Metal Health

Growing up in the sticks made a youngster inventive in ways of entertainment and I was no different. One evening proved to be frightfully dull as my friend Shawn and I were struggling to come up with something to do. We had exhausted all other options of playing football, video games, and shining a flashlight on our bare asses as cars drove by.

Mischief wasn't on the menu that evening so Shawn decided we needed to become rock stars. We pulled out some cardboard and made guitars and a mic. Shawn draped sheets over the lamps and instantly we formed our own concert hall. His little brother Bryan put Metallica's 'Ride the Lightning' into the stereo. Instantly we were rock stars.

Yes I was James Hetfield and Shawn transformed himself into Kirk Hammett. We rocked the living room jumping off of couches and and twirling our makeshift instruments. That evening we were gods pretending a packed crowd of stoned concert goers were cheering us on.

The evening went on and the bands varied from Guns n Roses to AC/DC. Fun was had by all as the three of us were strumming the night away until I saw Shawn suddenly freeze. I looked over at the window that his eyeballs were fixated on and saw his parents staring at us. Oh hell they came home early. Their eyes were wide open and half grins were clenched to control mass hysterical laughter. Shawn, Bryan, and I couldn't move a muscle.

That ended our night of pretend stardom. Oh and there may or may not be a video of the incident.

"Metallica is going to be one of those bands you look back on in the year 2008, that people will still listen to the way I still listen to Zeppelin and Sabbath albums." - Jason Newsted

Yes we were actually at this show: