Stuff I didn't need to hear

I understand that many people are into things that would seem odd to most. Fetishes are varied amongst the populace and I'm sure that a lot of those close to me harbor such activities and have the good sense, or taste, to not broadcast it to the masses.

I was hanging with an acquaintance not to long ago and was introduced to her friends. Each seemed like reasonable decent chaps. The room mostly consisted of professionals and people who thought they were smarter than they really are, but I was having a good time. Many laughs were being had until it happened.

He seemed a little strange, but nothing that immediately sent a red flag. Dressed in dark colors the gaunt fellow strolled up to the small circle of people talking and introduced himself to me. His name was Dan and he liked to talk about everything he was into. People started vacating the small circle quickly. This should've been a sign.

Dan liked to explain his work, politics, and how he's an expert about everything in great detail. He was not a shy gent as he brashly voiced his opinions on every subject matter. Then he hit me with it.

"I'm part of the furry community," he said.

"The people who dress up as animals and have sex?" I asked. I should've known better.

"Well it's not just about sex," he explained. "We like to blah blah blah."

I was partially listening.

"So....," I said trying to get a word in. "Going back to the idea of the US position on torture...."

"....furries are harmless," he said not even listening to me. "Some are a little different, like those dorks who dress as Muppets."

"Now wait just a damn minute here," I said with actual shock. "Muppets? Why? Wait I don't want to kno...."

"Yeah," he explained. "They dress as Kermit, Fozzie, Miss Piggy, whatever."

"What about Gonzo?"

"Gonzo's not a real animal."

"Oh yeah," I said. "Cause engaging in sex with an alien puppet would just be weird."

"Yeah," he replied not getting the joke. "And you know furries...."

"...Oh look at that," I said. "Got to get myself another drink."

He didn't follow me into the kitchen. I thank God for that. Engage in any kind of consensual fetish all you want, but don't defile the Muppets please.

"Life's like a movie, write your own ending. Keep believing, keep pretending." - Jim Henson