Jun 13, 2011

Robble robble

I awake from my slumber last night to my wife tapping me on the arm.

"Honey," she said with a hint of panic in her voice. "The alarm's going off. Someone is in the HOUSE!"

Actually the alarm system was counting down as if someone entered the home, so no sirens or such were blaring. I crawled out of bed at some unholy hour and disabled it.

Then came the issue of searching my home for a possible intruder. Being the man of the house it's my duty to walk around and find any sign of a burglar. See a man's real use are one of five things; vehicle maitenance, lawn care, extermination of bugs, taking out the garbage, and investigation of any sounds that startle people in the middle of the night. I exited the bedroom and nervously looked in the living room. There was no sign of any one there and the back door was locked an in position. I walked to the front of the house and and find that the poorly latched door was jarred open by the wind. Crisis averted.

What if it had been an intruder? I'd like to think I'd kick the ass of anyone entering my home with illicit intent, but my ninja skills would do little against someone carrying a weapon. I was kind of hoping I'd see someone wearing a white and black horizontal striped shirt and a zorro mask, but I consider the fact that no one was present to be a blessing.

I make a poor Texan as I don't own an automatic weapon specifically designed for those attempting to do me and my family harm. Although swinging a katanna would be cool....

"Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?" - Bill Maher


Kelli said...

Wow, the men are supposed to do all those things? Great, I'm a man. I guess I have to give my boobs back.

I'm glad no one was in your house and you, the wife and the bun-in-the-oven are all safe.

wigsf3 said...

You've just announced to the world that yours is the only house in Texas without a "keep the King of England outta your face" gun. Now you will be broken into.

Mattbear said...

They didn't issue you a gun when you changed your address to Texas?