See this girl? For the unfamiliar this is famous model Kate Upton, who makes a living being hot. Currently the crush of my best friend and spank material for millions, she earns her keep showing off her body in skimpy clothing. While this is hardly the work of Susan B Anthony, it's an honest living and if I looked good I'd take up a similar career.
Anyways, I swear this post isn't an excuse to post pictures of her, but I will in the interest of this thesis, and for science!
Where was I?
Some blogger who goes by the name of Skinny Gurl (I'm not lying, this person really thought of that as a nickname, and no, no one gave it to her, her cleverness is just that limited) decided Kate Upton is fat and shouldn't be parading around in a bikini, because it doesn't fit her standards of beauty. In an awesome display of her families' DNA being completley devoid of any creative gene, the title of the post is "Kate Upton is Well Marbled". So yeah, this girl goes on to post pics of Kate, then call her a piggie, cow, and claim she's 30 lbs to heavy to wear a bikini.
I can imagine all my male readers now, throwing up their lunch in disgust at the thought of ever having physical contact with this woman.
Now it would be ridiculous of me to white knight Ms Upton, as I don't know her nor care about whatever in the hell happens to her. She puts on a bikini and parades her body around, so she should have a thick skin regarding criticism, but the body issue amongst females is one of the most baffling mysteries of the fairer sex. Now that I have a daughter I almost feel compelled to at least try and understand why the hell some of the most beautiful women take their critics so damn seriously, with devastating if not fatal results.
And really, anyone, such as the insipid Skinny Gurl, who writes "Sorry, but: eww!" ever deserves scorn, regardless of what they're writing about. Hell they could say the remake of Conan the Barbarian was a horrible idea and their whole thesis would be shot to hell, because of those three words.
I have an almost irrational fear that my daughter will grow to hate her looks, but while most girls I've encountered do to some degree, many take drastic and often unhealthy action to garner a body that they think others will find appealing. I want what most parents want, a child who'll grow to be healthy and happy, but of course, they live in a world where industries are built to tell you how miserable they'll be without a certain product or service, and in many cases, what they think is a well trimmed body.
It bothers me that their are sites out there now dedicated to being pro-anorexia, telling women how to starve themselves. While I can't control this, I mean this is the fucking internet, I can certainly write about my disdain for it, which is equivalent to raising my fist in the air and yelling at people who could care less. I guess I expect more from a female who should be more sensitive to womens' body issues, but oh well. Skinny Gurl, who probably emits an odor of sadness and Chili Cheese Fritos, may have mistaken her mildly literate rant for edgy pop-culture musing along the works of Micheal Musto, but really she's the Garfield of blogging, safe as it is stupid. A lot of words with nothing to say, but to put down another human being for not having the genetics others want to see in her. As my wife once told me, the biggest critic of another female's looks is not a male.
Eating disorders are deadly and anyone who promotes the idea that a healthy look has no place in fashion, or pop-culture as a whole, can eat a bag of dicks, Skinny Gurl included.
And really girls, we men find you beautiful. Yes even you who stand in front of a mirror grabbing at your love handles while knocking back a bottle of wine wondering why it is you didn't hit the genetic lottery, there's some guy out there ready to have his unclothed body dragged across a mile of broken glass just to see you naked in person. Yes I'm serious.
Well unless you write the words "Sorry; but eww", then you're a fat ugly whore who deserves of life of being shamed into working the lunch shift at a strip club in Oklahoma City while grinding the stumps of hairy men who smell like your father.