Jul 11, 2011

A cardiac moment.

Saturday was my brother in-law's bachelor party. I informed people back home that we were going to eat at a place called The Heart Attack Grill. As promised I would report the findings.
The ten of us unloaded from the bus that was transporting us around, sans air conditioning sadly. So there we were, a bunch of sweaty, smelly guys entering the establishment, which was a sight in and of itself. We were promptly greeted by a man in a doctors smock and a waitress dressed as a naughty nurse. The hostess gave us hospital gowns to wear and we made our way to the counter.
We were served by a girl who was dressed more modestly as a medical tech. The menu is a simple one as it only offered a few items. They had a Single Bypass burger, with one slab of meat and an option to add five strips of bacon. Next was the Double Bypass burger, with two helpings of beef. This went all the way to the Quadruple Bypass burger, which had four, count em four, slices of cow. This was a vegan nightmare.
It also had steak fries as an option as well as butter fat shakes. Sadly the drink selection was limited as they only had cokes and Pabst Blue Ribbon beer. I hadn't had PBR in years and was planning on never consuming one ever again. The rest of the group ordered one, so I figured what the hell. It was as terrible as I remembered. At first sip I wanted to punch a hipster in the face.
I ordered a Single Bypass burger with a side of steak fries. While we awaited our dinner we noticed a large scale back behind the counter. If you could stand it and register that you weighed over 350 lbs you could eat for free. Thankfully none of us qualified.
Some in the party ordered the Double Bypass burger, but I refrained. I can eat, but that was too much even for me. The waitress handed us all our burgers and to my surprise it was far better than I expected. It was actually the best burger I've had in Texas to date. The steak fries were some of the best I've ever had. I had no room for the butter fat shake.
After consumption of said food all of us looked like we had finished a marathon. Everyone slumped in their seats and pondered how many months were taken off their lives by eating that. Still it was a fine burger and the establishment was fun. I may go back for the shake alone.
"Friends don't let friends eat bean sprouts!" - The Heart Attack Grill

5 comments:

wigsf3 said...

I think I heard about this place. The spokesperson for the restaurant died at the age of 29. He was over 500 pounds.

Miss Ash said...

I'm laughing, I clicked on "menu" to see what else would pop up but alas you were right, 4 burgers, some fries, a shake and beer LOL!

Kelli said...

It kills me how thin the owner is! Thinking of eating all that makes my stomach hurt!!

Mattbear said...

Good god, I hope my nephew doesn't find out about the "over 350 lbs - eat for free" thing. He tips the scale at 500+. And lives down in your area.

How do they work that, I wonder? If they just let anyone over 350 lbs. eat free every time, the place should be bankrupt in no time.

Claire said...

"At first sip I wanted to punch a hipster in the face."

Living in hipster central, this made me laugh and laugh!

Cxx