Things I'd like to see in 2013

We're all supposed to be excited about the end of a year, and hope for an even better one than the supposed awesomeness that was 2012. Well such optimism is usually a bunch of horse shit, as things can and often will get worse as time goes on. Look at New Years Eve on 2011. Who would've predicted such awfulness as Gungam Style, monthly shooting sprees, Paul Ryan, Kim Jong-Un, fiscal cliffery, Amish Mafia, another year of stupid talent based reality shows that display very little ability in their respective craft and are scripted. Yes 2012 was not a good year for many, even for Democrats who failed to take back the House from a party that seems to be on the verge of non-existence.

So below are some things I'd like to see happen in 2012:

1. A Depp/Burton project that doesn't have to involve Helen Bonham Carter and will actually be watchable.
2. The death penalty will be banned in the US, except for those who create spyware and other malicious software.
3. The United States will collectively, without the need for legislation, say no more Ke$ha.
4. Facebook will implement a feature for anyone who posts anything annoying and/or pretentious, to deliver an electric shock through their keyboard and nuke their account into orbit.
5. Lite Beer will no longer exist.
6. All vegetables will taste like cheese.
7. We actually find a cure for cancer, and it was from researchers from Kent State, so they can finally scrub the image of the shot student as being the first thing you think about when that school is mentioned.
8. I would like to see Peyton Manning win another Super Bowl ring, and the Seahawks and Lions go back to being the kings of mediocrity that history has known them for.
9. I'd like to read a football article that doesn't mention Tim Tebow. I'm sure he's a nice guy and doesn't deserve any of this, but still enough.
10. I'm hoping cops will give more tickets for going too slow, than going fast.
11. I hope that all will check Snopes.com and other fact checking sites before forwarding their stupid emails.

That's all I want, isn't too much to ask.

"Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?" - Ogden Nash