ballads, cause I'm a giver:



"I always think I'm the Tom Cruise of music - a lot of success and fans, but no critics, darling." - Jon Bon Jovi

Oppugno

I largely ignore the rantings of Glenn Beck, because I mistakenly believed he wasn't taken seriously be anyone. I saw his show on CNN a few years back and laughed at the idea of him having much more of a career, much less a large cultural and/or political impact.

As usual I was wrong.

Since his switch to the Fox News Channel the man has become unleashed in his jackassery and the country, for the most part, finally took notice of the mentally unbalanced talking head. Not content with just committing the sin of speaking before he thinks, something we're all guilty of, he seems to cross the track into crazy town. With mock killings of amphibians, calling our President a racist, and having little to no grasp on history he creates a fantasy for ill informed and mentally deficient conservatives. His career has skyrocketed.

For whatever reason the man decided to compare health care, Obamacare if you will, to the horrific crime Roman Polanski plead guilty to. Believing the taxpayers to be like the victim in the case being assaulted by the Kenyan Muslim (who's middle name is Hussein by the way...Hussein people!) Beck somehow thinks it's an appropriate analogy.

Most talking heads like Beck don't strike me as someone who's honest with their pitch. Their main focus is not to provide reasoned discourse, but to get ratings, and for that I'm hard pressed to believe half of them believe in what they're saying. I wonder about the Mt Vernon native though. I can't tell if it's an act or he's off his nut.



"You know, we all have our inner demons. I, for one - I can't speak for you, but I'm on the verge of moral collapse at any time. It can happen by the end of the show." - Glenn Beck

Lentus

I feel like a real candy ass. The past few months I've seen a musical, been to a symphony, watched a Tyler Perry movie, took my mom and aunt shopping, ordered a girly drink, and starting honing my culinary skills.

I feel I may be in need of a masculine intervention to make up for all the pansy activities I've done. Sure it won't be as extreme as driving an expensive convertible with a supermodel going down on me as I'm eating a steak sandwich while I think about my cage fighting match later that night, but something at least.

If you have ever listened to the Men's Room on a regular basis you are familiar with the The Men's Room Rules. Submitted by listeners and voted upon by the radio talents these are laws that they feel all men should follow in order to retain their masculinity. So today we'll be looking at a particular set (Article 4:You are a man, god damn it, ACT LIKE IT) and see how I measure up.

Section 1: No man should ever speak badly about bacon or sex. Can't say I've done either, well unless it involves a farm in Enumclaw. (Yeah I went there).

Section 2: Never watch the movie "The Notebook" Guilty. I have a crush on Rachel McAdams.

Section 3: No man shall ever be required to buy another man a birthday gift. In fact, even remembering you're buddies birthday is strictly optional. I don't think this has ever been required of me nor have I expected it.

Section 4: If a man borrows another mans tools, he must return them in the same shape that he received them. If the tool is damaged, the borrower is responsible for replacing said tool. A sign of this should be hanging in every garage.

Section 5: Never dress to match your girlfriend or wife. Damnit I've done this. I dated a girl with very particular fashion tastes and sometimes she politely suggested what outfit I wear to a particular outing. Usually that suggestion came with an unspoken consequence, so I went with it. We didn't do anything stupid like wear the exact same shirt or some other nonsense.

Section 6: Two men should never walk down the street under the same umbrella. I don't use an umbrella. I'm good here.

Section 7: Never let a woman order for you in a restaurant. I will gladly continue to break this rule. Females have ordered sushi and other items for me and the results have always been good.

Section 8: No man should ever ride bitch on another man's motorcycle. This almost goes without saying. Never done it, never will.

Section 9: Under no circumstances is any man allowed to send an emoticon ;-) =) :-p etc. to another man. I may have done this. There's one emoticon that's in the shape of a beer mug. I know Tad has sent me numerous emoticons...wait I have done this. Damn.

Section 10: No man shall ever feed or be fed by another man, unless the recipient of said feeding is physically or mentally handicapped, or otherwise restricted in any way that prevents feeding oneself. I can't see why anyone would even think of this.

Section 11: There is no reason for a man to watch men's figure skating or men's gymnastics. EVER. What would Brian Botano do?

Section 12: No man shall have any kind of fuzzy decoration on, or in, his car. I've seen many guys with fuzzy decorations in their vehicle and it never ceases to make me want to light the thing on fire.

Section 13: Unless in the entertainment industry, no man shall wear makeup. Duh.

Section 14: No man should take longer to get ready then his wife/girlfriend. If you do take longer than your girlfriend/wife to get ready, you best be going out in an astronaut suit.

Section 15: Never be a part of a candle party. Candle party? WTH is that?

Section 16: Never share a desert with another man. Joe, Corey, and I would often go to Shari's and order coffee and peanut butter pie and talk politics. I don't regret a single minute of those times.

Section 17: Don't skip, ever. I don't think I've done that as an adult, but given my reputation for doing silly stuff when under the influence it may have happened.

Section 18: Never write in pink. Yeah. Just don't do it.

Section 19: The list of words that no man shall EVER use.

• Subsection A: List
1. Garment. Yep
2. Periwinkle Nope
3. Supple Yep
4. Duvet ?
5. Precious I've had conversations about LOTR, so yeah.
6. Fabulous *Under review for comedic value. For comedy purposes sure.
7. Adore Yep
8. Lavender Yep
9. Mommy Of course.
10. Daddy Who hasn't used this in carnal activity at some point?
11. The term “BFF” I would never refer to my friends that way.
12. To Die for Many times in discussing Scarlett.
13. Bye Bye Said it to kids.
14. Delish Didn't know this existed.
15. Décor Yep.
16. Ciao` (Sounds like “CHOW”) The term “Chow” is allowed when speaking about the food or the dog breed I deal with customers around the world. I have used this on occasion. When in Rome....
17. XOXOXOXO Nope
18. Wee-Wee, Tinkle, or Potty. Do any of these guys have children in their care at some point?
19. Ickey Yeah that word needs to go away.
20. Sniffles Probably.
21. Extravagant Yep.
22. Elegant How else do you describe Grace Kelly?
23. Never refer to a purse as a clutch If you make up names for purses there's something wrong with you.

Section 20: Things no man should have

• Subsection B: List
1. Decorative soap. None.
2. Decorative toilet seat Hahahahaha
3. Anything Cher, Barbra Streisand, or Celine Dion. Poor Tad.
4. A diary. Does a blog count?
5. A collection of chick flicks. I failed this one miserably.
6. Body waxing supplies. That's just wrong. Unless you're an Olympic swimmer you should not wax.
7. A collection past girlfriend’s panties. Good call.

Section 21: Things all men should have

• Subsection A: List
1. Your favorite pizza joint on speed dial On the to-do list.
2. Lighter Everywhere I go.
3. Porn Seriously did this need to be said?
4. Belt With my ever shrinking and growing waist this is a must.
5. Tools. At least a flat head and Phillips head screw driver, as well as a crescent wrench. I can't believe they didn't include a hammer.

Section 22: If you have a son, teach him how to play sports. Except figure skating and gymnastics. You couldn't watch him if you were to obey Section 11. I have no son, or child for that matter, so this can go in the NA column.

Section 23: No man shall blame another for their gas, man up and be proud. Beat chest proudly while at it. Does it count if you blame a woman for your gas?

Section 24: No man shall ever attend or be a part of a "shower" (Baby, wedding, etc) A girl I used to date insisted on the idea of a couple's shower for a wedding. I'm with the men on this one, no guy should be required to attend a shower.

Section 25: When in a group of men, don't expose your junk. Unless you want it kicked.

Section 26: No man to man back rubs. I'm going to have this tattooed across my shoulder blades.

Section 27: Never buy a Volkswagen Cabriolet or Mazda Miata I'm looking at you Alec.

Section 28: If you call another man, have a point. Never call just for small talk. Agreed.

Section 29: One man should never go up to another mans woman and tell her stuff that the other man has done. This penalty deserves the death penalty.

Section 30: Every man should have a S.A.C (Spousal Avoidance Center) A place to drink, smoke, and get away from the woman. The cornerstone of a happy relationship.

Section 31: No man shall take a photo of another man doing something incriminating. I disagree. It could be really really funny.

Section 32: If a man pukes in your car, he is held liable to get your entire car detailed. I'm looking at you Quoc.

Section 33: While eating a banana, never look another men in the eyes. I would never think of this in a thousand years.

Section 34: Never let another man adjust your tie while it is still around your neck. Unless you two are in a fight. It can come in handy for a choke out.

Section 35: NO man shall invite another man over to watch porn. I have one friend who is a connoisseur of all things pornographic, but he's never invited me over specifically to watch it. Although I assume it's on when I do go over.

Section 36: Never buy personal lubricant for any reason while with another man. Not even if it's on sale?

Section 37: No nude sunbathing. Sunbathing alone is just wrong.

Section 38: Never dot an "i" with anything other then a dot. Any man who does otherwise should really turn in their man card. Seriously.

Section 39: No man shall go back on a bet once hands have shaken No woman should either.

Section 40: No bubble baths, unless accompanied by a woman. Not even if it's Star Wars bubble bath? Yeah I guess no guy should do this alone under any circumstances.

Section 41: A man shall not use texts, email, or voicemail to tell off a friend. This must be reminded to many in the Puget Sound as it seems to be the mecca of passive/aggressive mentality.

Section 42: No man shall ever watch a Richard Simmons workout video. I'm still shocked this guy has a career.

Section 44: No man shall ever listen to Fall Out Boy I'll take it as a blessing that I can't name one of their songs.

Section 45: No man shall rub or pat another mans knee. Indeed.

Section 46: If you are the first person through the door, hold it for the people behind you. It shocks me that this has to be said, but it does.

Section 47: Never hit a woman. Sometimes the obvious needs to be stated. Bullshit. If a woman comes at me with a knife, or any deadly weapon for that matter, they can expect to be punched, kicked, thrown, choked, etc until I'm in a reasonable sense of safety. Sorry ladies, but if you don't want to get hit don't enter the arena of combat.

Section 48: No man shall bum more then 3 cigarettes from any other man before getting him back. Again a good call.

Section 49: When offered greens, don't burn more then half of the greens, so the on deck hitter can also enjoy some. Don't smoke it, so I don't have to worry about breaking this.

Well I've broken some on this list so I guess I'll have to make up for it by hunting bear armed only with a Swiss Army knife.

"Faced with the reality that some men do not find these truths to be self evident. We, the men of the men's room, in order to provide guidance, establish order, and insure proper etiquette. Do hereby submit," - The Men's Room

Wiwille's Movie Reviews part 74

Period pieces can be a tough sell if the audience who lived during the film's setting is still alive. Audiences are quick to scrutinize a movie taking place during a time and region they're familiar with. Still when a director pulls it off the results can be amazing. I recall my folks being amazed by the dialogue and look of LA Confidential or my Grandpa Mario telling me how The Grapes of Wrath wasn't just a piece of fiction, but a tale many endured during the Great Depression.

Sometimes we even choose to accept the reality of a film we know deep down is a poor representation of anything resembling authenticity. For example I'll paraphrase the great Tony Horowitz: Nothing has had such an impact on romanticizing the antebellum south than Gone with the Wind, a movie that was shot on a Hollywood back lot. Many have chosen to accept the characterization as accurate even though Tara nor the characters that inhabited it ever existed.

The Man in the Moon is one of those films that transported me to a time and place I'm largely unfamiliar with, but for whatever reason it felt authentic. Taking place in late 50s it tells the story of two southern teenage sisters who are entering that confusing time of growing into woman hood. The younger sister, played brilliantly by Reese Witherspoon, falls for her neighbor. The boy is a few years older and can't take being the object of affection by someone so seemingly naive, especially when he meets her older sister. Drama ensues, tragedy is struck, and both girls come to accept life's hardships and start to put aside childhood fantasies.

Films are fiction as we all know, but when a writer captures the feeling of a time we may hardly remember, or in some cases want to forget, we can't help be entertained. The Man in the Moon seems like a simple coming of age story, but it's one that truly respects it's characters. Rather than showing teenagers as simply shallow and selfish the scripts allows them to be thoughtful, decent, and at their worst confused, which is very refreshing. With strong performances by the already mention Reese Witherspoon in her first role the movie is worth it for the acting alone. What amazed me most about the story is how it arcs almost wildly through emotions, but is never corny or cheap. As I said before the script respects it's players, but the director also shows the same for his audience.

No one actually submitted this for review, but a few bloggers recommended this so I thought what the hell. I haven't written about film in a while. Given the movie's strengths I would recommend it, but it's something I'll never watch again for reasons I won't get into.

Wanna see a film reviewed by Wiwille? Drop me an email or comment and you'll see it soon on Erik's Ramblings. Rules are posted here.

"As the film approached its conclusion without having stepped wrong once, I wondered whether he could do it - whether he could maintain the poetic, bittersweet tone, and avoid the sentimentalism and cheap emotion that could have destroyed this story. Would he maintain the integrity of this material? He would, and he does." - Roger Ebert

Provectus

We walked into the place and immediately saw a live band playing disco. She smirked and looked at me with a face trying to hide her embarrassment.

"We can leave if you want," she said over the loud band. "We don't have to do this."

"Nah," I replied. "Let's say hi to your friends. Besides I have a feeling this will make great blog fodder."

Big Daddy's was packed to the brim with cougars and the men who love them. Botox and discount implants were in order and those that sported such middle class luxuries were eager to show them off. Middle aged ladies were dressed to impress any that would take a gander at some cleavage. It was their time to show off their aging goods, but considering all the attention they were receiving it was working. The men rarely made eye contact and given some of the raver gear that was inappropriately placed it wasn't hard to understand why. The females were strutting around feeling like the sexiest beings ever.

We walked to the table packed with her friends and made introductions. One drunk gal accused me of looking very friendly and inviting. As God as my witness I've never heard that before in my life. I looked at my friend and asked if she wanted a drink. She said she needed something strong.

We sat and made conversation as we people watched. She was scoping out the guys hoping to find someone hot for her friends. As I scoped out the middle aged gents I found their fashions amusing. The older men get they seem to feel the buttons on their shirt are necessary. As I checked out the dance floor I saw a few older men hovering around the edges standing there with drinks in hand subtlety, and not so much, bopping along to the music. They were eyeballing the herd, looking for their opportunity to move in on a lady, welcome or not. This was just like any other club, except for the one old guy in other venues this place had seventeen of them.

I saw a guy with a mullet dancing with a woman that was a decade older than him. She seemed to be happy as they twirled about and made merry. A man in a aqua-teel shirt was sporting the same cut as Michael J Fox did in 'Family Ties' and spent more time on his hair then your average Hollywood diva. Bad goatees were abound, tight jeans were the norm, and horrific dancing was ever present.

"You feel young here?" she asked.

"Young?" I replied. "I feel like Peter fucking Pan right now."

I started messaging everyone I knew who lived in the area telling them about how awesome this place was. No one believed me. For shame.

To all DJs and live bands out there: If you really want to get the older folk on the dance floor just play Lady Marmalade. The females will drag any man, whether they know them or not, out to boogie.

As all good things the night had to come to an end. I walked out of there pondering about what I just observed. Granted I was making fun of 90% of the clientele in the place for being silly, but they wouldn't care if they had access to my thoughts. It was their time to strut about, feel sexy, and just enjoy the moment. I hope when I turn 46 I can have evenings where I can take whomever I'm dating and dance it up with Right Said Fred, not giving a damn about the opinions of others. God bless them all for living the dream.

"Every man has to settle down eventually. You know why you gotta settle down eventually? Because you don't want to be the old guy in the club. You know what I'm talking about. Every club you go into, there's always some old guy. He ain't really old, just a little too old to be in the club." - Chris Rock

Thursday Music

I'm feeling a bit under the weather today which sucks. I'm supposed to go see the Misfits tonight, but that may not happen if I don't get better by the evening. I was looking forward to it to.

Saturday I'm off to the symphony. Yes go ahead and read that again. I'll be attending Carmina Burana by Orff. For those of you unfamiliar it's based loosely on a series of medieval poetry, but supposedly the piece has no real meaning at all. You've probably heard music from it whether you realized it or not.

I'm kind of excited to get dressed up and go see a real symphony this time. I haven't been to one, besides Star Wars in Concert, since I was 19. Ahh...to be 19 again.

So today good readers I bring you O'Fortuna which is arguably the most popular one from Carmina Burana:



"Although Orff had collaborated with the Nazis the music itself commits no sins simply by being and remaining popular. That 'Carmina Burana' has appeared in hundreds of films and television commercials is proof that it contains no diabolical message, indeed that it contains no message whatsoever." - Alex Ross

Plumbeus

For all of our nation's recent tragedies the self appointed guru of our country's moral fabric has the reasons behind each. Regardless if it be a natural disaster or the result of terrorism, domestic and otherwise, Pat Robertson always believes it has something to do with the citizens wavering in their belief of the good book.

Of course he has an explanation behind the Fort Hood killings and that involves claiming Islam is not a religion and more of a political ideology. He goes on to say we should treat it like someone would a fascist party.

What's interesting about this is not only the offense he gives to billions of Muslims who practice the faith in varying ways, just like his brand of religion he chose to accept, is that his own faith can be viewed in the same light. If you've read any of his books, or even listened to him for more than ten minutes on his 700 Club television program, you'd see that his main goal is not just to spread the word of the Holy Bible, but to change the heart of the electorate into voting as he would have them. Granted he doesn't call upon his viewers to take upon acts of violence, but he has on occasion encouraged the practice by his government. Some would say this is un-Christian, but I disagree. Anyone who sees Christ as a unwavering pacifist must have read a different Gospel than myself.

Gandhi once claimed that religion is political and those who disagree don't understand the world's major faiths. I would take that a step further and say for any who can't correlate the two don't comprehend politics as well.

It's certainly easy to understand how one can try and to make sense out of a senseless act. It's seems natural to most and religious leaders like Robertson have made a career of it. We still have a lot to learn about mental illness and the unknown always scares us, but that doesn't stop people, including your author here, from laying blame wherever they see fit. I simply see the shooter as someone who's extremely disturbed as well as a coward. Does that make me presumptuous?

Robertson has blamed hurricanes on our foreign policy, even though they've been happening in the south well before the United States was even an idea, but I'm sure he has an answer for that too. I guess the Native Americans were at fault for not saying grace before each meal even though the lord's word never hit the shores. Heathens.

It's the tyranny of an oligarchy that I'm concerned about. - Pat Robertson

Pat Robertson on Ft. Hood: Islam is ‘not a religion’ and Muslims should be treated like ‘some fascist group.’

Prodigo

I have a weird question for the folks in blogger land. How well do you have to know a person before you poop in their home?

I've asked people about this in a very unscientific manner and the answers varied as one would normally expect. Some felt it's a normal bodily function and will sit on the throne where ever and when ever. Others felt that their poopie stink shouldn't be shared with the masses and were only comfortable at home or around folk they know very well.

Now I normally don't care about doing such an activity at any and all times, but there are moments where I'm concerned. See I could be sitting in someone's place, say a person I don't know very well or they're smoking hot, and let out an gargantuan bowel movement that's equally as smelly that results in clogging the toilet so bad an industrial sized plunger won't fix the problem and the apartment management team would have to come in with a pipe snake to allow a proper flush which embarrasses the occupant of said dwelling not mention the reliever of said contents.

Run on sentences. It's what I do.

Not that the above has ever happened before. Nope never. Moving on.

That all being said no one should feel ashamed about using the facilities at my place. Enjoy the reading material. Plungers and cleaning material is handy.

"At least he's not the one who plugged up your toilet." - Jason to Eli