Mar 14, 2011


I was reading an article that basically illustrates that idea that parents lie about the benefits of raising their crotch fruit. In it they explain how couples are happier without kids and have a better financial future. In short, parents are lying whores according to the study referenced.

On Saturday my wife and her friend wanted to take in some shopping, so I agreed to watch her friend's seven year old while they browsed the aisles of various stores. We went to some playgrounds in the area until she found one that she really enjoyed and was fitting to her age. She rated the equipment based on the difficulty of navigating it. If it was too simple it was not her cup of tea. If it was too hard she became disgusted with herself for not being tall or agile enough.

As she ran around the bark dust and made friends I sat and couldn't help but oversee the actual parents lounging about. They kept a close eye on their young ones making sure they were well entertained and that they didn't break social norms such as exposing themselves as they relieved their bladders. The parents all looked happy as their children were joyously reveling in their play time.

I kind of envy them. Seriously I do.

I know it's trendy to mock breeders and show disdain for their choice in making the worst financial investment of all time. Parenting can't be easy as adults are often tired and lose more brain cells than your average meth addict while attempting to keep up with their wee ones. Still it's not fair to show anger towards someone for allowing the human race to exist for at least one more generation. If you don't want kids I'm cool with that as well. Schools and prisons are over crowded enough.

Perhaps if I do have kids one day and see them throw our pets out the second story window with a makeshift parachute made from a bed sheet tied to them I may just have to keep a smiley face so I don't go insane. With all the marketing you see about how parenthood is the greatest talent and most important role any one can ever play, you would think it's all fun and fancy free evenings of walking hand in hand down a beach that swept in a glowing sunset. We all know that's crap and some studies would suggest that no matter what we do as parents we'll have little effect on the success of our children, but still watching those parents have their bright smiles, fake or no, seems to make it worth it.

I'll keep this post bookmarked in case I do have kids and re-read this when they decide the best way to cool down the Xbox 360 is with a jug of water.

"There are times when parenthood seems nothing more than feeding the hand that bites you." - Peter De Vries

Kid Crazy: Why We Exaggerate the Joys of Parenthood


Claire said...

Interesting post, interesting study.

Oh, and the phrase "crotch fruit" made me lol, for real.


Miss Ash said...

I've never been one of those gals that was dying to have children. In fact I'll most likely never procreate...though the little monsters seem to love me and I'm great with them...I like to give them back at the end of the day.

Good luck trying! That will probably be the most fun LOL!

wigsf3 said...

Children used to be a good financial investment. Then the government instituted those damned child labour laws.

Mattbear said...

I am not one of those parents. If I talk to to someone who actually wants to have children (or, god forbid, wants to have a second or more) I straight out tell them that they are stupid or insane. I recommend to all my childless male friends that they should immediately go schedule a vasectomy, as to prevent stupid mistakes later.