There's no butthurt like conservative butthurt

Well the election is over. The winners celebrate while the losers whine. Of course, when it's the conservatives that lose, the butthurt is so epic. Not content with accepting the fact that they chose a poor candidate that ran a bad campaign, the neocon media is blaring all kinds of ridiculous reasons they think Obama won the election. Everything from how the so called liberal media swoons for the President, never mind that the most watched news network is the tea party darling Fox News, and Rush Limbaugh is still taken seriously by the majority of news radio listeners. Yes neocons, we get it, he's black, and you're scared of him for reasons you can't understand. You want him to the be the enemy, because your persecution complex demands it. You'll spread any rumor, or even outright lie, to make your fear of him seem legitimate, and you look stupid in the process.

Now none of you want to know why Romney really lost, but I'll tell you anyways:

1. Rape - No Republican should ever talk about forced sexual congress between a man and a woman. In fact, if you're ever asked about abortion, just go with the status quo Reagan had. It would make your lives that much easier.
2. Details - It still baffles me that someone that good at business would make the horrific mistake of not presenting details of their plan. Seriously, Romney would never accept that kind of foolishness when he was at Bane, or even as Governor. All he needed to do was give a good presentation as to exactly how he would lower the deficit, something he would expect as well. But he failed, and so did his candidacy.
3. The Tea Party - We're all aware that the Tea Party is not the grassroots movement it claims to be and that it's the design of the Koch brothers to herd in mentally deficient conservatives to help block legislation that might help the American people. Yes anyone with half a brain knows the Tea Party exists to help make the rich that much richer, and keep the poor poorer, as is their correct lot. We know this, and we won't accept them anymore. We can't have such insanity in our politics, and if you keep playing strange bedfellows with a bunch of white people that can't spell, you'll soon die out.
4. Trying to suppress the vote - Nice try folks, but if you tell someone they can't do something, they'll be sure to do. So yeah, trying to keep minorities and poor people from voting with your nonsensical "oh my god we must stop voter fraud that may or may not exist" by using unconstitutional means didn't work. Better luck next time.
5. Conspiracy theories - Yeah, you Republicans are now the party known for idiotic conspiracy theories that have no basis in reality. You trot around the whole Obama wants to import Muslims and other scary brown people, stop oil production, take away our guns, is a Kenyan, personally ordered the killings at Benghazi. No thinking person wants to be associated with that.
6. You whine - When you pride yourselves about being the party of personal responsibility, it never looks good to blame everyone but yourself for your failures. In fact, it makes you look stupid.
7. You're dumb - It's a fact that states that cast their electoral vote for a Republican aren't as smart as those who are blue, OK, that may not be a proven fact, but you and I know it's true. Dumb is so 2000-2008. The new style is using your noodle, so start doing that. This election cycle showed a lot of your moron roots, and they need to change if you want to remain relevant.
8. All the money and ads don't mean a thing if you can't get people to do the dirty work - John Kerry could've told you this, but no you can't learn a little something from very recent history and sit on your asses thinking all you need to do is show an annoying commercial over and over again will rally people to hit the polls. No you should've done more, hit the phones, the door knocking, the rallies in places you weren't expecting to win. It's why you lost Penn.
9. Next time, try winning your home state. I mean hell Romney nor Ryan won the states from which they're from. That's terrifying.
10. If someone gets overlooked for a Vice Presidential nod in favor of Sarah Palin, he's probably not the best man for the nomination, ever.
11. Try not to show your disdain for half of the country - It doesn't bode well with half of America. Shocking I know.

See Republicans, you may think I'm trying to rub it in, but I'm actually trying to help you. I want you to be the party you were once known for, namely the party that gave us Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt. Plus, I have a soft spot in my heart for the mentally challenged, and want to see you succeed. It's the romantic in me.

“The white establishment is now the minority, And the voters — many of them — feel that this economic system is stacked against them and they want stuff. You’re going to see a tremendous Hispanic vote for President Obama, overwhelming black vote for President Obama and women will probably break President Obama’s way. People feel that they are entitled to things. And which candidate between the two is going to give them things?” - Bill O'Reilly