Feb 17, 2008

Epic douchebaggery

A few months ago jackassery ensued via a Match.com exchange that went awry. A nameless female hit on some character named John Fitzgerald Page on the dating website to which he replied with following message:

"I live in a 31 story high rise condominium, right in the middle of the Buckhead nightlife district. Do you ever come to this area of town to shop/go out/visit/explore?

I went to an Ivy League school - the University of Pennsylvania - for my undergraduate degree in economics and my graduate degree in management (Wharton School of Business). Where did you go to school?


What activities do you currently participate in to stay in shape? I work out 4 times a week at LA Fitness. Do you exercise regularly? I am 6 feet tall, 185 pounds - what about yourself? I am truly sorry if that sounds rude, impolite or even downright crass, but I have been deceived before by inaccurate representations so I prefer someone be upfront and honest on initial contact...


I do mergers & acquisitions (corporate finance) for Limited Brands (Bath & Body Works, Victoria's Secret, etc). Enjoy any of our stores/divisions?


Do you have any other recent pictures you care to share? I have many others if you care to see them.

Regards,
John"


Well as one would expect the lady declined such an offer to meet someone of his caliber through an automated response. John took offense to being shut down, so he sent her another message:

"I think you forgot how this works. You hit on me, and therefore have to impress ME and pass MY criteria and standards - not vice versa. 6 pictures of just your head and your inability to answer a simple question lets me know one thing. You are not in shape. I am a trainer on the side, in fact, I am heading to the gym in 26 minutes!

So next time you meet a guy of my caliber, instead of trying to turn it around, just get to the gym! I will even give you one free training session, so you don't blow it with the next 8.9 on Hot or Not, Ivy League grad, Mensa member, can bench/squat/leg press over 1200 lbs., has had lunch with the secretary of defense, has an MBA from the top school in the country, lives in a Buckhead high rise, drives a Beemer convertible, has been in 14 major motion pictures, was in Jezebel's Best dressed, etc. Oh, that is right, there aren't any more of those!

Regards,
John"


This email exchange made it's way to the general public and John found himself being dubbed 'The Worst Person in the World" by Gawker.com. Many bloggers took shots at the arrogant prick. Some were in good fun, others not so much. Fame then hit John's doorstep as word of his asshat actions spread and the major media took notice. CBS even granted him an interview:



This is why I'm glad I date women. Sure they may be crazy as all hell, but I can now understand Miss Ash's belief that all men are pond scum unworthy to even be let out of the house.

His website is a resume of sorts for his acting and modeling aspirations showing himself posing topless to display his phsyique. It even includes a response to all his critics which seemed to be transcribed by someone with a 6th grade reading level.

Well the attacks on his character are still ongoing and John seems to be enjoying his fifteen minutes. Not content with the small amount of attention he's garnered due to his unkind email exchange he's now going to appear on the Dr Phil show.

I believe having Dr Phil and this douchebag in the same room may tear apart the space time continum causing life to end as we know it. Repent now. Live like there's no tomorrow. Call her. Whatever you want to do do it now for time is running out for us as the apocolypse is near. Prophet Wiwille is looking out for you. Oh and I'll be heading to the gym in 26 minutes.

"The public hanging of me is making many of you happy. The catch-22 for you is that no publicity is bad publicity. I am getting offers for things - movies, books, TV shows. I had to buy additional bandwidth - over 1.35 million page views last month. This is not a joke. Don't let this happen to you. Anything PERSONAL & PRIVATE you ever write, say, text or photograph can be used against you and can turn your life from normal into a living hell. I think all of this venom should be saved for terrorists, rapists, murderers etc. All I ask is that you put my "crime" in proper perspective. I sent a not very nice private email to someone. That is all." - John Fitzgerald Page

Worst Person In the World To Be On Worst Show In the World
JOHN FITZGERALD PAGE

4 comments:

whatigotsofar said...

I really don't see what this guy did that was so wrong. He has an ego. Whoopidy-friggin-doo.

Anonymous said...

and we know just the person to hook him up with, eh Erik? tehehe
- SW

Mattbear said...

So he's a jerk. He'll have a dozen marraige proposals within the week. Women aren't any better. There are good ones and bad ones. The gold digger on Craigslist who posted about wanting a man who made over $500K a year comes to mind.

In fact, she and this jackass would make a perfect couple - as long as he makes more than $500K a year.

Miss Ash said...

He cleary has a sense of entitlement and is a bit of a pompous ass....Ivy League, Beamer whatever..I wouldn't date him because his personality is awful. I'm not diggin those suspenders either haha.