Apr 30, 2007

Business in the front, party in the....

Iran's '79 revolution has dictated many changes in it's culture, mainly on it's women. With the recent administration promises were made to tighten enforcement on female dress and even marriage obligations. Well now their focus has been on the personal appearnance of men.
Tired of seeing Iranian men with 'anime' hair the country's police is cracking down on barbers who provide western style haircuts, including eyebrow plucking and make up. Barbers who break the current defintion of Islamic law can face having their business shut down for a month or lose their permit to groom men.
Still think we can negotiate nuclear proliferation with a country that won't allow it's women to dress in a reasonable fashion nor allow it's men to grow a mullet? Actually not allowing people to wear hockey hair is not such a bad thing, especially when they dress like homey pictured above. Maybe I've been selling Ahmadinejad short.
I still say making women who look like this wear all that silly clothing is one of the worse crimes against humanity:

"I have no aspirations of world domination through the pop charts. None at all." - Anne Hathaway

Iran bans Western haircuts, eyebrow plucking for men

Apr 27, 2007

More Republicans getting jiggy with it.

Yesterday I sat in a training class which was about as exciting as hearing an ethics lecture by Karl Rove. Fearing insanity I had visions of an all out brawl erupting in the training room after an argument about best technical processes. Yeah the content is that thrilling folks.

As I got out of the class I turned to the beauty of online news to further depress me. As I scrolled through stories about Gonzalez further digging a hole for himself, China still talking about invading Taiwan, and Iranian President Howthefuckdoyousayhisname trying to convince the world that his nuclear plan shouldn't cause anyone worry I finally came across this little gem. It's our President, beloved around the world as a man with a great intellect, dancing to the funky African beats on Malaria Awareness Day.

Well at least it's better than Madeline Albright doing the Macerena on the UN floor. Excuse me while I kill myself.

"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test." - George W Bush.

Apr 25, 2007

Us serfs will build our homes with straw.

After browsing the housing market around Seattle I've come to the conclusion that I'll never be able to afford a modest home unless I make 40% more, commit fraud on a massive scale on my loan application, or marry an old widow who'll leave me her property after her soon demise. Viewing some places that seemed ok at best I looked again at the price and wanted to beat everyone responsible for asking that much and still believe they're going to heaven. I wanted to deficate in a bag and throw it on various cars in the area in hopes of lowering the property values, but I know I could leave body parts hanging in trees without making much of a dent.

Now I could afford something reasonable if I entertained the notion of an two hour commute, but that's not really practical nor sane. I understand that the dawn of the 90s killed single income suburban upper middle class lifestyels, but when I think that I'd be living like a king in almost every other community in the state burns me.

Now the media is finally reporting on the fact that housing prices have dropped (read: are no longer rising at an alarming rate) and foreclosures are the highest they've ever been since before the depression. I hear news about how great the Dow is doing and every middle class worker should rejoice in the stock market boom even though they can't afford to drop any of their paycheck into their 401ks. It's maddening to think that every time I read economic news all stories are about Wall Street and it's competition with global markets, but no news reader likes to hear about the ever widening gap between the rich and the poor.

I really shouldn't complain. I know their are millions all over the world who would turn down sex with Salma Hayek to live the lifestyle I do. I love Seattle, but still sometimes I think to myself if enjoying such a beautiful area is really worth it.

"I keep waiting to meet a man who has more balls than I do." - Salma Hayek

Apr 24, 2007

Wiwille makes not so poignant observations.

I was browsing through some of the people I have listed as friends on my MySpace page and noticed some trends. One thing that really stood out for me was this 'recipe for love' nonsense, where some girl will dissect a man traits into measurable quantities as one would use when baking a cake. Oh and the girls have 'single' listed on their profile. Imagine that.

I suppose I would be considered a misogynist if my 'recipe for love' included large gravity defying breasts, eyes of Grace Kelly, body of Scarlett, sense of humor of Sarah Silverman, and the culinary skills of the Iron Chef.

No offense to any of these women, but wouldn't the best recipe for love include being desirable to the kind of man that has such qualities? Ladies take a little word of advice from your friend Wiwille. If you really want a guy don't create a useless, graphically challenged MySpace page riddled with ramblings about the perfect guy. Usually a man who's targeting those who seem self esteem challenged will take that as a good sign you'll be an easy lay. Sad but true.

"I was going to get an abortion the other day. I totally wanted an abortion. And it turns out I was just thirsty." - Sarah Silverman

Apr 23, 2007


Saturday was a bit of a downer as the weather dampened the idea of renting bicycles. Instead the Pretty Girl and I ate breakfast and headed down to a local movie theatre. Since we got there about an hour before any of the movies started I decided to go peak into Renton Motorsports and look at motorcycles.

We walked down the aisles and I drooled over many of the bikes. There were so many nice ones just staring, almost begging me to purchase them. It was like being at a pet store with puppies pawing at the window excited at the prospect of a new home. I looked at the prices and thought to myself that I can afford one; however I have other things to spend my money on.

But really is there money better spent than on something I've dreamed of owning since I was 12? Seeing Andrew's new crotch rocket, err 'sport cruiser', made the wanting for the open rode on two wheels even more apparent. Standing in the store I dreamt of straddling a large horse powered hog cruising the beautiful mountains with a camera resting in a saddle bag and a woman of loose morals behind me grasping my waist.

The urge to spend my last bit of savings became almost too much to handle. Later that day I decided to hop in the car and head down to the local Harley dealer, cause I might as well look at something I really want. I used to go into that store so often that a salesman actually remembered my name each time.

It's been a while since I've been there as I saw the dealer was closed down for good. A sign out front indicated it would be the future home of an insurance company. It's just as well. Why torture myself?

"I can be an 80-year-old man and still acting, riding around on a motorcycle, naked." - Peter Fonda

Apr 20, 2007

Yeah I'd like to be a tough guy too.

In the wake of the tragedy of Virginia Tech many pundits are weighing in on the politics behind the mass slaying. Whether it be gun control, minority life, and school bullying media talking heads can and will go a little far with their analysis while they try to make sense out of a senseless act.

Not to be outdone Neal Boortz asks the questions of why the 'wussification of America' was so evident in this case. He comments that he doesn't understand why someone just didn't rush him. John Derbyshire goes even further suggesting what someone should do in case of such an attack, stating "It's not like this was Rambo, hosing the place down with automatic weapons. He had two handguns for goodness' sake—one of them reportedly a .22. At the very least, count the shots and jump him reloading or changing hands.....Yes, yes, I know it's easy to say these things: but didn't the heroes of Flight 93 teach us anything?"

Now I have some training in self defense. I've been trained in the martial arts and have some specialty in weapons disarmament. I'm no expert by any means, but I do have knowledge of how to hurt people severely if I feel the situation warrants. Having shot firearms I know a little about guns, but again I'm no conessiour in the field of weapons.

Having said that I have to poke some holes in the Segal fantasy Boortz and Derbyshire paint for themselves. Having been around semi-automatic handguns it doesn't take much training for one to learn to reload quickly. I've heard people shoot and without looking they changed magazines without me knowing. As far as counting the shots are concerned there's no way to tell how many bullets are in the magazine. Magazines differ as do guns.

Most disarment techniques are only effective if the firearm is held to you within arms reach. Most instructors will give you three options if someone is firing at you from arms length 1) dive for cover, 2) if you have a weapon fire back, and 3) run like hell.

Comparing this situation to the brave passengers on Flight 93 is ludicrous. The students at Virginia Tech were bombarded by a madman who walked in quietly and started unloading. All decisions had to be made at a split second and to ask the average person to be able to react according to Boortz's VanDamme like philosophy is unfair. The passengers on Flight 93 had one thing going for them in their rush to the cockpit and that is time. The people on that plane had time to analyze the situation, plan, and execute accordingly, something the students lacked.

Now Boortz and Derbyshire aren't all wrong in their ideas that American youth aren't trained in the art of self defense. I believe it's the responsibility of every parent to ensure their kids are at least given the basics of the martial arts. Still it's unfair to paint the students as less than anything they were in that situation, which are victims of a horrendous random act.

"As the cliche goes—and like most cliches. It's true—none of us knows what he'd do in a dire situation like that. I hope, however, that if I thought I was going to die anyway, I'd at least take a run at the guy." - John Derbyshire

Boortz, others blame VA Tech victims for not fighting back

Apr 19, 2007

Naked shaving

I'm pretty modest when I'm in the gym locker room. Call me self conscious, but I try to keep my nakedness down to a minimum. I change quickly and normally keep at least a towel around me at all times, except when I'm in the shower of course. Others don't view it that way.

There are those who are fine with walking around the locker room with their manhood displayed at all times, but normally at the vanity room, where my yuppie workout partners apply deodorant and do their hair, usually one goes with some article of clothing. One guy doesn't believe it's necessary to cover his waist and is under the mistaken impression it's a good idea to shave naked.

Yes homey shaves every day in the buff. I can't imagine why as it a) seems cold and b) it's just weird. It would seem like a good idea to at least wrap a towel around ones self, which our gym provides for free, but no his ass is on full display for all to see.

I'm tempted to walk up to his station next to him and whip my wee wee up on the counter while I comb my hair.

"I'm either shooting nine grams of coke a day or spending two hours at the gym. There's no middle ground." - Dave Navarro

Apr 18, 2007

The art of nonsense

At work we have an employee maintained bulletin board which features various ads for housing, cars, and local theatre. Being a diverse workplace we also see other fliers for seminars based on Eastern holistic remedies and lifestyles. Most of them have pictures of some guru with a long beard who invites you to experience peace and harmony through the joy of breath.

The Art of Living is just one of the many pamphlets hanging from the cork board. It seems like a happy little organization designed to instill peace and prosperity to it's students around the world through simple meditation techniques. According to their website you can take a course on "The Miracle of Breath", which sounds just damn funny to me.

While I appreciate the idea of my fellow co-workers inviting me to experience the joy of existence through simple biological functions I doubt they would appreciate it if I endorsed a "Joy of Farting" course. I could grow a beard and wear robes and explain to people how breaking wind will enhance their being. By letting go of gaseous substances in the body one can cleanse oneself of toxins and feel healthier. They can also benefit from the humor derived from passing gas in your colleague's cubical.

The founder of 'The Art of Living', who calls himself his holiness, doesn't seem to grasp that the only aspect of true happiness one needs is Ann Hathaway's cleavage.

"A few times of the healing breath fully relaxes you. Your life becomes more total. All the faces of your personality come together to make you one whole person. Do the healing breath and meditate. these practices completely transforms you and kindle the love deep inside." - His Holiness Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

Apr 17, 2007

A sad day.

The tragedy in Virginia has saddened many in our nation, including myself. I will never understand what drives a human being to kill someone, especially so indiscriminately. My thoughts and prayers go out to the victims of this horrific event.

As one would expect pundits are using this as an excuse to revisit the gun control debate. While this is an important issue sometimes I hate the timing of this as we have to use a tragedy of this proportion for people to revisit the second amendment. Gun control advocates, who may have great intentions, believe that banning the product will help curb senseless violence. I'm not sure why history hasn't taught people that prohibiting a device won't simply stop the demand. If passing laws on gun ownership were to be effective then I believe prohibition and the war on drugs would be a great success.

Still the issue boils down to what kind of country you would like to live in. Would you give up the freedom for security? I think most people would and honestly I can't fault them too much, but I believe the Patriot Act is a great example of how one's government can abuse our rights for the sake of keeping people's mind at ease.

Regardless I believe it's more important at this time to concentrate our thoughts and prayers not on a political issue, but to the victims of this meaningless slaying. It's sad to think that they'll never have the answers to the question we all have about the student's mindset. That question being 'why?'

“I would like to express on behalf of Britain and the British people our profound sadness at what has happened and to send the American people and most especially, of course, the families of the victims, our sympathy and our prayers.” - Tony Blair

Apr 16, 2007

White trash and Bon Jovi.

This weekend proved to be an enjoyable one as I the Pretty Girl and I made our way to Longview to visit my sister's family for my nephews birthday. We had a nice time playing with the children and ate some really good cake which had a Darth Vader theme. Kids have such way cool toys nowadays.

Afterwards we headed up to visit an old high school friend Ron and his fiance Amy. We went and ate dinner at The Masthead and caught up as we haven't seen each other in years. Ron decided to take us to the Wild Grizzly, which is a local bar and casino. For those of you not in the know, Longview is a working class town, which means you'll see your share of white trash. First thing I noticed when walking into the fine establishment was a man in his late 30s. A burly looking man who was sporting a goatee and one of the most well groomed mullets I've ever seen.

Ron is a big fan of karaoke. I am not, but when in Rome...

Actually I hate that saying. I did not partake in karaoke as I find it annoying as all hell, but the Pretty Girl did enjoy people watching. There were so many characters there ranging from numerous women with boob jobs and bad hair and men who dressed like they were still in high school, which was about 15 years ago for most of them.

Ron and his fiance sang many a tune that evening, including the always crowd pleasing 'Living on a Prayer'. If you're ever in the mill town of Longview just play some Bon Jovi and the people will elect you mayor.

The next day the Pretty Girl and I headed down to the Portland waterfront. We rented some bicycles and road along the Williamette river. We ran into some group protesting the war, but their protest seemed to be going as well as the Iraq conflict itself. Very few people showed up and most seem disinterested. We think they dumbed a large amount of red dye in the river, but few noticed. Then on one of the steel bridges two protesters dropped big banners, but they kept flapping in the wind and were difficult to read.

We stopped by Oak's Park, the country's oldest theme park, and walked around while I reminisced. The entire bike trip was about 16 miles, which is a lot considering I haven't pedaled in almost a decade. My butt's still sore.

Later we went to Sunday market, ate some ice cream, then headed to Castle Rock and meet up with Brandon and his family and ate pizza at Papa Petes. After dinner we finally made it into town at about 11p last night, so I'm a little tired today, but the weekend was well worth it.

"I always think I'm the Tom Cruise of music - a lot of success and fans, but no critics, darling." - Jon Bon Jovi

Apr 13, 2007

Blogger trip!

Scott, author of Life is Grand, Love is Real and Beauty is Everywhere!, recently posted about how he has crushes on his Blogger friends and how he dreams of one day packing it up and going on a road trip to meet each gal. I thought about how this may be a good idea. Actually meeting the men and women behind the writings, seeing the differences, if any, between the person they are and person I envision.

Then I started imagining how the road trip might go. Would I enjoy meeting these people? Would they enjoy hanging with me? Would they even care for the Wiwille in person? After said meeting would my blog be deleted from their list never to be seen again?

Here's how I imagine my road trip if I were to meet the Blogger buddies:

First up I would pack the car and head up north to Vancouver to meet the infamous Rawbean. Both being fans of sushi we would meet at her favorite place to eat some rolls. Conversation would start off with our jobs and would run the gamut of other personal information we decide to withhold from our blogs. I entertain her with some stories and noting to myself to never bring up politics. We later decide to meet her friends for drinks.

Her friends are nice girls; however being the only guy there I look like the gay friend. A redneck approaches me and starts harassing me. I get into his face and accept his challenge when all of a sudden a sword comes piercing through his chest. The blade is swiftly removed and the guy drops to his knees revealing Rawbean standing behind him holding a bloody katana. She cries that we must leave and we pile into her car. She then explains to me that the work she claims to do is a front and she's secretly an assassin who works for the Canadian government. She then breaks down and says she's going to have to kill me now cause I know too much. She strikes at me with a knife directly at my chest, which I block, but not before it meets my shoulder. I dive out of the car and run like hell all the while clutching my wound.

I enter a hospital and have my wound treated, but the staff gets pissed when they find out that I'm an American and charge me $26,000 for the medical care.

I finally make it out of Vancouver and drive for a few days with my next destination being Ontario. After multiple stops viewing the Candian wilderness I finally meet Big Ben. Immediately after I pull up to his place he leaps in my car and says "don't ask questions just drive."

I obey his command and he navigates me through the city of Toronto. We finally pull into a strip club and he reveals this is his favorite place for burgers. We enter the establishment and I order a mushroom burger. Enjoying the nekkidness surrounding me Big Ben launches into why baseball is the greatest sport ever. Having a big mouth I explain that baseball is not a real sport and he in turn doesn't take it well. The large Canadian makes a dash for the DJ booth and uppercuts the DJ. He grabs the mike and screams "See that scruffy guy over there. He doesn't like baseball. Get him girls."

The strippers stop their routine and stare at me. Big Ben puts in 'Crazy Bitch' on the sound system and upon hearing that the girls start brandishing whatever's not bolted to the floor and chase me out of the club. The whole time they're screaming "Big Ben is our lord".

I jump into my car and peel out of the place. I decide that I need some mellow time and WhatI'veGotSoFar seems like a reasonable chap. I head over to his place and we sit and chat for a while. I tell him I work with computers and he starts throwing technical jargon at me. We then discuss music and various pop culture items till finally he puts his finger on his ear. He excuses himself and walks over to his stereo.

"Autobots transform," he states with authority. His sound system grows legs, walks out of the place and into the street and turns itself into a motorcycle. WhatI'veGotSoFar then rips off his clothing to reveal an all black outfit and throws on a matrix like trench coat. He then explains he has to go and darts off on his motorcycle.


Perplexed I drive on to meet Grace, but she was nowhere to be found.

All I want now is a quite evening flowing with alcohol. I meet Scott at a bar and find him to be a nice fellow. We discuss music, literature, and blogging, but then he starts talking about his dating life. I then notice twins sitting next to us who look like Anne Hathaway. They seem to be eyeballing Scott and I invite them to sit with us.

Scott appears nervous, but keeps his cool as they flirt with him. Finally one of the twins announces that I need to go as they're only interested in him.

"That's fine," I say as I stand up and throw in some money for the bill.

"Nah," says Scott. "You should stay."

"Meh," I say. "Gotta girlfriend so it's best I leave."

I make my way out of the bar with ego in tow, but I man up and get back into my car leaving Scott fulfilling the fantasies of millions of men. At least the meeting didn't end too weird.

I then head south back to the USA to Kentucky to meet Jinsane. I arrive and she greets me warmly. I find her southern charm appealing as we walk to a local bar. We arrive at her local watering hole and we talk about ourselves. Surprisingly she's just like the person she makes herself out to be on her blog.

More men arrive to meet her and she introduces me to all of them. More and more arrive and I ask why so many are showing up. She failed to mention that she was having a suedo blogger convention and it timed perfectly with my arrival. The bar starts overflowing with Half Naked Thursday fans and everyone is desperate to get the attention of Jinsane.

As one would imagine the place then erupts into a barroom brawl. Men are throwing punches at the first person they see. I fight my way out of the place and find Jinsane crying.

"I never expected this to happen," she said.

"Well men are pretty primal," I state. Exhausted I couldn't come up with anything better to say.

We part ways as we hear sirens and I then drive to the Lone Star state of Texas. I meet up with Alyssa and TracieLacy for drinks at a local saloon. We have fun sharing crazy stories while I consume various amounts of alcohol. Some large smelly gent then taps me on the shoulder.

"Dep deer da ding dang do," he said in eloquent gibberish.

"Huh?," was my only reply.

"Der dat dang deer do do," he stated.

"He's asking if you want to play pool," says Alyssa.

"You can understand that?" I reply.

"Yeah," she says. "He says he needs a partner."

I turn to the guy and decline his request. He looks at TraiceLacy and Alyssa.

"Deh duh deer do da da dang," he says to them and walks off. The girls start laughing.

"What?" I say.

"He said if this sissy yank is giving us trouble to let him know," TracieLacy says while busting into hysterics.

"Motherfucker," I say loud enough for him to hear me.

"Settle down," says TracieLacy. "That guy's crazy for us."


"Yeah," says Alyssa. "He's had a crush on us since grade school. It's best to let him be. He just got out of jail for beating a cop with a Volkswagen."

"Shit," I say. "Tough guy."

"Yeah," says TracieLacy. "He's just jealous."

In walks Alyssa's nemesis, the guy she calls Boobman. He walks up to our table and introduces himself. I say hi, but notice his gaze never leaves the girls chests. For some reason he thought it would be a great idea to whip out his manhood on the table and snicker.

"Take a look at....AWWWWWHHHH....," he cries. I look down and notice that Alyssa nonchalantly has smashed a glass on his member.

Boobman then falls on the floor in agony. The girls take it as their cue to leave and we make our exit. I thank them for an enjoyable day as I enter back into my car and head to the airport.

I fly 'across the pond' to meet Claire. Claire meets me at a local pub (sensing a theme here?) and we discuss the finer points of eating fried food. She then challenges me to a drinking contest and I accept. My masculinity is called into question as she's kicking my ass, downing stouts as if they're water. Crowds form and cheer her impressive drinking style.

I pass out and awake the next morning shirtless with all sorts of obscene terms written all over me. The owner of the pub hands me a mirror and interprets the slang.

I'm on my flight back to Seattle pondering the strangeness of the trip. Why was there so much violence? You would think with all the alcohol there would be better nudity than me being shirtless? Will Scott post about his twin experience?

Sharp pain hits my chest as a blade exits my rib cage. The sword then disappears and I turn and see Rawbean winking at me. An air marshall points a gun at her head and she quickly disarms and decapitates him. In a flash she darts for the emergency door, flings it open, gives me a smile, and then parachutes out.

The plane is descending at a rapid pace and I'm clutching my body trying to hold in the blood. I fall to the floor in agony while being bombarded by blood curdling screams. As my life starts to fade my last thought is "shit I can't post about this."

Yeah it's best I just stay home.

Whew that was long. Thanks for reading all of this nonsense.

"I'm not sure blogs are necessarily the best place to get a pulse on anything. People want to blog for a variety of reasons, and that may or may not be representative." - Steve Ballmer

Apr 12, 2007

Wiwille is sad.

Today is a depressing day for me as one of my favorite writers has passed away. Kurt Vonnegut, author of such amazing novels as Slaughterhouse 5, has died reportedly due to brain damage from a fall.

His books were darkly comic and paced in such a pattern you couldn't help be engaged. His vision of our existence is rivaled by few if any. In an age where people are clamoring over the latest boy wizard books his passing is even more tragic. If you haven't read any of his material I suggest you do so.

And if that wasn't enough Ryan Reynolds is dating Scarlett. Great. She had to go and date another hot guy insuring the fact us average guys will never get to woo her. Sigh. I think if I refer to her in my blog again I'll just call her "The Scarlett".

You didn't think I was going to mention her and not post a pic did you?
"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be." - Kurt Vonnegut

Kurt Vonnegut, novelist who caught the imagination of his age, is dead at 84
Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds dating

Apr 11, 2007

Ask Wiwille: I'm so Rawbean's bitch.

Rawbean has requested that I write an analysis of a mix CD she made for me. The CD was part of my prize in one of her contests. Since Rawbean claims she needs this information who am I to deny her a review? What our Canadian bloggers want they get.

I think she's doing this cause I once gave her crap about her claim that Nelly Furtado's album is good. Still let's jump right in. This is my real time review of Rawbean's mix CD. Enjoy:

1. Young Folks - Peter Bjorn and John: Good track. I'm really digging the beats and overall it has a good harmony. While the songwriters are hardly poets the instrumentals make up for it.
2. Over and Over - Hot Chip: It's a fun little diddy with somewhat clever lyrics; however the title is very telling.
3. Song for Clay (Disappear Here) - Bloc Party: The vocals are a little much to take. It's like the singer is trying to display range that he clearly doesn't have. I know it's ridiculous to desire great vocals from a rock & roll band (Smashing Pumpkins, who I love), but still this is really the only complaint I have about this. This is a cool tune. It's got a great rhythm section and decent guitar.
4. Friend of Mine - Lilly Allen: Pretty mellow tune. Not entirely original, which again is a silly complaint when listening to modern rock, but I still like it. The vocals are enticing which makes up for the simple lyrics. It also has some reggae influence which is cool.
5. All Farewells - Coast: I'm completely unmoved by this song. It just feels like I've heard it before numerous times on some soundtrack of a indie film aimed at early twenty somethings.
6. Hide & Seek - Imogen Heap: This song seems more of a novelty then anything, but I enjoy the singing talents behind it if not the song itself.
7. Forever Indebted - Shout Out Out Out Out: So far this is my favorite track. They got some really kickin beats and great transitions. It almost hearkens me back to my raver days so long ago. Has a distinct 80s tech vibe as well like old Skinny Puppy before they went industrial.
8. Hustle Rose - Metric: Interesting song. The writers were really striving for something original here, but failed to grasp my interest really. Sort of epileptic in it's overall flow, but if you stick with it it turns out to be a decent song.
9. Inside of Love - Nada Surf: Sort of has a Snow Patrol feel and I think that's a good thing. Good melody.
10. String of Blinking Lights - Paper Moon: I don't like the fact they named their band after such a good movie, but this song is okay at best.
11. Title and Registration - Death Cab for Cutie: Not a bad track at all. Again a mellow tune with decent vocals.
12. Double Shadow - Junior Boys: Has a Depeche Mode influence which I enjoy.
13. Love's a Game - The Magic Numbers: Kind of bluesy, but good track. The singer has a sound which you'll swear you've heard before.
14. Everything is Everything - Phoenix: Well the title really sums it up. Very simple structure and lyrics. It's like Yogi Bera wrote this. Instrumentals and vocals are basic and redundant.
15. Into your Hideout - Pilate: The singer is good and overall the song has a nice flow. I like the riffs, but the simple rhythm section is kinda annoying.
16. That Can be Arranged - Tom Vek: I actually like these lyrics for reasons I can't explain. The repetitive chorus gets old quick, but it's got a cool sound. Even though the singer's voice is monotone it somehow fits this tune very well.
17. Needle in the Hay - Elliot Smith: Meh. Not diggin it. With a little more work on it's composition this could be a good song, but not as it stands now. Good guitar work though.

Overall I really enjoy this CD, but writing a review of something someone made for you feels kinda odd. The fact that Rawbean seems smart enough to never sleep with me makes a reasoned analysis easier though. I have no idea what the review would look like if the Pretty Girl made it. She's such a saint for putting up with me.

I don't know why but I have it in my head that all my Blogger buddies (including the guys) look like supermodels. I believe that because someone's hot means they have to be a good person. Yeah I'm shallow.

Again a shout out to Rawbean for taking the time to make this for me.

"I need an indepth analysis of the CD I sent you. Like each song needs to be broken down (like trib did when I sent him a CD). Even if you don't like it." - Rawbean

Apr 10, 2007

No justice no peace.

Another day and another ridiculous story dominating the mainstream news. Tired old geezer Don Imus said some hurtful remarks when describing the Rutger's women's basketball team and now he's come under fire for such statements. Rightfully so I might add. What Imus said was racist and insensitive and any criticism thrown is way is just.

That is until the Rev Al Sharpton stepped on board and called for the shock jock's resignation. The attention whore that is the Reverend even brought Imus onto his radio show and berated him saying that he should be fired even though he may be a "good person". The media has been covering this event, i.e. circus, with full attention on Al's fight to stay relevant.

Being an advocate for free speech it may surprise some that I have no problem with Don Imus being fired or suspended. He works for a private corporation and if they feel he's hurt their business with his comments then they should take appropriate actions. Yes I feel Don's comments were indeed racist, but I'll make no judgement if the man himself feels 'nappy headed ho's' are inferior. Still every time Sharpton comes into any debate about race, or anything for that matter, I always want to take sides with Al's current foe.

It's funny how the Reverend, who claims to be a man of Christ, sits there and calls for people to be fired yet he conveniently forgets a teaching paramount to his faith and that is forgiveness. After this story became big news Al called Don to come on his radio show and apologize when the only apology given should be to the girl's basketball team. Of course Sharpton wouldn't accept Imus' public statements on how bad he feels about what he said and still insists he be let go from his radio show.

Given Sharpton's shameful track record, including the Tawana Brawley incident and inciting riots based on heresay, who the hell is he to make any judgements about people? Since he claims to be a man of the cloth I have to go with the overly cliche line of "Al, what would Jesus do?"

What's worse is that when important matters of racial politics come to the public's attention it seems to be cheapened every time Sharpton enters the mix. Sad that once important leaders in civil rights movement such as Martin Luther King Jr are no longer with us and we're left with a media whore.

What's really weird is that Imus insulted the looks of the basketball team, but one of them is kinda hot.

Like how I turn a story about racial politics so I can post a pic of someone cute?

“Crime is going down everywhere but in the New York City Police Department.” - Al Sharpton

Apr 9, 2007

Bad Movies I Love part 19

When I write about bad flicks that I enjoy a sense of shame does come to me. Being somewhat of a film snob movies like Rad, Red Dawn, or anything with a large amount of gratuitous bare breasts sparks something primal in me where I want nothing more than to be entertained without having to use my brain.

Then there's family fair which is a genre I can appreciate, but mostly loathe. Most family films end up trying to appeal to various ages, but end up pleasing neither. There are those that do somehow break the mold, such as the recent The Incredibles and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, but for the most part such movies fail to bridge the generation gap.

While not a huge commercial success Sky High is a film I've seen twice and amazingly enjoyed it both times. Starring Kurt Russel and Kelly Preston as the world's greatest superhero couple their son, Will, is about to start his adventures in comic book fashion in a high school for people with super powers. The catch is Will has no powers that he's aware of. As most people who make the leap to high school he feels somewhat awkward about his next step towards adulthood, especially when he doesn't live up to what's expected of him.

Most high school films are either gross out comedies or pretentious life lesson lectures; however this movie has a great sense of humor about itself. I'm kind of a sucker for superhero films and Sky High has a charm that most comic book movies lack. While the plot is predictable the performances are surprisingly above par. Bruce Campbell is amusing as always and Lynda Carter is still hot. Filled with funny scenes the special effects look good and so does the women for that matter.

Yes it's a high school film at it's core complete with the simple dramas of trying to be popular and reconciling unrequited love, but for all it's flaws I found myself actually enjoying this Disney family piece.

"This movie about a high school for superheroes is so good-natured and self-deprecating that it's virtually impossible to dislike the thing." - Bill Muller

Apr 6, 2007

I take back every bad thing I may have said about the French.

Right wing politics have seemed to take a bizarre turn in France. Although the country seems to have as many political parties as Angelina Jolie has adopted children, one presidential candidate decided to heighten the social discourse. Holocaust denier and down player of 9/11 Jean-Marie Le Penn is adamantly against distribution of prophylactics to teenagers. Instead of engaging in carnal activities the candidate suggests that young people masturbate claiming "it's a much simpler method."

Now a bureaucrat or politician suggesting self stimulation as opposed to engaging in traditional or Clintonesque sex is not something so out of the ordinary, but when stories like this stop being printed I suggest government officials offer visual aids to assist youngsters in their quest.

Then again the French have Alizee, so really boys shouldn't have a problem finding inspiration for lonely times. If they do, well they can read about this.

Happy Easter from the folks at Erik's Ramblings.

"My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper." - Amy Sedaris

Masturbate instead, Le Pen tells women's forum

Apr 5, 2007

Everyone's a big winner when you read Rawbean's Rants.

A while ago Rawbean, author of Rawbean's Rants, started a new contest which involved story telling. She asked for a description of an event "that you either witnessed or partook in that made you laugh so hard you almost peed your pants." It didn't take long for me to decide that the now infamous porno truck incident would be my submission. The good Rawbean picked that story as the winner and announced I would be receiving a prize in the mail.

After much anticipation yesterday I received in the mail a package from Rawbean. What could it be? Is it porn, a toy truck, or video of her and various female friends dancing in their skivvies to the funky beats of the Village People?

I ripped open the package to reveal a box, pictured below:

It's a 'blind box' toy called Mongers. It's a line of cartoon characters who look angry and smoke. The idea behind blind box is that you never know which one you'll get until you open it. Sort of like Garbage Pail Kids trading cards. I got Sam and Pete, which are salt and pepper shakers who don't shave and look mean. Sort of like me really. I have proudly displayed them in my cubicle alongside my Boba Fett and C3PO bobblehead figures that I got from Amy a few years back.

But wait there's more. I was hoping Rawbean would give me an album of some mildly obscure band she listens to, but she went a step further and made me a mix CD. I'm listening to it now at work and I am enjoying it. Big thanks to her for taking the time to make this for me.

Who said porn gets you nowhere in life?

“Lots of women tell me I'm their idol.” - Jenna Jameson


Apr 4, 2007

You mean people aren't nice on the web?

I was reading in the Huffington Post an article entitled 'Misogyny In The Blogosphere: The Debate Continues'. In it the author, Melissa Lafsky, backs up her use of the titillating title with examples such as the recent death threats made against Kathy Sierra. Melissa asks the poignant question of why so many internet users target women.

The writer does admit the theory that women are likely to be subject to a cyber attack then men is difficult to prove; however that doesn't stop her from citing evidence from female bloggers that would make people side with her. While misogyny seems to be more under the microscope of female bloggers than say guys like me, I never really noticed such a pervasive storm of anti-feminine web lit. What really gets me about this article is that it never mentions the attacks given against the bloggers and writers we don't like, such as the insane Malkin and attention whore Ann Coulter, that have been going on for years. When we blast them it's edgy political discourse, but when we attack those "good" writers it's a sure sign of machismo run amok.

Still this would all be solved if those bitches would shut the fuck up and make me some pie.


Regardless anyone who makes an anonymous death threat, especially a man expressing their desire to hurt a woman because of a written opinion, or any reason for that matter, is a coward unworthy of calling themselves men. Since I'm the perfect example of everything that is great about being masculine you should trust my holier-than-though judgement on nerdy men hiding behind the veil of their monitors. I will never understand why guys feel compelled to frighten women like this.

"Misogyny is a common noun, which is, to me, crap." - Dennis Potter

Apr 3, 2007

Wiwille is not a good pioneer.

Elementary school holds fond memories for me. There were those special days like ice cream day, which had the wooden spoon, and Skate World day, where all the kids would go to the local roller rink and fall on their asses a lot. One of those glorious days was bitter sweet for me and that was Oregon Trail day.

Every now and then during our history lesson one student got to sit in front of an Apple IIe and play the Oregon Trail video game which was designed to teach students about the pioneer experience. My day finally came and I sat in front of the computer ready to trek the wilderness.

When the game starts it sets you up with a family, a wagon, and various supplies and then your journey begins. I was excited to be the leader of my family, to take on the virtual frontier as only an Apple can bring. I was ready to conquer the untamed land and bring a good home to my family and show off my awesome manly skills in hunting and navigation.

My first task was to mount my wagon on a raft and float down a river. An easy chore I thought, then I crashed into a rock effectively destroying my family's shelter. I had to buy a new one with the little money I had. Everything seemed to go smoothly until the wagon wheel broke, which is a good lesson in how you get what you pay for. If only I bought the better model this may not have happened. I tried to hunt deer to feed the family, but I kept missing and my children starved to death. Finally the grim reaper caught up with me and a tombstone appeared marking my demise.

I never was any good at that game and every time I would try to trek across the frontier I would end up being responsible for the death of my entire family, usually due to dysentery, fire, bear attacks, and my neglect. If video games are any indication of how someone acts in real life scenarios then my skills as a pioneer are sorely lacking. It's probably best that I don't have children.

"On the acquisition of Louisiana, in the year 1803, the attention of the government of the United States, was early directed towards exploring and improving the new territory." - Meriwether Lewis