Aug 24, 2007

Wiwille sews, goes poorly.

I'm taking a martial arts class and have an upcoming belt test tonight. Part of the prerequisites to test was to sew a patch onto my uniform (gee). I've never sewed before and thought I'd give it a whirl.

So I pick up the school's patch and head home to teach myself basic home ec. I sit down and place the patch on the uniform. I then decide to thread the needle. This is just as complicated as people made it sound. I spent more than a few minutes trying to fit the thread in the eye of that miserable pokey metal thing. Finally I succeeded and started to sew the patch on.

I sat in my bedroom inserting the needle over and over again into my uniform. I had the news playing on the TV when suddenly the anchorman stated they were at the top of the hour. Ye Gods an hour went by and I'm not even half way finished. This task proved to be more daunting than I had imagined.

It was then I learned first hand that thimbles aren't just an ugly fashion accessory. I could've used one, or ten actually, in my quest to accessorize my gee.

I finally finished, threw my uniform on, and stood in front of the mirror. MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND GOOD THE FUCKING PATCH IS CROOKED. Yes I forgot that since gee tops fold over themselves that one must compensate for that. I had to rip off the patch and start all over again. I spent many a minute trying to figure out how I would insure the item would stay straight. I took a couple of needles and stuck them into where I believed the patch would look correct while wearing the uniform. Yes there are tiny holes in the skin covering my chest.

After an hour plus I finished my assignment and checked for quality. For my first time I believe I did a job well done, if not inefficient as all hell. Tempers flared, blood was drawn, sleep was deprived, but I did it. I survived teaching myself a craft, yet I'm not really that proud. Considering the Pretty Girl offered assistance and I turned it down I feel like more of an idiot than self reliant everyman.

I won't sit here and say sewing is women's work, but it's definitely not a task for Wiwille.

"The most casual examination will reveal the fact that all the jokes about the horrible results of masculine cooking and sewing are written by men. It is all part of a great scheme of sex propaganda." - Heywood Broun


whatigotsofar said...

Then you found out it was an iron-on patch.

Miss Ash said...

This post had me in stitches ( no pun intended ) you're hilarious. You should have taken a photo of the crooked patch for us to see LOL.

See you should add that to your goal list...sewing...done!

Big Ben said...

sewing is hard. I've never poked myself but it is hard. Lick the string and it goes through the needle better!

Claire said...

What whatigotsofar said ;-).


Scott said...

Good for you for getting through the sewing, that is tough stuff.