Sep 30, 2011

Nursery rhymes.

The wife and I decided we would give a listen to nursery rhymes last night, preparing ourselves for things to come. I now don't understand how parents stay sane after listening to them over and over again.

Now I do like music, but hearing it accompanied by xylophones and nasally vocals makes me want to kick field goals with kittens. I think this is the reason parents become stupid.

Yes if you're a parent you're dumb. It's not your fault. The lack of sleep, proper diet, and being exposed to children's songs and television shows depletes brain cells and before you know it you're voting for Michelle Bachmann.

"Don't try to make children grow up to be like you, or they may do it." - Russell Baker

Sep 28, 2011

IM conversation with my friend.

My best friend has interesting tastes in women. When I say interesting I don't mean he dates women who look like carnival freaks. They're pretty ladies with traits most men would find attractive, but they usually have strong personalities, which is a good thing. I think the IM conversation we had today explains it all:

Him: I'm going to come out and say it....I would totally do Nancy Grace!
Me: this comes as no surprise
Him: well...actually she would be doing me...because I'm pretty sure she would be the one wearing the pants in that relationship
Me: I'd be afraid that her jaw would be double jointed and she would eat me afterwards
Him: a risk I am willing to take my friend..
Me: so this begs the question, would you play Chicago while doing Nancy Grace or would you play NWA just for the irony?
Him: I really think it would be whatever she wanted to play...and I just picture her kicking the crap out of me while we are doing it...
Me: I think she'd win in a fight between her and I
Him: indeed...and I find that strangely attractive.
Me: manly women who can kick my ass?
this is interesting
Him: not so much your ass...just kick ass in general.
Me: I think Gina Carano would be your dream girl then
she's hot and fights MMA
she probably won't be hot long
Him: I don't know who that is...I will google her
Oh yeah...I would marry her in a second!
she is smoking hot
Me: she really is
Him: thank you for sharing this info with me my friend...I now have a new dream girl....yes I do.
Me: you're welcome

He then found a trailer for a film starring Miss Carano, called "Haywire", which looks like a Bourne film for females. I have to agree with him that girls who kick ass are kind of hot, but I draw the line at the shrew that is Nancy Grace.

“I don’t understand why everyone focuses on my looks. There are a lot of beautiful women out there. It’s just kind of thrown me off my feet with the attention that I’ve gotten. Now, I’m getting more organized and I’m taking a break from all the hype and everything so I can be more true to myself. I’m trying to do my best with the opportunities I’ve been given and I think I’m really maturing. It will be nothing but better from here on out.” - Gina Carano

Sep 26, 2011

Her nose...

Friday the wife and I went in for yet another ultrasound. This time we got a 3D scan, which showed us how Kenadie actually looks. Instead of looking like Skeletor we saw the baby's features, and by God if I didn't see some of me in her. She seemed to have my nose. That may just be the result of the scan, but I don't care. This is my child floating about in my wife's womb.

I had to leave the appointment as soon as it was done. As I exited I saw a man in the waiting room holding his infant in his lap. His face beamed as he was attempting to make the baby smile. He looked up at me and gave me a proud grin. I smiled back and I guess he knew I was envious.

The reality of being a father grows with each day. Soon I'll be exhausted while caring for a human being that can't possibly do anything on their own. How the hell the human race survived infancy is anyone's guess.

"Babies have big heads and big eyes, and tiny little bodies with tiny little arms and legs. So did the aliens at Roswell! I rest my case." - William Shatner

Sep 22, 2011

The armed forces are fabulous.

A historic day was upon us this week as the Pentagon finally laid waste to the half assed "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy, allowing gay service men and women to serve openly. It was obvious when this compromise was first served that it was only a matter of time before gays would have the right to honor their country while not having to keep their sexuality a secret.

I had mixed emotions about arguing for gays openly serving in the military as I've never served, but no one could present me with a good argument that keeping them in the closet or having them dishonorably discharged was a good idea. In fact the same points opponents would make against homosexuals in the military were almost the exact same ones bigots would argue decades ago when African-Americans wanted the same opportunities as Caucasian soldiers. It seemed ridiculous to me to think that some one's sexuality would hinder their ability to make a good warrior.

It's difficult to make the comparison in the civil rights struggle with black and gays as race is something people can't hide, unless you're C Thomas Howell. Still I wonder if it'll take another couple of decades or so until homosexuals will have the right to marry, or in some states, even have sex legally.

I often wonder how my children will look back at this period in civil rights history. It will probably seem ridiculous to them.

"If you had told me 28 years ago that the largest organization in the world touching the lives of gays and lesbians would be a church, I would not have believed you." -Troy Perry

Sep 21, 2011


Palestinian authorities are now fed up with peace talks with Israel and have now appealed directly to the UN in the hopes they'll finally get statehood recognition. This has to pain Obama to some degree. Granted the President has set a goal of seeing a two state solution come to fruition, but he always wanted Israel and the Palestinians to come to an agreement on borders and security themselves. Instead the UN will vote on how the land is distributed, which the US will likely veto.

If the US does veto the proposition, Obama angers the Arab speaking world and further isolates our country from those who wish to see this come to pass. If the US doesn't then Obama inflames Congress and his chances of re-election will grow even more narrow. Even if the vote comes before the General Assembly the US will likely vote against it anyways.

There's no winning politically for Obama in this situation. He knows that whatever happens in the UN that Israel and Palestine will be no closer to peace. There's no chance of them coming to an agreement anytime soon. We could see the spark of another large scale war between the parties, which will result in much of the same.

But Facebook changed their there no God?

"There can be no genuine resolution to the conflict without a sovereign, viable Palestinian state that accommodates Israelis' security requirements and the demographic realities." - Bill Clinton

'All Hell' Breaks Out in Palestine's Statehood Bid

Sep 20, 2011

Why I have no interest in this.

As a lot of you know I'm a Star Wars geek. Well I have other geek tendancies, but really my fandom of sci-fi started with the beloved original trilogy and has continued even with my disdain for the prequels and the 1997 changes. George Lucas did not rape my childhood. Those fond memories of the toys, cartoons, and my parents taking me to see them still exist no matter what the meglomaniac director does to them.

There's been much anticipation of the yet to be released Star Wars on Blu-Ray and I have to admit I got a little excited. To see the beloved originals in hi-def has been a dream of mine since the format became affordable to the general public, and I want to indulge in it.

There's over 40 hours of special features included on the packaging that includes all the films, but I'm not sure it's worth it. I started thinking about basic economics. I can buy all six films, but two of which I have no desire to ever watch again. Plus, hi-def does make CGI look a bit more unnatural than it was intended, which I imagine in the prequels is quite a jarring contrast.

They have decided not to put the amazing documentary "Empire of Dreams" on the Blu-Ray set. So if I want to keep a copy of that I shouldn't trade my old DVD discs in. Greedo still shoots like he's Stevie Wonder, Jabba is a pansy, and the musical number in ROTJ is horrific.

What finally made me decide against buything these you say? Well Darth Vader not only still screams the word 'no' at the end of ROTS, but Lucas decided to include said 'no' at the end of ROTJ, when he kills Emporer Palpatine.

Yes the prequels have some of the most ameuturish camera work for a big budget film I've ever seen. The scripts are awful, the acting even worse, and they largely are just plain dull. Still the end of ROTS put it over the edge for me, when the Dark Lord of the Sith bellowed the infamous "NOOOOOO" when he found out his love interest was killed at the result of his own hand (sorry to spoil it for anyone). The result was a corny mess that should've been a dramatic high point. It was the low point of the climax of the story when it should've been the pinnacle.

Why Lucas decided to include this much mocked line at the end of ROTJ is a mystery. The audience guessing what was going on in Vader's head was the real high point of his redemption. The action of picking up Palpatine and throwing him into the abyss was all that was needed to convey his journey back to the light side. Now fans are reminded of one of the worst moments in the prequels whenever they see that scene, which is unacceptable.

I would've bought the Blu-Rays had it not been for that one change. Sure the special features are worth a look, but likely they'll be on youtube and I'll have little reason to watch them again, so that negates any reason to pay $80+ for films I'll never watch. I may change my mind at some point, but that's not likely to happen soon.

"Although I write screenplays, I don't think I'm a very good writer." - George Lucas

Star Wars Blu-ray Changes: Noooooo!

Sep 16, 2011

London, she did call...

Last night the wife and I went to the hospital to witness her best friend giving birth to her daughter. Tiffany, the mother in question, was born a few months apart from my wife and both have been friends since they were but wee lasses. So in keeping with tradition the stork decided the next generation shall be born with the same 90 day difference.

We arrive at the hospital only moments after London, the new baby, graced us with her presence. Seeing the new infant infected the wife and I with a dose of baby fever. The two year old sibling then overdosed us when he grabbed a stuffed doll and handed it to his newborn sister claiming how he picked it out himself and was his gift to her. Tiffany teared up a bit and there was not a dry eye in the place.

As the wife and I left the family to enjoy their new bundle of joy I looked down at her belly and thought about trying to talk Kenadie into hurrying up the whole process, or maybe preparing her for me getting a huge mallet and hammering her out of the womb. I guess I should just let nature take it's course.

"A man is not complete until he has seen the baby he has made." - Sammy Davis, Jr.

Sep 14, 2011

I don't care.

For those of you unfamiliar, Deadliest Warrior is a reality show that simulates the possibilities of two types of historical combatants squaring off and decides a winner. Those who have read this blog for a while can probably guess that I'm a huge fan of this show.

Tonight for their two part season finale the producers have decided to give the viewers a whole new twist. They've pitted zombies vs vampires.

I'm about thirty minutes into the episode and I've lost all sense of caring. I'm about as interested in this finale as I am at the possibility of seeing the new film Moneyball. To all those who lack a frontal lobe, that means I'm not very engaged in the television program.

I'm about to beg the world to just let this stupid zombie fad die the death it should've been given back in 1986. I just don't get the appeal of enjoying a horror villain that has no personality what so ever. Vampires I somewhat get, but nothing more can be said for them. Actually as fictional characters they've jumped the shark decades ago, probably when Andy Warhol produced a film about Dracula. Yeah it exists. Yes it's just awful.

I mean why would they chose this match up after seeing such great episodes as Teddy Roosevelt vs T.E. Lawrence or Spartan vs Ninja? Clearly the only fantasy battle worthy of the legacy of this show is Yoda vs Superman.

"I also have always liked the monster within idea. I like the zombies being us. Zombies are the blue-collar monsters." - George A. Romero

Sep 13, 2011

I'll be sipping sweet tea in no time.

I find myself browsing the internet for information on parenthood. A lot of the material I find is stupid, and when I say stupid I mean it's amazing these people have the brainpower to operate basic motor functions, much less produce a coherent sentence. I see all sorts of mothers who claim homeopathy is a safe and healthy alternative to conventional medicine, parents who think you're the moral equivalent of the Batistas if you birth your child in an environment other than a wading pool at home, and expectant mom's tooting their own horn about how special they are because they're doing exactly what nature designed females to do.

Now I guess it's unfair to label parents who may think differently than me as dumb...actually no it's not. When you put children at risk because you believe in nonsense like homeopathy then not only are you stupid, but you are dangerously so.

Sometimes I'm afraid I'll be a stupid parent as well. I may already be and not know it. I may turn into one of those exhausted, defensive parents that becomes so neurotic I'll believe in any product that claims to protect my child from invading Huns.

Now it seems not only will I run the risk of losing my superior intellect, but I'll also lose testosterone and become the masculine equivalent of Tony Randall. Yes it's true. Every time I do bonding activities with my child I'll lose some man points. It's all sciencey and stuff.

Now let's be real. No one can call themselves masculine when they stare at a computer screen for a one. That's why I have a second job where I infiltrate latino biker gangs and take down their cock fighting rings.

"Kuzawa says the study of more than 600 men also found that men who had higher testosterone to begin with were more likely to enter stable relationships and become fathers." - CBS Chicago

Sep 12, 2011

Wiwille's movie reviews part 78

It's been quite a while since I've done a movie review, but Tad, aka The Jiggaman, requested that I take a look at all movies listed in a recent article, which is entitled Overlooked And Underrated - Unsettling Science Fiction. It's going to be a tall order as most of these films haven't been overlooked nor are underrated and it would be quite a stretch to call a lot of them unsettling. Still a review I must do, and since WIGSF's request of some obscure Tom Hanks movie still hasn't appeared on my doorstep after almost a year, I'll tackle a movie that most cringe to even accept the fact that it exists.

The writer of believe Terminator Salvation deserves a bit more love than the disdain given by critics and audiences. I'm hard pressed to see why anyone felt any passion for that film either way. Let me get this out of the way first: I find the whole Terminator franchise overrated. Sure it's a cool concept and it has great characters, but the acting displayed in most of these films takes me out of the story. Sure they're not bad films really, just not something I've ever really embraced as so many others have.

For those unfamiliar, Terminator Salvation takes place after Judgement Day, when a machine controlled Skynet became self aware and decided to try and eliminate the human race. John Connor is now leading the guerrilla resistance against the machines, played by a seemingly bored Christian Bale. Michael Ironside is in the film commanding forces from a submarine. I believe he should be in every action film ever produced.

Sam Worthington takes the role of a cyborg created by Skynet, the only one to escape an attack led by John Conner. Thinking it's human the cyborg is captured by the resistance only to be told otherwise. With the help of a human it saved earlier, it escapes while being pursued by Conner. After the chase is complete they make a deal to help each other infiltrate a Skynet base and save the humans imprisoned there.

It's an ambitious project if nothing else as it strays from the Terminator convention greatly. There's no time travel at all, a lot of the robots are hybrids of vehicles, and the look of the future is nowhere near as slick and glossy as those few minutes displayed in the Cameron films. This is a gritty looking piece, which I like, but I'm hard pressed to find a reason to really give the movie any thought what so ever. The characters were really dull and a few served little to no purpose. Director McG, who was born with two names, doesn't rely too heavily on CGI, which is refreshing, and does give the story some moments, but they are few and far between. This movie had a script that screamed straight to DVD and was about as forgettable as a Highlander sequel.

Fans of the franchise likely went to see this in the theatre, but I imagine most have little recollection of what they saw a month later. They probably sit and recall it being about as fun as sitting through a road trip from Anchorage to Orlando with your bladder disabled grandparents who insist on listening to the same Lawerence Welk album over and over again.

Wanna see a film reviewed by Wiwille? Drop me an email or comment and you'll see it soon on One Bad Apple. Rules are posted here.

"As fascinating as chewing styrofoam, with the occasional firecracker jammed in to make you chew faster." - Rubin Safaya

Sep 10, 2011

They did it.

As everyone is fully aware, the tenth anniversary of 9/11 is soon upon us. I used to repost my feelings about the wretched day every year, but this time I'm going to do something different. I had originally planned to stick with tradition, but alas there are other issues that are on my mind.

The media is now playing tributes and documentaries about 9/11 almost 24x7. It feels strange to me that networks who care about nothing but ad revenue are seemingly exploiting the affair and reopening wounds that may seem old to some. I myself have yet to forget the anxiety and sadness I felt on that tragic day and I don't need some executives, who bath in the tears of pandas while dining on the flesh of doves, get richer because of this.

Maybe I'm being too cynical and those who broadcast such tributes have the best of intentions, but sadly I feel otherwise. Every time I see an advertisement of an upcoming show dedicated to 9/11 I cringe. I realize we shouldn't forget the horror that the world felt that day and we must be vigilant in our fight against terrorism, but does it need to be in such a seemingly exploitative manner?

When I think harder about it I realize history is a consumer product as any other and perhaps this is the best manner to teach the younger generation on how dangerous the world can be and how our body politic forever changed. There are many lessons to be learned from 9/11 and the equally horrific terror attacks before and since, and I guess this may be the appropriate, modern way to deliver that message.

My only wish is that the proceeds from these shows would go to the victims of 9/11.

"The blame for the 9/11 attacks lays squarely and exclusively with the Al-Qaeda network." - Kay Granger

Sep 9, 2011

Wiwille grows up.

In 1986, when I was all of 11 years of age, my father decided to take me to see 'Heartbreak Ridge' in the theatre. He's a moderate Clint Eastwood fan, but for some reason was attracted to the idea of a rough and tumble Marine whipping men into warriors.

The film started and in the first five minutes I was hit with a barrage of swearing unlike any my ears have ever heard. My father shifted uncomfortably in his chair as the characters were using colorful language. He finally leaned over and asked me if the movie was rated R.

I was shocked that he was unaware of the film's rating. In my youth I was raised on a steady diet of Disney films, Biblical epics, and musicals. I first thought I was all grown up now that my dad was taking me to a movie that wasn't PG, but alas his laziness in looking at the marquee was a mistake on his part. I then felt as young as I was. I feigned ignorance, but that helped matters little. I could tell he was dreading this experience already, and he wasn't looking forward to explaining this affair to my mother.

The movie turned out to be mildly amusing as I laughed throughout. Dad even gave a few chuckles, but his experience was ruined by me being there. 'Heartbreak Ridge' hasn't aged well and I grew not to care for it, but I'll always remember the first film I saw that made me feel like a grown up.

"Clint Eastwood is at his macho, insubordinate best in this exuberant, salty military movie with more memorable lines and funny moments than most comedies." - Chuck O'Leary