Dec 31, 2007

Happy New Year!

2007 came and went without and before we knew it I'm suddenly a year older, hairier, but still the coolest guy you know. The world has shifted as well as my personal life, but tonight all thoughts of accomplishements and failures are tossed aside in favor of strong drink and celebration. Yes folks I will be getting drunk tonight and it will be glorious.

The beginning of the new year is bitter sweet as the gym will be packed with folks who will break their calorie counting resolution by February. Annoying this people can be with their slow workouts and constant resting on equipment, but I guess a few them will stick with it. At least they did sign up and make an effort.

So many people wish to change themselves for the better this time of year and I am no different. I resolve to break out in Neil Diamond songs at inappropriate times just to make everyones' day a little more surreal. Wiwille: sharing the love since 1975.

Happy New Year from Erik's Ramblings!

"I don't set trends. I just find out what they are and exploit them." - Dick Clark

Dec 30, 2007

Overrated films part 23

I haven't written about film in a long time so I felt overdue. Going with the overrated category can be a chore as most of them seem pretty obvious (Titanic, Shakespeare in Love). That being said since everyone feels that their taste in movies is superior to anyone else I feel I should take a stab at a Western everybody worships.

No it is not 'High Noon' or 'Unforgiven', but 'Tombstone' became a massive hit and it's not hard to see why. Witty dialogue, great characters, and a brilliant performance by Val Kilmer ensured this film reached out to fans not only of Westerns, but people who enjoy action comedies as well. The gunfights, for the most part, are well staged and exciting. The supporting cast is fun to watch, especially the hot Dana Delaney.

The film, like many on my overrated list, is incredibly flawed though. Kurt Russel may be reliable as he normally is, but it's difficult to imagine him as famed gunfighter Wyatt Earp. That's not largely his fault as his dialogue was hardly authentic post Civil War tongue, but still he does well with what he's given. While some of the scenes are witty some are unintentionally funny at the same time.

The biggest problem I have with this movie is how it takes such as sharp dive after the gunfight at the OK Corral. With a first half that provides decent character development and exciting gun play the film reduces itself to ridiculous montage sequences of action so hokey you can't help but roll your eyes. One shot in particular intrigues me as it's just Kurt Russel shooting into the camera looking straight into the lens. It is as silly as it sounds. Plot lines are all over the board and characters seem to come and go with nary an impression left. It tries hard to be a Leone western at times, but it can't seem to commit enough to bring that sense of spaghetti feel.

While there are high points of this film and I do enjoy it it almost ranks up there with 'Full Metal Jacket' as half the film is far superior to the other. Still it's worth seeing, but not as great as the public holds it to be.

"It has problems — a LOT of problems — but as bubblegum westerns go, there's also a lot to like." - Rob Vaux

Dec 27, 2007


In sad news Benazir Bhutto, former PM and Pakistan's opposition leader, was assassinated today after a waste of sperm opened fire on her and later blew himself up. President Pervez Musharraf has placed his troops on high alert fearing further bloodshed as the country's anger is fueled by this act of terrorism.

Bhutto was seeking a third term as PM in the upcoming January elections after spending eight years in self imposed exile. Noted as the first woman elected to such a high office in a Muslim state, proponents praised her as symbol of progress. Critics bashed her for issues ranging from her gender to her imposing self importance, but still Bhutto...oh you still don't give a damn do you? Okay fine. Stop reading and go back to your regularly scheduled news of pop teen pregnancy. Oh and bite ass.

"Right now, they feel they have lost their voice, and their miseries have increased since my departure." - Benazir Bhutto

Pakistan's Bhutto assassinated

Dec 26, 2007

Tis the season.

Christmas is over and the American debt is larger then ever. As we turn our attention to the presidential races I've decided there's not a single candidate I would feel comfortable voting for. Nope. Out of the whole pack I'm disgusted by the lack of experience, integrity, or like ability any of them have.

Thompson plays well in his simpleton philosophy and down home one liners that I'm sure he's well trained in given his acting experience, but that's all he's got going for him. Hillary is just Hillary and I doubt I need to say more. Romney seems to have a great career so far and is likely the most qualified, but still lacks any real charm. Giuliani keeps hammering the point home that he was at ground zero during 9-11, but that's all his campaign has for the people. Obama has charisma, but again he's a lightweight when it comes to a voting record and as far as I know has never been an executive. Edward's can't seem to get any momentum, but he's probably who the Democrats will go with in the end.

All I wanted for Christmas was a likeable candidate, but sadly Santa didn't comply. Crystal did give me possibly the funniest gift indeed, which was an email filled with pictures of Scarlett. A friend who provides images of the lovely Johannson is a friend indeed.

"The challenges of change are always hard. It is important that we begin to unpack those challenges that confront this nation and realize that we each have a role that requires us to change and become more responsible for shaping our own future." - Hillary Clinton

Dec 24, 2007

Merry Christmas!

Everyone seems to celebrate this holiday for a variety of reasons. Some celebrate time with loved ones, others celebrate the birth of their savior or various other deities, and others love the idea of taking advantage of human greed. Whatever reason you decided to observe these next couple days other than just time off work do be grateful for the blessed lives you lead no matter how hard your existence may seem.

The staff at Erik's Ramblings wish each and every one of you a safe and Merry Christmas. If you're offended by the wishes of a good Christmas you can bite my ass.

"We consider Christmas as the encounter, the great encounter, the historical encounter, the decisive encounter, between God and mankind. He who has faith knows this truly; let him rejoice." - Pope Paul VI

Dec 23, 2007

Thy manager is an awesome manager.

As a child it was taught to me that Christ preached not only amongst the wealthy and sophisticated, but the impoverished as well. His sermons were not meant just for academia, but he tried to reach those who lived a life a debauchery. It wasn't uncommon for him to express his devotion for drunkards and prostitutes and I believe that's what makes him appealing to many.

I was in a liquor store the other day purchasing a bottle of Grey Goose for Andrea, who invited me over to have a Christmas meal with her, her boyfriend, and her family. I walked in there looking for her favorite brand of vodka found it underneath the store's speakers. Loud music came across the sound system and I ignored it at first, but then the lyrics caught me.

"Our God is an awesome God he reigns".

Wait. I know that song.

"There's thunder in his footsteps...."

Hold on a second. I'm hearing Jesus music in a liquor store?

It took me aback at first, but then I likened the manager of the establishment to my father, who would do something like that thinking he's clever. Or my cousin, who believes he speaks with God personally, who would stand outside a strip club or casino and read the good book. I guess what better place to preach the word then surrounded by spirits (pun intended). It's sort of like walking into a Christian book store and hearing Slayer while you browse.

No one in the crowded store seemed offended by the Christian music. Maybe their minds were somewhere else, or maybe they found it funny. I admit I thought it was humorous, but upon further reflection on this last Sabbath Day before the remembrance of the birth of the savior I believe the person behind said music was being convicted and not just trying to be a comedian. Saving souls one fifth at a time is the manager's motto and bless him for it. A small act like that softened my cynical heart a bit.

"I think if the church did what they were supposed to do we wouldn't have anyone sleeping on the streets." - Michael W. Smith

Dec 21, 2007

Wiwille is not a tough guy.

Hello dear readers. Today we're doing something different on Erik's Ramblings. No you won't read another movie review or learn more about my unhealthy obsession with Scarlett. That's right folks for today I bring you a video of myself. Yes Wiwille in the flesh showing you my reaction to the infamous '2 girls 1 cup' video. Be sure to up the volume on your speakers as the mic on my webcam is not the best.

I hope you all enjoy: (sorry about my face)

"People want their 15 minutes and are willing to do anything to get it." - Joe Rogan

Dec 19, 2007

Christmas tag.

Well WIGSF tagged me with an original meme. I'm not big on memes, but what my readers want they get.

1. What do you really want for Christmas but you know nobody will get it for you?

Scarlett (Oh come on. Did you really expect any other answer?)

2. What do you not want for Christmas but you know that somebody will get it for you?

Bill O'Reilly-esque book from dear old Nixon loving Grandma.

3. When do you open your gifts (Christmas eve or Christmas morning)?

Neither. I'll be celebrating it later that week.

4. Do you prefer gifts wrapped or in gift bags

In stockings hung by the chimney with care. (I said 'hung')

5. Did you regift anything this year?

I can't think of anyone who would want a book by Sean Hannity.

6. What’s your favourite Christmas movie

Christmas Vacation. It should be your favorite too.

7. What’s your favourite Christmas TV special

The Grinch. My least favorite is still 'The Star Wars Holiday Special'. (Yes it does exist).

8. Do you like egg nog?

It's been so long since I've had it I don't remember if I like it or not.

9. Real tree or fake tree, which do you prefer?

I like my trees like my women. Real.

10. Would you actually use one of those fireplace DVDs if you don’t have a fireplace?

I didn't even know they existed. Why get a DVD when that channel is playing it 24x7?

11. Are you sick of Christmas music yet?

One can never get enough of Wham's 'Last Christmas'.

12. Are you getting up early to wait in line to do some Boxing Day shopping (Canada’s equivalent to Black Friday)

Since I won't be in Canada I'd say that would be a no.

13. When was the last time you sat on Santa’s lap?

1984 I think. Way to make someone feel old there.

"I made about 28 movies, and I think about five of them were good." - Chevy Chase

Dec 18, 2007


In news that is interesting to no one outside the Seattle area the Crocodile Cafe, an infamous staple of the area's music scene, has closed it's doors abruptly. After it's opening in the early 90s many kids dressed in flannels enjoyed the venue to see various bands before the 'grunge' explosion. Many acts that are now household names got their start in that small club and as the place became more famous other bands frequented it as a good touring stop.

It wasn't just the music that made it a good place to hang as they served decent bar food and provided an atmosphere that was fun. I saw many a band play there ranging from Filter, Goodness, Snow Patrol, and She Wants Revenge, but the last show I saw was my friend's band Super Deluxe. That's a decent way to have my last memory of the club.

The club was historic for it's lineups such as Nirvana and Pearl Jam and sadly those days are no more. Even if it has died physically it'll stay in my mind as the venue where I could see a great show and eat a tasty club sandwich.

"It's one of the landmarks of music in this city ... that place is Seattle music." - John Richards

Crocodile Cafe abruptly closes its doors
Super Deluxe

Dec 15, 2007

Wiwille is not a good drinker.

"How do you know Erik's drunk? He smiles."

An old girlfriend came up with that joke, but it's only funny to people that know me personally. Yeah a smiler I am not and I'm not sure why.

Much grinning ensued last night though. Mattbear threw his annual holiday bash and a fun one it was. I drank to my heart's content including his infamous white hot chocolate. Good food was served and the guests made it an enjoyable evening.

We had a white elephant gift exchange. After much hassling I came away with a bling mouse. Yes it was a rhinestone encrusted mouse. Seriously. After much comments about how comfortable I am with my sexuality I made it known that I am the awesomeness by obtaining the mouse.

Well I drank quite a bit and was feeling no pain. After a few people insisted I not drive home I decided that operating a motor vehicle was not a good idea. I stayed there for the night on there couch. I awoke every now and then when someones kid came in decided to watch 'Cars'. Every now and then the child grabbed my foot and laughed. It was then I realized it was 8:30a and I should probably go home and go to bed.

Driving hung over is worse than driving drunk. This I swear. I was going down Rainier Ave when I started to feel my stomach turn. I sat and tried to reason with my gut, but it was having none of it.

I felt the acids start to shoot up my esophagus. I grasped my hand over my mouth and the contents of my stomach started spewing out between my fingers. I pull over to the side of the road and open the car door to empty the rest of my intestines. I sat up and noticed a guy standing in front of his house watching me get sick. He just stood and stared at me leaving a pile of vomit in the street in front of his house. I wiped my mouth and drove away with what little dignity I had left.

I got home and realized I left the mouse at Matt's. That sucks.

"One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness; a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs." - Josh Billings

Dec 13, 2007

Yes Santa that's what I want.

As this blog grows older I find my brain running out of content to broadcast online. Nothing particularly strange has happened to me at the gym as of late, nor can I really say any more about my disgust with the current administration.

Still there are some things that are worth sharing. Good people like Jeff have made it known to me that Kristen Bell has been photographed wearing the Princess Leia gold bikini costume that was once made famous by Carrie Fisher.

Yes that's Kristen Bell in the gold bikini. You're welcome.

So if anyone has any last minute gift ideas for Wiwille a gift wrapped hottie in this costume will suffice. Sure it's not something as clever as a scarf or anything, but it'll do. It would be a bonus if that someone was Mattbear.

"Leia follows me like a vague smell." - Carrie Fisher

Dec 12, 2007

If only her boss was so honest.

Dana Perino, political hottie and White House Press Secretary, expressed her knowledge about our nation's recent history on NPR's 'Wait, Wait… Don’t Tell Me', a show that's less clever than the producers would have you believe.

For those of you unfamiliar with NPR this particular show has various politicians and bureaucrats on to answer questions about recent headlines. Yes it's like a game show, but without the fun of whammies. I'd listen to the show more myself, but they haven't responded to my feedback regarding finger amputation and/or forced viewing of Hee Haw in case someone gets a wrong answer.

Dana was on the show recently and discussed how she missed a few days during history class. She relayed a story about when a reporter asked her about the Cuban Missile Crisis the lovely Press Secretary had no idea what was. She then went on to explain how when she asked her husband if this was the same incident as the Bay of Pigs he expressed disappointment.

Ladies and gentleman I give you the White House Press Secretary, obviously hired for her tremendous intellectual skills. She can't even recall one of the most important events in history, the conflict that almost ended the human friggin race.

Well at least she has a sense of humor about it and her boss would probably smirk and say something like "I don't recallize that".

"He has said that an arbitrary timetable in which we send a save-the-date card to the Iraqis is unacceptable to him......I stole that from Don Stewart." - Dana Perino

Dec 10, 2007

My season is over.

After squeaking into the playoffs I played the first round in a lackluster if not out right damn ridiculous game. Coaches were starting and benching my fantasy football players which lead to a rousing defeat for the Nashville Tax Burdens. I'd like to personally thank each and every NFL coach that was responsible for my loss and by thank them I mean shove my foot in their ass while explaining how I engaged in a fun filled evening of sodomy with their mistresses.

It was an interesting season plagued with injuries, but really I can't complain too much considering how well I did. There's still much to look forward to in the NFL season such as playoffs, waiting to see if New England does indeed go undefeated, and of course Super Bowl.

Oh I almost forgot cheerleaders. I must be getting old.

"I firmly believe that any man's finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is that moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle - victorious." - Vince Lombardi

Dec 7, 2007

Wiwille is a loser

Lady luck is not with me. No it is not.

My roommate decided to have a poker game tonight and against my better judgement I decided to join. I put down forty dollars and received my chips ready to see how the night would go.

He decided against playing the traditional game of hold em and stated it would be a dealer's choice night. We played a few rounds of various card games where people were lining up flushes, straights, and other variants of hands that completely annihilated me. After an hours worth of play I finally got my highest hand, triple eights.

Yes that was the best hand I could come up with. Getting tired of just folding all evening I decided to play it not giving a damn if I get cleaned out or not. I was so bored at that point it didn't matter. Sure enough I lost to a full house, to my roommate, the guy I pay rent to. Sigh.

I walked away and thanked everyone for another fun filled evening. Yes folks that was forty bucks well spent.

That was about the 37th straight night of me losing my ass in the first hour or so of cards. A gambler I am not. Considering my luck at the game you would be amazed that I haven't been hit by a bus or kidnapped by Sandinista rebels and thrown into a pit of wild horny bears. Seriously folks if I get crushed by a satellite that somehow missed it's orbit and came crashing back down to Earth don't be surprised.

Luck has much to do with everything. It can dictate how you work, love, or whether you live or die. Sure we can try and put the odds in our favor, but at times we fall victim to circumstances beyond our control. I guess I should consider myself fortunate that my real misfortune is with a card game and I haven't been the victim of a violent crime or been in a fight with Mattbear or Big Ben.

"Luck is everything... My good luck in life was to be a really frightened person. I'm fortunate to be a coward, to have a low threshold of fear, because a hero couldn't make a good suspense film." - Alfred Hitchcock

Dec 5, 2007

A great day in history.

The lessons of history are often ignored by generations to follow. The realities of war, political process, and social norms often repeat themselves as you very well know.

There was a dark time in our history when liquor was banned due to mad people believing that a reasonable adult could not make an educated decision to consume a product that's existed for hundreds if not thousands of years. Overwhelming zealotry went masquerading as parenting and as a result the so called moral brigade raised their spears high attacking what they felt was necessary to bring more laws to protect Americans from themselves.

As a result prohibition came into place and the United States became a good idealized utopia. Crime ended, families stopped being dysfunctional, and children had whiter teeth. People suddenly listened to their elected leaders and decided any notion of consuming alcohol was a bad idea.

Of course the opposite is true. After a huge wave of mob violence swept urban America for years taxpayers were fed up with such high and mighty nonsense. On this day back in 1933 an Amendment to the Constitution was passed repealing Prohibition and there was much rejoice. Remember the lessons my friends as many of our civil liberties are under fire in the name of safety.

"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer." - Frank Zappa

Dec 4, 2007

A good Kris Kringle I am not

Last year I exchanged Christmas gifts with my friend which caused a most embarrassing incident for her. It's hard to purchase something for someone who has everything so I decided to get her what I felt any woman wants, a sex themed package. Complete with lube, vibrator, and various other adult oriented items she seemed perplexed by the gift. Apparently her fiance wasn't sure how to feel about it either.

We all had a good laugh at it though and I hoped they would enjoy the thought behind it. After all I do wish good sex for all during the holidays.

Things went awry when my friends mom found the vibrator. The explanation of finding such a device focused on me. I've never met her parents, but I hear her dad is interested in shaking my hand soon.

My friend and I discussed meeting her folks over the holidays as her father requested. From what I gather from her the patriarch is rather skilled at hand to hand combat. She asked me what I would say if he asks "so you're the one that gave my daughter a vibrator?"

All I can think of is "well it is the gift that keeps on giving."

If anyone wants to get me something this Christmas I would appreciate a nice urn.

"How do you survive Christmas? You drink a lot. And drink a lot, right. Drink a lot and drink a lot." - Christina Applegate

Dec 3, 2007

Don't feed the beast.

Wonkette has a regular submission where they search Youtube trying to locate Ron Paul supporters babbling into their web cams. Well this one struck me as particularly odd even for people as rabid as Paul fans.

Ron Paul has become the new savior for the Republican party and it's understandable why. His candor is refreshing as well as his libertarian stances on states rights and most social issues. Many in the party cling to him as a glimmer of hope in what they feel may be a change to a more sane and reasoned federal government.

As most 'mavericks' of presidential politics Paul has little chance of winning, but that has not slowed the grassroot support he's garnered. Problem is a lot of them are out of their friggin minds. So many of them ramble nonsense in their support for Paul that someone with a more sane intellect feels almost scared to be in that camp. With the advent of the internet it's difficult for a politician to weed out their nutty supporters.

Now there's this lady who's not above using prophesy from Revelations as an analogy for the Paul movement. Yes she refers to the federal government as the beast, something she states numerous times, then implores the viewers to help Paul tame it. In a brilliant display of eloquence her buggy eyes and voice characterizations, particularly that of the beast, is telling of one who may have grown up a Ritalin child. Now I'm no expert in mental health, but my professional opinion is to diagnose this person as 'completely bat shit'.

"When one gets in bed with government, one must expect the diseases it spreads." - Ron Paul

Dec 2, 2007

Let it snow.

Man I love snow. Glorious snow. If I were God we wouldn't see grass between November and March.

I'm getting ahead of myself.

I went to visit the folks to help them install a wood stove. Nothing became of it as they argued whether to have it done professionally or not. Sigh.

Rawbean, author of Rawbean's Rants, invited me up for an evening promising me bad pizza. Bad pizza has been a long standing joke between us as I recalled on of our her posts many incidents in Vancouver where I came stumbling out of a club after drinking myself into a near coma and enjoying a slice of greasy pizza at an all night establishment. She related to such activities and we made a suedo promise to recreate such events together.

I really need to stop with these run on sentences.

We first dined at a trendy place filled with art ranging from fascinating to downright hideous. Our meal consisted of great food, drinks, and blaring techno. The conversation was good though as we raised our voices above the atmosphere noise. More drinking and talking ensued at an Irish pub with stories of yesteryear and how we were probably the oldest folk in the place. Finally our quest to consume cheap bad pizza came to be as we strolled down the cold sidewalks and entered one of the many small eateries. Both of us ordered a slice of spinach pizza and you know it wasn't half bad.

It was a fun evening and Rawbean was a wonderful hostess even going so far as providing Big League Chew and good cookies. I need to meet more of these blogger folks listed on the 'Blogs by people I've never met' list.

As we walked by the clubs and watched the denizens of folks in line waiting in the cold my mind was bombarded with memories of once being them. I used to stand there with my friends waiting to spend money we didn't have to drink, dance, and flirt with girls who wanted nothing to do with us. Ahh sweet visions of youth.

Snow appeared yesterday and how I was excited. The crisp air, the beauty of the blanket of white covering the concrete jungle, and the soothing embrace of quiet was apparent. I was visiting my folks when I stepped outside to walk around and hear the crunching of new fallen flakes being packed beneath my feet. My stomping was short lived though as I realized I wanted to share this experience with a certain someone. I made my way back into my parent's house and warmed myself up with coffee and pie, but as my belly became full my heart felt empty.

The snow is melting revealing the dirty earth of mud and pavement which is usually depressing, but right now it reveals a hope I haven't felt in a while. Underneath all the superficial lining of what we try and consume to make ourselves happy there's something underneath that's strong and real. I feel something bursting out of my soul reaching to be free, something I haven't felt in too long.

"Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough." - Earl Wilson

Nov 28, 2007

They hate the football.

A few days ago a blogger from 7 Babes a Blogging wrote a critique on the sport of football. Apparently the female hates the sport most things associated with it, including Fantasy Football. Employing a writing prowess that resembled anything but wit the rant listed a few reasons for her hatred of the pigskin pastime.

While the list is hardly interesting the response to her post was overwhelming. The comments ranged from general agreement to massive amounts of misogynistic bile. Most of it seemed to be just tasteless stabs at humour, but one can never tell. Shortly after receiving such responses the blogger shut down comments on the post and another fellow blogger on the site wrote a response of her own insulting anyone who left remarks that offended her delicate sensibilities.

Loyal readers of mine know I'm not above voicing my opinion on anything, no matter how superficial the subject may be. Some of these subjects are beloved by many and critiquing them may offend those who cherish such things as Perez Hilton, Harry Potter, or any other pop culture item. That being said I understand that broadcasting such juvenile rants will open myself up to people who think my opinion is worthless or allow me to face the firing line of ridicule.

Writing a list of why you hate a popular subject and then feigning shock when all of a sudden your blog is inundated with "neanderthal" like personalities is ridiculous at best. The author posted another article on sensible, nice blogging etiquette. Yes I do wish the blogger community was full of nice people with only love and good boobies to share, but this is a weird sense of reality we write in and no amount of burying your heads from critique will help.

As most of my loyal readers know I'm a huge fan of football. I know it's not everyones' bag. Most people I know watch it for different reasons. Hell most people are more interested in the spectacle rather than the sport itself, but it's something they feel passionate about. If you wrote a blog about how Mohammad once had a homosexual orgy while eating pigs in a blanket you may get some responses that are less than kind. People who troll the internet can sometimes store strong hatred for opinions contrary to their own. If you're not happy with what they have to say then don't give them a forum to say it.

Plus I wonder if they're all that upset by all the attention the blog is getting, including a story in the Seattle Times.

Like how I wrote all that without saying "get your whore ass off the internet and back in the kitchen?"

"..and it’s filled with pigskin lovin’ Neanderthals who are undersexed, overweight, balding, piss ants who haven’t seen their own penises in years. When not watching football, they’re likely to be found sitting around with their buds, drinking beer and contemplating world peace whether or not Budweiser makes enough beer to provoke a woman into engaging in three minutes of wild fornication before she realizes what who she is doing." - 7 Babes a Blogging

Nov 27, 2007

Metal Health

Growing up in the sticks made a youngster inventive in ways of entertainment and I was no different. One evening proved to be frightfully dull as my friend Shawn and I were struggling to come up with something to do. We had exhausted all other options of playing football, video games, and shining a flashlight on our bare asses as cars drove by.

Mischief wasn't on the menu that evening so Shawn decided we needed to become rock stars. We pulled out some cardboard and made guitars and a mic. Shawn draped sheets over the lamps and instantly we formed our own concert hall. His little brother Bryan put Metallica's 'Ride the Lightning' into the stereo. Instantly we were rock stars.

Yes I was James Hetfield and Shawn transformed himself into Kirk Hammett. We rocked the living room jumping off of couches and and twirling our makeshift instruments. That evening we were gods pretending a packed crowd of stoned concert goers were cheering us on.

The evening went on and the bands varied from Guns n Roses to AC/DC. Fun was had by all as the three of us were strumming the night away until I saw Shawn suddenly freeze. I looked over at the window that his eyeballs were fixated on and saw his parents staring at us. Oh hell they came home early. Their eyes were wide open and half grins were clenched to control mass hysterical laughter. Shawn, Bryan, and I couldn't move a muscle.

That ended our night of pretend stardom. Oh and there may or may not be a video of the incident.

"Metallica is going to be one of those bands you look back on in the year 2008, that people will still listen to the way I still listen to Zeppelin and Sabbath albums." - Jason Newsted

Yes we were actually at this show:

Nov 25, 2007

Dangerous driving with Wiwille.

Last night was a harrowing experience involving driving. Yes the simple task of operating a vehicle was daunting as well as embarrassing.

I'm getting ahead of myself.

After working 8 hours on Friday, then having a nice dinner, some sleep, then six more hours from midnight to 6a I went home and went to sleep. The alarm woke me from my slumber at 10a and I got ready for the trip down to Longview. It takes about 2+ hours to make the journey, but I promised I'd be there for a belated Thanksgiving meal.

After a scrumptious meal I hung out for a couple of hours and the lack of sleep really started to catch up with me. I made my leave and started the trip north back to Seattle mindful of my self induced sleep deprivation. I pull over at a rest area and get some bad coffee from the Masonic volunteers, but it wasn't enough.

After driving for about an hour I started to make a concerted effort to never hit the lane dividers again. I decided to call some people to get some company, however no one picked up. It was Saturday night after all, or everyone has decided that they hate me. Either option is reasonable.

I put Ministry's Greatest Fits into the stereo and started blaring the screamings of Al. Thinking loud industrial music may be the ticket I rolled down the windows and started singing along.

It wasn't enough.

I roll down the windows and open the sunroof all the while screaming out the lyrics of Stigmata. Still wasn't working. I need to get colder. Must stay concious. Sleep is for the weak and I for one am a tough guy. Yeah I can do this. I can get to Seattle in one piece, but something needs to be done.

So with a mind racing on little sleep I did what any rational human being would do. I took off my shirt. So here I am driving down the I-5 shirtless, windows rolled down, and blaring Ministry while singing aloud. I must've been a sight.

Not just a few moments later I found out how ridiculous I looked. I turned my head and saw the people occupying the car next to me pointing and laughing. I quickly pulled off the freeway, slipped back on my t-shirt, and got more coffee.

Thankfully I made it home safe.

"Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank." - Alphonse Allais

Nov 23, 2007

Black Friday.

Last year I wrote about an experience on Black Friday where I sold camera equipment at a department store, but this particular consumer holiday made me think about something else.

Yesterday as many were eating their own body weight in delicacies I was here at work trying to earn. Afterwards I took a salad and mashed potatoes to a low income family downtown. The mother opened the door and looked at me. Her face was weathered and I sensed she was a lot younger than she looked. Her premature wrinkles showed signs of a hard life and the constant struggle of simply existing was eating at her soul. Still the matriarch greeted me warmly as I brought in the side dishes. The daughter was placing the turkey they were given on a large plate and the little boy was busy playing with a beat up Spider Man car. They were grateful I showed up and the mother took the food to prepare for serving.

They were thrilled at the sight of such simple edible objects. The little boy was so happy he gave me a sugar cookie. Sure they were poor, but on this day they were happier then most families. The simple meal they would eat made their hardship seem less painful and I can guarantee that to them the meal tasted better than any I've ever eaten.

Not surprisingly there was no father to be seen as the mother indicated his permanent absence a.k.a. abandonment. Another pair of children living off one income of an overworked mother. Our generation has a strange sense of masculinity. We try and spread our seed whenever possible deeming it natural, human, a sense of manliness. Responsibility never enters the equation when we think of what is truly macho. Any bound of chivalry or generosity has been tossed aside to pursue simple pleasures that feed our boyhood instincts. We are no longer men, but overgrown children who think practicing what we hear on Tom Leykis makes us somehow a better gender.

Fighting our own evolutionary instincts is a daunting task I know, but few think it's worth the struggle. Women are discarded, spirituality is replaced with rampant consumption of bad beer and porn, and any idea of being a Renaissance man is a foreign concept. Masculinity nowadays is nothing more then an idea sold by advertisers hawking cars and television shows. The phrase 'nothing good comes easy' has fallen to the wayside and it's our children who will suffer because of it.

"Masculinity is not something given to you, but something you gain. And you gain it by winning small battles with honor." - Norman Mailer

Nov 22, 2007

Give us thanks...

"STOP IT," my mother screamed. "STOP IT YOU TWO."

She came running out of the kitchen whipping my dad and I with a dish towel.

"You'll break everything in the house," she added. "I said stop it"

Dad and I were on the ground. He was attempting to pin my shoulders to the ground as I was fighting him off. It was a fun little wrestling match we engaged in, as we did often, but it drove my mother's ulcer a little wider each time. Fearful that we would break furniture, or worse each other, she would act as policeman and attempt to break us up.

This day she was especially stressed for it was Thanksgiving. Spending hours in the kitchen cooking ham, yams, apple and pumpkin pies, and various other side dishes she took great care to make a it a great meal for us. Fearful that the meal would not be to our liking my mother's nerves were that of a meth junkie looking for a fix.

Dad and I broke up our play fight and we got to work. My sister and I set the table while Dad was being ordered out of the kitchen. The meal was served, grace was spoken in good Catholic fashion, and food was passed. My mother reminded my sister and I constantly of good table manners including why we shouldn't kick the hell out of each other under the table. Dad ate like he was going to be executed soon. Classical music played on the record player while candles provided more ambiance. After the meal I watched some football, then mom would put in one of her favorite movies.

Thanksgiving was a good day at our household. If I ever have a family I hope to give such an environment for my children.

No I won't add strippers to the feast, but I like the way you think.

"Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence." - Erma Bombeck

Nov 21, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving!

Us Americans have a favorite tradition amongst us. Years ago Pilgrims from Great Britain sailed a perilous voyage to the New World in hopes of freedom from religious oppression. Bearing the fruits of hard work they celebrated a harvest with American Indians and gave them such gifts as plentiful food, sharing of cultures and faiths, and blankets knitted with fine wool and smallpox.

Tomorrow many of us will sit with loved ones, or people you can barely stand, for a few hours and stuff their face with food after a brief thought of what they should be thankful for. After a fine meal football will be watched, gossip will ensue, and the token drunk relative will make an ass of themselves. Gluttony will be present amongst us all as we show how grateful we are for being a good American consumer.

Seriously though I do wish everyone a safe and happy Thanksgiving. May all of you be surrounded by your loved ones and give thanks for the comfortable lives you lead. I have so much to be grateful for this year I don't know where to begin. Usual stuff comes to mind though. I'll be again grateful for the fact that I wasn't crushed as a fetus and was instead adopted into a good home. I am very lucky for each and every person who has touched my life. Thanks be to God, family, and friends for the amazing life I've had so far.

This year I'll think of my dear friend Kevin. May his soul continue to rest in peace.

Tomorrow will be an unusual holiday as I'll actually be working early in the day, then I get to go downtown to deliver the salad and mashed potatoes I'm making for a charity delivering food to low income tenants. I hope the people who eat whatever I cook won't be too upset that I'm not exactly Julia Child, but it's really hard to screw up those dishes.

Happy Thanksgiving from the folks...err Erik's Ramblings.

"Dear Lord; we beg but one boon more: Peace in the hearts of all men living, peace in the whole world this Thanksgiving." - Joseph Auslander

Nov 20, 2007

It's all fun and games...

I'm a huge proponent of women learning the art of self defense. Call me a throwback to a generation that really never existed, but I sincerely believe females are at a disadvantage when it comes to attacks from men and with some training the odds can be evened out.

I'm not asking all women to be black belts in a certain martial arts discipline, but that they at least understand the concepts and applications when defending themselves and their loved ones. Some women as well as men scoff at my philosophy for reasons they can't really explain well, but anyone who disagrees with my wisdom is an idiot anyways.

Recently a fourteen year old girl fought off two potential kidnappers by stabbing one in the arm with a pencil. I raise a toast to the teenager for having the sound mind and will to do such an act. Not only did this girl defend herself, but she may have given such an impression to the fucktards to never do it again hopefully.

My point is you're not only defending yourself, but other women as well when you refuse to lay down and be taken by such violence.

My only wish is that the attackers would've taken the writing utensil to the genitals.

"I'm glad that she just didn't become a victim and let them take her. She is a very strong strong baby." - Allicia Brown, the girl's mother.

Girl Stabs Would-Be Kidnapper With Pencil

Nov 18, 2007

Chef Wiwille

Loyal readers will understand I love Thanksgiving, but as the years go on I find the holiday to be more difficult to plan. As my sister spends more time with her family and with the folks getting older I may have to one day break down and create my own Thanksgiving meal. I've never made a turkey before, cause as a child we usually had a ham.

Actually I'm not much of a chef really. If it doesn't involve a microwave and a George Foreman grill I'm pretty useless in the kitchen. I guess I can make a mean grilled cheese sandwich though. My attempt at cooking an amazing meal for a nameless celebrity debutant stunningly went awry when her bodyguards maced me and threw me out of the place. I guess they didn't like the idea of a stranger showing up uninvited preparing food wearing nothing but an apron. I kept explaining I do that cause she loves it, but they weren't buying it. The judge sadly sided with the nazi thugs. Don't come within 500 yards from my love my ass. You can't stop the feelings you commie oppressor!

As I prepare for the day that I might one day be chef Wiwille for the good holiday of thanks I found a recipe for bacon wrapped turkey. Yes you read that right. Turkey covered in bacon. That's a cardiovascular dream come true ladies and gentlemen. Oh and the recipe calls for jalapenos which I like, but they make me fart. Fart a lot.

Culinary tips from Wiwille are worth their weight in gold.

It’s…. BACON! (and a bunch of other stuff)

Nov 15, 2007

Wiwille's movie reviews part 26

I used to hate Danny Kaye and I'm not sure why. Sure the man was enormously talented, but for whatever reason every time he danced across the screen I wanted to trip him. Yet for all my misguided loathing there was still one film that holds a warm place in my infantile heart and that's 'The Court Jester'.

Films produced in the 40s and 50s that were set in medieval times showed a luster to the era of how the time period arguably should've been. Clean shaven men, women with perfect skin, and clothes finely tailored are all apparent while depicting an age where people died of hemorrhoids and dentistry was all but non existent.

Like many of those films what 'The Court Jester' lacks in realism it makes up for it in charm. It is a comedy and looking for historical accuracy in such a form of entertainment is like hearing a lecture on abstinence from an NBA player.

The movie stars the already mentioned Kaye as a buffoon of sorts hired by a Robin Hood like rebel (The Black Fox) to infiltrate the evil monarchy by posing as a jester, gathering information, and help ascend the rightful heir, an infant, to the throne. A comedy of errors doth ensues and hijinks are abound as Kaye bumbles his way as a lackluster spy.

The cast does an excellent job from the villains on up and really this fun film succeeds by never taking itself too seriously. What you find is a mostly clever little comedy with quotable dialogue. While most films that take place in that era are hardly the brutal realism of Flesh and Blood sometimes it's good to have an escapist spoof such as this, cause after all it is entertainment.

Wanna see a film reviewed by Wiwille? Drop me an email or comment and you'll see it soon on Erik's Ramblings. Rules are posted here.

"See Errol Flynn in Robin Hood — and then see Kaye in Court Jester. The former is the ultimate swashbuckler; the latter the ultimate swashbuckler spoof." - Steven D. Greydanus

Nov 14, 2007

Yes you can accessorize.

You ever have one of those days where you feel like doing ridiculous things on a regular basis? I want to answer the phone just rambling gibberish.

"This is Erik tomahawk bofflehangler hang glider spinster dodo. Kindly wrap your arms around Santa's toilet and give homage to kings of yore. Lotta bees and bifocals attempting crepe dancing in Russian polka halls..."

Yeah I'm in a strange mood.

I used to work at a photo lab in a department store and sometimes when walking to the break room I would browse the aisles and look in awe at some of the most inane products people would consume. Yeah I was bored, but I couldn't help but wonder what kind of people purchased such nonsense.

Then one day I came across a video in ladies wear. Scarf Trends was a short instructional aid that claimed to teach you "perfect scarf accessorizing". Oh and Kathie Lee was the host. So imagine if you will someone who's really into scarfs purchasing a video and taking it home for the family to watch. "Kids see how Kathie Lee tells you how to take her sweatshop produced products and insures you look proper with neck wear? This may save your life one day."

Anyone who's ever purchases this crap deserves the shame of a scarlett letter.

"Why do I pray? Because I never know what's going to pop out of my mouth." - Kathie Lee Gifford

Nov 13, 2007

The most trusted name in news

News viewing can be a frustrating experience for me. While some of it can be informative at times I watch a lot of programs that leave me feeling with a big sense of 'duh'. A large part of television news is mostly commentary anyways telling viewers what they should already be keenly aware of.

Fox News gets a lot of criticism for it's fictional "Fair and Balanced" slogan and rightfully so. Problem is due to the obvious propaganda slant the Rupert Murdoch owned station can be the rest of the networks try to convince it's viewers that they're truly a trustworthy resource for information.

CNN calls itself the most trusted name in news; however a new video came to light that would suggest otherwise. Now I like some of their special reports, such as the recent "God's Warriors", but others can range from misleading to downright nonsense. A program dedicated to substance abuse in pro-wrestling had an interview with some "athlete" named John Cena. When asked if he ever took steroids he answered that he never did, but went on to explain his frustration with the cynical press attacking every sports star assuming their performance is partially credited with the result of drug use.

The unedited footage below is followed by what CNN actually aired. It shouldn't come as a surprise to you that the edited footage makes the pro-wrestler seem like he's a juice monkey.

"We'll have to wait the old-fashioned way." - Wolf Blitzer

Nov 12, 2007

Wiwille's movie revies part 25.

Everyone has an opinion on justice and each one of them believes they are the moral equivalent of the lord and savior when it comes to dishing out punishment regarding various crimes. While most people won't discuss tariffs and how the WTO should regulate them all seem of have an idea of the best way to deal with Osama Bin Laden if the administration seemed to give a damn about capturing him. Vigilance is a virtue amongst most and revenge films touch our just hearts.

'Sleepers' is the story of four childhood friends growing up in the colorful, dangerous, yet somewhat noble Hell's Kitchen. Growing up with the violence that perpetuates their neighborhood the boys find solace in simple things as most children will do. As the ugliness of their home lives get too unbearable the boys turn to the moral center of the film, their priest for guidance and even protection.

The young lads aren't angels as one would expect and a simple petty crime act goes sideways when they lose control of a stolen hot dog cart which in turn crushes a man. The boys are then sentenced to spend a year in a juvenile detention center where they experience sexual abuse at the hands of their sadistic guards.

The film then fast forwards to the boys adult years where we find two of the boys decided to become hardened killers. Both find one of their abusers in a diner and deal with him about how you would expect. Luckily one of the other friends happens to be a lawyer with the DA's office and decides to prosecute the case while the last friend becomes a super sleuth of sorts extracting revenge on all involved in their harrowing ordeal.

While 'Sleepers' is more than a simple 'take the law into your own hands' film, it's not high art by any means. Some of the scenes are simple and lazy yet there are others that are strikingly powerful. The film is incredibly long for having so little to say, but the acting alone is worth sitting through this. While again it's not great, but it's better than most mediocre courtroom dramas.

"Engrosses if it doesn't fully convince." - USA Today

Nov 9, 2007

Taggedy tag tag.

Well I've been tagged by Miss Ash. Here goes:

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night?

2. What were you doing at 0800?

3. What happened to you in 2006?
I forget. I'll check my blog and get back to you.

4. How many beverages did you have today?
Cup of coffee.

5. What color is your hairbrush?
I don't use a brush.

6. Where were you last night?
Lowes, Corey's, home.

7.What color is your front door?
I honestly don't know.

8. Where do you keep your change?
In my pocket.

9. What’s the weather like today?

10. What’s the best ice cream flavor?
Peanut butter.

11. What excites you?
The idea of buying a motorcycle, boobs.

12. Do you want to cut your hair?
Not right now.

13.Are you over the age of 25?
Yes damnit.

14.Do you talk a lot?
Depends if I'm drunk or not.

15. Do you watch the OC?
Never seen an episode. I'm pretty proud of that.

16. Do you make up your own words?
I still claim 'jackassery' as a Wiwille original.

17. Are you a jealous person?
There's no need to be jealous when you're so strikingly gorgeous as me.

18. Name a friend whose name starts with an ‘A’?

19. Name a friend whose name starts with a ‘K’?

20. Who’s the first person on your received call list?

21. What does the last text msg you received say?
'I played Dungeons and Dragons tonight'.

22. Do you chew on a straw?
I do.

23. Where’s the next place you are going?

24. Who’s the rudest person in your life?

25. What was the last thing you ate?
Special K with red berries.

26. Will you get married in the future?
I'm 32 and still haven't convinced anyone that marrying me is a good idea. Doubt it's gonna happen.

27. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the last 2 weeks?

28. When was the last time you did dishes?
The other day.

29. Are you currently depressed?

30. Did you cry today?
I'm a man. You can take a chainsaw to my testicles and I still wouldn't cry. Yeah....

31. What was the last thing you said aloud?
"Well that's cool."

32. What car do you drive and what Bumpersticker(s) do you have on it?
VW GTI. No bumperstickers.

33. Why did you answer this and post it?
Cause I'm Miss Ash's bitch.

"Being president is like being a jackass in a hailstorm. There's nothing to do but to stand there and take it." - Lyndon B. Johnson

Nov 8, 2007


Armed thugs shot up a pro-democracy rally in Venezuela, war is still waging in Iraq, Darfur is still Darfurish, and Dog the Bounty Hunter cries a lot, but the real tragedy unfolded itself today.

Beer prices might escalate. Yes folks while you're feeling the pinch at the gas pump, grocery store, and strip club (not that I would know anything about that) you may have to dish out more dough for the brewed goodness. Due to low supply of ingredients prices will rise making it less affordable to consume a tasty stout.

I for one will not stand for it. Isn't there a country we could bomb to take care of this? Fine go ahead and raise the price of oil, but for the love of god don't touch my beer. I should form an OPEC of brewers. Controlling all supply we will rule the world.

If lap dances are next for a price increase I believe open revolt will be the only logical solution to our economic ills.

"I've only been in love with a beer bottle and a mirror." - Sid Vicious

Forget gas prices: Beer is going up

Nov 7, 2007

The results are in.

Democracy rules here on Erik's Ramblings as election officials stayed up late into the night to tally all ballots. Exhausted by the flood of ballots the pollsters kept themselves up by drinking large quantities of Red Bull and eating Lemonheads. Wiwille has an exclusive first look into the results.

Proposition 1: Erik's Ramblings needs more Scarlett Johannson. 4 yes, 2 no, 1 abstaining. This will be a difficult challenge for the creative body behind Erik's Ramblings as the lovely Scarlett is hardly in the news and really what more can be said about her that hasn't already? Then again I love posting pics of her regardless if it has anything to do with the post or not.

Proposition 2: Wiwille is an ego-centric asshole who needs to stop convincing his two readers that he can write. 0 yes, 7 no, 1 abstaining.

Proposition 3: Wiwille's taste in movies are a big bag of ass and as such a disclaimer should be written before each review. 1 yes, 7 no. No disclaimer will be posted.

Proposition 4: Wiwille needs to spend less time on Erik's Ramblings and more on the group effort that is Billy Ocean: Student Council Treasurer. 0 yes, 7 no, 1 abstaining. BOSCT seems to be struggling. Even the founding father Will is hardly contributing anymore, but I will still post from time to time.

Proposition 5: Wiwille needs to write more posts while drunk, possibly naked. Amendment: Wiwille needs to drink more beer. 8 yes, 0 no. Finally a consensus. Readers do believe I must consume more alcohol and write about my inebriated state. There was a split amongst two readers though. One requested I don't post any pictures of any possible nudity of myself, the other thought otherwise.

Proposition 6: More politics, less youtube video. 1 yes, 6 no, 1 ballot seems to be torn. I guess people are tired of hearing about my rants concerning foreign affairs.

Proposition 7: Wiwille needs to respond to comments made. 5 yes, 2 no, 1 ballot is indifferent. I used to respond to comments, but after a lot of thought (okay two minutes worth) I decided it may be best to have readers give the last word. Apparently my commenters think differently so look for some responses in the future.

Proposition 8: More boobies. 4 yes, 2 no, 1 undecided. Pretty much split down gender lines, readers of Erik's Ramblings seem to want some boobage in this blog. I should start posting pics of my own man boobs.

"I have always strived to vote in a way that is in the best interest of all Americans." - Joe Baca

Nov 6, 2007

Vote Wiwille!

Yes folks it's that time of year again. Important state ballots are awaiting you at your local polling station so please take some time out today to help decided the direction our state will be going. Yes this may require you to miss some Friends reruns and/or time spent abusing your children, but the fiscal future of your beloved state is in your hands. Vote and vote wisely.

If you're unsure of how exactly you want to cast your ballots feel free to call Wiwille, cause since I know everything I'll be happy to assist you in your polling needs.

Given it's that wonderful time of the year of civic service I do believe some polling on Erik's Ramblings is due. Your votes on my blog will help determine the future of my useless rants as well as my mental stability.

(All votes are subject to veto and possible violent retribution. Wiwille assumes no responsibility for any promise broken. All ballots that are deemed dumb by the author of this blog will be mocked for online amusement. All complaints should be directed to my campaign spokesperson/bodyguard Mattbear. Recounts and election procedures will be reviewed and ruled by Wiwille's Supreme Court consisting of judges Alyssa, Rawbean, Miss Ash, Scott, and WIGSF. Communications director Big Ben will field all press inquiries and requests for big breasted strippers.)

Proposition 1: Erik's Ramblings needs more Scarlett Johannson. Yes/No
Proposition 2: Wiwille is an ego-centric asshole who needs to stop convincing his two readers that he can write. Yes/No
Proposition 3: Wiwille's taste in movies are a big bag of ass and as such a disclaimer should be written before each review. Yes/No
Proposition 4: Wiwille needs to spend less time on Erik's Ramblings and more on the group effort that is Billy Ocean: Student Council Treasurer. Yes/No
Proposition 5: Wiwille needs to write more posts while drunk, possibly naked. Amendment: Wiwille needs to drink more beer. Yes/No
Proposition 6: More politics, less youtube video. Yes/No
Proposition 7: Wiwille needs to respond to comments made. Yes/No
Proposition 8: More boobies. Yes/No

I think that's enough for this election cycle. Remember to do your civic duty this Tuesday.

"Always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost." - John Quincy Adams

Nov 4, 2007

Home improvement with Wiwille.

Corey declared this weekend to be one filled with destruction. He's remodeling his condo and solicited my help to tear apart stuff.

When Corey and I get together for a project usually things go completely awry till the job's done. Hours are spent trying to complete a simple task as many obstacles appear. In this case nothing needed repair so thankfully the task went well.

It was actually pretty fun. I got to break stuff. I like breaking stuff. I got to tear out a shower, pull carpet, and destroy a bathroom counter and sink. Yes I enjoyed every minute of it.

I learned a lot in my home destruction. I now know you can accomplish a lot by hitting things really hard with a crowbar. I hope to apply that to other areas of my life, such as work. I'm now keenfully aware that yelling the phrase "worthless pig fucker" at an inanimate object really doesn't do much in the way of making it function as you like. I should also mention that fiberglass splinters don't feel good.

Football was watched, drinks and pizza were consumed, and I got to destroy things. Yes I feel manly. The only thing that could complete this weekend's testosterone filled activities is if bi-curious swimsuit models would feed me grapes. Actually I could use that every weekend.

"My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance." - Tim Allen

Nov 2, 2007

You know who also farted?

In dark times as these it's easy to use a Hitler comparison when judging current dictators, or alleged dictators to be. While some of the similarities may seem shocking I find the remarks simple if not misguided. Comparing anyone to the leader of the Third Reich provides some sort of shock value, but we should judge our leaders on their own actions and not try and devalue the debate by bringing one of the world's ugliest tyrants into the discord.

Still we can compare a certain blogger to him, which makes me depressed. Yes one of the masters of genocide and noted vegetarian farted a lot. Apparently the Führer had a problem with being gassy just like the author of this blog. Does this mean Wiwille may grow up to be like him? Is this a call to all readers to stop Erik's Ramblings before it takes over Europe? Or at least Poland? Okay Bothell?

Okay I got kind of silly there. I know we shouldn't joke about Hitler, but I find stories about him farting a lot really funny. Yeah I'm pretty juvenile.

"Colossal flatulence occurred on a scale I have seldom encountered before,” - Theo Morell, private doctor to Hitler.

Scent of a Führer

Nov 1, 2007

Wiwille's movie reviews part 24.

End opening credits. Film opens with some older Frenchman describing his great life as a bachelor and telling the audience about various types of women. Then as if he were going through a mental breakdown he starts singing about how we should be thankful for little girls.

Yes my friends this is how the writers behind Gigi would like you to think about how turn of the 20th century Parisians thought. Well they may not have been that far off.

Gigi is a young woman who is struggling to cope with the superficial lifestyle in her upper class environment. While her family members are trying to groom her into proper etiquette Gigi is reluctant to embrace the education. Enter longtime family friend Gaston, a pampered playboy of sorts who finds everything in life dull and meaningless. Always in the public eye due to his extreme wealth, Gaston comes to the realization that Gigi may be something more than a good friend.

There really isn't much more to this story as it is simple as it is shallow. The music is equally forgettable; however there is a charm to this film I can't explain. Maybe it's the slight pokes at tabloid culture, the beautiful sets, or the funny supporting cast, but there was a part of this that didn't make me completely bored.

While I do enjoy some musicals I can't believe this is such a highly praised Oscar winner. Fiddler on the Roof this is not, but if you're looking for your fluff piece that requires no thought whatsoever then this film is for you.

Wanna see a film reviewed by Wiwille? Drop me an email or comment and you'll see it soon on Erik's Ramblings. Rules are posted here.

"Gigi is all style, and zilch in the way of substance." - Christopher Null

Oct 31, 2007

Happy Halloween

I wake up today and put on my Barney Rubble costume. Considering the costume that I purchased is made out of material so thin and small that even Paris Hilton wouldn't be seen in it I donned some shorts and a shirt underneath it. After looking at myself in the mirror I realize that I look friggin ridiculous.

I walk outside in the 30 degree weather and wonder why I didn't dress as an Eskimo this year. Yes it's that cold here in Seattle. Of course my luck I would need to pump some gas.

I pull into the gas station and was standing outside wearing my silly costume and freezing my manhood off. To what to my wandering eyes appear, but the self proclaimed 'Baddest Nigga in Sea-town'.

Yes our pan handling friend was strolling by at that very moment that I decided I needed to fill my tank with petrol. It could only happen to me. BNST stops and looks at me.

"Hey buddy," he said. "You gots a dolla?"

He obviously did not recognize his 'cracka ass' nemesis. I said no, but this time he took it better instead lowering the value of his request to 50 cents. I still said no again and he just walked away.

Well that wasn't too weird. I hope I don't catch a cold from this.

Have a fun and safe Halloween!

“Sometimes it was hard to tell where my dad's personality left off and his characters began. He was a method actor and taught me that I had to become the character in order to effectively do the voice.” - Mel Blanc

Oct 29, 2007

Wiwille lacks television

Yesterday I come home from work and start my dinner ritual. My roommate, the Jiggaman, pipes up.

Jiggaman: Dude we're getting Direct TV today.
Me: Yes you've told me. Many times in fact.
Jiggaman: Dude I'm so excited. We get over 100 HD channels.
Me: Yep.
Jiggaman: They better get here soon. I'm really excited.
Me: Yeah.

He went on about the glory of HD television and the NFL package. I asked if we could get Pay-Per-View UFC, but he wasn't aware of that not being a fight fan himself. The Jiggaman could not contain his excitement for wondrous television designed to sell him more products that he doesn't need. Yes he's the man advertisers dream about.

Jiggaman: I'm having some people over for the Indy/New England game this weekend. We're going to have football on every screen.
Me: Sounds like fun will be had by all.
Jiggaman: Man I wish they'd come over already. Been waiting all day.

He actually took the day off for this. His growing anticipation for Direct TV was culminating into almost orgasmic levels for him. He's very proud of his electronics, his home, and any and all entertainment that makes him the life of the party. Soon the Direct TV man would appear and the Jiggaman will sit back and enjoy the sloth activity of flicking between channels.

I went downstairs to pack my gym bag for the dojo. I walked out to find the Jiggaman and the Direct TV guy staring up at our roof. My roommate was shaking his head in disgust.

Jiggaman: They don't have a big enough ladder.
Me: That sucks.
Jiggaman: They may not get someone out till next week.
Me: Sucks even more.

The Direct TV installer was on the phone trying to work out the situation. Him and the Jiggaman were all the while staring at the roof for reasons unbeknownst to me. I then looked up at the roof and decided yes it is a tall place. One of our neighbors walked up and looked a the top of the roof. All three sets of eyes were gazing upwards what seemed like some hope that the townhouse would shrink.

The Jiggaman was highly upset by the idea of going without a television for a week. I tried to give him a solution to the idea of people coming over on Sunday for football, but he kept responding with a 'that's not gonna work for me'. Yeah it's that critical. A bar nor someone else's pad will do. They must convene at our house for no other is worthy.

I walked away to let them stare at the roof. I don't miss television as I've lived without it for many years, but I'm curious how the Jiggaman will take it. If you don't see a post from me for a while you can safely bet violent withdrawals did ensue.

Update: I just realized I won't be able to watch "It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown" tonight. Oh the humanity. I could just rent it, but that wouldn't be the same.

"Whoever tries to get you to watch television is the enemy." - Henry Rollins