Apr 30, 2012

Dear Wiwille,

Ok, it's another time for your author to respond to an advice column question, but of course the question was not intended for me. In this exciting edition, we have a question meant for Dear Abby.

I have a beautiful wife, a dog and an 8-year-old son I love to watch sports with. My son loves sports, but he has trouble accepting a loss. He'll take out his disappointment by beating the dog.

My wife doesn't want to get rid of "Patches" because she has had him since college. I don't want to put my son through counseling because he said he'll hate me forever if I do. I'm afraid if the problem isn't controlled, my son's life goals may be affected. What can I do? -- GOOD DAD IN CLEVELAND

Dear Jackass in Satan's sewer:

Living in Cleveland shows how terrible you are at making good life choices, but to let your kid beat a dog, and thinking of getting rid of the pet as a solution really makes me hope your neighbors have CPS on speed dial. You don't need to be a pet lover to understand that beating an animal for any reason other than self defense is just sick, and your kid is a twisted one who may end up putting Dahmer's acts to shame. Your cowardice is mind boggling as you would actually seem to let your kid bully you into not taking appropriate actions for discipline. Your "beautiful" wife and you have produced a rotten little bastard and you need to put a stop to this before he grows into a teenager. You being a pussy will insure a horrific home life for your entire family. Put your foot down, take anything remotely fun away from your kid and put him into therapy until the behavior improves. Otherwise you've got the makings of a serial killer.

Do not, under any circumstances, have another child.


“If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow men.” — Francis of Assisi

1 comment:

wigsf3 said...

Question: CPS = child protection services or something like that, you know, an agency that will take kids away from asshat parents like Mr. Douchebag on the Erie.

Seriously, who thinks that not counselling a child who is showing early tendancies of serial killers is a bad thing? Serial killers start by torturing small animals.

Then again, maybe we're misinterpreting the term "beating the dog." Could be a South Park thing going on here. Red rocket!