Sep 8, 2009

Wiwille is a giant ass.

Feeling a little under the weather instead of going to the gym I decided to go home, but before I stopped to get my favorite fast food, Subway. I stand in line behind a nerdy looking guy who was starting to place his order. A swarm of people quickly got behind me as hunger seemed to strike the local community.

The geeky gent, dressed in clothes that would guarantee you an ass whooping in high school, decided to shout his order at the poor employees. With the voice of Brainy Smurf he was all but screaming at them, but strangely enough he wasn't angry, just passionate about his sandwich. Still the man helping him was clearly uncomfortable. People behind me were sighing and commenting under their breath. It was annoying that he was broadcasting his taste in subs to us and the rest of the city.

This has got to stop and it was up to me. I was going to speak up and make this nonsense end.

I turn to the guy and ask him to lower his voice. I was getting encouragement from the folks behind me. He didn't even acknowledge my presence. I step closer to him and he turns to look at me.

"Dude," I said. "Do you mind keeping it down? You don't need to shout at them."

He wasn't making eye contact with me which was weird. It was like he was staring at my neck.

"UHHH," he replied still loud enough for the rest of North America to hear. "I'M SORRY."

"Why are you shouting at me?"


"Err," I replied feeling like a horse's ass. "It's ok."


"Please don't be. It's all right."


"Yes I see."

Suddenly I was reminded of that bad movie with Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor.

He thanked me for whatever reason and continued his order. I turned to look at the people in line who were all wide eyed with shock.

I paid for his sandwich. Hopefully that'll keep me out of hell.

"A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband." - Honore de Balzac


wigsf said...

Better get some asbestos undies, 'cuz you goin' to Hell!

Mattbear said...

Ouch. Awkward.
It's like you were reading and just decided to go out and create one.

That bad Pryor/Wilder movie was imaginatively titled "See no evil, hear no evil". I remember it only because the amazingly gorgeous Joan Severance played the villain, and it conatins a line I still use whenever someone (usually my wife) reaches into my pocket:
"I don't know what you're looking for, but it's a little to the left."

Miss Ash said...

Oh man see that's why it's sometimes good to keep your mouth shut even when you want to intervene! Hilarious albeit horribly embarassing story.

JLee said...

aw man!