Oct 31, 2007

Happy Halloween

I wake up today and put on my Barney Rubble costume. Considering the costume that I purchased is made out of material so thin and small that even Paris Hilton wouldn't be seen in it I donned some shorts and a shirt underneath it. After looking at myself in the mirror I realize that I look friggin ridiculous.

I walk outside in the 30 degree weather and wonder why I didn't dress as an Eskimo this year. Yes it's that cold here in Seattle. Of course my luck I would need to pump some gas.

I pull into the gas station and was standing outside wearing my silly costume and freezing my manhood off. To what to my wandering eyes appear, but the self proclaimed 'Baddest Nigga in Sea-town'.

Yes our pan handling friend was strolling by at that very moment that I decided I needed to fill my tank with petrol. It could only happen to me. BNST stops and looks at me.

"Hey buddy," he said. "You gots a dolla?"

He obviously did not recognize his 'cracka ass' nemesis. I said no, but this time he took it better instead lowering the value of his request to 50 cents. I still said no again and he just walked away.

Well that wasn't too weird. I hope I don't catch a cold from this.

Have a fun and safe Halloween!

“Sometimes it was hard to tell where my dad's personality left off and his characters began. He was a method actor and taught me that I had to become the character in order to effectively do the voice.” - Mel Blanc

Oct 29, 2007

Wiwille lacks television

Yesterday I come home from work and start my dinner ritual. My roommate, the Jiggaman, pipes up.

Jiggaman: Dude we're getting Direct TV today.
Me: Yes you've told me. Many times in fact.
Jiggaman: Dude I'm so excited. We get over 100 HD channels.
Me: Yep.
Jiggaman: They better get here soon. I'm really excited.
Me: Yeah.

He went on about the glory of HD television and the NFL package. I asked if we could get Pay-Per-View UFC, but he wasn't aware of that not being a fight fan himself. The Jiggaman could not contain his excitement for wondrous television designed to sell him more products that he doesn't need. Yes he's the man advertisers dream about.

Jiggaman: I'm having some people over for the Indy/New England game this weekend. We're going to have football on every screen.
Me: Sounds like fun will be had by all.
Jiggaman: Man I wish they'd come over already. Been waiting all day.

He actually took the day off for this. His growing anticipation for Direct TV was culminating into almost orgasmic levels for him. He's very proud of his electronics, his home, and any and all entertainment that makes him the life of the party. Soon the Direct TV man would appear and the Jiggaman will sit back and enjoy the sloth activity of flicking between channels.

I went downstairs to pack my gym bag for the dojo. I walked out to find the Jiggaman and the Direct TV guy staring up at our roof. My roommate was shaking his head in disgust.

Jiggaman: They don't have a big enough ladder.
Me: That sucks.
Jiggaman: They may not get someone out till next week.
Me: Sucks even more.

The Direct TV installer was on the phone trying to work out the situation. Him and the Jiggaman were all the while staring at the roof for reasons unbeknownst to me. I then looked up at the roof and decided yes it is a tall place. One of our neighbors walked up and looked a the top of the roof. All three sets of eyes were gazing upwards what seemed like some hope that the townhouse would shrink.

The Jiggaman was highly upset by the idea of going without a television for a week. I tried to give him a solution to the idea of people coming over on Sunday for football, but he kept responding with a 'that's not gonna work for me'. Yeah it's that critical. A bar nor someone else's pad will do. They must convene at our house for no other is worthy.

I walked away to let them stare at the roof. I don't miss television as I've lived without it for many years, but I'm curious how the Jiggaman will take it. If you don't see a post from me for a while you can safely bet violent withdrawals did ensue.

Update: I just realized I won't be able to watch "It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown" tonight. Oh the humanity. I could just rent it, but that wouldn't be the same.

"Whoever tries to get you to watch television is the enemy." - Henry Rollins

Oct 28, 2007

Wiwille's movie reviews part 23.

Maybe it's my age, but sometimes I forget how melodramatic high school can be. I do remember sometimes how hard everyone took any little moment of drama and extreme over reaction was not uncommon. It's was a strange time for many as just a few years earlier we were accusing other kids of putting ants in our pants and making us do the boogie dance.

'Brick' takes an unusual turn with films that focus on teens. Brendan plays a clever teenager investigating the disappearance of his ex-girlfriend. While it seems he may have more balls then sense he is a clever lad as he strong arms his way into the high school crime world. Armed with nothing more than wit and courage his adventures into the seedy underworld of juvenile crime are humorous at best, disgusting at worst.

While this may sound stupid to some this film is really a noir picture believe it or not. It has all the elements of an old detective story. Eccentric characters, odd yet exciting camera work, and engaging dialogue made it a delight for me. That's not to say it doesn't have flaws. The plot can be hard to follow at times if you're not glued to the screen at all times and some of the acting can be hit and miss. Fans of film noir will enjoy this, but others may at least find it seemingly original if they can escape all notions of realism.

Wanna see a film reviewed by Wiwille? Drop me an email or comment and you'll see it soon on Erik's Ramblings. Rules are posted here.

"A spoof would have been easy. Instead, Johnson plunges off the deep end, risking ridicule by shaping this spellbinder with grit and gravitas." - Peter Travers

Oct 25, 2007

We are idiots.

Ahh 2006. Seems like so long ago. The Democrats got control back from Congress and voters got a sense of accomplishment. The general public wanted, nay demanded, change from the administration and were tired of page fucking old men signing worthless bills into law at the behest of our idiot in chief. With the Democratic overhaul in Washington there was smell of victory in the air and people were enthralled with the idea of the shackles being placed on the White House.

Yeah that turned out real well for ya didn't it? Way to elect Pelosi as our leader. Done a bang up job so far.

Chris Matthews stated that the number one topic of the next presidential election would be gender. I find that depressing that instead of candidates discussing foreign and fiscal policy is getting less attention than whether someone has a penis or not. To compound my frustration we're so enthralled by holy underwear wearing New Englanders and cross dressing mayors that voters aren't likely to demand our presidential hopefuls answer tough questions with clear, sound answers. They might as well drop trou and prove they're circumcised, well sans one actually.

Vote in '08, cause genitalia really matters.

Some of the candidates have surprised me with how well their campaigns going, especially Hillary's. Then again Americans are more interested in jumping on the bandwagon of the next big thing then demanding we have a strong, intelligent leader.

Excuse me while I go cry.

"You show people what you're willing to fight for when you fight your friends." - Hillary Clinton

Oct 24, 2007

Wiwille's movie reviews part 22.

I never thought anyone would submit Casablanca for a review as I assumed everyone has seen it. Well I was wrong. Yes sometimes that does happen.

If it weren't for a young filmmaker making a Mario Puzo novel into a film I would stand with Jeff and proudly state that Casablanca is my favorite film of all time. That's saying a lot considering I've seen many movies. I have way too much times on my hands and not enough boobs.

I thought it would be pointless to provide a plot synopsis, but since some of you haven't seen it I guess a rehash of the story is in order. Set in WWII after the fall of France to the Germans, Casablanca tells the tale of war refugees fleeing to the occupied French territory in hopes to find a way off the continent and maybe to America if they're lucky.

Rick is a cynical night club owner who seems rather indifferent to the plight of people trying to find government approved visas. Bitter and somewhat lonely, Rick runs a classy joint that provides mild comfort to those in need of trying to entertain themselves in a world gone mad with war.

In walks the source of Rick's bitterness, Ilsa. A former flame from Paris Ilsa finds herself in Casablanca and unknowingly locates the man she once scorned. To Rick's surprise Ilsa is married to a leader of a resistance movement against the Nazis. Ilsa's husband Victor recently fled imprisonment in a concentration camp to continue his work in anti-German propaganda and ideally find letters of transit that will allow him and his wife to escape to America.

Well obviously a love triangle is established as Rick is struggling to bury his romantic nature under his cynical armor. As he is in possession of the letters of transit, illegally by the way, Rick's duality is split between his love for Ilsa and his desire for a better world than one dominated by fascism.

I won't go anymore into the plot as you should just get off your ass and rent this if you haven't seen it already. There are few films that truly stand the test of time. While we've seen technical brilliance in the form of Citizen Kane and The Seventh Seal, Casablanca has it all. The characters, even the supporting ones, are all compelling. The lighting is masterfully done. The humor works and the acting is some of the best you'll see this side of A Streetcar Named Desire. Really it's just that good. I've seen this film over a couple of dozen times at least and it never ceases to entertain me. The simple values espoused by the film is something we all can benefit and learn from. Love, sacrifice, true patriotism, and the fight against tyranny may be romantic ideals that only exist in fiction, but they're virtues worth emulating and fighting for.

Goddamn it Miss Ash! Seriously you mean to tell me after all your years of existence in a country which provides you multiple avenues of media that you haven't once sat down and watched Casablanca? No guy has ever tried to show that movie to you in the hopes that you'd be so swoon by the story that the removal of clothing would ensue? Not that I've never tried that. Nope. Never....moving on.

You better go watch it now or I'll pay WIGSF to stand at your door and give you lectures about why he thinks women are secretly plotting an Illuminati like take over of the world.

Wanna see a film reviewed by Wiwille? Drop me an email or comment and you'll see it soon on Erik's Ramblings. Rules are posted here.

"One of those rare films where every shot and every quotable line of dialogue counts, there’s not a dead patch in Casablanca." - Matt Mueller

Oct 23, 2007

Wiwille has been tagged.

Well I've been tagged by WIGSF so here goes:

Each blogger must post these rules first
Each blogger must start eight random facts/habits about themselves
Bloggers tagged need to write about their eight things
At the end of your blog, choose eight people to get tagged & list their names

1. I believe you are less of a person if you don't enjoy Fight Club, The Godfather, and Casablanca.
2. I actually had an adrenaline surge lifting a large tree off my cousin when I was 13. None of the adults could lift the tree afterwards. Sort of like those stories you hear about mothers lifting cars off their children.
3. I recently watched an episode of 'The Bachelor' and I really felt sorry for the girls. I'm not sure why.
4. I believe freedom is dangerous and I wouldn't have it any other way. I despise those who would forsake it for security, yet oddly enough I do understand that mentality.
5. I think my blog sucks.
6. I actually enjoy many romantic movies and I'm not a pansy. Weird.
7. I miss brewing beer. I wish I had a place where I could reasonably set up a brew kit.
8. As God as my witness I will never wear a kilt. I don't care how much the ladies may like em it's not gonna happen.

Well I won't tag anyone. If you want to state random facts about yourself be my guest.

"I get called an adrenaline junkie every other minute, and I'm just fine with that." - Steve Irwin

Oct 22, 2007

Wiwille's movie reviews part 21.

Always one to be proud of his taste in the mildly obscure, Mattbear has kindly submitted 'Heist', a film by David Mamet which I have never heard of. Starring Gene Hackman, the film tells the tale of a crew of thieves assigned to an airport robbery and follows them in their trials and cons.

While this is indeed a simple story the acting is far and above better than it should be for the most part. Gene Hackman is always reliable even in some of his worst films. What really made the movie for me is the clever script. The details of the heist is a bit of a stretch, but still enjoyable. The dialogue is engaging as well as funny.

No it's not a great film, but as crime genre pictures go this one is definitely worth your time.

Well I've come to the last of the movie review submissions. Hopefully this has been as fun for you to read as it has been a treat for me to write.

Wanna see a film reviewed by Wiwille? Drop me an email or comment and you'll see it soon on Erik's Ramblings. Rules are posted here.

"If it piles on more psychological fake-outs than is safe in a setup this size -- well, at least it's got that talk, that language, that thing Mamet does that is at this point as identifiable as the cadences of the Bard." - Lisa Schwarzbaum

Oct 20, 2007

Wiwille goes shopping

I got out of the gym this morning and realized I have nothing to do today. No one wants to watch the UFC tonight with me so I figured I need a time killer. Then I saw a guy pull up next to me on a motorcycle. It hit me.

I called Andrew and asked him to go motorcycle shopping with me, but sadly he had plans with the wife. He gave me a few tips on models I should be looking at, cause I'm thinking about keeping the cost low, but still I decided to first venture to the Bellevue Harley dealer.

Yes I couldn't resist. I walked in their and almost had an orgasm looking at the beautiful machines laid out before me.

I met a salesman named Bart who was patient with me and understood I'm really an idiot when it comes to these things. He let me pick his brain while I absorbed the information. He let me sit on the bikes and try out what I like. I'm torn between three motorcycles, a Fat Boy and two Sportsters.

God I want a Harley.

I'm glad I didn't take a girl with me, cause not to sound gay, but Bart was a good looking guy. Really tall and handsome he admitted that he sold more bikes to women than guys. I looked like a troll standing next to him. I'm sure if I had a ladyfriend with me she would insist I buy something from him right then and there. Bart was a great guy though and was a good enough salesman to know I was there looking to buy and not just drool over the motorcycles.

I decided to get my license first before I buy so I can take a test drive. I'll be taking a class in the coming months to insure I do so.

I then made my way to a huge motorcycle store. They sold all the imports, mostly crotch rockets. Still I found much cheaper bikes that surprisingly look like Harleys, but they just weren't the same. I could save myself a few thousand in the initial purchase, but I've wanted a Harley for years. Plus the depreciation value is much better with a domestic bike.

The store was a little overwhelming as they were blaring butt rock including Skid Row and Winger. It was so bad the salesman had to talk really loud to me. There were bikes there that I could've afforded today, but I decided not to buy the first day I look.

Damn I want a Harley. Seriously I want one. Sitting on the Fatboy, closing my eyes, dreaming of the open road with nothing to separate the environment from myself sans some leather. Yes I want a Harley. It's taking all my strength to not head back to Eastside Harley with my checkbook.

I decided since Andrew took the name Scarlett for his crotch rocket...errr 'sports cruiser'....I'm naming mine Alyssa. It's only fair really. I've wanted Miss Milano and a Harley since I was 12 so it makes sense.

"You don't buy a Harley with your mind, you buy it with your heart and your balls." - Robert Patrick

Oct 19, 2007

Adventures without power.

Yesterday the Seattle area was hit with a wind storm. I skipped the gym and drove home to find my place without power. No big deal I thought. I text messaged my boss informing him about the lack of electricity to help with some contingency planning in case the storm moved towards the office. He replied back and called me Jeff Renner, local weatherman.

My boss is such a card.

Without power I decided it would be a good time to read a book. I fell asleep reading and awoke in total darkness. I grabbed my flashlight and made my way upstairs to find some candles, but the power then came back on. Great now I can cook.

I started making some chicken when the power went out again. Crap. I realized I have no snacks or anything that doesn't require a stove or microwave and without any idea how long the outage may be I decided to trek somewhere that may have electricity so I can eat. First I got to see about some candles.

My roommate had apparently used them all as he's a big fan of fire scented goodness. This is the same guy that takes bubble baths and owns two cats.

As I walked to my vehicle with my flashlight a neighbor poked his head out the door.

Neighbor: You gots yourselves a flashlight don't cha?
Me: Ehh...sure do.
Neighbor: The power it sure is out.
Me: Yes indeed.
Neighbor: I gots me a flashligh too.
Me: Well...that's great.
Neighbor: Yeah, youz be careful out there young man.
Me: Thanks.

This would be the start of a rather surreal evening.

As I make my way down the road I noticed all of Seattle has power, cept my neighborhood. Beacon Hill, downtown, and everywhere up and down Rainier Ave had electricity. Just my luck I guess.

I drive to the grocery store to get some non-perishable foods, candles, and batteries. I go to the area where candles are stored to find them all sold out. An employee walks by.

Employee: You looking for candles?
Me: Yep.
Employee: Well we're all sold out of them.
Me: I see.
Employee: Actually we do have some up near the Halloween section.
Me: Thanks.

I go to their seasonal aisle and amongst candy and other Halloween decor I find some stupid looking ghost candles. Ehh, it's only for tonight so I pick up a few. One ghost candle with the word 'boo' written on it, another one shaped like a pumpkin, and another with a ghost peering round a box all went into my basket.

A little girl tugs on my coat.

Little girl: I'm gonna be Ariel for Halloween.
Me: Right on.
Little girl: What are you gonna be?
Me: Barney Rubble.
Little girl: You can't be Barney Rubble.
Me: Why not?
Little girl: Cause...you can't.
Me: Okay then.
Little girl: I'm gonna be Ariel.
Me: So I've heard.
Little girl: ....Are you going trick or treating?
Me: Probably not.
Little girl: My mommy's taking me trick or treating.
Me: That's cool.....hey where is your mommy?
Little girl: I dunno.

Ye gods!

Me: Do you wanna go for a walk to the front of the store?
Little girl: Yeah.

She took me by the hand and walked with me all the while telling me how Nate is not a nice boy at school. He threw bark dust at her. I told her Nate just likes her. She argued with me about the kindness of Nate.

Since I live in a neighborhood that requires a cop to be stationed at a grocery store I decided to take her to the officer. Her mom was there standing next to him when she turned and looked at me. She screamed "that's mine" and ran towards us and hugged the child.

After the mom briefly scolded the child about never leaving her sight again she thanked me for taking the kid up there. I said it was no problem and turned to walk away when suddenly the kid threw her arms round my leg.

Little girl: Will you be my mommy's prince?
Me: uhhh.....maybe for next Halloween.

After a look of sheer horror the mother then smiled and apologized for her daughter. I laughed. She was a cute kid.

After my supply shopping was done I made my way home. I pull up to the curb and notice something strange. The power returned. Sweet. Now what the hell am I to do with these stupid candles?

"Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared." - Buddha

Oct 18, 2007

You will be missed?

Senator Brownback has dropped out of the presidential race citing lack of campaign funds, but not admitting that the general voting populace thinks he's bat-shit crazy. Although none of you care about this story I will kind of miss following him. Intelligent design advocates always crack me up with their inane sense of logic, but Brownback is a special breed of political nut job. While having more sanity than 9-11 'truth movement' supporter Cynthia McKinney (and that's saying very little) the Kansas senator was none to shy about promoting controversy over such social issues such as abortion, the death penalty, and gun control.

What's funny about the Republicans is that they don't give a clear message about foreign policy, nor do the Democrats really. Seriously listen to an answer from any one of the current crop of candidates about how to end the war in Iraq. They all give almost the same answer that goes along the lines of "we need to get the troops out, but few will remain to protect the Iraqi people and American interests."

Funny cause that's what the President has been endorsing for the last few months.

Well goodbye Senator Brownback. I kind of liked the personality you brought to the debates whether I agreed with you or not.

"Today, as we look back on the history of our nation and take note of how far we have come as a people, we are reminded that we owe a great debt to those who fought valiantly for the freedoms that we easily take for granted." - Sam Brownback

Oct 17, 2007

It's time to celebrate folks.

Unbeknownst to me this week is National Orgasm week. Yes folks it's time to honor sexual stimuli and I hope you do it well. I'm doing my part by making women all over wet themselves at the simple sight of my Brad Pittesque good looks.

Well I guess I've been slacking in my ignorance so I have to make up for my lack of...err...release the last couple of days. Actually does it count if you don't have a partner? It does? Sweet then I'm all good. The best part of quality time alone is I know there's no faking it. Not that that's ever happened to me. Nope no sir.

I wish this would come more than once a year. (Zing!)

I don't think my boss would appreciate me decorating my cubicle for this. Okay I'll stop now.

"I heard that chivalry was dead, but I think it's just got a bad flue." - Meg Ryan

Ohhh-verhaul your sex life

Oct 16, 2007


You ever read someone's blog who posts the entire lyrics to some pansy white boy rock song with the title 'This is what I'm feeling right now?" Sometimes I feel like being lazy doing that myself.

Seriously and I hate myself for even thinking that.

After a decent workout on Friday I came home and ate dinner and found myself extremely bored. I put on a coat and decided to take a short walk. It was a beautiful late afternoon in Seattle. The sky was clear and the leaves are turning colors. Yes autumn is my favorite season. I strolled down a nearby park under the brightly colored trees enjoying natures slow descent into rebirth.

I walked down the tunnel leading to I-90. I looked at the murals displayed on the walls, mostly kid stuff, but there was a tribute to the first general worker strike. Cyclists rode past me huffing and puffing as they were commuting from work. I wonder if they ever noticed the time and effort put into making this tunnel appealing or even if they cared.

I finally made it out of the tunnel and sat beneath the trees. I soaked in the view of Lake Washington with Bellevue and the Cascade mountains in the distance.

"Hey," a girl in her early twenties holding a digital SLR said trying to get my attention. "Can I take your picture?"

"Uhh," I slurred. "Sure...why not?"

She snapped a few photos of me as I looked out into the horizon. She was obviously new to the idea of photography, but I could tell she had some talent. I remember being like that once and it seems eons ago.

I told her I used to be a photographer and she picked my brain about equipment and composition. We looked over the shots she took on the camera and I gave her some pointers about angles and why she should get a reflector. She then took some more shots and each one got better.

She said something to me that I haven't forgotten. As I was helping her do a scenic shot she looked at me and stated how lucky we are to live in one of the most beautiful places in the world. I couldn't argue. I watched the cars fight each other for lane domination on the freeway and thought to myself how ungrateful I can be traversing my commute every day, cursing the vehicle in front of me for simply existing, and not taking in the great scenery this area has to offer.

After a while spent mentoring the girl she thanked me for being her model and said goodbye. I kind of wish I would've given her my email address and got some of those photos for myself, but then again maybe the art of her learning the process was best left with her.

"Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic." - Dan Rather

Oct 15, 2007

You so have my vote.

It's election season and I for one am enjoying the creativity amongst the candidates. Catchy slogans, bad music, and less than clever one liners regarding critical issues are thrown abound with almost reckless abandon.

People running for city council are known for bearing a cross no matter how ridiculous the issue may be. It's difficult for them to catch the electorates' attention during a presidential race so sometimes their issues may seem small compared to a war. Still great lengths are taken to ensure voters chose the right candidate at the polls.

Jose ''Pepe'' Caragol, 76, has decided to use a campaign slogan that I think all can get behind. Not one to avoid controversy he uses the phrase 'If you like oral sex, vote Caragol for council.'

Of course this has set off a firestorm of protests, but I for one am all for Caragol's fight against sodomy laws in the area. I mean really is taxes, public services, and education more important than good oral? Yes you say? You my friend need to re-organize your priorities.

"People want to give it a negative interpretation, but anyone who knows me and my way of being knows that I didn't mean for the comment to degrade or offend anyone." - Jose ''Pepe'' Caragol

Candidate forced to defend crude slogan

Oct 11, 2007

Wiwille's movie reviews part 20.

Sacrifice. A word heard often in Communist propaganda. Sacrifice for the people, the state, and the homeland. The greater good must be served and all must pay homage to the good of the people's republic.

'The Lives of Others' takes a harsh look at the German Democratic Republic, or East Germany if you will, during the mid-eighties. Stifled by it's own oppression the state looks to find a writer worthy of the revolution, but a writer who's words do not contradict the ideals of the GDR.

Georg Dreyman is a successful playwright and a golden boy for the communist party, but as most artists he is viewed with suspicion and even disdain for the actress he loves. A minister in the party has an eye Georg's lover and plays upon her vulnerabilities to keep sleeping with her. Tired of being the other man the bureaucrat sets the love triangle in full swing arranging for Dreyman to be closely monitored for counter revolutionary activities.

In steps Gerd Wiesler, a party interrogator for the State Security. Cold and unfeeling he's a party loyalist and tackles his work with an almost clinical nature. He has Georg's apartment bugged and round the clock listens to the activities going on. In his voyeurism he is surprisingly touched by the idealism of the playwright and is brought to tears while overhearing Georg play Beethoven in an ode to a fallen director.

The wheels of drama are set in motion as Wiesler empathizes with the playwrite and his girlfriend and provides incorrect reports of their affiliation with anti-communist activists. Even though jail or worse may be upon him he sacrifices all for them, people he will never meet.

Dark and sometimes harrowing the film juxtaposes itself being a daring political thriller and a love story as well. This is no ordinary tale of boy meets girl however. To me this story is about the true meaning of sacrifice, not for selfish love nor even loved ones, but for good people that we may run across but never meet. By shifting the idealism from party loyalty to a lover of an ideal the movie paces itself brilliantly and sets a dreary setting with corrupt Communist Germany as the backdrop.

Sacrifice for the greater good, for those we may never encounter, but who may need our help the most. This may be the strongest love I know.

Many thanks to Rawbean for submitting this as you may already be aware I highly recommend it.

"A potent narrative about the transformative effect of involvement in other people's stories, Lives turns its own story into a python-tight embrace of nuanced tension and emotional connection." - Kenneth Turan


So I'm feeling better and back at work. For the last couple of days I've been watching the news regarding Super Tuesday and the recent slayings, one a cop, the other a 14 year old boy. Sadly the news is disturbing not just because of the incidents, but of how mass killings have almost become small stories. It's so rampant it hardly makes headlines anymore. Sad really that this tragedies like this will soon be bumped off the headlines altogether if the violence keeps up.

What's really bizarre is that every media outlet reporting on the teenager claims the boy suffered from mental issues. Yeah, thanks for reporting that. Us dumbass viewers couldn't have figured that out.

What's really critical is the story that Reese Witherspoon's divorce is final. Since I have a thing for southern girls I believe it's now Wiwille's chance to show her what a real man is. Yep Reese if you're reading this, and I know you are, give me a call, but please don't tell Scarlett.

"I cook a lot, almost every night." - Reese Witherspoon

Witherspoon, Phillippe divorce final

Oct 9, 2007

Wiwille feels like a bag of ass.

So folks I have a cold and it sucks. I left work early yesterday and called in sick today. Hopefully my coworkers have avoided Wiwille germs, but I guess I'll find out soon enough.

I've spent most of the day sleeping, watching movies, drinking orange juice, and feeling like hell. Let this be a lesson to you. Never have an outdoor wedding in the northwest in October. Your guests will thank you for it.

I've been so bored I've entertained myself playing Zoo Tycoon 2.

"The sick - like lepers - were often reviled because people believed that they had brought their torments upon themselves." - Peter Lewis Allen

Oct 8, 2007

Karaoke wedding.

I roll into Longview early morning and pull into a gas station. I walk into the place and find an ex-girlfriend working the register and Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again" blaring over the store's speakers. Ahh it's good to be back.

Longview is a working class town where for many mullets never went out of style and Bon Jovi is the aesthetic equivalent of Bach. It's strange to me to think I grew up in a place where I never fit in, yet I had friends who surprisingly put up with me. I had a wedding to attend that day and making the 2 1/2 hour drive would be worth it.

After I checked into the hotel I made my way to Commerce street to have lunch at the Country Folks Deli. To my surprise the street was closed to traffic as they had some Autumn festival going on. I walked past the booths selling soap, art, and other odds and ends to find there was a car show going on in the street.

To give you a better idea of how important car shows are to the residents of the town it's really the cultural highlight of the year. I mean old men and their hot rods are serious business. Cars were lined up, polished to the hilt, and proudly displayed by their geriatric owners. Nervous wives hovered over the cars making sure kids didn't put their hands on the precious item.

Some old gent with an Impala tried to make conversation with me about his rig. I smiled and said I was going to get some lunch. He didn't care obviously as he kept telling the story about his vehicle. I just walked on.

I killed some time in my ghetto hotel, which stank of cigarettes and death, watching Tim Russert before the wedding. I finally change into my suit and head to Lake Sacajawea to an outdoor wedding...in Washington...in October. Yes the wind was blowing as we sat under a tent, but thankfully it didn't rain. The ceremony was short and sweet and before I caught hypothermia we made our way to the ballroom of the Monticello Hotel.

The bride and groom are big fans of butt rock, so they had each and every table decorated with a band from the 80s. I sat at the Guns and Roses table, but apparently no one else was a fan and I found myself sitting by my lonesome. The groom made me sit at the Def Leppard table with some of his employees and their dates and I'm glad I did.

After funny chit chat with the people there a girl announced she went to Catholic school. I told her I did the same, but she added she was kicked out after a couple of months. After telling her my stories of being in trouble for kid stuff she told the tale of what made the Christians boot her out of the school. Apparently this girl was caught by the priest having sex with another girl on top of the altar in the church.

Wow. I've heard a lot of good Catholic school stories, but that is hands down the coolest ever. It also helped that the girl was kind of hot too. She stated that the priest just walked in and said "holy mother of god" and walked out. She also confessed that she was fine with knowing that some priest out there was spending a lot of quality time alone to her.

The reception went on with the usual formalities of throwing the bouquet and cutting of the cake, but then the real kicker came up. Ron, the groom, hired a karaoke guy to bring fine entertainment to the reception. Yes they had karaoke. I flagged down the waitress and asked her to keep the drinks coming. She complied.

After hearing Ron 'Jovi' sang the ever Longview crowd pleasing tune of 'Living on a Prayer" I realized I had consumed about enough alcohol that would normally kill a horse. Songs were being butchered, people were dancing to awful renditions of 'Love Shack', and the more I experienced the more I drank.

People kept asking me to sing. Finally in my inebriated state I thought fuck it. If I had to be subjected to this nonsense I might as well dish out the pain. Yes my judgement is poor when my brain is lubricated with 14 martinis. So I opened the book and looked up a song. Wow they had it. Cool.

I walked up to the karaoke DJ and handed him the slip. He looked at me and smiled. He announced to everyone that I was to sing. I grabbed the mic and told the crowd that this song was not for anyone with a sensitive constitution. The first chord chimed in and I belted out the lyrics to "The Ballad of Chasey Lain."

Yes the old Bloodhound Gang's ode to a porn star was being sung by a drunken Wiwille at a wedding reception. The under 30 crowd was singing along enjoying the dirty lyrics and sense of fun. Wiwille had his moment to shine and shine I did.

How'd the over 30 crowd feel about the music I subjected them to? Well they didn't exactly warm up to me afterwards.

Ron and Amy did make a happy couple and I've never seen them smile so much. Given the karaoke and cold weather I was happy to attend their wedding, cause sometimes I need days like those to make me believe in love again.

"In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage." - Robert Anderson

Oct 5, 2007

Overrated films part 22.

A few years back a friend of mine highly recommended the film "What the Bleep do we Know?" to me. I asked him what it was about and he stood there silent for a while, then told me it's a documentary with a blend of quantum mechanics and spiritual consciousness.

Sounded kind of interesting, if not far fetched, but I never rushed out to view it as it seemed like some new age nonsense trying to pass itself off as true science.

To my surprise my roommate has it in his collection so a few days ago I sat down to watch the sleeper hit. Part documentary and part fiction the film jumps back and forth between the story of Amanda, a deaf photographer with a load of personal issues including hyper anxiety, to scientists and scholars explaining there theories on quantum physics, religion, reality perception, cell structure, etc.

While the movie is unique in it's technique of documenting it's hypothesis and seems compelling at times I found most of it's ideas as a bit of a stretch. I'm no expert in any of the fields the learned academics purport to be, but I still couldn't make the connection between the idea that quantum mechanics can accurately explain in detail why someone should feel spiritually connected to any and all of life's creatures especially when considered how our reality can be somehow controlled by our own positive thinking. I get that perception is reality, but that won't make me believe that by thinking optimistically will make me even more sexy than I already am nor will it make my encounters at the gym any less bizarre.

By the end of the movie I found it to be nothing more than suedo science. It's the same kind of thinking Dr Hugh Ross and his followers push upon the public. Plus the film uses JZ Night a lot as an expert on the topic who's no more an academic in any field other than blatant fraud. The film in my most humble opinion can be dangerous as well as it implies to it's viewers to abandon methods of traditional medicine in regards to mental disorders such as addictions, which is just insane.

For more information about the freak that is Miss Night, read Mattbear's little diddy on BOSTC, which was the inspiration for this post.

Many of my friends love this film and stand by the theories in it, even though all will admit they did no other research on the topics and/or the film outside of viewing it. Upon the film's DVD release it became a massive hit and a sequel has been produced. Still I enjoyed the film and it's art, but to regard it as a mind blowing experience with information that should be taken as gospel is naive at best. I recommend you see it, but take the values shown in this film with a grain of salt and by all means listen to other points of view on the matter.

"Quantum Bull-Bleep would be a more apt title for the conclusions that the movie draws." - Jack Matthews

Oct 3, 2007

Gym conversations.

Another day, another gym incident.

As I've written previously, numerous times in fact, my gym is stock full of high maintenance soccer moms, eccentric old rich men, preppy teens, and various other yuppies who have odd sense of social norms. These are the spoiled types, the ones who yell at service workers with a proud sense of entitlement.

Yesterday I encountered a girl who left me baffled.

I was on the elliptical trainer watching my favorite game show when I felt a tap on my arm. I take off my headphones and look to my right and see a uber hot girl trying to get my attention. She was wearing a tight sports bra that showed about 100 yards of cleavage and skimpy tight shorts that left little to the imagination. Oh and she was a brunette with green eyes. Wiwille like.

"Can you believe that?" she said.

"Uhh...what?" I replied.

"That guy," she said. "He was trying to hit on me."

"Oh," I said. "Well I was watching this show and didn't notice. What did he say?"

"He asked if he could work out with me," she said. "When I said no he just kept talking about how I must use the stair master a lot."

"Must be an ass man," I stated.


"Never mind."

"Well he just kept talking," she carried on not realizing I could give a damn less. "He finally asked me out. I laughed at him and he got mad and called me fat."


"Yeah," she confirmed. "I just laughed at him."

"Did you tell him he has a small looking jimmy?"

"No," she said as she giggled. "I'll be sure to use that next time."

"Well whenever women tell me that I leave them alone."

She went silent for a bit.

"I've seen you before," she said. "You don't hit on women here."

"It's a gym not a bar," I said. "Plus look at me. I haven't shaved in a few days and I'm wearing old workout pants and a t-shirt that I've owned since 1997. I'm here to workout."

"I get hit on all the time," she declared somewhat proudly, but all the while trying to display a sense of annoyance. I wasn't buying it.

"Then why do you wear that?"

She went silent for a while again.

"Well.....it's comfortable," she said sheepishly.

"Really?" I said feigning shock. "I'll have to pick myself up a pair then."

"I'd like to see you in that."

"Well I am pondering ideas for a Halloween costume this year."

She laughed a bit and gave me a look that screamed 'you're kind of a freak'. I shrugged, put on my headphones, and went back to my workout.

Yeah the girl wanted attention and she got it, but she seemed a little dismayed as I ended the conversation abruptly. She doesn't seem used to guys brushing her off. Serves her right for interrupting my viewing of Cash Cab.

"I would never go to a gym. How could I do it? So I tried to do it in my house and it doesn't work." - Warren Cuccurullo

Oct 2, 2007

Wiwille is indecisive.

Halloween is my favoritest holiday ever. You get candy and girls love to dress up to bring out their inner whore. Seriously what more could you ask for from a Hallmark holiday?

So this year I've decided I'm going to dress up for Halloween after having not done so for a couple of years. I'm having a difficult time coming up with costume ideas so I thought I'd solicit the thoughts of my friends in bloggerland.

So far I've come up with the following costume ideas:

1. The Kool-Aid guy.
2. Capn Crunch.
3. Barney Rubble.
4. Scary Zorro mask man.
5. White trash.
6. Mattbear.
7. Storm Shadow from GI Joe (currently leaning towards this one.)
8. Karl Rove.
9. David from 'The Lost Boys'.
10. Cooter.
11. The Lone Ranger.

I need to narrow this list down something fierce. Whatever I pick will end up on this blog so tell me what would you like to see on Erik's Ramblings? Besides me?

"On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me." - Rodney Dangerfield