Aug 30, 2007

Wiwille attends bachelor party, narrowly escapes disaster.

Nhak, one of the writers for BOSCT, posted about how he'll be throwing an upcoming bachelor party. After reading the post it inspired me to tell you kids about a nice lad we'll call Wiwille who has attended these on occasion.

When I was a studio photographer I got invited to a lot of bachelor parties. I'm not sure why, but maybe it was because normally I was around the client's age and the idea 'the more the merrier' applies to those kind of get togethers better than others. An incident at one stag party almost changed my mind about attending any more.

I showed up at a client's bachelor party which was in a penthouse suite. I didn't know anyone there sans the groom to be, but everyone was friendly and I made good banter with the guys. Hell in those situations people are looking to have a good time above all else so why wouldn't they be kind to new comers?

I arrived fashionably late, but people seemed to be glad I was there. There were about 15 guys huddled in the room and one girl. I thought at first she was going to be the entertainment, but thankfully before I had a chance to ask someone informed me that she was the fiance of the best man. I looked at the best man and he seemed a decent fellow; however mousy doesn't even begin to describe him. A small nervous chap he was and his way-too-hot-to-be-getting-naked-with-him fiance seemed stern with him. After a few observations it's became apparent that this guy never says no to his girl. I also gathered that the guy is pretty wealthy, but that's no surprise.

The strippers arrived and did make a good amount of money from the group before making their exit. The best man's fiance (Gold Digger) seemed upset with something he did and they started bickering. Actually it was just Gold Digger yelling at wuss boy while he nodded his head and apologized profusely. They both made their way into the bedroom and continued their heated discussion.

The bachelor looked at me and shook his head.

"Bitch," he said matter of factly. "She's like this all the time."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"She's just a bitch," he said. "She fucking does this shit. She demands to go everywhere with him. If he looks at another girl she flips the fuck out and he ends up buying her some shit....."

"....The whore's cheatin on him too," the groom's brother stated.

Classy bunch that group.

Both of them told me tales of how she's a trouble maker and treats their friend horribly. He puts up with her though, cause she's kind of hot. After they were done complaining about their friend's choice in women the couple both storm out of the bedroom and Gold Digger starts to drink heavily.

Most of us just ignored her which I guess made her try and get our attention all the more. She started hooting and hollering, even going so far as to jump on a chair and start imitating the strippers. Everyone glanced over at her and then continued about their business ignoring Gold Digger. Wuss Boy just sank his head in shame. I turned my back to her carrying on my conversation with the bachelor and his brother.

I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to face the drunk girl.

"Hey," she said swaying back and forth. "I don't know you."

"Well," I said. "I'm Erik."

She grabbed my hand and shook it like she had epilepsy. After a while I jerked my hand away.

"You're kinda cute," she said.

"Uhh thanks," I said.

It was then I noticed we started to get an audience. People started eyeballing us and I shot Wuss Boy a look trying to make it obvious that I really wanted him to take his girl away from me. He didn't respond in any fashion.

"So," she slurred. "You like those girls?"

"Yeah," I said. I decided to keep my responses as monosyllabic as possible.

"Yeah," she giggled. "You guys got play with some big titties."


"Okaaayyyyy," she stated with her voice rising. "Since you guys got to play with some big titties I WANNA HOLD YOUR COCK."

Record scratched, everything went quite, and all eyes were on yours truly. Wuss Boy just stood there. Back against the wall in a room full of strangers I did the best thing I thought possible.

"Yeah well," I said with a sheepish look. "It's not a good idea, cause mine is really really small."

She stopped swaying and her jaw dropped. Room erupted in hysterics and finally Wuss Boy took her by the arm and escorted her to the bedroom. It was then I decided to make my exit.

At the wedding people told me how funny that incident was and the story passed through the grapevine rather quickly. It was obvious Gold Digger wasn't well liked amongst the groom's friends and between them I became the stuff of legend. Between working and taking pictures I kept fielding the question 'so you're the guy who....'

I noticed Gold Digger wasn't at the wedding and was told that they broke up later that night. I'm happy for Wuss Boy.

"You rock" - random wedding guest who seemed to enjoy the event.


Mattbear said...

You have the best stories. It's not fair. Mine are so boring by comparison.

whatigotsofar said...

Wow! Great story.