May 26, 2009

Folk Life

I went to Folk Life this weekend. For some of you that know me personally that may seem comical, which some if it was; however, getting there was an absolute nightmare. Traffic was full of folks in mini-vans who seemed to insist on driving as slow as humanly possible. I was rear ended, cursed at, and subjected to all sorts of jackassery in regards to transportation.

After the hour and a half drive it took just to get into Seattle it was suggested that I park in Queen Anne and just hoof it the rest of the way. Forty five minutes later I finally found someplace to store my vehicle and made the trek to the Seattle Center.

Tired and sweaty I hike up the hill following a few hippie kids who haven't bathed since 2006. Seriously they smelled worse than me. I finally pass them and walk as fast as I could. I probably looked like one of those old people who pace around the mall in the early morning.

Driveways were more perilous than one may think. Upon strolling by one a person in a mini-van decided it would be too much of an effort to place their foot on the brake and just started rolling straight towards me. Leaping out of the way I turn to look at the driver who threw up their arms at me. I walked up to the miserable excuse of a car to have a conversation with it's operator, but rather than speak to me they sped out of there.

I think I'll carry a bunch of drivers manuals everywhere I go and pass them out when needed. Think of it as a public service.

I finally arrive to the Folk Life festival and was bombarded with aromas and sounds that were not always pleasant. My first encounter was with a man holding a sign that read 'free hugs'. He didn't seem like the cuddly type, but that didn't matter. He must've assumed people had difficulty reading his sign, or that the entire population of the festival was illiterate, so he helped everyone out by shouting his services to anyone within earshot.

This was not the only gentleman offering free hugs. There were many in attendance that advertised this service. One guy must've felt that his hugs were more valuable than the others, for he charged one dollar for each embrace.

I continued my walk through the packed crowd looking for my friends. I make my way to the fountain and saw a fat topless guy who was trying to get everyones' attention. The fatty was offering dances for fifty cents. He was boisterous in his claim that if you gave him money and watched him 'jiggle' it would be the only entertainment one would need. I stopped, looked at him, realized him and I pretty much had the same body type, cept he's far less hairy, and just shook my head.

Fatty noticed me and tried to make me part with some money, but I declined in a manner you would expect. He offered to put his shirt back on for some dough, but I was hard pressed to give him any cash.

Finally I made my way to the fountain and walked through the denizens of people who were enjoying the sunny day. Finally I found my friends who noticed right off the bat that I wasn't happy about my journey. I sat down to relax for a bit and enjoyed the moment of not having to be anywhere.

Shortly thereafter we left and got a drink.

"Guess what, I might be the first hippie pinup girl." - Janis Joplin


wigsf said...

Get a job, hippy!

Kelli said...

Patchouli is supposed to be an aphrodisiac and has some medicinal qualities. But, it's potent smell mixed with BO ... well, it's enough to make me vomit. You're a brave, brave man.

Mattbear said...

Dude...what would entice you to go to Folklife? That's guaranteed misery right there.

I don't know what was up with the "Free Hugs" trend this year. It was kind of annoying, really.