Mar 18, 2011

We're all stars.

At dinner Kelly stated she had a confession. My brother in-law and his wife sat in silence. She asked me to remove my sunglasses, which I thought to be strange as the sun was shining down on the patio. I was prepared to hear anything at that moment. Given the consumption of wine I deduced correctly that she wasn't pregnant, or did indeed have a bun in the oven and was proclaiming herself to be an alcoholic.

Was this an intervention of sorts? And for what exactly? I don't have any strange addictions other than lifting my shirt and placing my hairy nipples on random cars stuck in traffic.

Finally the wife confessed that we wouldn't be attending a St Patrick's Day party after dinner. The four of us would take part in my birthday present, a hockey game. Having everything a man could want my choice in gifts were simple this year. I wanted an outing that included the infamous sport. I was excited and in no way had any idea that this would come to frutition, at least not so soon.

Yeah, my wife is super cool.

We walked to American Airlines' stadium and as we strolled Kristy was pelted with what she initially thought was debris caused by wind. Such was not the case as she turned to us and we noticed that a bird decided to defecate in her eye. This did not please her. The wife scrambled to look for something that would wipe the poop from her face, but you don't want to know what she used.

Moments later Kelly and Russ were both the victims of other birds with poor toilet training. This did not please them either, but hilarity did ensue. Amazingly enough I was safe from the torment of the winged creatures. I may have Irish blood after all.

The game started off interesting as all in attendance stood for the rendition of our national anthem. This is not unusual in and of itself, but what struck me as odd is when the singer got to the lyrics mentioning stars the stadium erupted in a scream of "STARS". Also fascinating are the Ice Girls who take time to sweep up the ice in front of the goal during TV time outs and the like. Of course they are scantily clad while doing so, which is amazing considering it must be freezing down on the ice. Unlike the northwest, Texas has so many businesses with women showing their midriffs, if not more, that I believe there may be a law that requires at least one establishment in a four block radius to employ girls who don't eat and prance about in near naked attire.

The game was indeed a good one complete with fights and Dallas shutting out Chicago 5-0. There was more beer to be consumed and drink I did. The effects have reigned heavily upon me today, which is a good sign I'm getting older, but no more wiser.

"A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death." - Robert Benchley


wigsf3 said...

A hockey game? Beer at a hockey game?

Wow. I'd love to do that, but you know, it's cheaper to buy a new German car than it is to go the local NHL arena, catch a game and have a beer or two.

JLee said...

I hate to laugh at the birds pooping on you, but well, I laughed at the birds pooping on you ;)
Next time you go, let me friend works the games and will put you on Jumbotron!

Anonymous said...

everyone has a story that will make you cry.
Sw :)