Leaving

Today is my last day with the company I've been with for the last twelve years.

When I started here, I was but a directionless failure at life. Had no real marketable skills outside of taking pictures and wrestling wild boar, and was unsure of how I would support myself. I was hired on, much to my surprise, with little knowledge of technology and the various products this corporation sold. Still they took a chance on me, and after a few months of contract work they hired me on full time, and finally I had what seemed like a career.

I had great benefits and a good working environment. I made many friends, and procured a few enemies along the way I'm sure, but my experience here as been a great one. I've learned many things in my time here that proved invaluable to me, even things not directly related to my daily duties. I'm a better person for having known a lot of the people I've worked with and they've all helped me grow professional and personally as well.

I'm truly grateful for my time here, but this new job offered me better benefits, pay, and the chance to expand my knowledge even further. So I sit here, bittersweet about leaving as I do like my job, but it was time to move on.

To new adventures....

"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life." - Confucius

You're not helping

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." - Fred Rogers

I believe the often missed children's' television host's quote will ring true as long as humanity still exists. When terrible tragedies occur, such as 9-11, Katrina, etc, there are many willing to give aid to the victims, sometimes making difficult sacrifices to see them get back on their feet and rebuild their torn lives. It's comforting to know that the work of evil is often outmatched by those willing to do good for no reward other than it's the right thing to do.

So in the wake of the terrible bombings in Boston many runners, public servants, and spectators ran into harms way to assist those wounded in the senseless act, and once again we saw humanity at its best. It's easy to dismiss the goodness of humans when you witness such naked and hateful aggression, but to see those who'll gladly risk life and limb to save others gives me the warm fuzzies. I can't help it, but it does, and it makes me proud again to be part of the human race, for there are more good people than not.

Still after an attack of this nature, we also see the worst in humans. After 9-11 and Katrina, many opportunists set up fake charities and sold merchandise to exploit the horrific events for personal and financial gain. Not to be outdone, conspiracy theorists and their nut job, mindless followers decreed almost immediately that this was the work of the government in some sort of false flag attack designed to rob us of our personal liberties and to make money for the corporations that have them in their pocket.

Now I hate giving the likes of Alex Jones and Mike Adams the attention they don't deserve, but they're doing a disservice and must be held accountable for their despicable "reporting" on the Boston Marathon bombings. Not content with recent media reports about the manhunt for the suspects, Infowars.com and the equally insipid NaturalNews.com, as well as countless others, have drawn conclusions, based on little to no evidence, that the government was behind the bombings. Everyone from police to the Obama administration apparently wanted to kill these people to do any number of scary things to the American public, but yet were so incompetent at covering up their involvement that somehow these theorists are on top of this.

It's amazing to me the ego of these people, and not just the morally reprehensible Adams and Jones, but their followers as well. They all feel they're smarter than us about everything, calling those who look to actual evidence to draw a conclusion as the none so clever title of "sheeple". Instead they want the public to draw a conclusion first, and then search for clues that are easily debunked to pad their warped thinking.

This kind of bullshit is doing a great disservice to the victims. The real perpetrators need to be brought to justice and soon, and no public servant should have their good names dragged through the mud to bolster someone's ego, nor to sell quack products and advertising space. Not only are conspiracy theories such as this a complete and total waste of time, but try to imagine actually being hurt in the blast or losing a loved one, only to have some moron with a grudge to pick with his elected government exploit it for financial gain. It's despicable and should not be tolerated.

So when you see someone talk or post about how they believe this story is not adding up to the conclusions they want, please feel free to remind them of how wrong they are. It's ok to ask questions of any investigation, but in this day and age where misinformation is easily debunked the truth should be told. The victims deserve as much.

Let's take one example of a FB conversation I'm having. One friend decided to post about a serviceman, Lt Nick Vogt, who lost his legs in service to this country. Conspiracy theorists have quickly determined that a man who lost both lower limbs in the Boston blast was in fact Lt Vogt, who for whatever reason decided to be an actor in the so called staged bombing. Of course this is a lie and a slap in the face to the injured soldier who gave more to this country than most. Lt Vogt sacrificed the use of his feet to serve us, and now his name is being dragged through the mud by sick people. When I pointed this out, no one responded, because they couldn't, and changed the subject swiftly, which was again easily pointed out as stupid.

The real man who lost his legs, Jeff Bauman, was instrumental in helping identify the current suspects, and we're thankful for that.

As for Lt Vogt, I apologize on behalf of all rational people, and this nation is grateful for your service. You deserve better than to be accused of being part of a heinous act, and I hope one day any and all people who claimed you were a willing participant in the Boston bombings at least apologize, or better yet, have their own legs amputated as repentance.

"I think the most and possibly only relevant question when it comes to whether or not a conspiracy theory will spread is, "Does this fill people's emotional needs?"" - Amanda Marcotte of Slate

We've come for the children

When you become a parent, you become really boring, or even a minor nuisance, to those without children. So often when I was single and childless I would hear complaints about breeders and how they were terrible parents and any little inconvenience they experienced at the hand of kids was paramount to being forced to endure a drug free root canal.

And yes, there were a few occasions I would witness the behavior of parents and shake my head, hoping that I would never become like them, but of course, as soon as my child entered the world I instantly became like all those that once annoyed me. I flood my Facebook friends' News Feeds with so many pics and videos of my daughter that I'm certain most have me on "hide". Instead of dining out on good local cuisine I meet friends, who are parents as well, at chain restaurants that cater to families and serving food that is neither interesting nor all that good. I eat dinner at 5p, so anyone that accompanies me to dinner has to be on the same schedule as that of a retired person. I make a poor drinking companion as I can't recall what it's like to sleep in past 8a and have to retire to bed by at least midnight.

But when I read complaints about parents online I have to wonder about a few of them:

1. I was at restaurant/plane/theatre/etc and there was this screaming brat and the parents couldn't shut them up. Call CPS, for they're obviously failures at child rearing: If the parents made absolutely no attempt to calm their child, I can understand the annoyance and admit you have a right to complain about them, especially if they encourage the behavior, but if they do attempt to shut their noisy kid up and all their attempts are in vain, suck it up. If you are hearing this, chances are you're at a place targeted towards families, and there are many other venues or means of travel that'll lower the odds of you hearing a loud noise emitting from a wee one. It won't ruin the ambiance of fucking Olive Garden, so grow up and be glad you live a lifestyle that's consider lavish to 80% of the world's population. Getting a kid to quiet down can be as simple as asking Rick Santorum to donate money to GLAD. You can't reason with the unreasonable.
2. Those parents didn't discipline their children according to my standards. Clearly they aren't suited to breed: This is something parents and non do alike, and I can understand it, but I've got a secret for you, kids are different and react to modes of discipline differently. Parents now live in fear of spanking, because godless communists will lock us up and take away our crotch fruit, so an immediate solution has been made more difficult. Sure there is time out and taking privileges away and all that, but to paraphrase Alfred, some kids just want to see the world burn.
3. Parents are selfish because they're adding to the burden of the planet with an already non-sustainable population: That sound you hear is the breath taken from me upon hearing such eco-friendly wisdom. While this can be a decent point, it's made by douches who really like to sound like they're eco-warriors, but in reality they give two shits about the environment, and they know it. Now if the point was made about adopting a child who needs a home, well I can't argue that, especially being adopted myself, but really engaging in a biological act that'll help carry the species hardly seems selfish. If you really feel for those poor neglected children, adopt one, until then, don't make any judgments on my non adopting ass.
4. I hate seeing all those photos of people's kids in my Facebook feed: You know what, I hate seeing those numerous posts of your political analysis, which is almost always stupid and pointless and it bothers me how you think you're smarter and edgier than you really are. I hate seeing those stupid quotes with accompanying drawings of people dressed from decades ago that are neither funny, clever, or insightful. I hate seeing those posts that tell your friends "This is why I (insert action that's supposed to make people be impressed with how much of an educated person you are of whatever the fuck subject you linked to). I grow tired quickly of hearing how your significant other is the best in the whole wide world. They're not, not matter how many times they put their dishes in the dishwasher or buy you a video game, or do any other task that anyone else could do just as well if not better. I'm sick of seeing all your damn pictures of dogs, cats, or any other animal doing things that every miserable beast of the same species does. I don't care what you purchased, eat, or visited. But you know what? I click like, because if any one of those behaviors make you happy, it does me joy to see that, because I'm your friend, and that's what friends do.
5. Parents think they know everything: There's some truth to this, and it's made apparent with stupid mommy bloggers who hate vaccines and love alternative medicine and other associate nonsense, but these people are easy to ignore. And really they should be looked upon with pity rather than angst, as they're dumb people and haven't received the upstanding education you have. Sure there are the people who project some sort of smug superiority about being parents, but when I think about that, I've never met anyone like that in real life. Seriously, sometimes I wonder if those types only exist on the internet. Really, if you don't want to listen to a holier or smart than thou parent, it's easy not to, well unless you're their unfortunate offspring. Then it sucks to be you.
6. Parents are responsible for everything that sucks in pop culture as they keep buying crap for their kids, like Justin Bieber tickets: Yes, I'm so glad your parents denied you the privilege of watching He-Man or Jem, and instead forced you to read Dante throughout your childhood, because that's exactly what you wanted to do. Since as a child you had such a refined sense of aesthetics, it only makes sense that the rest of the population follows your folks' lead. Oh and fuck off. Seriously fuck you for trying to take away a simple joy from a kid. You sucked as a kid, and you suck now. If your life is so centered around pop culture, then it's empty and hollow and meaningless. You really need to start examining what it is you bring to humanity, if anything.
7. Parents who say "you have to be a parent to understand" as the end statement to their illogical behavior need to be punched in the face: OK I kind of agree, but I think violence may be going a bit far. Saying something to the effect of "by you stating that means your argument is groundless and has no basis in reality; therefore I win and you lose. Neener, neener, neener."

So yeah, non-breeders, kids run amongst you, deal with it. If you hate them, move to a retirement home and shut the fuck up.

"Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them." - P. J. O'Rourke

Another crazy encounter at work, as usual

I do like my job. I like how it always helps me broaden my skill set and gives me daily challenges to overcome, which can be enjoyable. But the people in this office worry me. Longtime readers will understand that I have strange encounters because a) God hates me b) I'm a freak magnet c) crazy folk love to get attention from Wiwille. Today was no different.

I was washing a dish in the work kitchen space, when I hear a man whisper softly into my ear that he liked my intensity. This conversation ensued.

Me: Uhhhh...great?
Him: I like how you wash that dish.
Me: As God as my witness no one has ever told me that, and you're really freaking me out dude.
Him: Yeah, I do that sometimes.
Me: What's it like being a weirdo?
Him: .....(walks off to gather his things from the printer).....

He went to the printer and solved his printing needs I assume. I sized him up, as I do most freaks I meet, wondering how this situation would go if things were to go all Hunter S Thompson style, but he didn't look at me and continued about his way.

I'm still a bit unsettled about the matter.

"A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?" - Albert Einstein

Wiwille goes hunting, ends as you would expect

I've been hunting before with results that were less than stellar. When I say less than stellar I mean I failed worse than Yahoo Serious' film career. I've never succeed at killing an animal, and maybe that's a good thing. I've never enjoyed deer, because it's not good. Spare me the whole "you just haven't had deer prepared or cooked properly." Yes I have what many have called properly prepared and cooked deer meat, and it's not good. No matter how many times you tell yourself it's tasty, it's not.

So a few weeks ago the family packed up and headed to Tyler Texas to visit some relatives on a spot of land they own which is about the size of Delaware. After some touring of the property, eating of a fine lunch, feeding cows, and shooting firearms, it was decided that some of us were off to hunt feral hogs.

Yes feral hogs. Currently estimated to be over 2 million in population in the state of Texas, the swine is considered a nuisance animal as it breeds rapidly and destroys livestock, farmland, various structures such as fences, and humans. The state of Texas is dedicated to reducing the population of the pigs to a reasonable level that they pretty much will allow anyone to kill the miserable creatures. You can even hunt them without a license, so long as you have permission from the land's owner, which we obviously had. You can use pretty much any weapon you choose, from knife to any legally purchased and owned firearm. Some farmers and ranchers will even pay you to roam their property and bid good riddance to the animals, and thus a cottage industry was born.

So my brother in-law handed me an Bushmaster AR-15 (yes the very same model used in the Sandy Hook tragedy) and told me that would be the weapon I would use should we come across any hogs. He loaded up a .45 caliber piston, and he and his young cousin piled in the back of a sport utility vehicle with me, similar to that pictured below:

Because nothing says getting closer to nature than being escorted around in an internal combustion vehicle.

 

The youngest didn't pack heat as she was just more curious about the affair. Her uncle loaded up his firearm and sat in the passenger seat while Al, the relative we were visiting, drove us into what seemed miles from civilization. We kept our eyes fixed on the wilderness before us, ready to take aim and fire upon creatures that wouldn't hesitate to feast upon human genitalia.

 

We saw some deer, which weren't worth shooting, but it was cool seeing those majestic creatures do deery things, such as run, jump, and repeat the process over and over again. We saw ducks and all kinds of fowl take flight onto the horizon, and we saw huge tracts of land. What we didn't see is a single hog. I never even took aim with my rifle at any point, which I guess is just as well. I'm not that good of a shot, so I can't speak with 100% confidence that I could hit a charging hog, but I can say that I would of, because I'm awesome and have many moments of awesomeness.

 

So again, I have failed to do the one task asked of someone hunting. There was no bacon for us that day, which is really depressing when you think about.

 

"I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it." - George Bernard Shaw



Sarah PAC needs your money

Sarah Palin has a Super PAC, but I'm puzzled as to why this could possibly be. Sure the former half term governor and failed VP candidate is currently unemployed as Fox News decided her paycheck demands weren't worth it, and her constant need for the limelight is in jeopardy, but she's made it very clear she's no longer going to run for office. So what has the former reality television "star" done lately to keep the attention on herself? Well she's been speaking at events, most notably CPAC, where she's often paid a lot of money to show off her folksy wisdom and rally her base of the few fans she has.

So she's been trotting around the US trying to get others elected, and now her Super PAC has released a video showcasing her stellar skills at owning an audience. To be fair, she does own a stage. No that is not sarcasm. The video in question:



The video you just watched wants you to conclude that Palin is effective at rallying the voters to choose the GOP at the polls. Well crafted as it is, it can make even the most ardent liberal thank that. So I looked up the numbers for her 2012 picks, people she tried to help win their campaign. The results:

• Paul Gosar - Arizona: Winner. Not shocking considering the state.
• Representative Allen West - Florida: Loser, and we're all thankful for this.
• Mia Love - Utah: Loser.
• Representative Jeff Flake - Arizona: Winner. Again it's Arizona.
• Martha Zoller - Georgia: Loser. Yes she couldn't get this person elected in Georgia.
• Kirk Adams - Arizona: Loser, surprisingly given the state.
• Governor Scott Walker: Winner. What's weird about this one is that he thought he needed Palin's help.
• Dan Bongino - Maryland: Loser.
• Ted Yoho - Florida: Winner. I had a teacher named Mr. Yoho. Hell I'd vote for him just on his name alone.
• Senator Orrin Hatch - Utah: Winner. Yeah, being a solid Senator for years, and a Republican Mormon in the State of Utah, I doubt Palin's help was warranted.
• Ted Cruz - Texas: Winner. A Republican being elected in Texas? I'm shocked! Of course Cruz has come out and stated how he wouldn't be elected if weren't for her. Yeah.
• Deb Fischer - Nebraska: Winner.
• Richard Mourdock - Indiana: Loser. Not shocking as this is the same guy who claimed pregnancies as the result of rape are God's will.
• Lieutenant Governor Rebecca Kleefisch - Wisconsin: Winner.
• Representative Sandy Adams - Florida: Loser.
• Sarah Steelman - Missouri: Loser. She even lost the primary election, which is a spectacular fail when you consider she had one of the most visible Republicans at her side.

For those not keeping score, Palin has a record of 7-8, which I guess is better than the Dallas Cowboys, but not enough to be impressed with. In fact, it's pretty damn awful and anyone who's graded on wins and losses with this as their accomplishment for the year could either be a) fired b) forced to resign with a small severance c) a five year contract with the Cleveland Browns d) found unconscious in the restroom of a transsexual bar in Oklahoma City.

So Palin, who laughingly had a documentary about her called Undefeated, is still a loser and her Super PAC, called Sarah PAC, wants you to donate to help a failure continue to be such. That is the logic of today's GOP, and it's pathetic. If the GOP is to ever turn itself around it needs to produce winners, and Palin is clearly not the one to do that. Republicans shouldn't be known as the party of bad investments.

"Buck up or stay in the truck." - Sarah Palin

Wrong

I've written about my thoughts on gay marriage already, so I won't bore you with why I think those that aren't in favor of marriage equality are thinly veiled bigots. No this won't be a well thought out point by point argument for same sex weddings. It'll just be a gentle reminder for anyone who opposes people getting married, for they are wrong.

Yes you're wrong, and history will remember you as bigots. Remember when you saw those students being denied access to a public education because they were black, or how people look back at those who vehemently protested interracial marriage? You looked down on those people, and rightly so, but people years from now will see you just as you did those racists who rallied to the defense of Jim Crow. Well that's assuming you disagree with segregation, and your stance on gay marriage seems to indicate you're all for it.

You've failed. You've failed to create a compelling argument against gay marriage in every respect. To be fair, there is no reasonable point to make regarding barring adults from getting married, so it was a lost cause anyone. Yet, oddly enough, you still continue to make these dumb arguments even though you have to know you're wrong. I mean seriously, when has denying adults rights gone well in our country's history?

The Supreme Court may not rule in favor of gays being married in all states, but they will at some point, and you will go down in history for your wrongness. How does that feel? You'll be in the same company as racists, Sarah Palin supporters, and people who think baseball is a game that should be enjoyed. Eventually your time will come, and you will be defeated in every conceivable way. You know it, so give it up now and allow people the right to marry and to enjoy the many benefits therein. Be on the right side of history for a change.

"Those who condemn gay marriage, yet are silent or indifferent to the breakdown of marriage and divorce, are, in my view, missing the real issue." - Malcolm Turnbull

Steubenville

They say it takes a village to raise a child, and they're right, but what happens when that community fails on every level imaginable. That's what's happening with the story from Steubenville. Yes I know most of you are sick of hearing about it, but really, we should always remember events like these and continually engage in discussion about it. The only way we can possibly, well humanely, prevent rape is to take a stand, speak out, and list those complicit in it for the worthless scum they are.

Now the events of the Steubenville case, while shockingly barbaric, are none too surprising. The town seemed to try to harbor the rapists for whatever reason, probably because they were athletes, maybe because they were popular, or maybe because people don't want to accept that rape happens. It could be all of those reasons, but I'll never know, nor care, because it's baffling to me that anyone would defend someone who sexually assaults another person. An vocal group in the community rallied in support of the two boys pictured above. The same two boys who stripped naked and sexually assaulted an intoxicated girl in the middle of a party. A party where no one defended the girl, nor even went so far to tell those two boys to stop. The same two boys who were filmed doing such an act, and then even going further as to mock and ridicule the girl online and off. Yes these are the town's heroes.

The reason why I say it's none too shocking is the fact that in some small ways a lot of us have indirectly condoned rape. Many Catholics still go to mass and tithe even after they are fully aware that the church was complacent in harboring child rapists. Many called, and are still calling for whatever reason, to the defense of Joe Paterno when he didn't do enough to stop a subordinate from molesting small boys, which is fucking unbelievable. Seriously if you're a Paterno supporter, go to hell. I'm not kidding. Go to hell. There are countless other sexual assaulters who've gotten free passes for whatever reason and still remain largely in the public eye, such as Mike Tyson, Roman Polanski, and many others. Politicians (and when I say politicians, I mean Republicans) have brought the issue of rape into the public discourse in ways so stupid it's disturbing.

But to say these two men are the only ones who destroyed this young girls life is naive, if not ridiculous. All the citizens of Steubenville, and even the ones who live outside of the borders of that shit hole, who have defended these two, mocked this girl, or made light of the crime in any way do not deserve to breath oxygen. Harsh I know, but it's true and you know it. They have made her life that much more miserable, if you can imagine it. They posted nasty things about her, the victim, online and as we all know, the internet is forever. Pictured below are just a few of the online threats and taunts the victim received from people who apparently think men having their way with women is not a big deal:

 

Yes even girls are defending these guys. I mean, what the hell?

 



Then there are the adults in the community and much like many archdioceses across the nation, if not world, they attempted to shield these two boys from prosecution. Seriously, they didn't want them to face a trial for committing such a heinous act. Even their coach tried to sweep it under the rug, going so far as threatening a reporter who was working on the story.

Look at this face, for this is the face of a pig fucker who deserves to die of cancer of the ass.

 

I have a daughter now, and to think I have to have a conversation about rape with her saddens me to no end. Things I should never have to say to my daughter, but feel compelled to:

1. Do not get drunk at a party - She should be able to drink more than a member of the Kennedy family and not have to worry about a man, or woman, attacking her.
2. If you know you're going to be around guys, watch your behavior or dress - She should be able to walk naked through Hooters and not have to worry about groped, or worse.
3. You should carry mace, or a gun - Daughters around the world should not have to feel more comfortable brandishing a weapon just for simply going on a date, or to a party, or anywhere for that matter.
4. If something happens, report it immediately - I can't think for the life of me what other crime exists where people are hesitant to go to the authorities and rape should be no different.

It's truly up to us to stop this nonsense, and I wish everyone and anyone who threatened or harassed this girl will serve a massive amount of jail time. Those who witnessed and cheered, or did absolutely nothing to stop this, deserve worse. Yes I'll go all medieval and say they need to live in Oklahoma for the rest of their lives.

 

We all need to step up and be the village that raises the next generation to look and treat rape appropriately, and it's amazing that that needs to be typed, but it does, and this makes me sad. So seriously, talk to your kids about rape, be aware of it, and be vigilant about ending it. My mother, sister, wife, daughter, and all of my loved ones should live in a world free of sexual violence.

 

It's so simple not to rape someone, and I can't imagine why someone would even want to do it, or why someone wouldn't want to condemn it, but here we are.

 

"Rape, mutilation, abuse, and theft are the natural outcome of a world in which force rules, in which human beings are objects." - Chris Hedges

Ten years

March 19th, 2003: Then President George W Bush announced US forces would thumb its nose at the UN and launch a ground invasion of Iraq, with the goal of toppling the Bath regime and its notorious leader, Saddam Hussein. I watched in some agony as I couldn't imagine what it would mean to be a citizen of Iraq. Sure during the first Gulf War in the late nineties they probably saw war coming as almost every UN member state saw the occupation of Kuwait as ridiculous and needed to end immediately, and most Americans thought the action was necessary even though few of them could point the country out on a map. But there we were, watching an ignorant Republican declare war against a country that has never attacked us, based on the idea that they may or may not have wanted to, with weapons they may or may not have possessed.

 

I tried to rationalize what the administration was thinking, even going so far as to try to give them the benefit of the doubt, but was for naught, as there was no logical reason for this to happen. Many people would perish while we were busy taking a two bit dictator who could barely feed his country out of the world community. The faulty, and possibly falsified intelligence laid bare to the world wasn't enough to convince most rational thinking Americans that this was necessary, nor did it sway the Security Council.

 

Still we went in and toppled a mostly defenseless country, and in turn their citizens decided to strike back. Few hearts and minds were won and our forces ended up fighting non-uniformed insurgents who were none to happy to have their country occupied by a foreign power. Months went on and bodies piled up, and we wondered if this would ever end.

 

Sure no one misses Sadam, but in the war on terror he was hardly a player, much less a formidable enemy. Al-Queda grew in their solidarity against us, and their leaders kept popping as we claimed we killed the number two man in power over and over again. Do we feel any safer now that the Bath party doesn't exist?

 

Saddam was a lot of things, a horrible murderous tyrant who inflicted much pain and suffering on his people, but he was also the monster we created. We helped him stay in power for so many years, even going so far as giving him weapons of mass destruction to wage war with Iran. America became the irresponsible parent, and rather than try and reign in the spoiled brat we raised, we ended up killing him for the transgressions we helped him achieve. At the end, we saw images of him in his tightey whiteys and breathed a sigh of relief when he was put to death.

 

So what now for Iraq? We no longer hear about the nation we devastated, and now that they have democracy we may pay an ugly price for what we did there. I hope the country can forgive us, but I'm not optimistic. Hopefully they're enjoying their freedoms, liberty that they never had under Hussein, and maybe one day they'll be prosperous and we can look back and think something good came out of this expensive conflict, but I'm not optimistic.

 

"Politics is when you say you are going to do one thing while intending to do another. Then you do neither what you said nor what you intended." - Saddam Hussein

Wiwille's writing a book

When I'm not sparring ninjas or live underwear modeling I've been writing a book. Yes a book. It's got words. It even may have pictures.

But it's a book, and it'll be worth a read. Well granted it's written for a select audience and it may be only available online, but it's got like sentences and punctuation, punct-punct-punctuation.

It's ended up with me staying up late and writing, and it has kind of taken its toll. I just close the laptop feeling exhausted and finally rolling my ass to bed at a time that's not exactly reasonable. But oh well, it's a book and it should be written.

More details to come.

"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done." - Stephen Wright

Wiwille plays North Korean video game, with results as you would expect

I've played a great many video games in my life, and consequently I've suffered through many a sup par experience with digital gaming. Yes I've attempted to conquer notoriously terrible games such as Superman for the N64 and the infamous and barely playable E.T. for the Atari 2600, but today I've come across a relatively new game made by the friendly folks that make up the Democratic People's Republic of Korea. Yes when those wacky North Koreans aren't starving or being tortured in gulags, they make video games for the glory of Juche. Actually its made by a German company that outsources its IT development to North Korea (how the hell they got investors on that business model is anyone's guess). Thanks to a partnership with Koryo Tours, a Beijing based company that provides what I can only imagine as being a wonderful vacation in Pyongyang, the world can be exposed to communist video gaming.

 

Now I have a weird obsession about North Korea and spend more time following the news of the hermit kingdom than is reasonable or healthy. The fact that it's still a country fascinates me, and I can only imagine visiting there to be a trip back in time, given their limited technology and infrastructure. To me it would seem like stepping into 1947 USSR, and I'm really curious what that travel experience would be like.

 

Often I'm told that the DPRK is nothing like what we see or hear of it, but if this game is any indication of how backwards Pyongyang is, I'm skeptical of such opinions. The game is laughably bad. I've found and played better games in the bargain gaming bin of Target for $3 in 1997 than this drek. The game is called Pyongyang Racer, which the title alone makes me chuckle at the idea since there's reportedly very few cars in the country. To the game's credit, it reinforces such stereotypes as you rarely encounter another vehicle. You race around Pyongyang, an area most visitors are restricted to visit anyways, but you don't actually race any opponents. With controls that are actually worse than any game I've ever played, you drive around the DPRK capital with no indication of how fast you're actually going. The goal is to drive into barrels of oil, which convert to fuel, so I'm guessing the car's a diesel, but who the hell knows. You start with a horribly animated traffic girl telling you to drive straight and not to stare at her, as she's on duty. I would imagine a better reason would be that you're driving an automobile and staring at women while in operation of one can be dangerous, but since there's little to run into I guess that makes sense. Staring is rude even in the land of people who believe in unicorns.

 

Funny how she doesn't want you to look at her when she's larger than the actual car you're driving and takes up a quarter of your screen.

 

You keep driving and continually fumble with frustratingly horrible controls and sometimes you come across some weird black thing hovering in the road, which gives you information about the site you're coming up on. Sure you can stare at where the Mass Games are held, but looking at a woman is frowned upon. I started to get bored, so I decided that I wanted an off road experience, but the game reset my car back into the horribly pixelated road. Yes the graphics are so terrible they can't even make a street convincing.

 

There's only two ways you can lose Pyongyang Racer, you can run out of fuel or you can hit a car three times. 

It tells you that you can't hit three vehicles, but as I painfully learned you can't even hit one vehicle three times. Thanks Dear Leader for not clearing that up.

 

There are three things I can positively say about the game:

 

1. It's free.
2. It was better than I expected, and is still better than some games the US produces.
3. The sites you see are well crafted, compared to the rest of the game.
    

While you're on your journey you are being constantly being fed a loop of music that is so awful I can only imagine the state police use it to torture people in their gulag prison system. Not surprisingly I got bored, closed the browser, and reflected on what the hell it was I just played.

 

While I do believe the only humane way to free the North Korean people from their ruthless oppressors is to open up communication with them and the rest of the world, this game is a poor start. It reinforces the idea that the DPRK is backwards, totalitarian, and behind the times in everything imaginable. If this was supposed to be an example of how glorious Juche is, then as a marketing venture it failed more miserably than New Coke. I do hope Kim Jong-Un can motivate his people to make something a bit better next time. Perhaps a RTS game with famous battles from the Korean conflict? Maybe a bit tasteless, but at least it would be more interesting. Then again it would probably be filled with scenes of Americans throwing babies into a well and South Koreans raping farm animals. How about Kim Jong-Il golf? Since he was far better than Tiger Woods, one can only think a game honoring his epic acheivements in the sport would make sense.

"This game was developed in 2012 and is not intended to be a high-end techological wonder hit game of the 21st century, but more a fun race game (arcade style) where you drive around in Pyongyang and learn more about the sites and get a glimpse of Pyongyang." - Pyongyang Racer's about page



I hate it when this happens

There are politicians that I despise, and those I find amusingly stupid, but there are times when even I have to break down and agree with them, well at least once in their miserable careers. Enter Rand Paul, son of the civil libertarian, cartoon character Ron Paul, who for whatever reason named his kin after a philandering self indulgent atheist hack writer, who has now taken his father's place as a self described white knight of the precious Constitution. Railing against the TSA, IRS, and any other easy target, Paul Jr came off as atypical of libertarian leaning Republicans, quick to hate on the government and proclaim themselves the last line of defense of liberty.

So enter President Obama and his National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA) of 2012, which affirms the Executive branch the power to detain someone indefinitely without trial, which flies in the face of our Bill of Rights and is not shockingly something I'm highly against. Granted, the President has claimed he would not abuse said privilege and will not allow the military to do such a thing, but allotting that power is scary and should've never been done. Thankfully the Supreme Court agreed and all is well, but of course the Pauls take full credit for this.

But now we face an even stranger and more disturbing Executive power, the privilege to kill an American citizen with a drone strike on or off US soil, without Constitutional due process. Granted Eric Holder's office claim that it could only be used in extreme circumstances, and really I'm not entirely concerned that Obama will just go off and kill anyone indiscriminately with unmanned aircraft, but to have that ability in the hands of lesser men seems terrifying to me, and I can't see why the White House wouldn't just let go of this.

As Rand Paul got a letter from Holder describing the right to kill an American citizen, and the highly unlikely scenario that would trigger that order, he decided that the Justice Department has gone too far and filibustered the nomination of Brennan to head the CIA. Paul tried to get the Senate to pass a resolution that would restrict the use of drone attacks on non-combatants, but it seems that has gone nowhere.

The thing that sucks is I agree with Paul, and his cohort Sen Ted Cruz. Yes normally I find their rhetoric stupid, such as Cruz's conspiracy theories and Paul's belief that the Tea Party is a legitimate grass roots movement and that abortion is somehow the only social issue that shouldn't be left up to the states, but today I hate to say that I stand with Rand. Fuck I can't believe I just typed that.

American politics has never been black & white, nor ever will be.

"You must surely be making Jimmy Stewart smile," - Ted Cruz to Rand Paul

After almost 13 hours, Paul ends filibuster that thrust drones into spotlight


Where Oscar went wrong

I don't watch the Oscars, which sometimes puzzles those that know me as I love movies, but I haven't sat and watched the award show in years. It really makes little sense to me why it's so popular as it really is useless. I really have little desire to see celebrities vote for themselves and have the largest circle jerk of the year. While I don't watch them, I do see the results later in the news, shrug my shoulders, and carry on my business as if they never existed. Granted some of the winners baffled me and still do, and shows how much of a wide disconnect the viewing public (including paid critics) and industry insiders have. So I'll list the most baffling Oscar wins and nominations according to me. You may think this is an opinion, but oh no, this is fact, because I said it. So there.

1. 2006 Best Picture Winner "Crash" - A lot of hate was tossed around for this film after it took Hollywood's most coveted award, but I can't bring myself to completely dislike it. It wasn't a bad ensemble film, but it was far inferior to the rest of the movies in the category, including "Brokeback Mountain", "Capote", "Good Night and Good Luck", and "Munich". Since Crash had such a star studded cast they may account for the amount of votes it got, but I still can't fathom a universe where it ranks as the top, when it's nomination was questionable.
2. 2004 Best Picture Winner "The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King": I love the LOTR trilogy and it's probably the best adaptation of Tolkien's masterpiece that anyone could've hoped for, but I'm hard pressed to rank it higher amongst other superior films nominated that year, namely "Mystic River" and "Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World". I can understand the academy giving Peter Jackson the Oscar though, given the great achievements of the three films, but I still think a film should stand on its own merits, especially when judged amongst others.
3. 2003 Best Picture Winner "Chicago": This is quite possibly one of the most plotless Best Picture winners that I can think of. While visually impressive with good musical numbers, there's very little story here and when the actors are clearly better suited to the song and dance rather than reading lines. I doubt anyone can say this movie is better than "The Pianist" with a straight face.
4. 2002 Best Picture Nominee "Moulin Rouge!": Why the hell was this nominated? I mean I get how some people were excited to see a resurgence of musicals, but instead they got this annoying dreck. There's nothing subtle about this heavily edited nonsense and the visuals jump from being beautifully striking to murky and horrific. The covers of various pop songs are highly inappropriate considering the film's setting, and the love story just falls flat. Somehow Academy voters thought this should get a shot above far more engaging films such as "Memento" and "Monster's Ball".
5. 2001 Best Picture Winner "Gladiator": A not terrible film that has a thin plot and only two memorable characters, but in no way should be honored higher than "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" or "Traffic".
6. 1999 Best Picture Winner "Shakespeare in Love": The best achievement of this film is how it masks itself as cinematic wonder when really it's just corny and not as funny as it, or audiences, think it is. It's a remarkable take on the marketing of a film that this is held in such high regard, when in reality the jokes fall flat and are about as humorous as a Family Circle comic. Given all its flaws, I kind of enjoyed it, but what's even more remarkable is how this ranked higher than the four highly superior films in its category that year. Yes even "Life is Beautiful" is better, and you know it.
7. 1998 Best Picture Winner "Titanic": I think the fact that this film won so many Oscars over the vastly superior "L.A. Confidential" is enough evidence to lay claim as 1998 being the lowest the Academy has ever sunk.
8. 1995 Best Picture Winner "Forrest Gump": This was the award that solidified my already held belief that watching the Oscars were a complete waste of time. This syrupy, melodramatic, and devoid of humor film takes an overly nostalgic look through modern American history, but fails to entertain in any way. Sure it has its merits, such as acting and cinematography, but its too damn silly to be taken seriously. Stupid is as stupid does, and this movie is indeed stupid. This is another film that was the least of the pack, but still got the highest honor for reasons I can't explain.
9. 1994 Notably absent film from the nominees "Malcom X": Sure Spike Lee may be a self righteous prick that nobody likes, but its hard to overlook Malcom X as a great film, and it should've at least taken a nomination. The performance from Denzel Washington alone made it worth watching, but that's no the only element in this movie that makes it remarkable. The photography and editing are almost flawless.
10. 1991 Best Picture Winner "Dances With Wolves": Dances with Wolves is a stunning acheivement and a sweeping epic that will be remembered for generations. It's a great story that was marvelously directed by Kevin Costner, shockingly enough. With all its greatness, it's not better than Goodfellas. It's just not.
11. 1982 Best Picture Winner "Chariots of Fire": There are few best picture winners more dull than this, and why this beat out the far superior in every way "Reds" will remain a mystery.
12. 1981 Best Picture Winner "Ordinary People": I like this movie. I really do. It has some great acting and really is worth a look. But to think this movie is superior to "Raging Bull" is committing a film blasphemy so sinful one should be forced to spend the after life watching "She-Devil" and "Leonard Part 6".
13. 1976 Best Picture Nominee "Barry Lyndon": While I love Kubrik's body of work, this is quite possibly my least favorite movie he did, and really I can't bring myself to watch it again. As dreary as it is dull and lifeless, Barry Lyndon serves no purpose and I can't imagine why it got nominated other than the fact it's the closest to an epic that year.
14. 1974 Notably absent film from the nominees "Save the Tiger": In what is quite possibly is Jack Lemmon's greatest performance, and that's saying a lot, Save the Tiger is a great film about an aging Korean vet trying to cope with an ever changing society that doesn't need him anymore. Yet somehow this didn't get nominated while American Graffiti did. Yeah...
15. 1967 Best Picture nominee "The Russians are Coming. The Russians are Coming": While this movie is charming and a funny indictment on cold war paranoia, it's not that good. When you consider such superior films weren't nominated, such as "Alfie", "The Professionals", and "The Naked Prey", one is left to wonder why this was even considered.
16. 1964 Best Picture nominee "Cleopatra": There are very few huge spectacles like this that have equated to being such a bore, but Cleopatra accomplishes just that. Even Elizabeth Taylor went on record to denounce how dull this movie was, and I can't imagine anyone ever enjoying this, much less wanting it to be nominated.
17. 1959 Best Picture Winner "Gigi": When it's not creepy (a guy singing about how he thanks God for little girls should've never happened) it's a dull tale of a girl who doesn't want to live in amongst the upper crust and abide by their rules as her genetics have paved for her. Yeah, it's just that gripping as it sounds. "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" should've taken the award home, and that is an indisputable fact.
18. 1957 Best Picture Winner "Around the World in Eighty Days": The fact that this film, which is more of a travelogue than a well fleshed story, got to be best picture is proof enough of how meaningless the Oscars should be considered. Again you have the least of the bunch get the highest award. Stupid.
19. 1953 Best Picture Winner "The Greatest Show on Earth": Out of all the Best Picture winners, this is my least favorite. It claims to have a story about a traveling circus that is neither engaging nor entertaining. As a spectacle it works ok, but to think it beat "Ivanhoe" and "High Noon" leaves me speechless.

And I'll leave it there, with this indisputable list of where the Academy got it wrong, so wrong.

 

 

Gun control is good for Republicans

A little while after the election I wondered about the future of the Republican party and where I thought it was headed after suffering such a miserable defeat at the hands of Obama and the DNC. I wondered if they could rebound from this, and even gave them suggestions on how they could pull themselves up by their bootstraps and be all bootstrappy. Of course no one listened to me and my awesomeness, but shockingly they didn't have to.

 

Lacking clarvoyance I wondered what issue the Republicans could rally around to somehow justify their existence to voters. Then the Democrats handed them one, gun control, and the party has sprung new life. Whether you agree with gun control or not, it currently is a right, and historically the party that fights to expand liberty is the one that usually wins in the end. Granted, the gun legislation being proposed is something our country has implemented before, well barely, and somehow the Republic still stood strong, but the very mention of limiting firearms ownership will rally many apolitical folks into standing firm with those elected officials who promise to block said restrictions.

 

So if the next mid-term elections see a growth in Republican seats in Congress, you may want to thank the DNC.

 

"I have a very strict gun control policy: if there's a gun around, I want to be in control of it." - Clint Eastwood

 



Wiwille's movie reviews part 94

Role models are necessary in a film about kids, but it's the ones that no one should emulate are the ones that are fun to watch. Hesher takes the idea of anti-exemplar and cranks it up to 11. Set in the 80s presumably, it tells the tale of TJ, a troubled kid who lost his mom in a tragic car accident, which he and his clinically depressed father survived. Both he and his grieving dad are shacked up with grandma, who is resigned to only hoping to see her son and grandson get better and move on with their lives.

 

Enter the enigmatic Hesher, the town badass. He seems like he belongs in an 80s metal band, complete with long hair, bad tattoos, and a black belt in the art of not giving a shit. Basically, he was the guy that any 80s metal head kid wanted to be when they grew up, before they came to the realization that such guys always ended up living shitty lives. He mysteriously shows up at TJ's home, to which none of the family seems to have much of a problem with, nor does anyone ask him to leave, and decides to take up residence there. He follows TJ around for reasons unbeknownst to anyone, including the audience, and tries to mentor him in being hardcore. Hesher gets TJ in trouble, tries to tell him about the birds and the bees in a fashion you would expect, and basically is more of a nuisance than a real friend.

 

While struggling with the death of his mother and being tormented by a kid uglier than the bully in "A Christmas Story", TJ meets a mousy, lonely checkout clerk, who catches his eye. Hesher, naturally, makes some attempt to get TJ to woo his much older crush, but that, as with many things Hesher touches, goes to shit.

 

Hesher is a movie I can strongly recommend, based on the performances of Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Rainn Wilson alone. The former plays the title character brilliantly, sometimes funny, sometimes charming, and sometimes downright scary and disturbing, this role really showcases Levitt's talents better than any other I've seen him play. Even TJ, played by Devin Brochu, works really well and I'm looking forward to seeing him in more films. The plot shouldn't seem too interesting, but it is compelling thanks to the cryptic nature of the story.

 

So who is Hesher? Is he some sort of fucked up Mary Poppins? Is he an angel making foolish attempts at sprouting wings? Is he just some drifter who's cold black heart was softened by TJ and he feels compelled to aid in the grieving process? Watch and find out.

 

Thanks to Mattbear (who needs to blog for fuck's sake) for submitting this. Wanna see a film reviewed by Wiwille? Drop me an email or comment and you'll see it soon on One Bad Apple. Rules are posted here.

 

"Hesher himself [is] a mysterious, magnetic, repellent, and alluring figure... It's quite an astonishing performance by Joseph Gordon-Levitt." - Jeffrey M Anderson

 



Wiwille gets his geek on

I've never been to a comic-con, Star Trek convention, or anything of the like, until yesterday. It was then I drove to the Irving Convention Center to feast mine eyes on the wonder that is geekdom, and wander in the belly of the 2013 Dallas Sci-Fi Expo. I truly went in a virgin to the whole experience and didn't really know what to expect. All I know of these things is that they're filled with nerds who negotiate the amount of over priced toys, comics, and paraphernalia. Oh and for whatever reason, much like Halloween, it gives an excuse for many women to bring out their inner whore. At least these stereotypes are what the internet has taught me, and we know the internet is right about everything.

 

I pay for parking and make my way into the line. I was standing next to a guy who was wearing a Nostromo jacket, and I was slightly proud of the fact I got the reference. We started chatting and he turned out to be a most interesting gent. He recently moved to Dallas from the Bay Area after working for ILM for many years. He built (in the computer) R2-D2 for Episode III and did some extensive work on The Clone Wars series. They moved the line to buy tickets and then they told us to go outside and wait in line again for whatever reason. My new friend had a cigarette while I enjoyed a cigarillo, and we chatted more about all things geekery. Not shockingly he's been to many events, such as San Diego comic-con, that Star Wars annual event in Disney World, and various other sci-fi conventions and comic book related stuff. He was like the Rick Steves of nerd travel.

 

 These two were standing out front as I smoked my cigarillo. They stayed in character the entire time, which was impressive. Snoogins.

We talked about the things we do and do not like about geek culture, and I really enjoyed his company. He told me what I can and can't expect inside the doors, which was not far from my previously held unsubstantiated view of the going ons in the world of dorks. I looked across the line and noticed very few people seemed to be dressed up, and my new buddy said that was typical, as about only 10% get into costume, or cos-play as they call it for whatever reason.

 

Next in line to me were these girls, who were kind enough to pose and were quite a big hit for obvious reasons.

 

Rogue and Jean Grey from the X-Men.



The girl dressed as Jean Grey couldn't have been warm, but I'm guessing being prepared for the elements aren't important to cos-players.

 

We made our way into the building and wandered through the first floor. It was full of booths that held all sorts of merchandise, from toys to comics to autographed everything to bootleg DVDs to pretty much anything a nerd would want. While what was on display wasn't surprising, what was, and shouldn't have been, kind of shocking was the exorbitant prices for these things. I found old toys that I used to play with, such as GI Joe and Star Wars, that ranged in the hundreds to thousands even. I tried to find some old Uncle Scrooge comics for my dad, met with some success, and called him to see if he wanted them. After he found out the price he told me to put them down and if anything, buy me a newly printed collection as he could care less about having a high priced comic that would make him feel guilty if he read it.

 

I liked the Star Blazers cartoon as much as the next guy, but $600?

There were folks in costume wandering the floor doing as I and my friends were, browsing, shopping, and generally just absorbing the atmosphere. I came upon one girl, who I thought was Harley Quinn, but wasn't sure as she barely resembled any Quinn I'm familiar with, so I asked if I could take a pic as my sister's a huge fan. (A friend of mine proved how much of a huge nerd he is by confirming that she is in fact dressed as the girl who has unrequited love with the Joker.) She complied and posed like she was a professional.

 

When I was a pro it took forever to get someone into just the right pose. This girl needed no direction and immediately went all model on me.

She obviously is attractive and caught the eye of many guys, so I was curious if she ever got bored with being asked to pose over and over again, but I relented from asking and let her go about her shopping. I just showed this pic to Corey and he announced he needs to propose marriage to this girl. I'm sure a single girl could do quite well at a sci-fi expo, that is if they can get guys to approach them.

 

I started to get bored pretty quickly as most of the booths had the same stuff, and few of it was interesting beyond nostalgic reasons. I admit I'm a geek, but I see little use in buying toys and stuff that you won't want to use. I mean, if a toy isn't being played in the dirt enjoyed by an adolescent, there's no reason for it to exist. I felt a real disconnect with my nerdy brethren when it comes to collections, as I'm not a collector by any means, and really don't see the point. Sure if I were at a garage sale and saw something really cheap that I knew was worth far more than the sticker price, I would snatch it up and try and sell it as soon as possible, but it just doesn't interest me as a hobby.

 

Still there was some interesting things that caught my eye, namely the replica weapons and old toys I used to play with and some that met an unceremonious demise in the name of witnessing the awesome power of fireworks.

 

My friends Gary and Terry found a booth selling Stargate and various other merchandise. One had a staff signed by the SG1 cast, including Richard Dean Anderson. The operator of the booth got them both to pose with props.

 

 

 

The three of us decided to get some lunch and sat in the cafeteria area for some grubbing. It was then announced that there was to be a cos-play red carpet event, and if we wanted pics we were to walk five yards to get into the line. I got in the front row, which allotted me to get some characters to stare directly into my lens and pose for me, again without any direction.

 

This sexy Doctor and her equally feminine Capt Jack Harkness was a hit with the fans of the BBC shows in attendance.





This is a BSG pilot. I had to be told this.

I'm told this is Jem from that old cartoon.

A Harley Quinn I'm more familiar with.

I had no idea what was going on with this photo, but it was told to me later by a huge dork that it's the girl from Weird Science.

Look kids, it's Captain Cleavage!

Rogue being all rogue-ish.

The messed up restoration of that Jesus fresco that made the news a few years back. Well I laughed. Many in attendance were unfamiliar with that event, including my two Christian friends who came with me.

I couldn't get these two to look at me at the same time, which makes sense considering all the cameras around. She looks like she wants to feed me those death berries.

Agent Scully with some piercing eyes.

LOTR

I imagine every one of these type events has a token Ghostbuster.

No clue who they're supposed to be, but they were having so much fun I had to take a snap.

Assuming that kid in the Stormtrooper outfit's a boy, he's going to remember this forever.

There were other characters and more pics which I won't bore you with. Afterwards the three of us went outside for a break from the action and had some cigarillos, and then braved on to the upper floors. Those floors contained all the celebrities which you can pay top dollar and waste hours in line for a quick meet and greet and photo. I had no interest in seeing stars whore themselves so I made my goodbyes and decided to go home and see my family.

 

I had a good time at the event and am glad I got to experience it, but I won't be doing so again unless there's a celebrity I really need to meet, and since Hunter S Thompson is dead and has no connection to sci-fi, I doubt that'll be happening ever. If I have a kid who's into nerdiness I'd take them of course, and possibly dress up with them, but otherwise I have little interest in reliving that experience. Although my new found friend in line did say I need to go to San Diego comic-con at least once, so that's on the bucket list. It may make for good blog material.

 

"I was a big sci-fi fantasy geek when I was younger... secretly, in my room." - Christina Ricci







Super Bowl

Even though my family weren't real fans of sports, much less football, we, like most, always tuned in to the Super Bowl. We ate crackers and cheese and watched the games with enthusiasm even if we didn't give two shits who won. My parents being from the Bay Area, always rooted for the 49ers and with them I got to see the magic that was Montana, Rice, Craig, Lott, Carter, etc take the field and make the sport of football look easy. There was an element of grace with those teams, and they dominated the league. My family watched the best ever play and win, and it made for wonderful memories.

 

After the 49ers beat the Chargers in Super Bowl XXIX, the organization collapsed for many reasons and soon became the laughing stock of the NFL for many years. The Team of the Decade (80s) morphed into the something resembling the Detroit Lions. It was painful, but I persevered and continued watching the NFL, enjoying the many great games the league offered.

 

In the late 80s and early 90s it seemed everyone was a 49ers fan, even in the Northwest, and it's not hard to figure out why. They were winners and they had some of the best players of their time, and even some of all time. But as the team from Candlestick started to suck more than a gay hooker at the Republican National Convention, you saw less and less people wearing San Fransisco attire. I was alone in my fandom. Not one friend was a fan of the Bay Area team anymore.

 

Then came the restructuring of the NFL divisions. Seattle, who enjoyed a decades long rivalry with the Raiders in the AFC West, were moved to the NFC West and no one was happy about it. Emerald City fans were rightfully bummed about losing out on their rivalry, which they enjoyed year after year. NFC West fans were puzzled as to why the Seahawks, who have long been known to suck horribly, needed to be in the NFC, much less the NFC West. The 49ers enjoyed a long rivalry with the Rams, but that soon gave way to a new bitter enemy, the the team residing in the town I lived in.

 

I was personally annoyed. I was living in the Seattle area and found myself the only person in my circle of friends as a 49ers fan, and was out numbered by those who worshiped at the ground of a tax funded stadium. The 49ers were horrible, and I knew I would catch hell every time they played. I was not disappointed. I went to my first 49er-Seahawk game at what was then called Seahawk stadium, a beautiful place really, by myself as my friend got sick, and had the worst sports watching experiences of my life.

 

As the second quarter came to be, after hearing a bunch of jeering lobbed my way, I felt a bottle hit me upside the head. I turned around and screamed my demand for the thrower to fess up. As expected, no one did. For folks who aren't familiar with Seattle, the citizens are famous for being passive/aggressive. I waved security over to discuss the matter, and he commented on how brave I was showing up alone wearing a 49ers jersey.

 

The 49ers lost, and I congratulated the fans sitting next to me. They responded by giving me shit, and one guy even started to posture and talk tough about how he'd like to kick my ass. I told him I'd oblige happily, but he responded by saying it wasn't worth it. As I made the long walk down out of the stadium people gave me all kinds of hell for rooting for a team that wasn't the Seahawks, but I just smiled and said some version of "the Seahawks played really well tonight".

 

Of course, that experience could be typical of any nosebleed seats in any sporting event when someone rooting for a visiting team can expect, but I was naive enough to think that Seahawk fans wouldn't act so Raiderish. I went back a couple more times to a hostile crowd, and they were more verbally childish when the 49ers actually won. Finally I just gave up and decided watching the 49ers play the Seahawks would be best done in front of the tv, home, alone.

 

As the Seahawks started to resemble a team that was worthy of respect I caught more hell, but again to be expected. Seahawk fans really started to annoy me though. I never met a single one that actually new the actual mechanics of the game, or could even tell me what a 4-3 defense was. They'd love Hasselback and Holmgren one minute, only to proclaim them as the wost thing that happened to the organization the next. It was tiring.

 

Then came Super Bowl XL. I was happy the Seahawks made it and hoped they would win, but had my doubts they could pull it off against a superior team as the Steelers were. If they won I could finally see some consistency from their fan base. They would be happy for a year and I could stop listening to them whine. We all know the results of that wretched game and the fans to this day bitch about how the refs cost them the championship, never mind that Seattle was out played that day, and it's arguable they deserved to even be there. (Oh yeah, I'm part of the East Coast biased media!)

 

 

 

Sunday promised to make this year the best year for football I've ever experienced. I won the championship in both my fantasy football leagues, and if my favorite team won the Super Bowl I would be ecstatic. So I sat in my friend's media room watching the first half and saw Raven's Cary Williams clearly shove a ref after he inserted himself into the scrum and threw a few obvious punches into a 49ers midsection.

 

"What..what the hell?" I said to anyone listening. "How the hell is that not a penalty, much less an automatic ejection?"

 

My friends nodded in agreement, but probably just to be polite. I imagine they noticed my ever growing frustration at the inability of the NFC Champions to actually move the chains. I saw blown calls on both sides and was growing impatient with professional referees' inability to simply do their job.

 

It was then it hit me. I sounded like a Seahawk fan. Here I was, rooting for a NFL organization that has a long storied history of excellence, whining like someone from the Northwest. I was ashamed of myself.

 

I watched the first half end, and decided the 49ers deserved to lose this game after playing like they had Dave Krieg helming the offense. The lights went out, my daughter started getting tired, and the wife signaled it was time to go home, to which I agreed.

 

My wife complimented me at my lack of consumption of alcohol, as I only had two beers. She was impressed, as normally I my beer drinking during Super Bowl is something I've never held back on, but I was the driver and I needed to get the family home safe. How times have truly changed.

 

After we got home I turned on the TV to see the 49ers had scored seventeen points. What the hell? They could win this? I was delighted to see this actually turn into a game. Then of course, the 49ers blew every opportunity that came there way, and lost what could of been the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history.

 

I dropped my remote and swore a little. My wife reminded me it's only a game, to which I had to agree. I got texts and FB messages from newly formed Baltimore fans giving me hell, because for some reason people have no problems seeing Ray Lewis get a ring, which is just baffling to me. I know he found Jesus and all, which in a weird bit of logic makes the most horrible person somehow a fan favorite, but seriously it's like wanting Roman Polanski or Mel Gibson to win an Oscar. Still they were happy and all the way from Dallas I could hear the cities of Clevland and San Fransisco collectivley wail with sadness. Since Jim Harbaugh is the most hated coach in the league for actually showing passion during a game, haters have another reason to mock and despise him.

 

So I now understand the misery that was laid upon my Seattle brethren all those years ago. Consequently a lot of 49ers fans are earning the none too clever nickname of forty-whiners, which is dripping with dramatic irony considering it was likely Seahawk fans who coined it. It makes sense as some lack the maturity to football knowledge to asses the real aspects of why their team lost. Makes me sad to see fans of the same team act in such a manner.

 

I can't really complain though as the team from San Fransisco showed greatness this season, and gave me some great memories that hearkened me back to their old days, when watching your favorite football team play really well was an exciting event. While I'm dissapointed in the loss, I'm glad I got to see them have a succeful season and congratulate the Ravens and their fans on a great win.

 

Now that I live amongst Dallas fans, who strangely enough aren't as bitchy as those on the west coast, I'm still alone in my fandom, but I'm in classier company surprisingly enough. The Cowboys are hated the league over for reasons that I find odd as that team has delivered some great football over the years, but they've made me very grateful I'm not an Eagles fan.

 

"Show me a good loser and I'll show you a loser" - Vince Lombardi