Overrated films part 15.

There are two genres of movies that I'm a sucker for and that's sports films and super hero pictures. The former keeps me engaged enough, whether they're wildly overrated homoerotic Bruckheimer flicks or the extremely underrated Cinderella Man and Friday Night Lights. Most super hero movies I disagree with the entire general public on as I don't worship at the altar of the Burton Batman films, nor did I think the last X-Men was all that bad. I actually loved Hulk which is a film that escalated the blood pressure of so many comic book fans they collectively came down a case of hemorrhoids.

I saw Spider-Man shortly after it first opened and walked out of the theatre numb like. It's not that I hated the movie, but I did have some problems with it. I still can't understand why they took an actor as talented as William Dafoe and put him in a dull, lifeless mask. This guy gave audiences chills with his portrayal of Max Schreck yet he's reduced to cackling in a ridiculous costume. Often times super hero movies are dependent on having an engaging villain and the Green Goblin is one of the worst super villains in all of DC and Marvel lore. Expecting me to enjoy this character was a stretch, one that I still don't get.

I didn't expect a dark film, but Sam Raimi felt compelled to ham it up with scenes such as New Yorkers throwing random objects at the Green Goblin all the while screaming statements about how the town's residents are always collective in their stand against the enemy. Isn't it nice that he throws in a 9-11 reference in a cheesy comic book film?

Some of the scenes looked impressive, but most were obviously animated and even when they weren't it still looked mediocre. The plot was fairly thin even by comic book movie standards.

I truly believe there is a conspiracy in Hollywood to try and make me believe that Kirsten Dunst is hot, but I'm still not buying it. They can throw her into all the lame movies that feature her in a cheerleader uniform all they want, but I will never spend quality time alone with her image. Having her in tight dresses soaked to the skin doesn't help either. Same goes for Liv Tyler and Sarah Jessica Parker.

I've never been a fan of the web slinger, but audiences and critics helped the film become one of the most successful movies in history with a huge box office showing. After this lifeless film became such a massive hit Raimi did decide to thank the viewing public by giving us a far superior sequel, which redeemed him enough in my book.

Spider-Man kiss:



"Plays like a sensitive 1980s-era John Hughes teen film ... Interrupted by really tawdry special effects and hammy appearances by a cartoonish villain played by William Dafoe." - Steven Rosen

Celebrate our independence by blowing stuff up.

This year marks a bitter sweet 4th of July as I'll be in my cubicle burning the midnight oil. No heavy drinking or lighting off illegal fireworks for me this year.

In the immortal words of Bill Pullman, today we do indeed celebrate our independence day. We pay tribute to this great country of ours and the freedom we've been allotted. From buying Tool albums that make you think you're cool to believing the Matrix has deep philosophical implications the United States allows you to be a genius or a moron. It's one of the few countries where the poor are fat, you can smoke yourself into an early grave and ensure your family will receive a huge settlement, and two thirds of the population don't know the words to the national anthem and/or pledge of allegiance.

So I hope you all have a great 4th of July and hopefully none of your celebrations will involve the fire department. Please take time to remember those who fought and died to keep this country great.

"Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, to assure the survival and success of liberty." - JFK

We deserve this.

There's a war going on. A war no one likes, but worse no one knows how to fight. Our collective ignorance of our enemy is staggering. We as a nation are spending our brain power analyzing the reasons these extremists are not like the millions who follow the "religion of peace", yet we guard ourselves behind the curtain of isolation never asking why a young man would truly want to end his life by blowing himself up to take out women and children with the reward of after life virgins.

We are condemned to believe that respect for ideology is next to Godliness, but we know little about the faiths we are so compelled to defend. Jumping to the aid of the oppressed worshippers is far more important than studying their beliefs. We're afraid we might despise their code of worship and conduct. It's easier to jump on our high horse and fight for the good of something we don't understand, cause most of us in some way want to feel that we're breaking the chains of intolerance. We love the idea of wiping the sins of our fathers. We need our little guy to stand up for and god forbid that man be someone we don't agree with. Lets all bury our heads and wave our fists for the good of diversity. If we speak out against them they might hurt us after all.

As war rages and people die we the ones who are against the action(s) sit idly by with our high speed internet, On-Demand TV, Netflix, etc. and bitch to ourselves about how dumb we are to elect such an ignorant fool, yet we won't do anything to even try and stop him. We are too cynical to support the opposition, because we fear they may be just as corrupt and incompetent. We have American Idol to watch. We're too busy with our lesbian porn to even vote. We truly believe Thomas Jefferson was an asshole, John Lennon was a saint, and everything Michael Moore says is Gospel.

The counter culture has truly been pacified with our life of luxury and why not? There's no draft. I'm told the economy is good. None of this affects me, except when I curse the gas pump for making a tank of petrol more expensive than a dinner for two at Shari's.

It's not that we're apathetic, it's that we're just damn selfish. I truly believe if there was a draft for the Iraq war things would be different; however since I won't be called to go anytime soon I'll be searching for funny stuff on Youtube. If our world is indeed doomed we can't say we don't deserve it.

"I remember being in my kitchen, watching the war in Iraq, and not being fazed by it at all. You've seen worse in films." - Mark Wahlberg

The Japanese are weird.

Yasuhiro Honda, a 40 year old Yokohama bureaucrat, decided to board a train drunk as hell and allegedly he molested a high school girl. A boy on the train kicked his sweetie ass and turned him in to investigators.

He was charged with creating a nuisance. Creating a nuisance? For molesting a teenager in public? I would think a harsher charge would be dealt, but such is not the case in the land of the rising sun.

My friend once told me that this sort of behavior happens all the time there. She lived in Japan for years. She was on a train once and a man started to grope her. Her father intervened and the man took off. She stated she witnessed women getting groped on trains quite a few times.

And you wonder how they come up with anime that has monsters with numerous tentacles penetrating young girls.

"I made efforts to swallow tears and to protect the species of the Japanese nation." - Hirohito

Drunk city official busted for molesting high school girl on train

She Wants Revenge

Last night I took Amy to her yearly birthday concert. Every year instead of giving her a present I buy tickets to a show she wants to see and this year we went and saw She Wants Revenge at The Premier.

The night started off with Thai food followed by dessert at Zoe. After a few drinks at the Premier the show went underway starting off with Mellowdrone and IMA Robot. Both sets were okay, but She Wants Revenge really lit up the house, especially with their cover of Stripped which was amazing.

It was an all ages show with a beer garden which again made me feel old as dirt. Amy and I did some people watching and were quite shocked at how some parents let their girls leave the house with skirts so short any movement they made left little to the imagination. If I were 13 I wouldn't have minded, but alas those days are gone.

I would've never went to the show on my own accord, but thankfully both of us enjoyed it immensely.

"We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing." - George Bernard Shaw

Kids have it so good now a days.

Stephen Cole, a middle school student, is under investigation for playing a game of tag on school grounds. Sounds harmless you say? Well he and a group of girls, who call themselves 'The Bi-Sexuals' have placed an interesting spin on the old playground activity.

Instead of just touching someone which requires them to be "it" Stephen and the girls allegedly made a rule that only the breast would be appropriate for the game. Yes they were tagging each other's boobs. I don't have boobs, but I imagine that would hurt. If I were in this game I would call do overs all the time. Being "it" would have little consequence.

Amazing. Never in my day did stuff like this...wait...I just typed 'never in my day'. Okay pass me my bottle of Ensure while I yell at the young whipper snappers who are loitering on my lawn. This Halloween I'll be passing out raisins.

"I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women." - Bernard Manning

Song of the South. A Disney film they wish would just go away.

In 1986 my parents took me and my sister to theatre to watch a "Song of the South", a re-released Disney film that was originally made in 1946. For whatever reason the movie was never released again. Most people of my generation have never heard of the movie, but most are familiar with some of it's imagery and music. The song 'Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah' has been heard by most people and the animated characters are featured in the Disney ride Splash Mountain.

"Song of the South" was a favorite of my parents as children and both of them desired to have their kids enjoy the film as well. Both my sister and I liked the movie's mix of animation and live action and found ourselves laughing with it constantly.

I haven't seen the film in twenty years (oh man I'm old), but my brief synopsis will have to suffice. Johnny, played by Bobby Driscoll of Peter Pan fame, plays a boy in post civil war Georgia who is disillusioned by his father's decision to go to Atlanta without the family. He runs away from home to try and meet him there, but encounters Uncle Remus. Uncle Remus tells Johnny a story of Brer Rabbit, who also left home. The film then cuts to animation as Uncle Remus' story is brought to life in technicolor and Johnny learns a life lesson.

The rest of the film follows that same path. Johnny gets into a jam and Uncle Remus tells him a analogy ridden story of Brer Rabbit. Johnny learns something and happiness ensues Disney style. For a more detailed, and probably more accurate overview, click here.

After the 1986 theatrical release Disney vowed to never show the film again fearing the portrayal of African-Americans in the film would offend the delicate sensibilities of people who can't accept that former slaves didn't speak like Harvard intellectuals. Although no official complaint has been filed by the NAACP, rumor has it that many people protested the movie painting a picture of an idyllic slave lifestyle. Most people are unaware that the film takes place after slavery was abolished, even most critics.

Disney is an interesting company in the fact they go to great lengths to avoid any critiques of their previous antiquated work as intolerant. Rather than allow us to view the film and make the choice for ourselves Disney has sealed off any attempt to release this on video or DVD. Yes they're a company founded on family values and I do understand why they don't want to welcome controversy, especially one that makes them seem racist, but the fact that this movie is hardly offensive, at least to me, doesn't make me any less disappointed in their stubbornness. Then again I'm not black so what do I know?

I will not look down upon anyone who is angered by the film's stereotypes. It is indeed flocked with them, just as you might see in the Little Rascals.

If the film is indeed insensitive should we not remember our past ignorance or would it be safer to blindly walk through our lives forgetting the sins of our artistic forefathers? As with the Censored 11 Warner Bros. cartoons most companies would like to sweep such history under the rug. IBM isn't happy about the public knowing it's involvement in the holocaust.

It seems strange to me that I can go and purchase 'Birth of a Nation' and 'Triumph of the Will', but I can't sit down with my yet to be conceived children and enjoy this classic like my parents did with me.

Below is a clip. Am I just way off?



"We believe it's actually an opportunity from a financial perspective to put Song of the South out. I screened it fairly recently because I hadn't seen it since I was a child, and I have to tell you after I watched it, even considering the context that it was made, I had some concerns about it because of what it depicted. And thought it's quite possible that people wouldn't consider it in the context that it was made, and there were some... [long pause] depictions that I mentioned earlier in the film that I think would be bothersome to a lot of people. And so, owing to the sensitivity that exists in our culture, balancing it with the desire to, uh, maybe increase our earnings a bit, but never putting that in front of what we thought were our ethics and our integrity, we made the decision not to re-release it." - Disney CEO Robert Iger

Song of the South.net

Hot interns. You be the judge.

Wonkette has recently posted a contest for hottest Capitol Hill interns. The winner is Stephanie Carter who is indeed hot, but I was pulling for Lauren Hayes. Maybe it's the fact that Stephanie's pic shows some cleavage action that really pushed her to the top of the list. I believe my dear friend Andrea would agree that showing a bit of partial boobage helps in getting some attention.

I wish I could have some great physical attribute that would draw eyes away from my beer gut.

If there are indeed so many hot interns that populate our nation's capitol why did our former Commander in Chief risk his political future on a emotionally retarded chubby girl who won't wash her clothes?

I will say this about these girls: All of them are more attractive, and probably have more talent, than Jessica Cutler.

"I may not have been the greatest president, but I've had the most fun eight years." –Bill Clinton

Hill Intern Hotties: The Winners

Taste death live life.

Quoc, Corey, and I drove up to Skydive Snohomish with the crystal clear weather giving us hope that we would finally be able to make our jump. Third time's the charm as we finally got to exit an airplane and soak in the heavenly view from a parachute.

A static line jump works like this: You fly up in a plane and the instructor connects a line to your parachute in the plane. They open the door and you sit in the doorway until he gives you the go. You then step onto a small platform and grab the wing strut. In 15mph winds you shimmy your hands up the strut till you're safely away from the platform. You then hang from the strut and watch for the signal from the instructor to let go. When the signal is given you make your peace with the Almighty and let go, arch your back, and hope your canopy deploys safely.

A tandem is much easier given the fact that you're attached to a trained professional. When you're in the plane the instructors basically says "okay we're going" and he steps you off the plane and he controls everything. When you're doing a static line you are ultimately responsible for everything including your chute not deploying. The jumper has to have piece of mind in order to ensure they can safely pull their reserve, land properly, etc. You also make the conscious decision yourself to exit the aircraft.

Luckily nothing went wrong on our deployment and wasn't likely to. Skydiving is a safer sport than most although the uninformed would likely think otherwise. It is; however, not what you would call a natural act. Since I had some experience skydiving and Quoc and Corey had none I decided to go first. If I died then Quoc and Corey could make a better decision whether to finally go or not, plus I was hoping to instill a bit of confidence in them.

The sky was clear and the view was breathtaking. You could see a perfect panoramic view for miles and I thanked God for the beautiful earth he has allowed us to inhabit. As I came into land I thought of the Pretty Girl and was thankful that I would get to see her once more.

"Why does one want to walk wings? Why force one's body from a plane to make a parachute jump? Why should man want to fly at all? People often ask these questions. But what civilization was not founded on adventure, and how long could one exist without it? Some answer the attainment of knowledge. Some say wealth, or power, is sufficient cause. I believe the risks I take are justified for the sheer love of the life I lead." - Charles A. Lindbergh

Rules that can make soccer/football viewing less painful.

Thursday morning I sat down with the Jiggaman and watched my first World Cup game ever. It was an experience I hope to never replicate.

First off soccer, or football for anyone living outside the US and Canada, is dull by it's very nature. It's a low scoring non-contact game where a bunch of people run around and kick a ball. Not exactly entertainment at it's finest.

What really made the viewing experience frustrating is the players were a bunch of whiney pansies. If anyone made the slightest contact with them they would throw their arms out and bitch at the referee if a foul wasn't called. Worse some of them would lie down on the ground and wither in what seemed like brutal agony. The play would stop and the injured player would be carried off in a stretcher. Five minutes later they would be back on the field. This really slows down the game and makes a slow sport even more boring. And you thought the NBA was staffed by a bunch of pampered prima donnas?

I suggest a few rules that can help our attention span starved culture actually try and enjoy soccer:

1st rule: If you're carried off in a stretcher you cannot come back into play. This would help the pace of the game.

2nd rule: If you can't leave the field on your own accord and the use of a stretcher is necessary the play will still continue. You might get trampled or kicked, but that's what you get for getting injured you candy ass.

3rd rule: If a streaker does make it onto the field all players must drop trou and recite their favorite Dr Suess limerick all the while doing cartwheels. All benched players would be required to chase said streaker and beat them senseless.

4th rule: If the streaker is a hot girl then all players would be required to kneel down and bow in support.

5th rule: Two words: Land mines.

6th rule: If a player doesn't make a penalty kick the opposing team would lay the player down and give him pink belly.

7th rule: Cheerleaders. Hot cheerleaders dressed in school girl outfits.

8th rule: Referees would be given boxing gloves. Any player that receives a yellow card would be given an uppercut.

"That's what bothers me about the English soccer; they all kick that ball, in the vague hope somewhere will be a forward player." - Ritchie Blackmore

I had one for four years. Then I graduated high school.

A handyman won a lawsuit against an insurance company that insures medical implants. Charles Lennon decided that his wee wee was too small and had enough of hearing his significant other say "no honey it's not small. It's just the right size." So like any rational man he decided to get a penis implant. Problem was the implant caused him to have an erection for ten years. You'd think after the first year you might want to consider having it removed, but that's me.

I used to golf at a course that was frequented by an elderly man. He had a young mid-twenties wife and apparently he still wanted to please her sexually. This was before the days of Viagra so he received an implant that kept him permanently erect. Of course the guy wore those stupid golf pants so God and everyone could see his zipper being threatened to fly open by the force of his manhood. Watching him swing his club was similar to a car wreck. For some reason you just couldn't look away. It was horrible I tell you.

I would imagine not only the embarrassment of having everyone never make eye contact with you, but the sheer inconvenience of it. Imagine being in a crowded elevator with the guy. I would never go swimming again in my life.

"Men renounce whatever they have in common with women so as to experience no commonality with women; and what is left, according to men, is one piece of flesh a few inches long, the penis. The penis is sensate; the penis is the man; the man is human; the penis signifies humanity." - Andrea Dworkin

Malfunctioning penile implant raises embarrassment, lawsuit

I'm going to jump finally.

Okay the weather has been clear today and hopefully tomorrow it will be as well, cause after two attempts Corey, Quoc, and I will finally get to jump out of a plane. God I can't wait to kiss the sky. It's been way too long.

“There are as many answers to that one as there are reasons men hunt, fight, skydive, gamble or take up with redheaded ladies” - Peter Hathaway

Skydive Snohomish Inc.

East vs West. Both agree the other sucks.

A recent study shows that the majority of Muslims and Westerners hate each other. It's amazing how much energy is spent telling us what we already know.

A strong majority of Muslims feel that Westerners are as selfish and immoral. You mean our SUV driving, exploiting immigrant labor, sitcom loving asses are greedy? Just because I want a Hollywood mansion, shaped as the middle finger, to be staffed by strippers/maids doesn't mean I'm a decadent person. I do give to the Salvation Army after all so don't look down on me as I throw empty rum bottles at the homeless.

Westerners feel our Arab friends are violent and intolerant. I'm sure some Muslim will take offence to that as they burn Salman Rushdie in effigy.

What's more amazing is that a majority of Muslims feel that the 9/11 attackers were not Arab. I'm not sure if they feel that the whole attack was a conspiracy to launch a ridiculous war or they feel that Guam really has it in for us.

Of course Anti-Semitism seems to be running rampant in the Mohammed loving community. Who would have thought?

In all seriousness the tensions between our cultures is too obvious to ignore and too volatile to be naive. We all say education and multi-culturalism will one day bring our values to a mutual respect; however both sides must want such tolerance. Sadly most people thrive on the conflict and would rather answer the other side with the sword rather than the dove.

As I've said before peace is something we should all work for, but it's something we'll probably never see in our lifetimes.

"It is true that the Muslim world is not totally mistaken when it reproaches the West of Christian tradition of moral decadence and the manipulation of human life. Islam has also had moments of great splendor and decadence in its history." - Pope Benedict XVI

Study Shows Divide Between Muslims, West

Bad movies I love part 10.

With the upcoming release of Superman Returns I decided to take a stab at the iconic figure everyone loves. Let it be known now that I've read only one Superman comic in my life, I've only seen the first two seasons of Smallville recently, and I never did get into Lois & Clark, but I did grow up watching the George Reeves television series as well as the Christopher Reeve films. I'm also a fan of the Fleischer cartoons and the new Justice League series is entertaining. This may seem limiting to some people like Jeff and Ryon, but to most I may seem like a geek.

Superman II is a hotly debated film amongst fans of the Man of Steel. A lot of them passionately place this as the best Superman film ever noting that the villains stole the show. Others find numerous flaws in the film that detract from the mythos too much.

I fall into both categories for some reason. While I do enjoy the villains in Superman II, namely Zod played brilliantly by Terence Stamp, I find many plot devices and characters that really keep me from calling it a good film overall.

Superman II has it's high points and when they appear they're golden. The arrival of the General Zod and his two minions was an excellent addition from the mostly comic Lex Luthor. Played with stoicism and an almost creepy flare the three Kryptonians ruled the landscape with their evil powers and the audience really felt a sense of dread for the Man of Tomorrow. Most of the casting was excellent and the pacing, special effects, and the fight scene in Metropolis is top notch.

The one low point of the movie is the casting of Lois Lane and the almost unbelievable love story she has with Superman. In the first two Superman films almost all the casting was done right, from Christopher Reeve to Glenn Ford; however they couldn't have picked a worse Lois Lane than Margot Kidder. Not only is she unattractive, which is not a big deal in my book, they made her character annoying. No longer was Lois portrayed as a tough intelligent reporter with an impeccable case of bad timing. Lois Lane was written to be reduced to a chain smoking, mildly dumb damsel. It doesn't help that she has a terrible screeching voice.

The chemistry between Clark and Lois didn't work for me at all. I never believed that Superman would give up his powers to bed Margot Kidder. Every time I watch the movie I don't buy it, cause I just don't see what he can possibly see in her. It's even worse when you think about Lana Lang's all too short appearance in the first Superman film, who seemed much more Clark Kent's type.

The final fight scene in the Fortress of Solitude was just plain strange, especially when it follows one of the best action sequences ever on film. Superman could not only hologram himself, but he could throw ridiculous plastic sheilds from out of nowhere. Why the writers put this in I don't know.

Given all of the films problems it's certainly better than Superman III, Superman IV, and Supergirl. Granted those films are so bad it's a really low bar, but Christopher Reeve will always be Superman to me. This film will always have a special place in my heart as giving the child in me the belief that man can truly fly.

Superman II trailer:



"Christopher Reeve brings Superman's heroism and good nature to the fore as he battles with his desire to have a normal relationship with Lois, and with the potential consequences of giving up his abilities. But substantial credit should also go to Terence Stamp's casually menacing General Zod, who transcends his terrible costume and make-up to appear a convincing threat." - Tom Coates

I just don't get it.

Sometimes I feel really out of touch. While friends of mine laughed at the comic workings of Larry the Cable Guy in his performance in the White Trash Comedy Tour...err...Blue Collar Comedy Tour I felt disconnected since I didn't, and still don't, find the musing of a guy who's catch phrase is "Git R Done" funny. (I swear if I see that phrase on another automobile I'm going to light it on fire and extinguish the flames with my urine).

Now Larry the Cable Guy doesn't have universal appeal, but there are others that are considered hilarious by most, but for some inescapable reason I watch with wonder. Stephen Colbert is a great example.

Once John Stewart took over The Daily Show I soon became addicted. I loved his self deprecating humor and his constant ridiculing of media and politics alike. Stephen Colbert, posing as a fake investigative reporter, often complimented the show's style with his funny and heavily edited interviews with bizarre folk.

He became such a success Comedy Central gave him his own show and of course many fans of The Daily Show followed him. The Colbert Report is a simple parody of talking head shows such as the O'Reilly Factor, which Colbert affectionately refers to as "Papa Bear". Viewers found the imitation hilarious and suddenly Colbert was invited to the recent White House Press Corps dinner, which often invites people to roast the media and politicians as well. Colbert got up and did a monologue poking fun at the press as well as the President, who sitting a few feet from him. He got few laughs from the audience, but instead of wrapping it up and quitting as most comedians would Colbert pressed on through all his material. Colbert was later greatly praised for his bravery and in many circles people found it hilarious.

I don't get it. I know it's ridiculous to argue what is funny or not, but really if he were making the same jokes in any other forum I believe no one would laugh. I share a lot of the views and politics Colbert does, but making ridiculous metaphors and taking quick stabs at easy targets is just lazy comedy. I firmly feel that people who do find his show funny, which is really the same joke over and over again, are so frustrated by this incompetent administration that they feel the need to chuckle so much that quality is irrelevant.

I remember years ago watching Michael Moore on a talk show plugging Fahrenheit 9/11. In the crowd of people watching in the living room a few people laughed at everything he said even when he wasn't trying to be funny. They were so eager to find humor in the horrible tragedy that is our current war on terror.

We all need to laugh in dark times as these, cause if we don't we'd cry, but seriously we should be looking up to more important dissidents as well as getting more information about world affairs from other sources than the ones provided by Comedy Central, funny or not.

"He referred to the recent staff changes at the White House, chiding the media for supposedly repeating the cliche "rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic" when he would have put it differently: "This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg." A mixed metaphor, and lame as can be." - Richard Cohen

What's a confused Republican strategist to do?

Given the popularity of blogs and the ever growing numbers of MySpace users it's getting difficult to involve yourself in affairs of the heart or crime without it going public. Whether it's paying for anal, stealing a sidekick, or being a male and posing for pics in a bikini it's getting to be a chore to live a life of debauchery and hiding the information from your signficant other and/or the entire freakin world.

Republican strategist Jack Burkman seemed undaunted in his quest for good loving, allegedly of course. According to a MySpace user Jack decided to hit on a couple of women during the Gay Pride parade in DC, offer to pay for their rooms, and last but not least proposed a transaction of a thousand dollars to get down naked style. Of course this sorrid tale ended up online much to my amusement.

Now this seems odd that a man in his position would even consider this, but I kind of expect this jackassery out of our DC players. Sex is power and no one in national politics is immune to this kind of temptation. That being said you'd think someone would be less discreet like say not giving them their business card, but that's just me.

Also is trying to pick up girls in the back drop of a Gay Pride parade really the best strategy? And this guy is a strategist? Maybe he was using the President's "strategery". Did I mention this guy allegedly dated Ann Coulter? I guess I'd rather go for possible bi-curious women too after dating her. Actually I'd go after them anyways. Come to think of it Jack's not all that dumb.

Sadly the MySpace accounts have been set to private, but those fine folks at Wonkette have posted the information here.

"I understand there are 10,000 people dead. It's terrible. It's tragic. But in a democracy of 300 million people, over years and years and years, these things happen." - Jack Burkman

Republican Strategists, Sex, MySpace, and Pride: A Heartwarming DC Tale

Congratulations Andrew and Jessica!

This weekend was indeed a packed one, so of course this will be a long post. If you have no interest in long posts that don't mention anything about weird news and/or boobies and if you're a little burnt out hearing about my personal life I suggest you not read this.

Early Friday morning I picked up the Pretty Girl and headed up to the Anacortes ferry. We were there so early we were second in line for the boat so we went and had breakfast at the Cheesecake Cafe. Arriving later was Andrew, Jessica, Holly, Jason, Kyle, Shelby, James, and Barit. After introducing the Pretty Girl to everyone we headed onto the boat and had a pleasant sail out to the San Juan Islands, Lopez Island specifically.

The Pretty Girl and I headed to check into the "resort". Wow did the pictures and description online paint a very different view of the "resort" than the reality. It was an okay place to be sure, but resort was probably too strong a word that the establishment used to describe themselves. Online the place hinted at being right on the water; which the office and restaurant was, but the rooms, well they weren't. It wasn't a bad place, but again a "resort" it was not.

Later we met up with the wedding party and had lunch at the Lopez Village. What's interesting about Lopez island is that every time you pass a local on the road they all wave at you. It was kind of cool at first, but it got creepy fast. I imagine they all got together in some sort of bizarre fraternal ritual involving swords and topless women. They all chant and agree to wave at the tourists or face dire consequences.

The rehearsal took place at the church in the pic above. The church is a historic one being over 100 years old. It was a quaint building with many old tombstones that dated back to the turn of the 20th century. The stress factor of Andrew seemed to be getting to his blood pressure. I felt kind of bad for him, but not really considering I knew everything would go well.

The rehearsal dinner was later held at the Love Dog Cafe. Yes when I heard the name of the place I cringed as well; however it was a great restaurant. They had the best bread I've ever tasted. Bread that will be talked about for quite some time. Papa Sheridan hosted a fine meal and a good time was had by all.

Later that night the wedding party met up at the house Holly and Jason were staying at. The house was a rental that was laid out on a peninsula right up on the water. A gorgeous setting it was and the house came with alcohol. I brought in a few bottles left over from Andrew's bachelor party and we all sat and mingled, mostly telling funny stories at Andrew's expense, but he enjoyed telling them as much as we enjoyed listening to them.

The next day the wedding party and our respective significant others got up and went to the reception site to help set up. I asked the coordinator if there was anything I could do. She had me roll up napkins and tie a pretty bow with ribbon around it. How she thought I would be good at that I don't know, but I stood in the kitchen with the ladies and helped out.

The groomsmen all got together and dressed up in our tuxes. We headed out in a limo to the "yellow bike barn". It was a huge old barn in a nice setting with an old Pee Wee Herman bike mounted on it. We stood around waiting for Andrew and Jessica to show up and drank pretty heavily.

During the pictures the photographer made fun of my stern look which was amusing to everyone. The photographer decided that the groomsmen would hold the pick up the groom and hold him up for a pic. He noticed that I am the heaviest out of the bunch so of course I got the ass end. Yes I got to hold the heaviest part of Andrew while everyone else got to hold his feet and head. Keeping with being the funny picture taker guy he took his sweet time taking the shot.

We did the same thing only with Jessica. Of course after holding Andrew up I was getting to be a little bit sore. Jessica is a small framed girl, but after holding Andrew up for what seemed like forever it got to be a bit of a chore. Poor girl. I hope I didn't offend her, but it still will make a great shot.

Finally the ceremony commenced. I got to walk down the aisle with a 16 year old, which felt kind of creepy which the rest of the groomsmen agreed. She was a sweet girl though who was very happy to be in the ceremony. The wedding was short and sweet complete with a lot of tears and joy, none from me of course cause I'm a man damnit. Dry eyes were held by me and if you believe that I have a bridge...

The reception went underway with much fanfare. The wedding party was sat up on a stage above the congregation, which kind of felt like being in a fishbowl, but after the dinner was served, which included the famous bread I mentioned earlier, the festivities were abound. Many drinks were served and I put on my dancing shoes and partied it up. I got to catch up with a few folk I haven't seen in years. Papa Sheridan and the maid of honor delivered great speeches which again caused a few tears around the place.

After the drinks the Pretty Girl and I sat on the beach with some friends and chatted it up. We went back to the hotel and decided to hit the jacuzzi. Much to my surprise some of the wedding party was there as well and we all had a fun time talking with them.

It was a great weekend overall and I'm honored to be a part of my friend's nuptials. It's one I'll remember for the rest of my days.

"I'm hot, but I have this 'don't talk to me' look." - Shelby

Would you like a cup of jo Martha?

I know it's trendy to hate Starbucks and how they blindsided our landscape by putting shops in almost every corner of the world. Here in the northwest you'll find one on almost every block. Many grocery stores have them inside and the grocers decided to accommodate their shoppers by putting cup holders on the carts. Small business coffee shops have suffered the almost Wal-Mart approach Starbucks has taken in inundating themselves into consumer culture.

Now the caffeine giant has stepped up and decided to mark themselves into our nation's history by placing a bid to set up shop in the historic Maryland Inn. For those of you unfamiliar the Maryland Inn was a popular destination for many American revolutionaries including George Washington. In the 70s the Inn became a jazz club. Why I don't know.

Years later the Annapolis Historic Preservation Commission decided to preserve the site which still has some of it's original structure such as a fireplace. Given the amount of tourists that frequent the place Starbucks has made it so they can sell their heroin, err coffee, to all that visit.

Now this doesn't seem like a big deal to most, but would you be okay with Target setting up shop on the fields of Gettysburg? Would you sit idly by while Tower Records opens a store in Monticello?

"I'm so spoiled - I must have a Starbucks vanilla latte every day. Otherwise, it's going to be a bad day. I also love Jelly Bellies. But that's bad. Don't tell my mom." - Katie Holmes

Sip on this: George Washington haunt a Starbucks?

Peace and dirty hippies.

Years ago I was at a party chatting it up with someone. She was an interesting gal who enjoyed talking about things I like such as politics, music, etc. She brought up the issue of peace.

"Do you believe world peace is possible?" she asked.

"No," I quickly replied.

"No?" she asked with a surprised tone.

"No," I said. "If it is possible it'll never happen in our lifetimes."

"I don't know things are changing."

"Yeah for the worst. The world is far less safe than it was ten years ago and I'm not just talking about terrorism. There are more nukes, larger armies, and many more powder kegs then there were prior to WWI."

"I don't know," she said. "Things are changing. Don't you believe the ideal in Star Trek that one day everyone will suddenly realize the benefit of working for the common good?"

"No. It's a nice idea, but one that'll never happen. As long as the very human trait that is greed still exists we will never see peace."

"I don't know," she said again. "Things are changing."

"Yeah like what?" I asked. "What current world event makes you believe that nations are on a road to peace?"

"Well I don't know one specifically, but we're on our way."

"Look it's a nice dream, one I wish more people had, but if we sit here and be naive and keep telling ourselves we're already on the road to peace when in fact we're not is more dangerous than any nukes ever produced. If you truly believe peace can exist then reality must be accepted and something must be done otherwise we're just enabling the harbingers of war by our lack of action believing that the problem is taking care of itself."

She dropped it at that and didn't want to discuss the issue any more. I kind of felt bad for bringing down her hippy dream of everyone living in harmony, because at times I wish I had such a vision for our world. Then again I don't buy the fact that we can stop violence by giving people botany and listening to Dan Fogelberg.

"Peace by persuasion has a pleasant sound, but I think we should not be able to work it. We should have to tame the human race first, and history seems to show that that cannot be done." - Mark Twain

On marriage.

With Andrew's upcoming nuptials I've been thinking about the institution of marriage. Recently Congress has turned down a constitutional amendment that would bar same sex marriage. The argument for the resolution mainly concerned protecting the institution of man-woman loving.

Now I believe marriage nowadays is a modern concept as throughout history it was mainly a property arrangement. If you take the argument that our conception of marriage is a tried and tested one that needs to be protected, then shouldn't we allow polygamy? I mean really the practice of plural wives has been around a lot longer than our monogamous commitments, so what's the issue with them?

I can live with numerous women, have sex with them, breed, and share property and the law could say nothing about it. There may be common law issues depending on the state, but if I married them I would suddenly be a criminal.

I don't understand the practice of polygamy nor would I want to even try, but Republicans shouldn't use the argument of protecting age old institutions when in fact a lot of those practices would frighten most people with a sensitive constitution.

If you haven't seen the Tom Hanks produced "Big Love" yet check it out. It's actually a really good show.

"The aura of the theocratic death penalty for adultery still clings to America, even outside New England, and multiple divorce, which looks to the European like serial polygamy, is the moral solution to the problem of the itch." - Anthony Burgess