Dec 31, 2007

Happy New Year!

2007 came and went without and before we knew it I'm suddenly a year older, hairier, but still the coolest guy you know. The world has shifted as well as my personal life, but tonight all thoughts of accomplishements and failures are tossed aside in favor of strong drink and celebration. Yes folks I will be getting drunk tonight and it will be glorious.

The beginning of the new year is bitter sweet as the gym will be packed with folks who will break their calorie counting resolution by February. Annoying this people can be with their slow workouts and constant resting on equipment, but I guess a few them will stick with it. At least they did sign up and make an effort.

So many people wish to change themselves for the better this time of year and I am no different. I resolve to break out in Neil Diamond songs at inappropriate times just to make everyones' day a little more surreal. Wiwille: sharing the love since 1975.

Happy New Year from Erik's Ramblings!

"I don't set trends. I just find out what they are and exploit them." - Dick Clark

Dec 30, 2007

Overrated films part 23

I haven't written about film in a long time so I felt overdue. Going with the overrated category can be a chore as most of them seem pretty obvious (Titanic, Shakespeare in Love). That being said since everyone feels that their taste in movies is superior to anyone else I feel I should take a stab at a Western everybody worships.

No it is not 'High Noon' or 'Unforgiven', but 'Tombstone' became a massive hit and it's not hard to see why. Witty dialogue, great characters, and a brilliant performance by Val Kilmer ensured this film reached out to fans not only of Westerns, but people who enjoy action comedies as well. The gunfights, for the most part, are well staged and exciting. The supporting cast is fun to watch, especially the hot Dana Delaney.

The film, like many on my overrated list, is incredibly flawed though. Kurt Russel may be reliable as he normally is, but it's difficult to imagine him as famed gunfighter Wyatt Earp. That's not largely his fault as his dialogue was hardly authentic post Civil War tongue, but still he does well with what he's given. While some of the scenes are witty some are unintentionally funny at the same time.

The biggest problem I have with this movie is how it takes such as sharp dive after the gunfight at the OK Corral. With a first half that provides decent character development and exciting gun play the film reduces itself to ridiculous montage sequences of action so hokey you can't help but roll your eyes. One shot in particular intrigues me as it's just Kurt Russel shooting into the camera looking straight into the lens. It is as silly as it sounds. Plot lines are all over the board and characters seem to come and go with nary an impression left. It tries hard to be a Leone western at times, but it can't seem to commit enough to bring that sense of spaghetti feel.

While there are high points of this film and I do enjoy it it almost ranks up there with 'Full Metal Jacket' as half the film is far superior to the other. Still it's worth seeing, but not as great as the public holds it to be.

"It has problems — a LOT of problems — but as bubblegum westerns go, there's also a lot to like." - Rob Vaux

Dec 27, 2007


In sad news Benazir Bhutto, former PM and Pakistan's opposition leader, was assassinated today after a waste of sperm opened fire on her and later blew himself up. President Pervez Musharraf has placed his troops on high alert fearing further bloodshed as the country's anger is fueled by this act of terrorism.

Bhutto was seeking a third term as PM in the upcoming January elections after spending eight years in self imposed exile. Noted as the first woman elected to such a high office in a Muslim state, proponents praised her as symbol of progress. Critics bashed her for issues ranging from her gender to her imposing self importance, but still Bhutto...oh you still don't give a damn do you? Okay fine. Stop reading and go back to your regularly scheduled news of pop teen pregnancy. Oh and bite ass.

"Right now, they feel they have lost their voice, and their miseries have increased since my departure." - Benazir Bhutto

Pakistan's Bhutto assassinated

Dec 26, 2007

Tis the season.

Christmas is over and the American debt is larger then ever. As we turn our attention to the presidential races I've decided there's not a single candidate I would feel comfortable voting for. Nope. Out of the whole pack I'm disgusted by the lack of experience, integrity, or like ability any of them have.

Thompson plays well in his simpleton philosophy and down home one liners that I'm sure he's well trained in given his acting experience, but that's all he's got going for him. Hillary is just Hillary and I doubt I need to say more. Romney seems to have a great career so far and is likely the most qualified, but still lacks any real charm. Giuliani keeps hammering the point home that he was at ground zero during 9-11, but that's all his campaign has for the people. Obama has charisma, but again he's a lightweight when it comes to a voting record and as far as I know has never been an executive. Edward's can't seem to get any momentum, but he's probably who the Democrats will go with in the end.

All I wanted for Christmas was a likeable candidate, but sadly Santa didn't comply. Crystal did give me possibly the funniest gift indeed, which was an email filled with pictures of Scarlett. A friend who provides images of the lovely Johannson is a friend indeed.

"The challenges of change are always hard. It is important that we begin to unpack those challenges that confront this nation and realize that we each have a role that requires us to change and become more responsible for shaping our own future." - Hillary Clinton

Dec 24, 2007

Merry Christmas!

Everyone seems to celebrate this holiday for a variety of reasons. Some celebrate time with loved ones, others celebrate the birth of their savior or various other deities, and others love the idea of taking advantage of human greed. Whatever reason you decided to observe these next couple days other than just time off work do be grateful for the blessed lives you lead no matter how hard your existence may seem.

The staff at Erik's Ramblings wish each and every one of you a safe and Merry Christmas. If you're offended by the wishes of a good Christmas you can bite my ass.

"We consider Christmas as the encounter, the great encounter, the historical encounter, the decisive encounter, between God and mankind. He who has faith knows this truly; let him rejoice." - Pope Paul VI

Dec 23, 2007

Thy manager is an awesome manager.

As a child it was taught to me that Christ preached not only amongst the wealthy and sophisticated, but the impoverished as well. His sermons were not meant just for academia, but he tried to reach those who lived a life a debauchery. It wasn't uncommon for him to express his devotion for drunkards and prostitutes and I believe that's what makes him appealing to many.

I was in a liquor store the other day purchasing a bottle of Grey Goose for Andrea, who invited me over to have a Christmas meal with her, her boyfriend, and her family. I walked in there looking for her favorite brand of vodka found it underneath the store's speakers. Loud music came across the sound system and I ignored it at first, but then the lyrics caught me.

"Our God is an awesome God he reigns".

Wait. I know that song.

"There's thunder in his footsteps...."

Hold on a second. I'm hearing Jesus music in a liquor store?

It took me aback at first, but then I likened the manager of the establishment to my father, who would do something like that thinking he's clever. Or my cousin, who believes he speaks with God personally, who would stand outside a strip club or casino and read the good book. I guess what better place to preach the word then surrounded by spirits (pun intended). It's sort of like walking into a Christian book store and hearing Slayer while you browse.

No one in the crowded store seemed offended by the Christian music. Maybe their minds were somewhere else, or maybe they found it funny. I admit I thought it was humorous, but upon further reflection on this last Sabbath Day before the remembrance of the birth of the savior I believe the person behind said music was being convicted and not just trying to be a comedian. Saving souls one fifth at a time is the manager's motto and bless him for it. A small act like that softened my cynical heart a bit.

"I think if the church did what they were supposed to do we wouldn't have anyone sleeping on the streets." - Michael W. Smith

Dec 21, 2007

Wiwille is not a tough guy.

Hello dear readers. Today we're doing something different on Erik's Ramblings. No you won't read another movie review or learn more about my unhealthy obsession with Scarlett. That's right folks for today I bring you a video of myself. Yes Wiwille in the flesh showing you my reaction to the infamous '2 girls 1 cup' video. Be sure to up the volume on your speakers as the mic on my webcam is not the best.

I hope you all enjoy: (sorry about my face)

"People want their 15 minutes and are willing to do anything to get it." - Joe Rogan

Dec 19, 2007

Christmas tag.

Well WIGSF tagged me with an original meme. I'm not big on memes, but what my readers want they get.

1. What do you really want for Christmas but you know nobody will get it for you?

Scarlett (Oh come on. Did you really expect any other answer?)

2. What do you not want for Christmas but you know that somebody will get it for you?

Bill O'Reilly-esque book from dear old Nixon loving Grandma.

3. When do you open your gifts (Christmas eve or Christmas morning)?

Neither. I'll be celebrating it later that week.

4. Do you prefer gifts wrapped or in gift bags

In stockings hung by the chimney with care. (I said 'hung')

5. Did you regift anything this year?

I can't think of anyone who would want a book by Sean Hannity.

6. What’s your favourite Christmas movie

Christmas Vacation. It should be your favorite too.

7. What’s your favourite Christmas TV special

The Grinch. My least favorite is still 'The Star Wars Holiday Special'. (Yes it does exist).

8. Do you like egg nog?

It's been so long since I've had it I don't remember if I like it or not.

9. Real tree or fake tree, which do you prefer?

I like my trees like my women. Real.

10. Would you actually use one of those fireplace DVDs if you don’t have a fireplace?

I didn't even know they existed. Why get a DVD when that channel is playing it 24x7?

11. Are you sick of Christmas music yet?

One can never get enough of Wham's 'Last Christmas'.

12. Are you getting up early to wait in line to do some Boxing Day shopping (Canada’s equivalent to Black Friday)

Since I won't be in Canada I'd say that would be a no.

13. When was the last time you sat on Santa’s lap?

1984 I think. Way to make someone feel old there.

"I made about 28 movies, and I think about five of them were good." - Chevy Chase

Dec 18, 2007


In news that is interesting to no one outside the Seattle area the Crocodile Cafe, an infamous staple of the area's music scene, has closed it's doors abruptly. After it's opening in the early 90s many kids dressed in flannels enjoyed the venue to see various bands before the 'grunge' explosion. Many acts that are now household names got their start in that small club and as the place became more famous other bands frequented it as a good touring stop.

It wasn't just the music that made it a good place to hang as they served decent bar food and provided an atmosphere that was fun. I saw many a band play there ranging from Filter, Goodness, Snow Patrol, and She Wants Revenge, but the last show I saw was my friend's band Super Deluxe. That's a decent way to have my last memory of the club.

The club was historic for it's lineups such as Nirvana and Pearl Jam and sadly those days are no more. Even if it has died physically it'll stay in my mind as the venue where I could see a great show and eat a tasty club sandwich.

"It's one of the landmarks of music in this city ... that place is Seattle music." - John Richards

Crocodile Cafe abruptly closes its doors
Super Deluxe

Dec 15, 2007

Wiwille is not a good drinker.

"How do you know Erik's drunk? He smiles."

An old girlfriend came up with that joke, but it's only funny to people that know me personally. Yeah a smiler I am not and I'm not sure why.

Much grinning ensued last night though. Mattbear threw his annual holiday bash and a fun one it was. I drank to my heart's content including his infamous white hot chocolate. Good food was served and the guests made it an enjoyable evening.

We had a white elephant gift exchange. After much hassling I came away with a bling mouse. Yes it was a rhinestone encrusted mouse. Seriously. After much comments about how comfortable I am with my sexuality I made it known that I am the awesomeness by obtaining the mouse.

Well I drank quite a bit and was feeling no pain. After a few people insisted I not drive home I decided that operating a motor vehicle was not a good idea. I stayed there for the night on there couch. I awoke every now and then when someones kid came in decided to watch 'Cars'. Every now and then the child grabbed my foot and laughed. It was then I realized it was 8:30a and I should probably go home and go to bed.

Driving hung over is worse than driving drunk. This I swear. I was going down Rainier Ave when I started to feel my stomach turn. I sat and tried to reason with my gut, but it was having none of it.

I felt the acids start to shoot up my esophagus. I grasped my hand over my mouth and the contents of my stomach started spewing out between my fingers. I pull over to the side of the road and open the car door to empty the rest of my intestines. I sat up and noticed a guy standing in front of his house watching me get sick. He just stood and stared at me leaving a pile of vomit in the street in front of his house. I wiped my mouth and drove away with what little dignity I had left.

I got home and realized I left the mouse at Matt's. That sucks.

"One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness; a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs." - Josh Billings

Dec 13, 2007

Yes Santa that's what I want.

As this blog grows older I find my brain running out of content to broadcast online. Nothing particularly strange has happened to me at the gym as of late, nor can I really say any more about my disgust with the current administration.

Still there are some things that are worth sharing. Good people like Jeff have made it known to me that Kristen Bell has been photographed wearing the Princess Leia gold bikini costume that was once made famous by Carrie Fisher.

Yes that's Kristen Bell in the gold bikini. You're welcome.

So if anyone has any last minute gift ideas for Wiwille a gift wrapped hottie in this costume will suffice. Sure it's not something as clever as a scarf or anything, but it'll do. It would be a bonus if that someone was Mattbear.

"Leia follows me like a vague smell." - Carrie Fisher

Dec 12, 2007

If only her boss was so honest.

Dana Perino, political hottie and White House Press Secretary, expressed her knowledge about our nation's recent history on NPR's 'Wait, Wait… Don’t Tell Me', a show that's less clever than the producers would have you believe.

For those of you unfamiliar with NPR this particular show has various politicians and bureaucrats on to answer questions about recent headlines. Yes it's like a game show, but without the fun of whammies. I'd listen to the show more myself, but they haven't responded to my feedback regarding finger amputation and/or forced viewing of Hee Haw in case someone gets a wrong answer.

Dana was on the show recently and discussed how she missed a few days during history class. She relayed a story about when a reporter asked her about the Cuban Missile Crisis the lovely Press Secretary had no idea what was. She then went on to explain how when she asked her husband if this was the same incident as the Bay of Pigs he expressed disappointment.

Ladies and gentleman I give you the White House Press Secretary, obviously hired for her tremendous intellectual skills. She can't even recall one of the most important events in history, the conflict that almost ended the human friggin race.

Well at least she has a sense of humor about it and her boss would probably smirk and say something like "I don't recallize that".

"He has said that an arbitrary timetable in which we send a save-the-date card to the Iraqis is unacceptable to him......I stole that from Don Stewart." - Dana Perino

Dec 10, 2007

My season is over.

After squeaking into the playoffs I played the first round in a lackluster if not out right damn ridiculous game. Coaches were starting and benching my fantasy football players which lead to a rousing defeat for the Nashville Tax Burdens. I'd like to personally thank each and every NFL coach that was responsible for my loss and by thank them I mean shove my foot in their ass while explaining how I engaged in a fun filled evening of sodomy with their mistresses.

It was an interesting season plagued with injuries, but really I can't complain too much considering how well I did. There's still much to look forward to in the NFL season such as playoffs, waiting to see if New England does indeed go undefeated, and of course Super Bowl.

Oh I almost forgot cheerleaders. I must be getting old.

"I firmly believe that any man's finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is that moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle - victorious." - Vince Lombardi

Dec 7, 2007

Wiwille is a loser

Lady luck is not with me. No it is not.

My roommate decided to have a poker game tonight and against my better judgement I decided to join. I put down forty dollars and received my chips ready to see how the night would go.

He decided against playing the traditional game of hold em and stated it would be a dealer's choice night. We played a few rounds of various card games where people were lining up flushes, straights, and other variants of hands that completely annihilated me. After an hours worth of play I finally got my highest hand, triple eights.

Yes that was the best hand I could come up with. Getting tired of just folding all evening I decided to play it not giving a damn if I get cleaned out or not. I was so bored at that point it didn't matter. Sure enough I lost to a full house, to my roommate, the guy I pay rent to. Sigh.

I walked away and thanked everyone for another fun filled evening. Yes folks that was forty bucks well spent.

That was about the 37th straight night of me losing my ass in the first hour or so of cards. A gambler I am not. Considering my luck at the game you would be amazed that I haven't been hit by a bus or kidnapped by Sandinista rebels and thrown into a pit of wild horny bears. Seriously folks if I get crushed by a satellite that somehow missed it's orbit and came crashing back down to Earth don't be surprised.

Luck has much to do with everything. It can dictate how you work, love, or whether you live or die. Sure we can try and put the odds in our favor, but at times we fall victim to circumstances beyond our control. I guess I should consider myself fortunate that my real misfortune is with a card game and I haven't been the victim of a violent crime or been in a fight with Mattbear or Big Ben.

"Luck is everything... My good luck in life was to be a really frightened person. I'm fortunate to be a coward, to have a low threshold of fear, because a hero couldn't make a good suspense film." - Alfred Hitchcock

Dec 5, 2007

A great day in history.

The lessons of history are often ignored by generations to follow. The realities of war, political process, and social norms often repeat themselves as you very well know.

There was a dark time in our history when liquor was banned due to mad people believing that a reasonable adult could not make an educated decision to consume a product that's existed for hundreds if not thousands of years. Overwhelming zealotry went masquerading as parenting and as a result the so called moral brigade raised their spears high attacking what they felt was necessary to bring more laws to protect Americans from themselves.

As a result prohibition came into place and the United States became a good idealized utopia. Crime ended, families stopped being dysfunctional, and children had whiter teeth. People suddenly listened to their elected leaders and decided any notion of consuming alcohol was a bad idea.

Of course the opposite is true. After a huge wave of mob violence swept urban America for years taxpayers were fed up with such high and mighty nonsense. On this day back in 1933 an Amendment to the Constitution was passed repealing Prohibition and there was much rejoice. Remember the lessons my friends as many of our civil liberties are under fire in the name of safety.

"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer." - Frank Zappa

Dec 4, 2007

A good Kris Kringle I am not

Last year I exchanged Christmas gifts with my friend which caused a most embarrassing incident for her. It's hard to purchase something for someone who has everything so I decided to get her what I felt any woman wants, a sex themed package. Complete with lube, vibrator, and various other adult oriented items she seemed perplexed by the gift. Apparently her fiance wasn't sure how to feel about it either.

We all had a good laugh at it though and I hoped they would enjoy the thought behind it. After all I do wish good sex for all during the holidays.

Things went awry when my friends mom found the vibrator. The explanation of finding such a device focused on me. I've never met her parents, but I hear her dad is interested in shaking my hand soon.

My friend and I discussed meeting her folks over the holidays as her father requested. From what I gather from her the patriarch is rather skilled at hand to hand combat. She asked me what I would say if he asks "so you're the one that gave my daughter a vibrator?"

All I can think of is "well it is the gift that keeps on giving."

If anyone wants to get me something this Christmas I would appreciate a nice urn.

"How do you survive Christmas? You drink a lot. And drink a lot, right. Drink a lot and drink a lot." - Christina Applegate

Dec 3, 2007

Don't feed the beast.

Wonkette has a regular submission where they search Youtube trying to locate Ron Paul supporters babbling into their web cams. Well this one struck me as particularly odd even for people as rabid as Paul fans.

Ron Paul has become the new savior for the Republican party and it's understandable why. His candor is refreshing as well as his libertarian stances on states rights and most social issues. Many in the party cling to him as a glimmer of hope in what they feel may be a change to a more sane and reasoned federal government.

As most 'mavericks' of presidential politics Paul has little chance of winning, but that has not slowed the grassroot support he's garnered. Problem is a lot of them are out of their friggin minds. So many of them ramble nonsense in their support for Paul that someone with a more sane intellect feels almost scared to be in that camp. With the advent of the internet it's difficult for a politician to weed out their nutty supporters.

Now there's this lady who's not above using prophesy from Revelations as an analogy for the Paul movement. Yes she refers to the federal government as the beast, something she states numerous times, then implores the viewers to help Paul tame it. In a brilliant display of eloquence her buggy eyes and voice characterizations, particularly that of the beast, is telling of one who may have grown up a Ritalin child. Now I'm no expert in mental health, but my professional opinion is to diagnose this person as 'completely bat shit'.

"When one gets in bed with government, one must expect the diseases it spreads." - Ron Paul

Dec 2, 2007

Let it snow.

Man I love snow. Glorious snow. If I were God we wouldn't see grass between November and March.

I'm getting ahead of myself.

I went to visit the folks to help them install a wood stove. Nothing became of it as they argued whether to have it done professionally or not. Sigh.

Rawbean, author of Rawbean's Rants, invited me up for an evening promising me bad pizza. Bad pizza has been a long standing joke between us as I recalled on of our her posts many incidents in Vancouver where I came stumbling out of a club after drinking myself into a near coma and enjoying a slice of greasy pizza at an all night establishment. She related to such activities and we made a suedo promise to recreate such events together.

I really need to stop with these run on sentences.

We first dined at a trendy place filled with art ranging from fascinating to downright hideous. Our meal consisted of great food, drinks, and blaring techno. The conversation was good though as we raised our voices above the atmosphere noise. More drinking and talking ensued at an Irish pub with stories of yesteryear and how we were probably the oldest folk in the place. Finally our quest to consume cheap bad pizza came to be as we strolled down the cold sidewalks and entered one of the many small eateries. Both of us ordered a slice of spinach pizza and you know it wasn't half bad.

It was a fun evening and Rawbean was a wonderful hostess even going so far as providing Big League Chew and good cookies. I need to meet more of these blogger folks listed on the 'Blogs by people I've never met' list.

As we walked by the clubs and watched the denizens of folks in line waiting in the cold my mind was bombarded with memories of once being them. I used to stand there with my friends waiting to spend money we didn't have to drink, dance, and flirt with girls who wanted nothing to do with us. Ahh sweet visions of youth.

Snow appeared yesterday and how I was excited. The crisp air, the beauty of the blanket of white covering the concrete jungle, and the soothing embrace of quiet was apparent. I was visiting my folks when I stepped outside to walk around and hear the crunching of new fallen flakes being packed beneath my feet. My stomping was short lived though as I realized I wanted to share this experience with a certain someone. I made my way back into my parent's house and warmed myself up with coffee and pie, but as my belly became full my heart felt empty.

The snow is melting revealing the dirty earth of mud and pavement which is usually depressing, but right now it reveals a hope I haven't felt in a while. Underneath all the superficial lining of what we try and consume to make ourselves happy there's something underneath that's strong and real. I feel something bursting out of my soul reaching to be free, something I haven't felt in too long.

"Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough." - Earl Wilson