Oct 26, 2012

Wiwille goes to the bathroom, goes poorly.

Bathroom etiquette at work is something I normally don't give much thought to, thankfully. Still there are times when I experience something odd at work that leaves me with all sorts of questions I dare not answer.

Today I was in a stall, doing the necessary, when the guy in the stall next to me decided to slam his door, for reasons I'll never know. As a result, my door became unlatched and opened, so I kicked it closed, but it wouldn't latch back. The mechanism would no longer reach to keep it closed, so there I was with the door swinging open. I tried to keep the door shut with my foot, but being cursed with short legs I failed in my attempt. So basically I the door kept opening, I kept pushing it shut, repeat over and over again, all the while I was keeping busy on the toilet. Finally I gave up, stood up with my pants around my ankles, and did the weird pants-down shuffle to another stall, which thankfully no one bore witness to.

As I finished my business, someone got into the stall next to me with the malfunctioning door. As I washed my hands the poor bastard was pushing the door shut every four seconds. The stall had claimed another victim, and I'm sure he won't be the last.

"I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom." - Bob Hope

Oct 25, 2012

Obama offends Christians, again and again...

It's no secret that Fox News and World Net Daily hold the title for reporting the stupidest stories and making them seem legitimate. Okay there are Breibart and others, but one has to scratch their head when reading some of the mornonic stuff they spew onto their public, and then it sets in the weapons grade stupidity of those who actually believe it. This has become extremely apparent during any and all federal election cycles.
The folks who hate Obama for the sake of it are the ones who really drive me crazy. They keep claiming he's a communist, but can't tell you how he's against the free market, or any policy that even remotely resembles Marxist traditions. Then there's the lunacy that is birtherism, which is just crazy as all hell and has no basis in reality, but many tea partiers and their ilk believe it as the gospel truth. But there's another absurd claim, and supposed mystery, surrounding the President's religion, or perceived lack thereof. Take this claim by a Fox News contributor, a Las Vegas oddsmaker who specializes in buffoonery:
Christians will turn out in record numbers this year. Obama has offended Christians again and again. Last election 20 million evangelical Christians did not vote. They will turn out in record numbers in 2012 to defeat the most anti-Christian President in US history. How motivated are Christians? Did you see the long lines around the country to support Chick-fil-A this summer? You’ll see those same lines on election day.
I've seen this posted on Facebook, and the resulting threads are about what you'd expect. People decrying Obama for being un-Christ like, yet never give an example of what he did to offend our Lord and Savior. Oddly enough, they consider someone who some would claim follows a false prophet, to be the better Christian, which is fucking unbelievable.
So I guess I'll speculate why someone who claims to be a Christian feels so comfortable judging the Christianess of another, specifically the President.
  • The President once said this is not a Christian nation, which is true: Guess what other President ratified a treaty with this claim? Self proclaimed follower of Christ John Adams!
  • Obama allows the practice of killing fetuses, and that's against the will of God. Hell rape is part of the Lord's will: God actually performed abortions in the form of forced miscarriages. I'm not kidding. He also ordered the killing of newborns and other children, which is just plain wrong, but he's God and you can't denounce his wisdom, so do as the Lord does!
  • He doesn't attend church regularly: Well you may have a point there, but that still doesn't prove his personal relationship with Christ is any less shaky.
  • He went to Rev Wright's church, who got angry and swore in a church: You know for someone who claims to be a Christian you're as largely ignorant of the Holy Scriptures as you are modern politics. Jesus got mad and tossing stuff around in a temple. It's ok for people, even Reverends, to be angry. After all, we should do as Jesus did.
  • Obama spits in the face of God by allowing gay marriage: This same tired argument was used by so called Christians who were against interracial marriage. Ask yourself this, do you honestly think God cares if gay people get married or not? I mean really, will gay people stop being gay if they can't get married? Shouldn't equality be for all or for no one?
  • Romney is a better Christian than Obama: First off, who the hell are you to judge who's a better Christian? That's up to God. Second, I think you need to sit down and read the Book of Mormon, and while you're at it, the Bible, to understand why your reasoning is flawed at best, ignorant at worst.
By the way, while this idiot claims Obama is the most anti-Christian of all Presidents, he never edited the gospels while strippin away the divinity of Christ. 
"Judge not, lest thee be judged" - From a book you believe is the inspired word of God, but yet you've never read.

Oct 24, 2012

What's in a name?

In case you haven't notice, my name is spelled E-r-i-k, not E-r-i-c, nor A-r-i-c, nor any other variation. My parents decided that the spelling of my name would not be the usual way most people think when they hear it. I'm not exactly sure why, as they aren't the kind to try to be unique for the sake of it, but they did and all my life I have to spell it out for those unfamiliar.
I'm not bitter about it as a long time ago when I was in elementary school I decided to stop caring about how people chose to spell it. Granted back then I believed the defense department should invest in a G.I. Joe team exactly how the cartoon imagined it and seeing a pair of boobs was better than Christmas morning. Still I found it a useless quest to ensure my name be spelled correctly on every document, as someone would always forget.
What's really odd is when I send an email to someone, which has my name on it, and that person replies spelling my name incorrectly. It happens more often than one would imagine, well at least someone who has a name that's easy to write out correctly. I often wonder about those people and their reading comprehension, then I blame public schools and MTV for their lack of caring.
If I had a name like Rajadashaveja, would people take the time to ensure it's spelled correctly? Probably, but since my Christian name is all Scandinavian like, it goes largely unnoticed. Even friends I've known for years still forget the 'c' should be replaced with a 'k'. Some friends on Facebook, who can clearly see my name, leave a comment with it misspelled. Still it's nothing of great concern, as my world has larger issues than how people perceive what my name should look like in writing. It can be amusing though.
Take for instance how I called out my best friend of almost twenty years, and the best man in my wedding, in email for spelling my name wrong. He responded hilariously:
Yes, thank you, Paul, for spelling Erik's name correctly. I'm almost 38 years old now and I consider myself lucky that I don't shit my pants every other day and walk around pulling a James Stockdale saying "Who am I, why am I here?". It's funny...I don't have trouble with other four letter words...like "dick" and "head"...or even "fuck" and "tard". Maybe I spelled it wrong because yesterday was my last day of work for the week and I sent 27 emails to my manager...also named Eric...but clearly with a C. Or, maybe I was abducted by aliens 10 years ago and I'm no longer who I claim to be...that is why I do strange things like fuck up the spelling of my best friends name...or find myself attracted to pregnant women. Who is to say really....all I know is that this was not the first time I have spelled Erik's name wrong...and it most assuredly won't be the last. We can only hope that as I advance in age and continue to lose my grip on reality (Grip Loss sequel anyone???), I will take more creative liberties with the spelling...maybe Erek...or Erick...or I could go all nordic on everyone's ass and spell it Eirik. Maybe one day, if we are all lucky, I will forget Erik's name completely and start calling him Harry, or Sam, or Jason...and just continue to cycle through names of TV show characters from the 80's. That will be fun times won't it! Ahhhh...it's nice to have something to look forward to. Oh, in case you were wondering, Night Court, Cheers, and Growing Pains.

Today is going to be a good day.

"I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it." - Mitch Hedberg

Oct 23, 2012

Viva la democracia

The state of Texas allows early voting, so yesterday the wife and I traveled to our local library to cast our ballot. As we arrived the line was fairly long, but the wait wasn't too bad as thing moved effeciently. It took us little time to choose our favorite candidates and we were out of there in a jiffy; although I'm really wondering if I regret my choice for judge in the 31st juidicial district. I got my sticker though, which proves I did my civic duty and can use it in a self ritcheous fashion at others who don't go to the polls.
It's interesting being in a state where I'm part of the political minority. I don't openly express my voting choices to my wife's family, nor my Lone Star friends for that matter. Granted it's no one's business who I think is the best choice to hold office, but to feel like I shouldn't express my views due to people snubbing their nose at my voting habits is a bit much. Still, no one should think any less of another for how they vote, and if they do they have a lot of growing up to do.
Yet here I am, keeping my beliefs to myself, which is always a good policy in my personal life. Still there are times when I was standing in line yesterday that I wanted to wear a Che Guevera t-shirt (yes I note the irony) and thrust my fist in the air as each person walked out of the polling station while I yelled revolutionary slogans.
But this is Texas, and people carry guns..
"Silence is argument carried out by other means." - Ernesto "Che" Guevara

Oct 19, 2012


The Seahawks and their fans are an odd specimine. The team is largely overlooked by everyone else, as they're the Seahawks, basically the Bucaneers of the West Coast, except Seattle has yet to win a Super Bowl. While Seahawk fans cry "east coast bias" when speaking about how the sports media pays little attention to them, or points out how useless their contribution to the NFL is, they seem to forget that other west coast teams have earned the respect of football reporters for many years, one namely, the San Fransisco 49ers.

So yesterday, the whiney fans of Seattle took time out of their day complaining about a Super Bowl that happened years ago and were confident that the Seahawks would dominate the 49ers. It wasn't a bad prediction, as I thought they would be the victor as well. Fresh from a good performance against the league's second most hated team, the Patriots, San Fransisco was coming off an embarassing loss to the Super Bowl champion Giants, and looked to be the upcoming loser to their newfound division rival. Seattle, looking for a new enemy since they were entered into the NFC, has found a newfound hatred for the bay area team, and it's been a fun series of games. Coming into the game, the teams were tied at 13-13, and it was now time to break it.

And break it the 49ers did. Oh did they ever...

"Winners, I am convinced, imagine their dreams first. They want it with all their heart and expect it to come true. There is, I believe, no other way to live." - Joe Montana

Oct 17, 2012

Post debate thoughts

As should come as no surprise to you, most of the people I know in Texas will not be voting for Obama. Hell maybe none of them will, and that's OK. As I get older I care less about trivial things, such as how someone worships (or doesn't at all), how they vote, and who they have sex with, well so long as their partner is a consenting adult, and I do care that my wife only shares a bedchamber with yours truly, but that's to be expected.

Still I don't understand Romney's appeal, other than he's not Obama. His campaign is riddled with missteps and he's proven he's out of touch with most voters, with his 47% comments, his tax plan that neither he nor his running mate can explain, and his constant flip-flopping. Still there's a large segment of voters who don't want to like Obama, even if he personally shot Bin Laden, cured cancer, balanced the budget, and gave everyone a free pony.

A friend of mine made an interesting point about the first debate, given that Romney was the winner, but didn't really do all that well as everyone thought, he just didn't tank, which is what everyone expected. Yet there was a real surge in the polls, which a friend of mine pointed out proves how weak the Obama campaign really is, and his victory may not be a sure thing as the Democrats had hoped. At first it seemed that the only way Obama could lose was if pictures of him surfaced sodomizing cats with a statue of Lenin.

Last night's debate we saw a more polished Obama, who did well during the debate, but granted he had a lot of help from Romney. The Republican nominee really left his chin out a few times, and Obama responded by swinging a few hay makers that connected. What really left an impression is how Romney brought up an affirmative action plan when he was Governor, but it turns out it wasn't his all along. Still he stated something that really caught my attention.

Romney: "I understood that if you're going to have women in the workforce, you've got to be more flexible."

What the hell does that even mean? At this point, with Republicans being all downplaying rape and thinking they know womens' health better than, well women, I can't fathom why a female would consider voting for any GOP candidate, much less one who has to make excuses as to why they should be paid the same.

Granted Obama frustrated me at times, with his difficulty explaining how the President is not in charge of gas prices, something the American public will never accept nor understand. Republicans like to blame Democrats for something they feel they should control, never mind they're the party of free enterprise, and they know full well America doesn't control OPEC.

This election will be over in about three weeks, and I for one can't wait until it's all over.

“If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down. But let’s assume that maybe that didn’t work or something: I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be of the rapist, and not attacking the child.” - Todd Akin

Oct 11, 2012

Questions I wish were asked part 2

Many are already sick of the presidential campaign, and I'm no different. I doubt many voters truly don't know who they're voting for, and if they don't they obviously haven't been paying attention. I want to see it over now, if only just to stop seeing those stupid FB posts about Obama handing out cell phones for votes, or how Romney wants to grill Big Bird on a spit.
Still, for those very few that have no earthly idea who they're voting for, the VP debates can help shape that, as they did for many four years ago. Unlike last time, where Biden was up against someone so unqualified she made him look like an intellectual giant, this time our Vice President is competing with someone who has speaking skills, comes off as bright, and is not prone to make himself look like a moron on a daily basis. Sure Paul Ryan may be wrong about everything, but that doesn't matter in debates, nor does it matter in convincing the electorate to make you a heartbeat away from the highest office in the land. All you need is to be more presentable and personable, but it may not matter anymore, as again we all know already who we're voting for. Still these are questions I'd like to see asked by the moderator:
  1. Mr Vice President: Do you see yourself as a champion for the functionally retarded?
  2. Mr Ryan: Objectivism and Christianity seems to any rational thinking person to be incompatible, so why do you claim both have such a hold on your morality?
  3. Mr Vice President: Why can't you complete a sentence without sounding like a buffoon?
  4. Mr Ryan: Your budget plan doesn't add up at all and you still refuse to give details, which will likely just make it look more ridiculous. Did you honestly think no one would notice how stupid it is?
  5. Mr Vice President: Does the President ever text you saying "Seriously, just shut the hell up."
  6. Mr Ryan: Since you're a devout Catholic, why do you align yourself with a stupid cult follower?
  7. Mr Vice President: Since you're a devout Catholic, why do you align yourself with a terrorist loving Muslim?
  8. Mr Ryan: Your infallible holy father is against the death penalty, so why do you spit on God by not ordering Republicans to not celebrate when people are being executed?
  9. Mr Vice President: Your infallible holy father is against abortion, so why do you spit on God by allowing the murder of sweet little innocent babies?
  10. Mr Ryan: Would you campaign for Todd Akin if asked?
  11. Mr Vice President: Being a role model for those who speak English as a second language, do you want the President to ease up on immigration standards?
  12. Mr Ryan: Have you or Mr Romney sat through Atlas Shrugged Part 1, and if so, how did you not kill yourself?
  13. Mr Vice President: Do you believe insurance companies be forced to cover hair transplants under the Affordable Care Act?
  14. Mr Ryan: Is it true you're just a better polished Rick Santorum?
"Hey, I'm a Catholic deer hunter, I am happy to be clinging to my guns and my religion." - Paul Ryan

Oct 3, 2012

Questions I wish were asked.

The Presidential debates will be held tonight, and the general public seems largely uninterested by the whole affair. It kind of makes sense, because after months of campaigning I would imagine most people are already certain of who they're voting for and no amount of debating will change that. Unless one of the candidates rips open their shirt to reveal a swastika tattoo on their chest they'll just be preaching to the choir.

Still there are some questions I'd love to see answered at the debates. Below are a few:

  1. Mr Romney: What is the price of a gallon of milk?
  2. Mr President: Why haven't you proven to the American people that you aren't a militant Muslim from Kenya?
  3. Mr Romney: Will you campaign for Todd Akin if asked?
  4. Mr President: Why do you hate Israel?
  5. Mr Romney: Since you have a running mate that has pledged to cut all sorts of government assistance from the Congressional budget, will you pledge to slash Medicare, Social Security, military pay and benefits?
  6. Mr President: At what point in your life did you accept Marxist socialism?
  7. Mr Romney: Have you ever balanced a checkbook?
  8. Mr President: Why does our Vice President seem to act like the fictional character Gomer Pyle?
  9. Mr Romney: Will you nominate former Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin to your cabinet, and if not why do you hate women?
  10. Mr President: Why the hell did it take so long for you to change your stance on gay marriage?
  11. Mr Romney: The LDS church seems to believe that Native Americans are the descendants of the Lamanites, and those of them who accept the Book of Mormon teachings will hail a new Jerusalem in the US. Under your leadership, will the BIA help construct such a city and where?
  12. Mr President: When our ambassador was being attacked and since you're such a coward you decided to appear on the insipid "The View", why didn't you storm out into the streets instead screaming "Take me! Take me!"?
  13. Mr Romney: Detail why the state of the economy is all the President's fault?
  14. Mr President: Detail why the state of the economy is all your predecessor's fault?
  15. Mr Romney: You're a smart guy, so why do you insist on being wrong when blaming the President for the state of the economy?
  16. Mr President: How is it that you secretly love terrorists, yet happen to have so many killed?
  17. Mr Romney: Does the other 47% really need to bother watching this? Isn't Honey Boo Boo on?
  18. Mr President: Guantanmo Bay...really?
  19. Mr Romney: Which of your sons would you be willing to sacrifice to engage in a ground war with Iran?
  20. Mr President: Why do you insist on being uppitidy with you enjoying craft beers?
  21. Mr Romney: William Claude Dukenfield warned against trusting those who don't drink. Why should the American public trust you?
  22. Mr President: Since you're obviously fond of selling arms to Mexico in order to help kill US border guards, why stop there? Can you help our neighbor to the south invade and take back Arizona?
  23. Mr Romney: Have you and your running mate sat through Atlast Shrugged Part 1 in its entirety, and if so, why do you hate yourselves?
  24. Mr President: At first pundits thought you may have a quite an election brawl on your hands, but now that it seems your opponent is incompetent as all fuck, what do you do with in your spare time as he's watching his poll numbers tank?
"Over the objections, where they sound like squealing pigs, over the objections of Romney and all his allies, we passed some of the toughest Wall Street regulations in history, turning Wall Street back into the allocator of capital it always has been and no longer a casino. And they want to repeal it." - Joe Biden

Oct 1, 2012

Bad Movies I love part 34

As most movie goers are fully aware, box office returns are in no indication of how good a film is. If you don't believe me, see how much of a huge hit The Flintstones, Independence Day, and the Transformers trilogy were, and look at how terribly the Linklater Before Sunrise/Before Sunset films, Citizen Kane, and even The Wizard of Oz did in their initial releases.
The mystery surrounding the colossal flop of "John Carter" is an intriguing one, although some aren't surprised at all. Me I actually went to see the film with my friend Sam, who has replaced Quoc as my go to person for dragging me to movies of various quality. I've read two of the John Carter books many many years ago, so I was mildly excited to see how well this would translate to the big screen. Most critics panned this, and audiences never gave it a chance probably due to the fact they have no clue about the source material, nor would they even care. And really, most of the movie going public haven't the foggiest who Edgar Rice Burroughs even was. Plus the marketing was terrible, as having a title called John Carter tells you nothing about the plot except for the main character's name. If this were made in 1947, the title may have meant something. But it's 2012, and we've seen little to nothing from the franchise since the forties. Hell if they used the title A Princess from Mars it would've told the movie goers a more about the story than John Carter.
But I went to see it with an open mind, and found it to be a fun sci-fi romp that never took itself seriously. Was it Blade Runner or 2001: A Space Oddessy? Obviously not. What I watched was the character that influenced so much of modern American mythology, such as Star Wars, Superman, and Buck Rogers. It seemed like a great film for kids and their sci-fi geek parents, but no one seemed to like it, at all. It seemed like critics and the public wanted to hate this film for reasons I can't explain. Sometimes its fun to feel passion, even if it's negative, for a film that is mildly enjoyable.
It's a stretch to say I loved this film as it does have its flaws. Taylor Kitsch didn't have the charisma nor talent he displayed week after on the underrated "Friday Night Lights", nor is the plot that engrossing. The story is indeed simple, but it does give one a sense of urgency. If you're looking for a light hearted fun sci-fi film, you could do far worse, and let's be real, you certainly have. This movie is not as bad as you've heard, or even professesed. I enjoyed it, and you probably will too.
"OK, they botched the title. But not the movie itself." - Linda Cook