Robots in disguise.

Michael Bay has a charmed professional life. Instead of making films that actually entertain he clenches his bloated budgets and makes a safe, comfortable picture, quality be damned. His style is easy to point out as he uses almost the same score for every one of his atrocious movies which always include three fast chords and pounding percussion. With dialogue that's alien to native English speakers, cartoonish action, and melodrama that makes your average romance pulp novelist queasy Bay clearly makes films for those who require absolutely no thought when watching the flickering screen. His films are so bad I do believe you're less of a person if you enjoyed 'Pearl Harbor'.

Last night Andrew called me. His wife Jessica scored tickets for an early screening of Transformers. I had an hour to get there so I quickly said yes and made the trip to the local theatre. Even though I knew Bay was the director attached to this I was mildly excited to see it. Most guys of my generation grew up watching the cartoon and playing with the toys and I am no exception.

I had little expectations though as Michael Bay films are really catering to people who believe a Thomas Kincaid painting is deep. Still I sat amongst the crowd awaiting to be mildly entertained. The opening monologue came upon us with Optimus Prime and I was in. Yes I enjoyed the exposition of this film. The first act was mildly clever and looked good, plus the chemistry from the teen leads was believable, which is rare in films of this nature. While this movie is nowhere near as funny as the audience thought it was it still gave me a few chuckles.

The rest of the film was epileptic in it's action moving so damn fast I could hardly keep up with who was who. The dialogue descended into pure shit and most characters became disposable. Some of plot advancements made little to no sense, but this is Bay were talking about. A student of the Bruckheimer popcorn standard, he is adamant in insuring that all people who've had their life changed by a Dr Phil episode are satisfied at the multi-plex. He doesn't fail them here as his action is elevated so high that many innocents are harmed or killed by being at the wrong place at the wrong time and no thanks to the military's idea of where a good place to fight is. Yes in the eternal battle between Autobots and Decepticons no one is safe.

I probably would've enjoyed the film immensely if I was ten, but I'm not and have no kids to live vicariously through. Given all my criticisms of the film I actually enjoyed some of it and not just because the love interest was uber hot.

"If it's true that there's an 8-year-old boy inside every man, Transformers is just the ticket to bring the kid out." - Todd McCarthy