Diligent readers of One Bad Apple will note that I've been posting messages directed to a friend of mine via the Facebook application called Social Me. As I understand it she's met many a fine person and communicated with them virtually, but as one would expect she gets her share of freaks.
I'd like to introduce you all to Mc Shane. As you can see from the flattering photo he is one who like to impress people with his fine taste in vehicles and hat wear. Mc Shane took a liking to a photo of my friend and decided a correspondence would be in order. His opening message is below, with my commentary in red:
I was amazed that my heart could still beat that hard, you were the most beautiful lady i have laid eyes on in a very long time.
You have an excellent look that really amaze me and got me attracted to you and lovely skin...i hope to meet you some days and i hope you will give me the reason for me to come to your country. I hope you won't sleep off cos it took me time to think about this things and send it to you .I will be waiting to read from you i will send you more about me later on ..
I really don't know what to say ,but i must say you are really beautiful ,i will like to get to know you and hopefully get closer to you and be more than a friend...I know As a rose can't live without the rain ; the heart can't love without risk of pain.
Please don't hesitate to ask me anything i am a very open person ,i would be glad to tell.
God i love what am seeing honestly.. i screamed the moment i saw your face and i just naturally feel in love with you.
Yes Mc Shane has quite the gift of prose. His valiant attempts at swooning the fairer sex include such gems as yelling. Does he see a pretty girl in person and shout madly while declaring his love for them? Wouldn't that land most people in jail?
While I may be a cynic I do appreciate the romantics of the world, but our lovelorn foreigner probably sent his ex-wife into sand blasting her vagina after their divorce.
"Is not this the true romantic feeling - not to desire to escape life, but to prevent life from escaping you?" - Tom Wolfe