I'm an addict.
Yes I know I said I was going to take a hiatus from broadcasting my mildly literate thoughts to the internet. Apparently I didn't last long.
I lie. I lie a lot.
I was sitting in my room looking at my blog the other night.
'You mustn’t post Wiwille. Remember the reasons why you chose to end it? Stop it Wiwille. Stop thinking about your blog. It's just some useless waste of space in the vast world of online content. Your contributions to the literary community have been crude, unreadable, and bordering on libel. To think that your writings on various topics have inspired any creativity or thinking may break at least one, if not four, of the seven deadly sins. You arrogant waste of space Wiwille. Stop. Don't do it.'
There I lay wondering about this blog and how it came to be and how much has changed since its inception. Three years is a long time. Like a heroin junkie I justified my actions telling myself I'll quit when I have to, but as many who try to curb their addictions I swiftly relapsed faster than a Dr Drew patient.
So here I am feeding my nonsensical need to write and broadcast. I'm back from my short stint of silence.
I have a lot of female friends. I'm not sure why this is, but of course I'll speculate. I think some keep me around because I always offer a point of view from a guy's perspective. Granted this is coming from a man who enjoys musical theatre, but my opinions are always honest and blunt even if I know it’s not what they want to hear.
I'd also like to think they just love being in the presence of such a sexy individual as myself, but as indicated before that would be untrue.
I had a friend over last night. Over dinner she was telling me about her recent date with an accountant. She decided not to see this man again after this being the second encounter he didn't match well with her personality. I asked about what kind of man she likes, but her response was that she doesn't have a particular type.
This is when I hit her with my guidelines for guys that date my friends.
Yes I have a specific set of standards that a man must have to court any female in my life. Such rules include, but are not limited to:
- He must be somewhat versed in the martial arts.
- He must have a valid driver's license and have full coverage insurance.
- He must know how to operate and 'make safe' a firearm.
- He must be able to handle himself well in a fight.
- He must have keen street smarts.
- His instinctive reaction to any sort of danger is to place himself in front of her.
- Under no circumstances is he ever to speak a hurtful word to or about her.
- Dire consequences will arise if he ever raises a hand to my friend in anger.
"But Wiwille," she asked. "What about making me smile? I want a guy who can make me laugh, hang with....."
"....I don't care," I said. "The whole personality thing is completely up to you. He could be a socially awkward mindless douche who watches reality television for all I care. If you're happy with him you'll have my blessing, but only if he fits my criteria. My first and main concern is for your safety."
"But that's a lot," she argued. "You have some high standards."
"That's right," I said. "Welcome to the world of being Wiwille's friend."
"But what if he doesn't meet all your rules? Does this mean I can't date him?"
"What would you do if I did continue to date someone who doesn't match your criteria?"
"Well...if you insisted on dating someone who could not reasonably keep you safe then I will step in and intervene."
"No you would not."
"Geez. This is too much. By the way I hope you don't have any daughters."
Upon reviewing the list I do find it to be a bit stringent. Most people nowadays have never seen or handled a gun especially in an area that is deemed to be liberal minded. Not a lot of guys train in the arts that are martial and would be completely useless in a physical confrontation with anyone with some semblance of skill.
I understand this is a new 'enlightened' time where many females take it upon themselves to adequately keep themselves safe from harm. I'm all for it. I believe every woman should be well versed in hand to hand combat and appropriate use of various weapons, whether they are makeshift or have been designed for that specific purpose. It may be all macho nonsense that I'm spouting here wanting to see my female friends be cared for should a dangerous event arise. I don't ask my male companions to date women who fight in the MMA. I may be sexist, but honestly I could care less about what label you'd like to throw at me. I was taught to keep the loved ones in my life safe at all costs and that's simply the way I'm going to do things. So there.
I know that security is an illusion. Large industries have been built on the idea of keeping an individual and their property protected from the wrath of God and man, but there is no end all solution for approximating when you might encounter such danger. That being said I believe one can increase their odds of survival with appropriate measures.
I had a date not too long ago which went well into the night with drinks at her favorite bar. She lived not too far from the establishment and I offered to walk her home. The night was chilly, people were pouring out of various watering holes, and here she was with a guy she hardly knows strolling through Queen Anne. It's not a bad neighborhood, but urban enough. I wondered what was going through her mind as one normally tends to do on a first date, but I found out when she put her arm in mine.
"You know Wiwille," she said. "I feel safe with you."
In what may raise an alarm with many angry feminists I did feel a sense of pride upon hearing that. It's one of the few things that all girls I have dated expressed to me. I know I can come off as a chest pounding macho idiot, but my reasoning may be different than what you might think. I greatly appreciate anyone including me into their life, whether it is as friends or of a romantic nature. If the one thing I can bring to the table is a sense of security then I'm happy to contribute. Nothing and I mean nothing will change that.
"The motto of chivalry is also the motto of wisdom; to serve all, but love only one." - Honore de Balzac