Nov 10, 2008

Wiwille does good deed for the day, decade

It may surprise some of you that I can be prone to doing acts of kindness. Yes your scruffy fat author here can help those he feels in need and this was apparent this weekend.

As some of you are aware Andrea and Justin are relocating to Reno. Because I seem to be the go to guy for assisting with moving I offered to help load the truck. Most people are opposed to helping their buddies pack furniture, but I look at the bright side. I get free food and alcohol.

Considering I've helped Andrea move every year since I've met her she decided to recruit others to assist with the drive to Reno Unfortunatley the people she had lined up fell through. Since I offered to assist if things went awry they called me on Thursday and asked if I could pack the truck on Saturday, drive a pickup to Reno, unload the furniture, then fly back to Seattle on Sunday night.

Man that's a long trip. Do I really want to assist with this? Should I just say no?

I said yes.

Saturday I woke up and found to my surprise we had numerous people helping load the vehicle. Hauling furniture down three flights of stairs was a bit of a workout as to be expected, but it went slow as keeping everyone on task was more of a chore than one would think. We finally finish at around 2p. Andrea in her car, Justin in the Budget Rent-A-Truck, and I in his pickup started the journey south to Reno.

11:30 pm rolls around. We finally made it to Grant's Pass, Oregon. I was beat. I'm clearly getting to old for this. I spent the evening on the cell phone having people keep me company as I travel down the freeway without cruise control or a CD player. I sang silly songs on the radio and annoyed friends with my renditions of 'King of the Road' and the like. I must've been a sight to every passing motorist.

Before hitting the town we pulled into a tiny area that consisted mostly of a truck stop and an adult shop. I forgot how those places are a treasure trove of consumer goodness. I jump out of the pickup to start filling it up, but forgot that Oregon doesn't let you pump your own gas.

The store was filled with items that blew my mind. They had DVDs, LCD monitors, various electronics, remote control cars the size of a small child, religious literature and t-shirts, an arcade, snack bar, and large selection of snacks. I want to start another blog and journey to every truck stop documenting all the goodies I could find.

Below are some sound bytes from various friends who learned of my trek:

"Duuuuuude you are fucking crazy."
"Ha. I knew you'd end up going to Reno."
"Oh....my.....God....."
"Are they going to get you a lap dance?"
"1...2...Freddy's after you."
"You just called and sang 'head, shoulders, knees and toes' and hung up."

After a night of sleeping on the hide a bed I woke to the alarm on my phone. I lied on what was the equivalent of concrete covered with astro turf debating on whether smashing the phone into a thousand pieces was a good idea. I decided against a violent outburst at an inatimate object.

We had a continetal breakfast which consisted of biscuits and gravy and toast. We then pack into our vehicles and make the last leg of our journey. We stop in Weed, California and of course cracked various juvenile jokes about the town's namesake.

Finally we got to the highway leading from I-5 to Reno. The drive turned from dull to beautiful as we were passing through Shasta and Lasser National Forrests. At times the scenery was so pretty I wanted to pull over the truck and quit my life in Seattle and spend the rest of my days as a ranch hand. It was truly God's country and I want to go back as soon as humanly possible.

The cell got no signal through the wilderness so it was up to me to entertain myself. I flipped through the stations and heard all sorts of bad songs ranging from Bryan Adams, Celine Dion, but finally I came across a good rock station which kept me satisfied as I soaked in the atmoshphere.

We pull into a diner sitting off the highway which had the stereotypical old people in trucker caps and work attire talking as if they're pontificating issues such as third world debt relief. I can't wait till I'm old and have a sense of importance.

Finally we make it to Reno in the mid-afternoon. I didn't get to spend much time there as we unloaded the truck as fast as we could and they had to take me to catch my flight.

I sat in a two prop plane and noticed the guy next to me smelled of moldy cheese. There were two guys sitting behind me wearing attire that advertised the college they went to over 23 years ago. The men were playing cards and were annoying the flight attendants by not leaving their tray tables upright when necessary. They argued up a storm with two of them about how putting the tray up would inconvenience them to no end and wouldn't budge. I hear the flight attendants repeat how it was federal regulations to put it up over and over again which was countered by juvenile responses about how that was stupid and they just want to play cards. After finally getting sick and tired of listening to grown men whine about how they must have a flat surface to play their game I decided I had enough.

"Look," I said turning around. "Put it up. Put it up now."

They just stared at me shocked. One of them finally smirked and gave me a nod with a 'yeah right' look. I reach down and knock the cards off the tray table. The deck spilled out onto the floor. They sit frozen.

"Sick of hearing you two whine like bitches. Leave the ladies alone for fuck's sake and do as your told. Stupid pansy ass."

They are motionless. I start to mimick them.

"Waaahhhh I wanna play cards. Waaaahhh I was breast fed until I was eight. Waaaaahhhh I'm entitled to be act like a jack ass in public. Waaahhhhh"

I get back to serious mode. I stare one of them down. They put the tray tables up.

I turn back around and start to read my book. A round of applause was given by everyone within earshot. The lady in front of me turned around and gave me a high five. The guys said nothing as they played a spontaneous round of 52 pick up. I assumed they would be wanting a conversation with me after we exited the plane, but they wouldn't even look at me as they made their way to bagagge claim. I probably looked mean as hell given I hadn't shaved in a few days and was pretty beat.

I'm normally not prone to outbursts like that, but those two really got on my nerves. I guess I'm not a nice guy when I think about it.

"Friends don't help friends move" - WIGSF

6 comments:

JLee said...

hahaha....I can't help but think of the recent episode of "The Office" when they move the HR lady and kept singing "Life is a highway...I wanna ride it all night long.." lol

Man, you are the alpha dog of the airways. Nice job!

Kelli said...

Frickin' "Head, shoulders, knees and toes" ... it's still stuck in my head. That was the equivalent of a drive by shooting where you don't die ... you just lie there writhing in pain as the life slowly leaks from your body. Well done you.

whatigotsofar said...

Fuckin' A, brother! Fuckin' A!

Mr said...

yea... YYYEEEAAAAA!!!!!!

FFRRREEEEEDDDDOOOOOMMMMMM

Way to go man. And for road trips, get yourself a CD player on that car of yours and get the best of Bon Jovi... you can jam to that slop

slopmaster.wordpress.com

Mang said...

Wow Erik, what do i say.. I think that is one of the best posts ever.

I would have high five'd you too.

I commend you for helping us it was a nasty long trip and thank you indefinitely!

It was awesome how just you and I unloaded that 24foot beast in 1/2 the time it took to load it with 6 people!

Thank You forever, you have a lap dance waiting here in Reno when you visit!

j.sizzle said...

I am so proud. If only there were more passengers like you and I, plane travel wouldn't suck.

I told some lady to get her fat ass out of my seat. Yeah, turns out she was pregnant.

I was mortified.

I let her keep my seat.