Can't get enough

My father has had hearing loss for many years, and it's gotten to the point that he can't watch television without subtitles. It's annoying to repeat everything a waiter or someone else says repeatedly as he refuses to get a hearing aid. Still moments of comedy does ensue because of it. I pretty much get to say whatever I want and my dad will only respond with "huh?"

One day on the television the song "Land of a Thousand Dances" came on, and the lyric "do the mashed potato" came on, and dad came rushing into the room screaming "Who the hell is singing a song about masturbation?"

One day when I was a kid watching Saturday Morning Cartoons the inevitable cereal commercial came on, the first of which was a bear advertising the goodness of Super Golden Crisp. He sang his usual jingle, "I can't get enough of Super Golden Crisp, its got the crunch with punch."


Dad came running into the living room demanding what it was the bear was singing about. I repeated the lyrics, and then inquired as to what it was he thought he heard. He wouldn't say and until this day I have no earthly idea, but today I shall speculate. Here's what I thought he heard:

• I can't get enough of those sugar tits, its got the crunch with punch.
• I can't get enough of your big fat tits, its got the  crunch with punch.
• I can't get enough of your perky tits, its got the crunch with punch.
• I can't get enough of Super Golden Crisp, it's got the cock with punch.
• I can't get enough of your fatty prick, it's got the crunch with punch.
• Some variation of the above.

I kind of hope he never gets a hearing aid.

"It's not really that I've been an advocate for hearing aids for a long time, it's just that I've been losing my hearing for a long time! So it's actually very important for me because I'm actually hearing impaired and I simply want to hear better!" - Leslie Nielsen