Aug 31, 2007

We raise a toast.

A sad day for beer lovers everywhere as Michael Jackson, no not the freak, passed away. He was known around the world as one of the premier beer and whiskey critics as well as historian. While people who aren't as passionate about such beverages may not be phased by this I for one almost take it as a personal loss.

I've read many of his articles and forwards in books about beer and I always found his writing to be witty as well as compelling. Hell anyone that can capture my attention about a drink has skills beyond my own. I thank him for his contribution to the community of beer lovers and wish him a restful peace.

No I won't be pouring a 40 ounce tonight.

"Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world." - Jack Nicholson

Michael Jackson Passes Away

Aug 30, 2007

Wiwille attends bachelor party, narrowly escapes disaster.

Nhak, one of the writers for BOSCT, posted about how he'll be throwing an upcoming bachelor party. After reading the post it inspired me to tell you kids about a nice lad we'll call Wiwille who has attended these on occasion.

When I was a studio photographer I got invited to a lot of bachelor parties. I'm not sure why, but maybe it was because normally I was around the client's age and the idea 'the more the merrier' applies to those kind of get togethers better than others. An incident at one stag party almost changed my mind about attending any more.

I showed up at a client's bachelor party which was in a penthouse suite. I didn't know anyone there sans the groom to be, but everyone was friendly and I made good banter with the guys. Hell in those situations people are looking to have a good time above all else so why wouldn't they be kind to new comers?

I arrived fashionably late, but people seemed to be glad I was there. There were about 15 guys huddled in the room and one girl. I thought at first she was going to be the entertainment, but thankfully before I had a chance to ask someone informed me that she was the fiance of the best man. I looked at the best man and he seemed a decent fellow; however mousy doesn't even begin to describe him. A small nervous chap he was and his way-too-hot-to-be-getting-naked-with-him fiance seemed stern with him. After a few observations it's became apparent that this guy never says no to his girl. I also gathered that the guy is pretty wealthy, but that's no surprise.

The strippers arrived and did make a good amount of money from the group before making their exit. The best man's fiance (Gold Digger) seemed upset with something he did and they started bickering. Actually it was just Gold Digger yelling at wuss boy while he nodded his head and apologized profusely. They both made their way into the bedroom and continued their heated discussion.

The bachelor looked at me and shook his head.

"Bitch," he said matter of factly. "She's like this all the time."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"She's just a bitch," he said. "She fucking does this shit. She demands to go everywhere with him. If he looks at another girl she flips the fuck out and he ends up buying her some shit....."

"....The whore's cheatin on him too," the groom's brother stated.

Classy bunch that group.

Both of them told me tales of how she's a trouble maker and treats their friend horribly. He puts up with her though, cause she's kind of hot. After they were done complaining about their friend's choice in women the couple both storm out of the bedroom and Gold Digger starts to drink heavily.

Most of us just ignored her which I guess made her try and get our attention all the more. She started hooting and hollering, even going so far as to jump on a chair and start imitating the strippers. Everyone glanced over at her and then continued about their business ignoring Gold Digger. Wuss Boy just sank his head in shame. I turned my back to her carrying on my conversation with the bachelor and his brother.

I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to face the drunk girl.

"Hey," she said swaying back and forth. "I don't know you."

"Well," I said. "I'm Erik."

She grabbed my hand and shook it like she had epilepsy. After a while I jerked my hand away.

"You're kinda cute," she said.

"Uhh thanks," I said.

It was then I noticed we started to get an audience. People started eyeballing us and I shot Wuss Boy a look trying to make it obvious that I really wanted him to take his girl away from me. He didn't respond in any fashion.

"So," she slurred. "You like those girls?"

"Yeah," I said. I decided to keep my responses as monosyllabic as possible.

"Yeah," she giggled. "You guys got play with some big titties."


"Okaaayyyyy," she stated with her voice rising. "Since you guys got to play with some big titties I WANNA HOLD YOUR COCK."

Record scratched, everything went quite, and all eyes were on yours truly. Wuss Boy just stood there. Back against the wall in a room full of strangers I did the best thing I thought possible.

"Yeah well," I said with a sheepish look. "It's not a good idea, cause mine is really really small."

She stopped swaying and her jaw dropped. Room erupted in hysterics and finally Wuss Boy took her by the arm and escorted her to the bedroom. It was then I decided to make my exit.

At the wedding people told me how funny that incident was and the story passed through the grapevine rather quickly. It was obvious Gold Digger wasn't well liked amongst the groom's friends and between them I became the stuff of legend. Between working and taking pictures I kept fielding the question 'so you're the guy who....'

I noticed Gold Digger wasn't at the wedding and was told that they broke up later that night. I'm happy for Wuss Boy.

"You rock" - random wedding guest who seemed to enjoy the event.

Aug 29, 2007

Wiwille's movie reviews part 14

When Elizabeth asked me to review 6ixteynin9 I was excited that finally someone has submitted a foreign film. Most Americans don't take reading subtitles too well and they're too busy watching shit like Norbit.

The title though led me to believe this would be some sex farce comedy; however I was wrong. Yes I admit I was mistaken. It happens from time to time. Not often mind you.

6ixteynin9 tells the story of a recently unemployed girl named Tum who finds herself richer after a load of money is dropped in front of her apartment due to mistaken identity. Mobsters infiltrate her place and threaten to kill her, but she in turn offs them as they look for the money. As one would expect with a story like this more mobsters show up, more people die, and Tum is struggling to hide the bodies and properly dispose of them while keeping everyone in the dark.

This film runs the gamut of genres from action to thriller to comedy to drama. Every scene is carefully crafted and the photography is clever. All the support characters are hilarious and it's really tough to keep your eyes off this film once it gets going. Often times funny, sometimes tense, and few times surreal the movie has been more engaging than anything in recent memory.

There's one problem with recommending it though. Even though it's a critical success you won't like it. You whine about foreign films and claim a Michael Bay picture is all you need to satisfy your entertainment thirst. You sit there and try and make people believe Forrest Gump is a remarkable film. Yes you damnit. You make sure the demand for a special edition of Patch Adams if fulfilled.

Okay got a little carried away there.

I believe this is the first Thai film I've ever watched, but I may make an effort to keep up with the country's exports. 6ixteynin9 is quite possibly the most obscure film I've had to review to date, but it's also the best surprise.

Wanna see a film reviewed by Wiwille? Drop me an email or comment and you'll see it soon on Erik's Ramblings. Rules are posted here.

"Enlivens some dingy genre predicaments (dirty money, corpse disposal) with gusts of dreamlike whimsy and a sardonic take on local economic woes." - Dennis Lim

Aug 28, 2007

It's the most wonderful time of the year.

Sunday was my fantasy football league's annual draft. Held every year at the local Round Table Pizza we all got together and make our picks. Mocking ensued as each of us made some interesting choices, but overall we had a good time. My team is not as solid as I'd like, but I did okay considering my draft order. The Nashville Tax Burdens should have a decent year.

I'm so pumped that football season is back. Finally a real major sport is upon us after months of dealing with candy asses tossing a small ball around a diamond. For the next few months I will get to enjoy good beer, quality hard hitting play, and hot cheerleaders. What more could Wiwille ask for?

"When your arm gets hit, the ball is not going to go where you want it to." - John Madden

Aug 27, 2007

Wiwille's movie reviews part 13.

Sci-fi films, with their heavy empathise on special effects, always date themselves quickly. Even though they may be considered classics by some it's difficult to make a big budget film timeless. Some have achieved just that (2001, 1984) but others such as Logan's Run will forever sit in the hallowed halls of film making as one of the most dated sci-fi film ever.

When I told people I've never seen Logan's Run they would always feign shock and ask me why I never took time out to view it. I'm never sure what answer people are looking for when they ask something like this. Should I say "I'm sorry, but I'm too busy spending quality time alone to Italian pornography"?

When the mysterious Lisa submitted this film for review I was estactic to have an excuse to view what I was missing out on. Now that I've seen it I'm puzzled by it's cult status.

Logan's Run takes place in the future in a post apocalyptic world. The future of mankind resides in a large city where humans live until the ripe old age of 30, living out their lives in pursuit of all pleasures. Once you've reached that age you're required to participate in a 'carousel' ritual, where funky music plays and 30 year olds are thrust into the air. All of them blow up in a bizarre fireworks display with the possibility to be 'renewed', or 'born again' if you will.

Why this is I'm not sure. I imagine it's because of population control, but the film never explains it. I was waiting for Charlton Heston to run out screaming something about carousel being made of people.

Some of the citizens aren't happy about this so they decided to try and leave the city. Logan 5 (Michael York) is a Sandman, a cop if you will, who's job it is to kill any 'runners'. He's not quite sure why it's so necessary for runners to die, or to be 'terminated', but he follows his orders without asking to many questions.

Logan 5 then befriends Jessica 6, a member of an underground movement destined to help runners. Logan is asked by his superiors to flee the city and find the place the movement calls 'sanctuary'. Logan and Jessica then go off in their adventure to find the outside world all the while fighting off Sandman and a psychotic robot with moving lips. Yes you read that right. The rest of the film moves along as how you would expect.

It's hard to recommend this film to anyone. While the concept is kind of cool, the acting is far better than the script, and there's good nudity in it really the special effects are so laughably bad that I couldn't help but be pulled from the already thin plot. One of the sets looks like a shopping mall for god's sake. And don't get me started on the robot. Farrah Fawcet-Majors even makes an appearance as well Peter Ustinov. I imagine with a bigger budget and a talented screenwriter this could've been a great film; however it's nothing more than a fun romp that at times takes itself way to seriously.

Wanna see a film reviewed by Wiwille? Drop me an email or comment and you'll see it soon on Erik's Ramblings. Rules are posted here.

"A numbing combination of sloppy writing, vulgar art direction, high school acting, and bungled special effects." - Dave Kehr.

Aug 24, 2007

Wiwille sews, goes poorly.

I'm taking a martial arts class and have an upcoming belt test tonight. Part of the prerequisites to test was to sew a patch onto my uniform (gee). I've never sewed before and thought I'd give it a whirl.

So I pick up the school's patch and head home to teach myself basic home ec. I sit down and place the patch on the uniform. I then decide to thread the needle. This is just as complicated as people made it sound. I spent more than a few minutes trying to fit the thread in the eye of that miserable pokey metal thing. Finally I succeeded and started to sew the patch on.

I sat in my bedroom inserting the needle over and over again into my uniform. I had the news playing on the TV when suddenly the anchorman stated they were at the top of the hour. Ye Gods an hour went by and I'm not even half way finished. This task proved to be more daunting than I had imagined.

It was then I learned first hand that thimbles aren't just an ugly fashion accessory. I could've used one, or ten actually, in my quest to accessorize my gee.

I finally finished, threw my uniform on, and stood in front of the mirror. MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND GOOD THE FUCKING PATCH IS CROOKED. Yes I forgot that since gee tops fold over themselves that one must compensate for that. I had to rip off the patch and start all over again. I spent many a minute trying to figure out how I would insure the item would stay straight. I took a couple of needles and stuck them into where I believed the patch would look correct while wearing the uniform. Yes there are tiny holes in the skin covering my chest.

After an hour plus I finished my assignment and checked for quality. For my first time I believe I did a job well done, if not inefficient as all hell. Tempers flared, blood was drawn, sleep was deprived, but I did it. I survived teaching myself a craft, yet I'm not really that proud. Considering the Pretty Girl offered assistance and I turned it down I feel like more of an idiot than self reliant everyman.

I won't sit here and say sewing is women's work, but it's definitely not a task for Wiwille.

"The most casual examination will reveal the fact that all the jokes about the horrible results of masculine cooking and sewing are written by men. It is all part of a great scheme of sex propaganda." - Heywood Broun

Aug 23, 2007

Ask Wiwille: The last day.

Miss Ash, author of Something's Gotta Give, posed an interesting question to me that I've been pondering. After my review of The 25th Hour she asked me if I were being sent to prison what I would do on my last day of freedom. A good question indeed, one I've never had to ask myself thank god. While I've had my brushes with the law I've never spent any real time in a penitentiary.

Now loyal readers would assume my last day would be spent by blowing my 401k at a strip club and that's not a bad call. In reality I would most likely spend the day consuming beer with friends and family, maybe taking a break and do some MMA training to help me in my quest to fend off dry anal rape. I might do some activities I won't enjoy in prison such as watching the sunset, eating Wheat Thins with smoked salmon cream cheese, enjoying a hike, etc. It's a lot to do in one day, but I would try to fit in as much as I could.

Of course at some point in the day I'd like to see boobies.

"I won't talk about what it was like in prison, except to say I'm glad I'm out and that I plan never to go back and to pay my taxes every day." - Richard Pryor

Aug 22, 2007

Wiwille's movie reviews part 12.

Scott, author of Life is Grand, Love is Real and Beauty is Everywhere!, and the mysterious Lisa have both submitted the same movie for review, which is a first. Out of more than half a dozen recent submissions this is the only film I've actually seen before. Let's jump right in shall we?

I'm torn about the work of Spike Lee. At times I find his films fascinating, but some can be horribly uneven and downright dull. Still even the worst of his movies are technically good if that makes any sense.

The 25th Hour was considered at the time a serious departure for the director. Instead of focusing on larger than life characters locked in struggle with each other this movie is a simple plot about a simple man (Ed Norton) chronicling his last day before going to prison. While this may seem horribly uninteresting somehow the movie works with it's sense of urgency, solid performances, and appealing cinematography. Lee keeps you guessing about the true nature of Norton's character as well as the people surrounding him and that alone kept my eyes glued.

Yeah there's not a lot going on with the story other than a guy trying to figure out who sold him out to the cops and his sense of dread before he enters the big house, but you'll find it appealing. A little slow at times, but it's a film I connected with imagining how my last day of freedom would be had I, god forbid, ever served real time in prison. The public and critics seem to be split on this film, but since I'm probably the smartest person you've ever met with the aesthetic values that are only equal to my deadly skills in a MMA octagon I highly recommend it.

Wanna see a film reviewed by Wiwille? Drop me an email or comment and you'll see it soon on Erik's Ramblings. Rules are posted here.

"Not a happy experience, and there are times when it seems to drag, but there's no denying that it lingers in the mind long after the impressions left by other movies have evaporated." - James Berardinelli

Aug 21, 2007

The day has come.

Today marks a bitter sweet day for perverts everywhere as Hayden Panettiere turns 18 years of age. Yes the Heroes star is now of legal consent in each and every state. You can now watch her in the second season and not feel creepy.

She may be 18, but really she's just another girl who'll reject you. As much as we'd like to think we actually stand a chance at getting within 50 yards of her the truth is we'll sit here in front of our keyboards talking about how we'd hit it superhero style. Dream all you want men, cause when she lays eyes on someone as dead sexy as me and proposes marriage all of you will cry why you can't be as super cool as Wiwille.

Erik's Ramblings, bringing you down since 2005.

"FINALLY! Now during the second season I won't feel so bad watching in just a bathrobe thrown casually open." - from a Fark thread.

Aug 20, 2007

Men. Men who own cats.

My roommate, the Jiggaman, will be out of town for the next few days and has asked me to take care of his cats. This is not normally a difficult task as cats can be low maintenance creatures. Well this would be true if his felines were normal.

My parents owned a cat who in his old age decided the litter box wasn't a good thing to use. The Jiggaman's cat, who he named Monkey, has a similar problem in the fact that he poops bigger than I do. To keep up with his bowel movements one has to clean the litter box twice, even three times, a day. If you don't the miserable beast will crap all over the side of the litter box.

What's worse is the smell. Never has such an odor reeked out of your average African Rhino much less a house cat. The next few days should be fun.

My roommate does love his cats dearly, but I was always under the idea that single men should not own felines. When I think about it almost all my single friends own cats. Even the Jiggaman enjoys using those stupid cat 'lol' pictures as a desktop and IM avatar. Am I the odd man out here? Did I miss a fad? Should I just trim my mullet and get with the times?

I think not.

"To bathe a cat takes brute force, perseverance, courage of conviction - and a cat. The last ingredient is usually hardest to come by." - Stephen Baker

Aug 17, 2007

Finally some Scarlett news

Yes it's been a while since I've posted about the lovely Scarlett, but she's really not a newsmaker like other Hollywood debutantes or whore socialites. Still I believe bringing you updates on Erik Rambling's favorite actress is important and it's not, I repeat not just an excuse to make a post when I'm feeling uninspired.

Jeff informed me that the actress most admired for her thespian skills is set to play a super villan sidekick in an upcoming comic book film entitled "The Spirit." Frank Miller, the brains behind 'Sin City' and '300' is set to direct. Samuel L Jackson is also set to act in the film.

My comic book loving colleague informed me that 'The Spirit' is very noir driven and the women are often dressed in that 40's fashion. Think Betty Page in elegant evening wear. Now I'm not a huge fan of comic book films, but so far I believe this must be seen on the big screen to enjoy the acting talents of Scarlett.

Scarlett news = your cue to quality blogging.

"LA's a very hard place to be unless you have people there that love you. It can be very, very lonely, and it can eat you up if you don't take care of yourself. In LA, nobody wants to talk to each other, everybody's giving each other catty looks." - Scarlett Johansson

Scarlett Gets the Spirit

Aug 16, 2007

Wiwille's movie reviews part 11.

When anti-alcohol activists, few in number they are, try to educate anyone in earshot the dangers of the substance normally they turn to the fact that when intoxicated your ability to preform various activities is largely impaired. Heavy equipment, driving, blogging, and believing your the best karaoke singer on earth are just a few of the activities that are stunted by the consumption of 16 drinks.

Like most casual pool players I cannot play well without a few beers in me. I don't know why this is. Maybe it's because I'm more relaxed and I could care less whether I win or lose at it. Maybe it's because while intoxicated my mind is on more critical things like how the hell I'm going to get home, how much the bar tab will be, and/or boobies.

Poolhall Junkies is the latest in a rash of movie review submissions. Scott, author of Life is Grand, Love is Real and Beauty is Everywhere!, requested this calling it a "really great movie". Well he's write and he's wrong, and of course I'll get into why.

Poolhall Junkies tells the story of Johnny Doyle, a child prodigy in the game of billiards. Taken under the wing of a mobster named Joe, Johnny spends most of his adult life fine tuning the art of hustling wanna be pool sharks. Upon learning his employer kept him out of the professional circuit Johnny ends his relationship with him and attempts a straight life. After trying out a working class lifestyle he finds himself constantly drawn back in the poolhalls, betting on games, and contemplating how he could've been the best much to the dismay of his upper calls girl friend. He could've been a contender if you will (If you got that reference you're super cool).

As with most stories of this nature the mobster returns and picks apart at Johnny. Donny, Johnny's little brother, ends up being hustled by Joe and as a result robs a pawn shop and gets thrown in jail. Johnny of course has to return to the pool table and win a bunch of money against Joe's new hired pool hand to even the score.

You're probably reading this and thinking this movie sounds pretty simple and you're right. The plot sounds like it was ripped off of any bad martial arts film. The script for the most part is weak, the direction is lax, and the acting can be downright painful at times. Still this being said the movie has some real strong points as well. The soundtrack is great. As the good natured Scott is a music lover I imagine this is a huge reason why he likes this film. Some of the lines are absolutely hilarious and Christopher Walken is always a treat to watch even if he's playing the same character over and over again. The poolhall scenes are shot well, if not a little overdone, but still it is impressive how they show the actors actually making the shots.

Amazingly enough Rick Schroeder is in it and isn't half bad.

I'm really torn how I feel about this movie though. Is it high brow cinema? Hell no. Is it a good film? Well not really. Is it entertaining? Certainly. This is not "The Hustler" or "The Color of Money", but sometimes films like this one have a certain appeal for reasons you can't explain.

"This brash little indie is oddly endearing and fun to be around." - Colin Colvert

Aug 15, 2007

Move on.

Democratic debates have always been a great source of comedy for me and this year is no exception. I enjoy watching the silver spoon candidates answer off the cuff questions. Seeing them rack their brains and try and remember their pre-scripted answers can be comical, if not disheartening. Most of the time they're polished as one would expect, but there are times they may say something when really you know the candidate is either clueless or indifferent.

This was none more evident in the Logo Debate. Obama, Hillary, Edwards, and no one else you care about or sadly ever heard of, courted the gay press in a debate style similar to Oprah. Candidates sat in a cozy chair while a panel of three asked various questions about gay rights. Actually most of it included Melissa Etheridge talking about herself, but still various softballs were thrown at the presidential hopefuls including the age old question of whether someone thinks homosexuality is a choice or not. I still haven't figured out how a straight person can honestly answer that. I sure as hell can't.

Regardless I didn't make it through the debate. Frustration set in quickly as I am already tired of hearing people argue over the merits of military service, marriage, and same sex partner health care benefits. At the risk of sounding offensive I'd really like these issues to be resolved in the next four years. If homosexuals want to die in an incompetent war let them. If a gays want to enter into property arrangements with people they love, well fine. Give them that.

As someone who takes a libertarian view on social issues such as these I have to admit I am for gay marriage and military service not just because I believe consenting adults should have that right, but I selfishly want the public discourse to be about other things. I would like our electorate to move beyond such issues and focus on what really is going to determine the future of our country. Foreign policy, global trade, and running a military are what is really going to determine which person I want elected to the highest office in the land and if we continue to dominate the political landscape with outcry over what consenting adults do with their genitalia such problems will fall off the radar. The effects may be devastating.

"There will always be someone else with a different view than you. I appreciate them and would never say that they are wrong. I hope that they would give me that courtesy also." - Melissa Etheridge

Aug 14, 2007

Billy Ocean, Student Council Treasurer is back!

After a long hiatus the collaborative effort of Nhak, Willtuck, Mattbear, Zooloo, and myself is back in action feeding the blogsphere with tales of conspiracy theories, enviornmentalism, random conversations, and of course Scarlette. Yes Billy Ocean, Student Council Treasurer is active with recent postings and an all new look.

Mattbear, who didn't take the loss of BOSCT well, stubbornly insisted on posting on a blog that hadn't been worked on since January. The rest decided to follow suit as we enjoyed the blog and before you know it the greatness was resurrected. I'm happy to see us working on it again as it's fun to have five friends feed off each other's creativity.

As I will be posting on BOSCT from time to time I'll still make Erik's Ramblings my priority. I have to since I have had a flood of movie review requests in the last few days and as promised I'll review each and every one of them, well cept for GI Samurai.

For more information click the links for the beginning and almost end of BOSCT.

"Suddenly life has new meaning to me,There's beauty up above and things we never take notice of, You wake up suddenly you're in love." - Billy Ocean

Aug 13, 2007

Picnic time for Wiwille

This weekend the Pretty Girl and I celebrated our two year anniversary. Given I'm short on cash due to my recent car drama she took charge of the event. After a day with some friends at the lake which included jet skiing, swimming, and the tossing of a Nerf football she had me drive to a nearby park. She opened the trunk to reveal a picnic basket.

Yep we had a picnic in the park. She served up a good meal complete with wheat thins and smoked salmon creamed cheese as an appetizer. I hadn't been on a picnic in years, but spending my time eating a spicy chicken sandwich and drinking french wine with her made it one to remember.

It's amazing to think that two years ago I tried to convince the Pretty Girl that dating Wiwille was a good idea. Lucky for me she agreed. How time does fly.

"One man by himself is nothing. Two people who belong together make a world." - Hans Margolius

Aug 10, 2007

Mother-daughter team espresso.

Pacific Northwesterners are famous for their love of coffee. Home to Starbucks, the average Seattlite consumes enough java that would normally kill a horse. If Western Washington quit drinking coffee for a day the economy would collapse. It's not uncommon for the coffee drones to spend more money on the beverage in a year than they put in their 401k.

Competition is fierce among Batistas and a drive thru espresso place in Redmond came up with an idea that would help boost sales. Kellie Echeverry, owner of Little Shop Espresso, was struggling to make ends meet and in order to attract business she figured one day she'd go to work in lingerie. Going a step further her co-worker/daughter, who's 16 years old, is serving up cups of jo in her bikini.

Guess what? Sales increased three fold.

Controversy has ensued as some residents simply can't just not go to the stand, but instead have asked the city to have it shut down. Since the family is doing nothing illegal no arrests have been made. There is some issue with a permit and a sign, but who cares?

Now some have asked me if I've been to this place, which is a fair question indeed. I like coffee and like me some scantily clad women, but I have no plans to venture there. Not that I'm a prude, but a mother-daughter team using sex appeal? A sixteen year old? It's a little much even for my tastes. I've yet to step foot in a Hooters even.

"They have never complained about the signs, ever, until we changed (to lingerie). It's just a way for them to breathe down my throat." - Kellie Echeverry

Controversy brewing over Redmond lingerie stand

Aug 9, 2007

Wiwille receives suedo porn.

For the life of me I will never figure out why some of the strangest incidents happen to me at the gym. Between naked shavers, nude singing old men, random boobage, and whiny teenagers I seem to see it all where I work out. Oh and there's more. Type in 'gym' in the search field of this blog and see what I'm talking about.

While it is entertaining for sure I'm a simple guy and like my workouts to be productive. I go there, hit the elliptical trainer, lift some weights, shower, then go home. You would think that's all there really is to getting some exercise at a fitness facility, but no not the one I attend.

I finished my workout and found a cover of a Playboy magazine featuring the 'Girls Next Door', Hef's infamous girlfriends, on my windshield. Nothing else. There were no articles or other pictures (not that I would look at them anyways...yeah). Just one page and that being the cover.

I'm totally stumped as to who would possibly do this. Is someone teasing me? Is this some strange promotion by Playboy enterprises? Are the employees on the staff telling me I need to work out more to possibly even consider sleeping with girls who look like that? Is it as random as I think it is?

I wish I could get to the bottom of this, but there were few clues as to who would grant me a Playboy magazine cover on my car.

"The major civilizing force in the world is not religion, it is sex." - Hugh Hefner

Wiwille's movie reviews part 10

Today is a milestone as I finish the last movie review submission from Miss Ash. Not content with suggesting a film, but the author of Something's Gotta Give, felt it necessary to submit four films in one comment. Thankfully most of them are good movies and I've forgiven her for the one that is...well...not good. So far she has the most reviews done by me.

The Technocrat, being the funny man that he is, asked me to review every single Harry Potter and Mighty Ducks films. Well since one of the rules is that the movies cannot be complete donkey shit I probably won't get around to watching them anytime soon. Although I have seen the 2nd Mighty Ducks movie. Don't ask why.

A saying often used by directors is that movies are never completed. They are instead abandoned. Given this it's difficult to imagine a film being perfect, but Goodfellas may be considered the closest to perfection since Citizen Kane. Following the story of true life mobster turned rat Henry Hill the film takes us into the real world of the mafia. There's nothing sensationalized about the lifestyles portrayed here as Henry follows his dream of becoming a wiseguy.

Scorsese doesn't insult his audience by pulling punches and for that I'm grateful. His view of the average gangster is honest, compelling, and often time horrifying. The great cast, along with the authentic dialogue, makes the drama all the more real. Not much more can be said about Goodfellas that hasn't been already, but since I'm an opinionated loudmouth I'll say it anyways. Scorsese proves once again that he's a master of his craft by providing us with this brilliant film.

Well folks I'm tapped for reader submissions so if you have a favorite film that you want to see on Erik's Ramblings write me an email or drop a comment. Rules are posted here.

"Brutal, stylish, hypnotic and addictive, GoodFellas remains Scorsese's best film." - Glenn Abel

Aug 8, 2007

Play it Raj. Play 'As Time Goes By'.

I'm a huge fan of 'Casablanca'. Yes the old time romantic film set in World War II occupied France strikes a chord in me every time I see it. I can't count how many times I've viewed the film, but it's one of the best I've ever seen.

Bollywood has often made some silly if not out right insulting remakes of various American movies such as Fight Club and the horrible Superman. Not content with making 500 romantic films a year with actors breaking into song and dance for no apparent reason some genius has decided that an Indian version of Casablanca is in order. According to the article it's set to the separatist movement in Sri Lanka. This is by the same director that made the Bollywood version of The Seventh Seal.

Yes Hollywood is not above ripping off foreign films, such as The Seventh Samurai, but still...

"I made more lousy pictures than any actor in history." - Humphrey Bogart

Casablanca gets Indian remake

Aug 7, 2007

If you like The Godfather then the terrorists have won!

Aesthetic tastes can be a deal breaker when judging some one's character. Often times people will make assumptions about another individual because of the music, movies, or books they enjoy. I can be just as guilty especially when I browse some one's DVD collection and come across Pearl Harbor or Patch Adams. Yes I at times have to remind myself that people are not necessarily less of a person because they own an album by The Cure.

When people meet and find they have similar interests in the arts they may assume that person is of like personalities. Well Hitler's record collection has been recently released and it seems we enjoy similar music. Hell Hussein and I share the same favorite film (The Godfather).

"It's ironic that at age 32, at probably the greatest moment of my career, with The Godfather having such an enormous success, I wasn't even aware of it, because I was somewhere else under the deadline again." - Francis Ford Coppola

Possible record collection of Adolf Hitler found

Aug 6, 2007

Even more car drama.

My car is a friggin lemon. I was driving around and the check engine light came on. I almost cried I was so angry. I just spent quite a penny getting the thing fixed and now I had to take it back to the shop again.

Well the mechanic praised me for the great condition the engine is in as I've been religious in changing the oil and doing all maintenance to manufacturer standards. Well taking care of the engine doesn't mean the water pump, secondary air pump, timing belt, and a light fixture all went tits up on the same freakin day. Yes all this happened in one day.

Well the cost of the repairs are really high and I'm borrowing my parents boat of a car till I can save all money to get it all fixed in one sitting. If I got the parts repaired one by one the labor fees would skyrocket. I still haven't paid off the thing. Yeah I feel kinda pathetic right now.

What's funny is that every time I tell this to someone they always counter with "gee my car has run great for x amount of years and I've never had a problem." If I had a dollar for every time I've wanted to punch somebody in the mouth for saying that I could buy a couple movie tickets.

If one of those people tell me that their significant other cheated on them I'll be sure to say "golly I'm glad my girlfriend is not some dirty whore who gave me genital warts and banged a member of my family."

Okay that may be a little extreme.

"The two things destined to keep you poor are a car and a girlfriend." - Source unknown

Aug 3, 2007

Wiwille might just be a pansy.

I pride myself in being a manly drinker. I shy away from cheap beer, such as Budweiser or any Canadian mass produced piss water, preferring the stouts, porters, and the like. I do enjoy hard liquor such as cognac and whiskey, but fruity drinks are not my style.

In what's obviously a slow news day for some journalists someone decided to make a list of drinks men shouldn't order. While there's nothing surprising about the results one form of alcohol made me raise an eyebrow. The claim was that any drink that boasts whipped cream should never be ordered by anyone who thinks themselves as masculine. I have often ordered a Baileys and coffee, mostly without the whipped cream, but still I guess I'm a girly man.

It could be worse I guess. I could be a wine snob (Andrew) or consume bitch beer (Corey). Still those two guys sleep with more women than I do. Maybe I should be a connoisseur of feminine alcohol.

"Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." - Benjamin Franklin

You should be ashamed to drink these.

Aug 2, 2007

Today may be a good day.

I fell asleep watching South Park last night. When my alarm went off this morning I awoke to a Girl's Gone Wild infomercial. Not a bad way to start the day with a little blurred out nudity and girls making out, but I was quickly bored with it. I've seen these advertisements before and wasn't buying into Joe Francis' promise of this video to be the wildest Girls Gone Wild yet. I mean seriously how much further can you push the envelope when all you show are girls flashing their boobs and tonguing each other?

Before I clicked off the remote Joe announced that he had some cast members from MTV's reality series Road Rules and Real World. I only recognized one, Tanya from the Chicago season. Not that I believe reality TV stars have all that much dignity, but still I was kind of surprised that they were on the commercial. Okay I wasn't that shocked. Joe told the audience that he had challenges for the cast which included them going to parties and trying to get girls to do "the wildest thing ever."

At this point what is the wildest thing ever? Will the girls shoot fireworks out of their ass? Will they bust into the Supreme Court building and flash the judges? Curious I became.

Well the ad went on and it showed everything you've seen before, which again isn't necessarily a bad thing. I mean I'm all for hot girls removing their tops and showing us the gift that keeps on giving, especially when it's set to Carribean percussions, but I'm surprised this series still makes money.

I know this next sentence may surprise you so I hope you're sitting down. I've never owned a Girls Gone Wild video. I swear I haven't. Even though I'm a breast man I've never had the desire to buy something that involved drunken girls doing things that send their fathers into an early grave. Then again I'm kind of a hypocrite considering I have a stack of Playboys, but the articles intrigue me. Seriously they have some good writing in them.

Sadly I saw no evidence of the Real World girl showing her goodies. I guess the king of date rape couldn't convince her to get naked to boost her career. Surprising since I guess she's been in Playboy and late night Cinemax films. I guess I would have to buy it to find out, but that's not going to happen. I clicked off the television and headed to the shower. Today is going to be a good day.

"Paris Hilton is the best … Paris is amazing in bed … better than anyone.” - Joe Francis

Tonya Cooley

Aug 1, 2007

Wiwille's movie reviews part 9.

I may go down in history as one of the world's worst poker players. While I'd rather be known for having the sexual prowess worthy of Don Juan my tombstone will probably read 'I'm folding this fucking hand'. Given this I'm still fascinated by the popular no limit Texas hold 'em and will play on occasion. Sometimes I clean house, but often times I lose early after folding numerous hands.

Players are locked in the eternal debate of whether poker is a skill or luck game, but I believe both camps are correct. My win/loss record is proof. Still the excitement that comes from going 'all in' on a hand keeps people at the tables betting their kids' college fund.

'Rounders' is a great example of the sacrifice made by people for the sake of facing an opponent at the poker table. Matt Damon plays a New York City law student who has left behind his addiction for the cards. Planning a new life with his hot girlfriend Gretchen Mol the viewer is given glimpses into how he misses the game even though it almost cost him his relationship.

Ed Norton is Matt's best friend who is recently released from prison. Ed is a poker player as well, but doesn't have the gentlemanly conduct one would associate with a high roller. A cheat and a hustler, Norton's friendship with Matt immediately puts a strain on any sort of normalcy for our hero. Torn between the struggles of covering his friends ass and maintaining his studies, Damon finds himself in extreme debt covering for the antics of his buddy. Soon that debt catches up with them both and the two are left to playing cards to save their lives, a position Damon finds aggravating, but exciting as well.

Ed Norton is always a treat to watch on film and in this movie he doesn't disappoint. The rest of the cast, including John Malcovich, range from great to at least competent. While the script isn't always compelling the movie is a great look into the world of the compulsive gambler, one I hope most people avoid. Given my experience as a former casino employee I can honestly say I pray all avoid the self destructive lifestyles evident in many a gambler.

I have to commend the taste of my readers. While their submission may not always be considered high brow cinema I've enjoyed all of the films sans one, that miserable "Life of David Gale." Bravo to the fans of Erik's Ramblings.

Again if you have a movie that you'd like me to review feel free to send me an email or comment requesting I do as such. Details are listed here.

"It's a movie of character and milieu, both of which it evokes brilliantly." - Stephen Hunter