Jul 27, 2012

Pansy activism

I assume most of you are aware of Chick-fil-A's CEO making his comments regarding the biblical definition of marriage, or at least his definition of scripture. It was misguided and showed how ignorant he is of the Old Testament, as well as the current prevailing wind of marriage equality that's sweeping the nation.

In the interest of disclosure, I'm all for marriage equality and have written and acted in support of it.

Many have expressed outrage about this, even though he never once mentioned homosexuals. His company has a policy of non-discrimination of employees that are gay, but his religious beliefs are unacceptable to a lot of us. Hell he has the same views on gay marriage as once did our president circa 2008. Therefore a boycott was called for his views, and many have pledge never to eat at Chick-fil-A.

The mayor of Boston has threatened to deny Chick-fil-A permits, only to pull a 180 on it when he probably realized denying a company a permit based on their religious views is probably against a little thing called the First Amendment. Talking heads are discussing the wisdom of the CEO's comments, and many are paying attention to the future of the company.

The boycott is as stupid as it is misguided. Boycotting a franchise will do little to hurt the pocketbook of Dan Cathy, unless they were calling stock brokers to stop trading in shares. And really, if the company went to hell he would still be richer than you'll ever be, and will laugh as he released Filipinos on his private island to partake in human hunting. It will only hurt the franchise owners, who already shelled their money to the Cathy family when they bought the restaurant, and the people they employ, the 99% if you will.

If you really wanted to take the moral high ground in activist consumerism, then you probably shouldn't buy gasoline, as some of the member countries that make up OPEC tend to look down upon homosexuality, even going so far as to believing they need to be put to death. Yeah, you need to buy a bicycle. You'll pad the wallets of Chinese manufacturers who run inhumane sweat shops to buy your neat little technological device that you're using to read this, or the clothes you're wearing, without giving two shits about the people making those products.

I know it's hard in a world with few moral absolutes to try and only give money to companies that are progressive and think exactly like you do about every issue, but to call out Chick-fil-A, when you willingly spend your money on things that contribute to people with far worse ideologies and practices is hypocritical at best.

If you don't enjoy Chick-fil-A sandwiches and still feel that not going there will make a difference, by all means don't go there, but don't profess your holier than thou boycott of tasty chicken as if you're some edgy, finger on the pulse of social politics. It makes you seem like as much of an idiot as Dan Cathy is.

“It’s clearly unconstitutional for the city to deny permits based on a person’s opinions. It opens the city up to criticism and even litigation.” - UCLA law professor Eugene Volok

Chick-fil-A beef puts mayor in pressure cooker

Jul 23, 2012

Mike Adams, the self proclaimed Health Ranger, is as insane as he is insensitive

In the wake of the Colorado shooting the news was inundated with all kinds of talking heads theorizing about why an insane man did an insane act, asking rational people to explain the irrational, and doing the impossible task of making sense of the senseless. I suppose it's only natural to want to want to have a clear explanation of why someone would commit such a horrific deed, but it can be frustrating to accept that mentally ill people do sick, twisted acts as a result of their brain chemistry.

Enter Mike Adams, owner of NaturalNews.com and self proclaimed Health Ranger. He's an advocate against modern medicine, calls anyone who vaccinates their children "fools", and a proponent of homeopathy and all sorts of quackery. He also loves a good conspiracy theory, and aligns himself with Alex Jones of Infowars.com, even going so far to guest host his show. On Naturalnews.com readers can be fed all sorts of medical misinformation while he promotes his books and he sells survival flashlights. It's a popular site amongst those who hate science and have a distrust of people more educated than themselves.

Mike Adams loves to exploit a tragedy to further his crusade against Big Pharma, the government, and any organization he feels is trampling his right to good health and freedom. So the shootings in Colorado happen and Mike wrote something that should be beneath even him, calling it a staged act by the government. Yes somehow Mike feels that since there's a UN vote on a small arms treaty, that the government hired a madman to shoot up a theatre to help other countries ban guns worldwide in an effort to bring about the New World Order or some bullshit. Yes, he's that despicable. In his own mildly literate words:

In other words, this has all the signs of Fast & Furious, Episode II. I wouldn't be surprised to discover someone in Washington was behind it all. After all, there's no quicker way to disarm a nation and take total control over the population than to stage violence, blame it on firearms, then call for leaders to "do something!" Such calls inevitably end up resulting in gun confiscation, and it's never too long after that before government genocide really kicks in like we saw with Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, Mao and other tyrants.

Oh and here's his so called evidence that the government was behind it all:

If you start to look at the really big picture here, the obvious question arises: How does an unemployed medical student afford all the complex weapons gear, bomb-making gear, "flammable" booby trap devices, ammunition, multiple magazines, bullet-proof vest, groin protection, ballistic helmet, SWAT uniform and all the rest of it?
The question is easily answered by anyone who has ever attended college, even for a quarter, in the fact that credit card companies target you more so than any other demographic. Since he believed he was going to die, it wasn't a real priority for him to pay back his debts. Also a lot of the material he had was hardly exotic, and readily available fairly cheap through many means.

So there's his evidence that he believes the shooting victims should accept, that not only was this the work of an insane man bent on mass slaying, but their government was behind the whole thing. Mike Adams would like to use this tragedy to boost his own nutty conspiracy, and bring further pain to everyone touched by the incident. Naturally he has no evidence that anyone from any government gave the weapons or armor to Jim Holmes, or had any communication with him at all, but evidence has never mattered to him, nor his fan base. So yeah, Mike Adams is a horrible human being for using this tragedy to further his agenda of fueling fear in the masses, all the while keeping people sick in the process.
"All this looks like James Holmes completed a "mission" and then calmly ended that mission by surrendering to police and admitting everything. The mission, as we are now learning, was to cause as much terror and mayhem as possible, then to have that multiplied by the national media at exactly the right time leading up the UN vote next week on a global small arms treaty that could result in gun confiscation across America." - Mike Adams

Jul 20, 2012

Cunning strategy

After a thorough whipping in 2008, Republicans, and their Tea Party brethren, decided a new strategy would be in place. Job creation and economic growth. The latter claimed they were about less taxes and smaller government, and few believed them. They were right as the Tea Party seems more interested in bigotry and having our public schools teach the Bible as a literal document. The Republicans held fast to their original plan, or so they keep telling us, but it comes to no shock that they have only one plan, making Obama look like a stooge, even if it carries a troublesome cost to the public.

So the GOP decided to hit Obama as to why their hasn't been as much job growth since the early days of the industrial revolution. The President decided to do what he pledged, end incentives for corporations to move jobs oversees and give them a good reason to say within our borders. The Bring Jobs Home Act would've given companies a 20% tax break to come back to the US, while it eliminated tax deductions for businesses who still insist on hiring needful doers.

So one would assume Senate Republicans would think this is a good idea as it might help people get jobs and stimulate our economy, but no, they do not like things such as Americans being employed. They voted to halt debate about the bill, killing it's chances of ever becoming law.

This is the modern state of the GOP, helping create overseas sweat shops since 1985. I mean seriously, if you needed any more proof of how the Republicans are deliberately trying to screw the middle class, well you're a lost cause and somehow devoid of reality. You may need therapy.

"In a letter to senators this week, the Chamber of Commerce called the bill "misguided" and said it "would hamper American worldwide companies' competitiveness, increase complexity in the Internal Revenue Code, and threaten economic growth."" - CNN

GOP senators block top Obama jobs initiative

Jul 17, 2012

Body issues

See this girl? For the unfamiliar this is famous model Kate Upton, who makes a living being hot. Currently the crush of my best friend and spank material for millions, she earns her keep showing off her body in skimpy clothing. While this is hardly the work of Susan B Anthony, it's an honest living and if I looked good I'd take up a similar career.
Anyways, I swear this post isn't an excuse to post pictures of her, but I will in the interest of this thesis, and for science!

Where was I?

Some blogger who goes by the name of Skinny Gurl (I'm not lying, this person really thought of that as a nickname, and no, no one gave it to her, her cleverness is just that limited) decided Kate Upton is fat and shouldn't be parading around in a bikini, because it doesn't fit her standards of beauty. In an awesome display of her families' DNA being completley devoid of any creative gene, the title of the post is "Kate Upton is Well Marbled". So yeah, this girl goes on to post pics of Kate, then call her a piggie, cow, and claim she's 30 lbs to heavy to wear a bikini.

I can imagine all my male readers now, throwing up their lunch in disgust at the thought of ever having physical contact with this woman.

Now it would be ridiculous of me to white knight Ms Upton, as I don't know her nor care about whatever in the hell happens to her. She puts on a bikini and parades her body around, so she should have a thick skin regarding criticism, but the body issue amongst females is one of the most baffling mysteries of the fairer sex. Now that I have a daughter I almost feel compelled to at least try and understand why the hell some of the most beautiful women take their critics so damn seriously, with devastating if not fatal results.

And really, anyone, such as the insipid Skinny Gurl, who writes "Sorry, but: eww!" ever deserves scorn, regardless of what they're writing about. Hell they could say the remake of Conan the Barbarian was a horrible idea and their whole thesis would be shot to hell, because of those three words.

I have an almost irrational fear that my daughter will grow to hate her looks, but while most girls I've encountered do to some degree, many take drastic and often unhealthy action to garner a body that they think others will find appealing. I want what most parents want, a child who'll grow to be healthy and happy, but of course, they live in a world where industries are built to tell you how miserable they'll be without a certain product or service, and in many cases, what they think is a well trimmed body.

It bothers me that their are sites out there now dedicated to being pro-anorexia, telling women how to starve themselves. While I can't control this, I mean this is the fucking internet, I can certainly write about my disdain for it, which is equivalent to raising my fist in the air and yelling at people who could care less. I guess I expect more from a female who should be more sensitive to womens' body issues, but oh well. Skinny Gurl, who probably emits an odor of sadness and Chili Cheese Fritos, may have mistaken her mildly literate rant for edgy pop-culture musing along the works of Micheal Musto, but really she's the Garfield of blogging, safe as it is stupid. A lot of words with nothing to say, but to put down another human being for not having the genetics others want to see in her. As my wife once told me, the biggest critic of another female's looks is not a male.

Eating disorders are deadly and anyone who promotes the idea that a healthy look has no place in fashion, or pop-culture as a whole, can eat a bag of dicks, Skinny Gurl included.

And really girls, we men find you beautiful. Yes even you who stand in front of a mirror grabbing at your love handles while knocking back a bottle of wine wondering why it is you didn't hit the genetic lottery, there's some guy out there ready to have his unclothed body dragged across a mile of broken glass just to see you naked in person. Yes I'm serious.
Well unless you write the words "Sorry; but eww", then you're a fat ugly whore who deserves of life of being shamed into working the lunch shift at a strip club in Oklahoma City while grinding the stumps of hairy men who smell like your father.

"The perception of beauty is a moral test." - Henry David Thoreau

Jul 13, 2012


Being a father and doing what's expected of you has changed over the years, but according to Huggies, women are the only ones qualified to care for a baby and the only tasks men can do well are killing wildlife and masturbating to Asian porn. Take their new ad campaign, which asks people to nominate a father to try out their new products, diapers and wipes. According to the company, their new line can handle anything, even an idiot such as a male.

I'll admit in my household the wife does most of the work when it comes to caring for Kenadie. She does the bathing and most of the feedings, but I do my part to assist in any way I can and have done my share of changing diapers, preparing and feeding bottles, and rocking her to sleep at some unholy hour. If, God forbid, something happened to my wife I'm confident that the fact that I have a penis won't infringe on my ability to care for her just as well.

So given this, does Huggies think gay men couples have difficulty caring for an infant? Are we men to be looked upon as morons that we need things idiot proofed? I mean imagine the shit storm if Microsoft released a video game that even a woman can play. Or if Chrysler unveiled a new line of cars that are so safe even a female can drive it.

So yeah, fuck you Huggies. No seriously fuck you. You've given me another reason not to buy your products.

"We're looking for great Dads to put our diapers and wipes to the test. Whether he's a seasoned diaper duty pro, or still learning on the job, now's his chance to prove that Huggies can handle anything." - Huggies

Huggies To Dads: You Suck At Child Care

Jul 6, 2012


Yesterday my mother in-law gave me the gift that keeps on giving, an Atari 2600. Yes the gaming console that started it all is now in my possession. With it came a bunch of games that varied in quality. The wife and I decided to plug it in last night and reminisce about the joys it brought to our childhood.

I never technically owned an Atari as I had a Coleco Vision which had an expansion module that let you play Atari 2600 games. Since Atari games were much cheaper than their Coleco competitor, my parents bought me the inexpensive ones.

I first put in Pitfall, one of the games to end all on that console. Yes the seemingly never ending game of a jungle adventurer who lept on the eyes of crocodiles and jumped over cobras, barrels, and disappearing ponds was filled with much amusement as the first side scroller. I played it for a few minutes, but I found my skills lacked as Pitfall Harry kept dying.

Next up was Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, a game I played the crap out of thinking their would be some kind of cool ending should I keep back all the AT-ATs, but I was but a child, and should've known that the Empire would win that battle no matter what. Still I spent hours trying. It's a fun little game where you mount a snow speeder and shoot the Imperial Walkers over and over again until they explode. Last night though, I only defeated one AT-AT, and then the rebellion was over run.

In what I felt was quite a surprise, I found a M*A*S*H video game. Yes based on the anti-war film and series, the producers must've sold the license for whatever reason. In it you pilot a helicopter and rescue little men who are as tall as trees and try and escort them safely back to a M*A*S*H unit, all the while avoiding tank fire from your North Korean enemies. It was actually kind of fun.

I tried other games, such as Outlaw and one of my all time favorites, Combat, and most were fun if only for a few minutes, but I saw one title that gave me pause, E.T. Yes the much hyped game that is considered largely responsible for the death of the console is now in my possession. I took a look at the cartridge and remembered the hours of frustration I had trying to figure out whatever in the hell I was supposed to do in the game, and quite wisely decided against reliving that nightmare.

Nostalgia was short lived, but for a few moments I felt the excitement I did as a wee lad, when video game consoles were new and exciting, and the games were really friggin hard.

"People worry I might be sensitive about the ET debacle, but the fact is I’m always happy to discuss it. After all, it was the fastest game ever done, it was a million seller, and of the thousands of 2600 games, how many others are still a topic? Another thing I like to think about is having done ET (consistently rated among the worst games of all time) and Yars' Revenge (consistently rated as one of the best) I figure I have the unique distinction of having the greatest range of any game designer in history." - Howard Scott Warshaw

Jul 3, 2012

Think different

My wife's office is strictly a Mac house. She just got a brand new Powerbook and I have to say, it is a nice computer, if you can afford one, or if your job is willing to expense one for you. I find it odd that they're willing to fork over that kind of dough for products that can't be simply upgraded later, but they don't ask me. As this may surprise some considering where I work, I do like some Mac products, but I'm really not their target audience as I'm not a douchebag nor do I wear horn rimmed glasses and masturbate to Morrisey. Oh and I also know how to operate a computer.

The wife was in the market for a laptop bag and looked online for some. Apple actually made a few she liked so she decided she should go to the Apple store and finally experience what all the kids are talking about.

We walked into the mall and I suddenly realized I was wearing a Windows 7 t-shirt. Oh well.

The wife and I entered the Apple store and it was just as I remembered it. Lots of employees engaging with customers, and a Genius Bar, which I guess the name is supposed to make people who have an issue with their product feel bad about their intellect. There were products and douchebags with more money than sense abound, but no sales register, because Apple's all fancy and will make your shopping experience suck if you use such primitive technology as cash.

We were escorted to the very back of the store to find a small selection of laptop bags. Not a single one had a shoulder strap as the wife wanted, and all were more expensive than the one she found online. We browsed for a minute, and told the sales lady we'd order it online.

"Not so fast", thought the salesperson. She offered to look in the back for us to see if there are any that would suit our needs. Yeah, I've worked retail, when a product is not on the floor there's maybe a .015% chance it's in the back, because retailers do like selling merchandise and get it on the sales floor as quickly as humanly possible.

After a short wait we decided this was a complete waste of time, and started to leave, but the salesperson came out of the back to tell us what we already knew. So we didn't find what we needed, and were none the richer for the experience, kind of like using an Apple product.

“Mac users swear by their computers. PC users swear at their computers.” - Unknown