It was a warm night at the local country store as I sat on the bench outside sipping my soda. I was there waiting for friends to show up so we could sit around and debate what activity we would engage in that evening, which normally meant just sitting around eating mini-mart jojos.
A full sized rugged mid 70s truck was driving erratically down the road and pulled up across the street in front of the Assembly of God church. Out steps a short burly man who probably was in his mid-twenties slamming the door and screaming. He runs to the passenger side of the truck and yanks out his significant other. The mullet sporting white trash man with chewing tobacco lip grabs her by the shoulders and continues screaming at her.
She trembled in fear as he continued his hollering. The woman started sobbing, even begging the man to stop. He finally raises his arm and backhands her across the face telling her to shutup.
I'm enraged and I'm fifteen years old. This is not a combination that leads to peaceful conflict resolution.
Under the impression that I'm the only one around well equipped to deal with this I stroll over to the couple and yell at the guy to leave her alone.
White trash: Fuck off punk!
Me: No fuck you.
White trash: WHAT?
Me: I said 'no fuck you'.
White trash: ..........
Me: You're a fucking coward for hitting women.
White trash: ........
He couldn't believe I was talking to him that way. He pushed the woman into the truck and I saw my opening. I threw a left jab connecting with his nose, then a right cross which hit the bridge of it again. He stepped back holding his nose and muffled something unintelligible. I kept my guard up ready to pounce on the waste of sperm. He pulls his hands away from his face to reveal a good amount of blood.
The look he gave me was horrifying, so I attack again. This time I was greeted with his right hook, which he followed up with numerous jabs. I fall to the ground and he starts kicking me repeatedly. I throw my arms up over my face and curl into the fetal position while absorbing each blow from his feet.
White trash finally got tired of kicking the living crap out of me. Standing over me breathing heavily his mind pondered what to do next. The wheels were turning in his compact size brain and his next course of action was to spit a large amount of chewing tobacco on me.
He then wiped the blood from his nose and mumbled something to his gal about getting into the truck. He made his way to the driver side of the vehicle and I started to stand up. As I was on my knees I looked up at his crying mate. She gazed back with a puzzled look.
She slapped me across the face.
"You broke my boyfriend's nose asshole," she cried out to me. She gave me another slap and got into the truck. White trash bellied out a laugh I'll never forget and they sped out of there.
I laid down in the parking lot and rested my bruised body on the cold concrete. Not having the maturity to figure out what to do next I finally mounted my bike and returned home slowly. Not wanting to freak out my parents I told them I fell off my bike. My mom examined my bruised cheek and stomach and she panicked and rushed me to the hospital. No permanent damage was done, but valuable lessons were had.
So to you readers who may have more courage then sense let me explain to you steps that should be taken when confronting something of this nature.
1. Call the cops immediately. They can't stop people from being abusive, but ideally the man will be thrown in jail and possibly experience dry anal rape. Yes that may sound cold, but if you hit women I have no sympathy for you.
2. Do not try to be a hero. Medical treatment can be expensive and you may experience damage to the body that you simply can't just heal from. Plus the offender may have a weapon.
3. Defend the honor of people you love only. Obviously this girl was not happy to have a teenage knight in shining armor try to save her from her mullet sporting boyfriend.
4. If you do have to attack someone in this situation make sure you kick them in the testicles as hard as you possibly can. You'll be doing society a favor to help ensure they won't reproduce.
I never did see the couple again, which is bizarre for a small town, but I'm not sure what I would've done if we ever did meet. I just pray to God they don't have children.
"If you give me any problem in America I can trace it down to domestic violence. It is the cradle of most of the problems, economic, psychological, educational." - Salma Hayek