Hearts have been broken the world over now that the news of your nuptials with the beloved Scarlett has broken. Many have mourned their fantasy as I have. It's truly a sad day.
I came home from a few days without any access to internet only to pop open my laptop and find numerous emails, IMs, etc breaking the news that my one true love is now yours. Not surprising really, but the heart of a man can be a fragile one and I lay here wondering if you are indeed the one.
Actually the idea of you and Scarlett makes sense. You probably have all sorts of qualities that a woman could want so I don't blame her. Then again you and her could be raging meth addicts who steal from orphans and shoot paintballs at clergy in your spare time, but in my own world, which is sometimes twisted I realize, she has the morals of Mother Theresa and the intellect of Stephen Hawking.
So my little internet obsession has truly come to an end knowing that in no way could I compete for her heart. Helps that her and I will never meet, but still. I guess it was either her engaging in matrimony or a restraining order so I prefer the former. At least she'll be happy with you.
So treat her well Ryan and congratulations in your quest to capture the heart of what has been my ideal since the start of this blog. I sit today, about to take flight, and will mourn my loss with a simple song.
"One of the best things for a woman to hear is that she is sexy." - Scarlett Johansson