May 5, 2010

αέριο

So the wedding date has been set and the venue has been booked. It's all so wonderful and at the same time surreal. I'm doing all this grown up stuff, weddings, looking at houses, and talk of producing little Wiwilles has my head in a spin. Still I'm looking forward to being an adult and sharing my life with another.

I have but one issue that is burning me. Do couples fart at the altar?

I know that sounds crude, but I've been to over two hundred weddings as a photographer or guest, but I've never got an answer to a question of the highest importance. Do couples fart at the altar?

I've attended very long weddings and I always wonder if the bride and/or groom have to hold one in to avoid embarrassing their most blessed day. In large weddings where they're mic'd up they can't risk turning a silent one into a raging thunderous release of gas.

I probably should spend about an hour before the wedding releasing all I can so that I may spare my bride, minister, and all in attendance the suffering of my noxious farts. This may take some special planning.

"I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different." - Kurt Vonnegut

8 comments:

wigsf said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bM4eJ38S7Hw&feature=player_embedded#!

wigsf said...

Okay, question time. If Scarlett or Alyssa show up at the wedding, what do you do?

Mattbear said...

WIGSF, you need to learn to phrase your questions better. That should have been:

"Pop quiz, hot shot. During the part where the preacher asks if anyone objects, Alyssa Milano stands up and says she's in love with you. What do you do? What do you do?"

Anonymous said...

I gotta hear the answer to that one....
sw*

Miss Ash said...

I would imagine people fart at the alter, not loudly though.....

wigsf said...

Mattbear is correct. I poorly phrased the question.

Heff said...

A RESOUNDING "YES".

Getting married, you're also going to find out the old statement "women don't fart" is a DAMN LIE.

JLee said...

Only the groom. ha