May 2, 2010

All rednecks go to heaven.

We walk into 'Redneck Heaven', a place unfamiliar to both of us, for a drink. We open the doors and get our first glimpse of the atmosphere.

"Oh my," she said. Our eyes met a scantily clad waitress in an outfit that would make your average Hooters employee blush.

It was your average sports bar and grill. Nothing really special. Imagine your local biker saloon without the foul smell of grease and body odor. The place was decorated with NASCAR, sports, and biker memorabilia. The bar stools had Chevy and Harley logos proudly displayed.

Kelly was one of three female patrons there. The bar was surrounded by 30-40 something guys who were drinking a Friday afternoon away. Most were making small talk with the strippers...err...waitresses (pictured above) as the staff was showing as much skin as possible without getting arrested. The customers looked like hard laborers, weekend warrior Harley riders, and simple folk enjoying some company from hot women, regardless if they're paid to do so.

The men had a demeanor of what the establishment advertised. From a quick glance you'd think they were strong supporters of the Arizona immigration bill, but there was a sense of loneliness clouding their eyes. Some sat alone, hoping that their tips would garner a girl showing a bit more cleavage than normal, or the eventual hope of a phone number. I'm sure a few fantasized about parking lot oral and who knows maybe a few have succeeded, but I highly doubt it.

Sad as it may be it had one of the best taps I've yet to encounter.

Redneck Heaven is indeed a classy joint. It's so high brow there was a license plate mounted on the wall that said 'Viva Viagra'.

As we walked out of there I felt a bit dirty. Now I like scantily clad women as much as the next guy, maybe even more so, but there's always a level of despair as I watch the lonely pay of a bit of companionship.

Yes Kelly did catch me looking at our waitress. I've got poor eyeballing skills.

"The grand irony, however, is that Southern segregation was not brought to an end, nor redneck violence dramatically reduced, by violence." - Stanley Crouch


Anonymous said...

poor eyeballing skills.. Ahahaha!


wigsf said...

I so gotta go to Texas.

JLee said...

haha..I've never heard of this place! I have been to "Twin Peaks" and felt Kelly's pain. I didn't know where to look when ordering since the waitresses huge boobs were right at eye level. Uncomfortable!

Miss Ash said...

Is it really called Redneck Heaven??? For real......and did you take lots of photos?

Mizzle said...

I request to go there when I visit DFW next year.

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